


The Lines We Cross

by REwrites



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Magic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 13:02:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 102,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/REwrites/pseuds/REwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knew that what they were doing was wrong, but found, with every kiss, he cared less and less. AU student-teacher relations set in Sirius’s seventh year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the very first fic I ever wrote!

Remus hesitated for just a moment outside the door to the current location for Order headquarters. He was exhausted. He’d spent the last three weeks hot on the trail of a Death Eater that had been eluding Ministry capture. It was a job usually reserved for the Aurors, not a penniless werewolf, but in the grand scale of things this particular Death Eater was small fish and, thus, not given a high priority for capture. However, Dumbledore had a hunch the man possessed some useful information, and so Remus had been tasked to follow him.

The man must have known something good because the trail suddenly went cold when Remus found him dead, his body dumped in an alley behind the apothecary in a small village. Remus speculated that his now dead Death Eater knew something valuable and was either too stupid or not important enough to be trusted with the information. Why else would he have been AK’d at such an inopportune moment? When Remus had been so close.

Then again, for all Remus knew, the man may simply have chosen that moment to drop dead for the sole purpose of fucking him over, one could never tell. His stomach squirmed uncomfortably as he recalled explaining all of this to Dumbledore the next morning. Somehow, Dumbledore’s calm acceptance was worse than if he had shouted at Remus for being an incompetent idiot. Remus did not like disappointing his mentor.

He shifted his feet and ran his fingers through his hair distractedly, still considering the door in front of him. For all his exhaustion, the werewolf within was making Remus restless. It was a horrible combination—to be so tired and yet so unable to succumb to that exhaustion. He was used to the insomnia on nights leading up to the full moon; he was used to the irritating itching feeling of his skin that seemed as though it no longer fit properly, like a shirt he had outgrown. Like it belong to someone else. In a way he supposed it did. At least the full moon would be the following night and he would finally be able to sleep. He dared to hope whatever Dumbledore had in store for him next involved a thorough examination of his mattress in his tiny one-bedroom flat.

Remus pulled his watch from the front pocket of his robe. He was still early by three minutes but it would not do to linger outside any longer. He heaved a sigh and tapped his wand to the small golden plate on the door. There was a metallic click and the door swung open to receive him. A few Order members called out friendly hellos as he passed from the entryway through the main congregation area. Remus smiled politely and headed towards the meeting room where he knew Dumbledore was waiting. Remus knocked and waited.

“Ah, good, Remus, you are here,” said Dumbledore glancing up from his seat as Mad-Eye Moody ushered him in. Remus waited as Dumbledore gathered several scrolls and handed them to Mad-Eye muttering to him in a low voice, “Thank you, Alastor, that will be all.” Moody nodded at the dismissal and, placing the scrolls in a satchel, exited the room.

“Please sit,” Dumbledore said gesturing to the chair opposite him as he went about preparing tea for the two of them. Remus accepted the cup gratefully, and they sipped their tea in silence for several moments. “You’re looking rather rundown, Remus, are you feeling alright?” the old wizard asked after a while, sounding genuinely concerned.

“Not any worse than usual, sir,” he replied, making his best attempt at a brave smile.

“Very good,” Dumbledore nodded. “To business then, you are, I am sure, curious as to what your next assignment entails. Rest assured, Remus, you will not find it nearly as arduous as your last task.” Relief must have shown on his face because Dumbledore let out a soft chuckle.

“Remus, I would like to formally offer you a position as a professor at Hogwarts. More specifically, as the professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

Remus failed to see how this could be considered less arduous.

“Sir,” Remus ventured, after a moment, “I am flattered by your offer but…”

“Yes?”

“Well don’t you think I am a little…” he searched for the right word, “young?”

“Twenty-four is not so young to begin a career in education. You are inexperienced in a formal teaching atmosphere, this is true, but you are a natural teacher, Remus. You possess some of the best qualities that make a wonderful professor. You are infallibly kind, patient, and remarkably intelligent and mature for a young man your age. Why, you are better at defense magic than some Aurors.” Dumbledore offered him a surreptitious wink. “You did learn from the best after all.”

Remus ducked his head, unaccustomed to such praise from his mentor. “Don’t think you can tempt me with sweet words old man. Surely there are more qualified candidates for the position,” Remus said, slipping, for the first time since he stepped into the room, into a more casual tone. But his blush betrayed how touched he was at his mentor’s kind words. When he finally looked up Dumbledore was smiling fondly at him.

“I would not have asked you if I did not think you capable,” he said at last. “I need someone I know I can trust, and there is no one in the Order I trust more to teach my students to defend themselves and to protect them should the need arise.”

His heart swelled with pride at that last statement. Dumbledore was counting on him; Remus knew he could not let him down.

Remus stood and offered Dumbledore his hand. “I’m honored, sir.”

Dumbledore stood as well, grasping Remus’s hand with both of his own. “Thank you, Remus. I took the liberty of delivering course materials and some letters from myself and some of the other professors—things to help you get your head on straight. They are waiting for you at home.” Remus smiled and shook his head. Sometimes the man was without an ounce of humility.

“And as for your ‘little furry problem’ do not worry.” Remus’s smile vanished and the familiar itching prickled across his shoulders. He’d nearly forgotten. He resisted the temptation to scratch. Dumbledore continued, “Both you and the students will be perfectly safe during the nights of the full moon, there are arrangements being made. Only the staff will be aware of your condition.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Dumbledore waved his hand distractedly. “Not at all, Remus. Thank you for seeing me tonight. Rest up and I will drop in on you after tomorrow night and we shall talk a little more about it, hmm?”

Remus nodded and they bid each other goodnight. An unusual mixture of anxiety and anticipation settled in his stomach as he made his way home. He was not sure if he should be excited or terrified at the prospect of teaching at such a large school, so he settled on some where in between. He wondered what the next year would hold for him as he walked out headquarters into the night.

oOo

As Sirius Black strode through the barrier between platform nine and three-quarters for his final year at Hogwarts, an unusual sense of sense of calm came over him. He had not felt this at ease since the start of summer. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were only too happy to have him stay for the summer, unable, as he was, to return to his family’s home.

His summer had been spent cavorting around with his best friend and partner in crime, James Potter. They had filled their days with impromptu Quidditch games and swimming in the lake near the Potter’s home, and spent their nights crashing parties at the nearby Muggle univeristy. Sirius had even spared a glance or two at the coursework he had been assigned just before term ended.

Much as he tried to distract himself though, the summer allowed far too much time for thinking. Sirius hated thinking; he much rather preferred doing. But being the disinherited son of a prominent wizarding family tends to weigh on the mind. James seemed to sense the need in Sirius for action and was always ready to drag him on one adventure or another. Sirius loved him for it.

He and James navigated their way through people and trolleys. Sirius shook his head fondly as he watched the bespectacled boy puff out his chest a little as they passed a group of girls. The badge indicating James had been named Head Boy shone proudly on the front of his robes.

“Blimey, has Dumbledore finally gone off his rocker?” asked a familiar voice from behind.

Sirius and James turned to see the smiling face of their former classmate Frank Longbottom. Frank had completed his final year at Hogwarts two years prior and he was well liked among all Gryffindors. He was fresh out of Auror training and one of the few Aurors stationed on the platform keeping an eye out for danger.

Frank gestured to the Head Boy badge. “They really made you Head Boy?”

“No need to sound so shocked,” said James, deflating a little. “Dumbledore obviously thought I was the best man for the job.”

“And the only one to think so, apparently,” came a harsh voice.

The three young men watched in astonishment as Lily Evans advanced upon James, her green eyes flashing fury, her own Head Girl badge pinned to her robes.

Both Sirius and James had been just as surprised as Frank when the letter naming James Head Boy arrived along with their letters for next term. James spent a paranoid week waiting for Sirius to declare it had all been an elaborate hoax. That Sirius himself had crafted the badge and arranged to it to be delivered the same days as their letters for school, and wouldn’t it be a laugh if Dumbledore actually named him Head Boy? Sirius did nothing to discourage his paranoia, but then a letter to James from Lily came a week later saying she hoped he died in a fire, and James seemed convinced from then on.

“Let me make this perfectly clear, James Potter,” Lily said, jabbing a finger in his chest. “I will not allow you to make joke out of this.”

“Lily!” James squeaked, his eyes round behind his glasses. “You’re looking lovely as always,” he recovered somewhat. Lily rolled her eyes, but Sirius noted pink tinge of her cheeks at the compliment. “I can’t believe you would think I’d make a joke out of something as important as this,” said James, doing his best to sound sincere. “I could never—”

“Oh save it, Potter! The Headmaster may think you were the best choice but I don’t,” she said with a frown, her arms crossed. She leaned forward jabbing at his chest again. “You had better hope, for your sake, that I’m wrong.”

Lily, offered Frank a pretty smile, then, glaring one last time and James—and Sirius for good measure—turned on her heel and marched off, her red hair swinging behind her like a banner of war.

James watched her leave his jaw hanging open slightly. Sirius placed his hand under James’s chin and closed his mouth helpfully.

“Merlin, I love her,” James said after a moment of dazed silence.

“She frightens me,” said Sirius.

“She frightens _me_ ,” said Frank shaking his head. “Good luck this year, you two.” Frank bid them goodbye to continue his patrol.

They continued through the platform until they found Peter and his parents saying goodbye. “Hey James, hey Sirius,” said Peter as they approached.

“Hello, James, congratulations on making Head Boy. Peter told us all about it,” Mrs. Pettigrew said kindly. Sirius did not fail to notice she had not greeted him but kept his mouth shut. He knew she did not approve of him as a friend for her son, but he also did not care. She operated under the delusion that Sirius, not James or Peter, was the one responsible for all the trouble they got up to each year. Little did she know that her baby boy had a wicked streak that ran just as deep as his own. 

“James is going to make us all proud, aren’t you, Jamie?” Sirius asked, throwing his arm around his friend and ruffling his messy black hair.

James and Peter laughed at his show of affection but suddenly, Sirius’s eyes were drawn toward a spot just beyond Mrs. Pettigrew’s shoulder. All at once the calmness he had begun to feel vanished, leaving him empty. He watched as his brother, mother, and father emerged from the barrier and cut a path through platform towards the train. Regulus did not look up, but his mother and father caught his eye, a look of supreme coldness on their faces. Sirius looked away quickly.

James followed his gaze and frowned, “Sirius, are you…” he began.

Sirius cut him off, “I think I’ll just go find us a compartment shall I? Mr. and Mrs. Pettigrew, always a pleasure. James, behave at your little Prefect meeting. Make lots of new friends.”

“We’ll catch you up in a few,” he heard James call from behind.

Lugging his baggage behind him, Sirius boarded the train in search of the farthest empty compartment in the complete opposite direction he saw his family heading.

He spent next several minutes trying very hard not to turn right back around to find his family—former family he mentally reminded himself—and cast a few well chosen hexes. Sirius would never admit it but his parent’s calm indifference over seeing their son of seventeen years, not a year since he had stormed out for good, hurt more than he had expected.

Sirius had lost it during the Christmas break sixth year when he told his parents none too politely to fuck right off. He was sick of being told he was not good enough. Sick of being told he was an embarrassment. What the fuck did they know? They clung to their Pureblooded ideals like the only life preserver on a sinking ship. Why couldn’t they see how ridiculous that was? Why did Regulus simply swallow every word they said?

Sirius had almost made up his mind to turn around and find them when the sound of someone cursing caught his attention.

“Stupid, bloody lock!” came a deep voice Sirius recognized.

Perfect, thought Sirius, a mischievous grin forming on his face.

Four feet away Sirius could see the owner the voice, bent double over his trunk cursing to himself and tapping his wand to the broken latch on his trunk. Sirius approached slowly until he was standing just behind the stooped boy, his crotch hovering just over the boy’s rear.

“Now this is a sight I could get used to,” Sirius wondered out loud, placing his hands delicately on either side of the boy’s hips and pressing gently forward.

The boy straightened up and spun around lightning quick, his wand pointed at Sirius’s chest. Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender.

“Miss me, Garry?” asked Sirius sweetly.

The boy, Garrett Kelley, or Garry, as Sirius liked to call him when they were alone, scowled but lowered his wand.

“Merlin, Black, could you be any gayer?” Garrett asked, turning back to his trunk, this time hunkering down.

“That’s rich coming from the boy who spent half of last term with my cock down his throat,” said Sirius, coming around to face him.

Garrett hissed through his teeth and looked around nervously, but they were quite alone. He glared at Sirius. “I told you last term, Black, I am not queer.”

“Aww, don’t be like that, Garry,” Sirius chided, pulling a lock of Garrett’s blonde hair affectionately. Garrett slapped his hand away, and Sirius pouted prettily.

“Look… Sirius. Last term was an experiment. Research if you will,” explained Garrett, giving his trunk and final tap with his wand and hoisting it up. “Blokes experiment with other blokes all the time. It doesn’t make them queer,” Garrett said with a little more confidence.

“You’re absolutely right, Mr. Kelley, ten points to Ravenclaw,” Sirius nodded, giving his best professor impression. “Just because a young man gets off on sucking off another young man it does not mean he is a flaming homosexual.”

“Right… well, glad we understand each other,” Garrett said uncertainly, turning to leave.

“Hey, Garry,” Sirius called, and Garrett stopped to look ever his shoulder at Sirius. Sirius leaned in close to whisper in the other boy’s ear. “Want to experiment?”

oOo

Remus was one of the first passengers to arrive at platform nine and three-quarters. Though there would be Aurors stationed on the platform and train, Dumbledore requested Remus to also take the journey to Hogwarts by train. He’d said there could never be too many eyes keeping watch, but Remus privately thought the old man just wanted to give him the chance to ride the Hogwarts Express at least once.

The previous Headmaster before Dumbledore had refused to allow a werewolf to attend Hogwarts. Eleven-year-old Remus had been crushed as he watched other children in his village receive letters by owl and head off to school. No one had questioned why he was left behind. He was often “too sick” to play after all, perhaps he was not well enough to attend they would think.

So Remus made do with a combination of lessons from his father and self-tutelage. His father had allowed him to have his mother’s wand for practice, and it suited him well. In fact, he used it to this day. He often wondered if the wand had passed to him the night his mother died, throwing herself in front of the werewolf that would take her life, and change Remus forever.

There were times where Remus, in a fit of melancholy, wished their positions had been reversed. But on cold lonely nights, minutes from the wolf, he knew he could never wish this curse—his curse—on anyone, most especially the brave, beautiful woman who had died so he could live.

Remus spent his childhood days reading any and every thing this father put in front of him. At nights his father would quiz him over quiet dinners together. So it was, when the village children returned from school with stories and laughter, Remus took solace in knowing he had learned at least as much, if not more, than they.

After his father’s death when he was fifteen, Dumbledore had approached Remus and taken him under his wing. His mentor lamented that he could no longer offer Remus a place at Hogwarts, now that headmastership had transferred to him. He explained how he had advocated on Remus’s behalf when his father initially applied and that many of the books and lessons Remus had been given had been sent by Dumbledore himself.

Remus continued to study the lessons Dumbledore sent him and even took private one-on-one lessons during the summer. He secured a job at the tavern in his village, the owner taking pity on the quiet, kind young man who had lost so much so early in life. The tavern owner never seemed to question why Remus needed days and nights surrounding the full moon off.

Remus sighed as he meandered his way down the train. He owed Dumbledore so much. He was able to take his qualifying exams, again through the assistance of Dumbledore, and though he was officially considered a wizard, work was scarce for the young werewolf. This job was an opportunity of a life time for Remus.

The empty train slowly began filling with students and family members, trunks and cages of disgruntled looking owls being passed above the heads of their carriers. No one spared Remus a passing glance. For all they knew he was an elder brother seeing his sibling off.

He passed into the next car that was empty save for two small girls chatting animatedly in a compartment. He offered them a smile as he passed when his eyes caught a compartment that was closed and shuttered a few doors down. Probably just a student wanting a bit of privacy, he thought. Still, one could not be too careful. The hoarse voice of Mad-Eye Moody echoed in his ears, constant vigilance, before he decided to poke his head in. He could just make up an excuse he was looking for someone if it was nothing.

He approached the door and attempted to slide it open but it did not budge. He frowned and passed his wand casually over the door. It emanated a soft orange color that faded quickly. Locked. And by magic at that. There was a silencing charm on the door as well. Remus could tell neither spells were dark in nature but he knew he could not pass on. With a flick of his wrist he removed the locking spell on the door and stepped inside, wand at the ready.

Remus felt his jaw drop at the scene before him. There were two older boys in the compartment. One was standing, his hands braced above him on the luggage rack, robes open, and trousers bunched half way down his thighs. Inky black hair fell in curtains behind him and a look of intense pleasure graced his smiling face.

The other boy was kneeling before the dark-haired teen, one hand braced on an exposed hip, as he slid his lips over the swollen head of the other boy’s cock, his blue and silver tie thrown over his shoulder as he applied himself to his task.

Remus felt his face grow warm, mortified at having stumbled into such an intimate scene. He tried to back out of the compartment quietly before either boy could notice his intrusion, but he was not so lucky. The dark-haired boy gave out a soft moan that shot of warmth arousal straight through Remus. He stumbled as he tried to back away and knocked a trunk. The owl that was snoozing in the cage on top gave out an indignant screech. Two heads snapped up to look in his direction, their faces flushed and eyes wide with surprise.

“Fuck!”

Without a word, the boy on his knees bolted from the compartment, shoving past Remus roughly. The dark-haired boy turned around as he did up his trousers.

“Fuck! That door was locked you know!” the boy cried over his shoulder. He turned back to face Remus, his shoulders tense, and ran a hand through his hair distractedly.

“I’m sorry,” Remus heard himself say, trying very hard to look away from the attractive blush on the boy’s cheeks. “It—the compartment was—I thought—” he fumbled, trying to explain. The boy huffed and pinned Remus with an exasperated gaze. Remus cleared his throat uncomfortably. “The door was sealed shut, can’t be too careful these days,” he finally managed.

“What’s going on here? I heard voices shouting. Oh, it’s you, Remus,” came the breathless voice of Frank Longbottom.

“What happened?” he asked looking from Remus to the dark-haired boy.

“Nothing,” they both said quickly. Remus caught the boy’s eyes again and saw a hint of a smile on his face. The look of concern and confusion did not leave Frank’s face.

“You alright, Sirius?” Frank asked the boy. The boy, Sirius, nodded went about placing his trunk in the rack he was just moments before gripping tightly.

“I think I may have startled Sirius here, Frank,” Remus tried to explain. Sirius shot him a glare but said nothing. “I saw the compartment was closed up and thought I’d poke my head in,” he said giving Frank a pointed look. Frank nodded in understanding.

“Can’t be too careful, eh?” said Frank, echoing Remus’s earlier words. He then smiled and leaned casually on the door. “You want to watch out for him, Remus,” he said nodding his head in the direction of Sirius. “He was two years below me at school. World class trouble maker, this one.”

“Now, Frank,” chided Sirius, speaking for the first time since Frank’s appearance. “Don’t go telling tales about me. First impressions are important after all. Right, Remus?” he said with a wink. Remus felt a blush creep up his neck.

“Right, well, sorry again,” Remus managed before turning and heading out of the compartment, feeling Sirius’s eyes on him as he left.

“See you around, Remus,” Frank called as he headed off in the other direction.

Remus decided to let the Aurors handle any other suspicious activities for the rest of the train ride and headed back to his compartment. He tried very hard to put the image of Sirius, his head tilted back, long neck deliciously exposed, out of his mind. “Fuck,” Remus muttered as his arousal continued to stir, the train ride promised to be an uncomfortable one.

 

oOo

Hogwarts was absolutely magnificent, Remus reflected, as he stepped through the Entrance Hall towards the feast. Remus had visited the school on a few occasions during summer lessons or Order meetings but he had never seen it quite like it was now. The castle seemed to come to life, as if the student’s return from the summer woke it from a deep slumber.

Never having reason to visit the Great Hall during his sporadic visits, Remus tried to not look as awed as some of the tiny first year students who gaped with amazement at every turn, as he entered for the start of term feast. The night sky shown beautifully above his head as candles and banners floated magically around the hall. Remus caught his mentor’s eye at the head table and gave him a smile. Dumbledore indicated to the seat to his left and Remus made his way to the table.

“Wonderful to see you, Remus,” said Dumbledore as he sat. “How was the train ride? Anything interesting to report?”

Remus did his best not to snort. He some how doubted “anything interesting” did not include catching two boys getting each other off.

“No sir, things we’re pretty quiet,” was his reply.

The hall grew silent and Remus watched as the Sorting Hat was placed on a stool and began to sing. As the hat named the various attributes of each of the four houses and their respective founder, Remus found himself wondering which house he would have been placed in.

As if he had voiced his thoughts out loud, Dumbledore leaned over and whispered, “I think you would have made a fine Gryffindor, personally. But then I may be a bit biased.”

“It’s really quite disturbing when you do that,” he replied, and Dumbledore chuckled.

When the last student was sorted and the applause died down Dumbledore stood to address the students.

“Good evening and welcome to another year at Hogwarts School. Just a few announcements before we are distracted by our delicious feast. I would like to first introduce our new professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts, Mr. Remus Lupin.”

Remus stood and waved politely, feeling awkward. Some students clapped politely. Dumbledore continued:

“I would also like to advise everyone to take special care of a new addition to the grounds of Hogwarts. Our Herbology professor was lucky enough to procure a very rare Whomping Willow that has been planted in the grounds near the greenhouses. I do not advise any student to get within striking distance, unless they wish to pay a visit to the infirmary.”

Hushed discussion broke out among some students, and Remus hoped no one made the connection between the two new additions to their school. When silence fell again Dumbledore bid them all to enjoy the feast and food began to appear on the tables.

“I give it two days and ten Galleons for the first student to be walloped by that thing,” said Professor McGonagall from Dumbledore’s right as they dug into their feast.

“Ten more Galleons says it’s one of your lot of marauders, Minerva,” came the deep voice of the Potions Master, Horace Slughorn, and the professors nearby all shared a laugh.

“Marauders?” Remus asked, and the professors gave another laugh, but McGonagall smiled kindly.

“There is a group of friends in my house who have a reputation for making mischief,” she explained.

“They’re a menace,” exclaimed one professor earning a glare from McGonagall.

“Let’s not be unkind now,” Dumbledore chided softly, adopting a boys-will-be-boys attitude. Remus chewed his roll thoughtfully, recalling the incident on the train.

“One of them would not happen to be called Sirius, would he?” Remus asked in what he hoped was a casual manner. Several eyebrows shot up at his question.

“Yes, Sirius Black as a matter of fact,” said McGonagall. “What has he done now? Term hasn’t even begun.”

“Oh nothing,” Remus lied smoothly, but McGonagall eyed him deceptively. “Frank Longbottom gave me a similar warning on the train about him. I just wondered if it was the same person.”

“Frank was such a joy to teach,” she recalled fondly, and several other professors nodded their agreement. The conversation turned nostalgic and Remus began tuning them out.

Remus scanned the sea of students enjoying their dinner for the Gryffindor table. His eyes finally landed on a familiar head of black hair. He was sitting near several other students, so it was difficult to tell just who part of this supposed band of merrymakers was. Remus watched as Sirius threw back his head and laughed at something the bespectacled boy to his right said. Sirius thumped the other boy on the back; that must be one of them, Remus thought, trying very hard not to watch the way his Adam’s apple bobbed when he laughed.

Sirius seemed to sense he was being watched because he looked around quickly until he locked eyes with Remus. He gave Remus a handsome smile and winked. Remus felt his stomach do a funny flop and he looked quickly away. Remus thought he could hear the boy’s laughter above the buzz of chatter. He chanced a look back and Sirius had thankfully looked away.

This is not good, Remus thought fretfully. I haven’t been a professor for more than ten minutes and already I’m fucking it up. Ogling a student for Merlin’s sake!

It was not the fact that the student was male that disturbed Remus. He’d spent several frustrating months with various women when he was seventeen until he had found men. Gorgeous, wonderful, uncomplicated men. Well, at least a good many of them had been uncomplicated anyway. Remus learned fast and hard how to avoid the ones that would lead to trouble, and he knew Sirius Black was a one way ticket to disaster, just as sure as he knew he would sprout fangs and claws at the next full moon.   

He recalled Dumbledore’s earlier words of how he would have made a fine Gryffindor and squared his shoulders. He would face what ever challenge this boy threw at him head on. With that he turned his attention back to his dinner, trying to pick up the thread of conversation once more.

oOo 

Sirius smiled and winked at his new professor sitting beside Dumbledore. The man flushed, looking away quickly and Sirius laughed at his discomfort. He had been more than a little pissed at him for interrupting what was becoming a rather spectacular blow job. Making his new professor as uncomfortable as possible would just have to be payback for the intrusion.

“What do you reckon?” James asked, seeing where Sirius had been looking. “Think he’ll be alright?”

“He’s kind of young, isn’t he?” Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. “He does seem a bit young to be teaching at Hogwarts. But then again some of our other defense professors seemed too stupid to be teaching so who can say?”

“I think he’s kind of cute,” said a female voice a few seats down. Some of other girls nearby giggled in agreement. Girls were so dumb, Sirius thought, ignoring the fact he had been thinking the same thing since he first encountered Remus on the train.

“Ew he’s a professor!” cried James, looking scandalized.

“That just means he’s smart,” said the girl, as if this explained things.

“Good looking and smart,” remarked Sirius. “There are so few of us.”

Peter and James laughed and the girl rolled her eyes, turning back to her friends. Sirius glanced once more at the new professor. Yes, the man was definitely nice looking. He was not strikingly handsome like Sirius, his nose was longish, but it complimented his other features well. His light brown hair fell into his eyes, which were a lovely and dark like chocolate. Sirius felt a tug of attraction some where in his midsection and he smiled to himself. This was going to be an interesting year.


	2. Chapter 2

Lessons that next morning passed by in a dull blur for Sirius. The one highlight of the day, so far, had been convincing Peter to get close enough to the new Whomping Willow for it to take a swipe at him after their first Herbology lesson. The sound of Peter’s undignified squeal as he ran from the tree was well worth detention and a twenty point deduction.

Sirius and Peter were still laughing about it a lunch, but James was rather subdued. Lily had taken him down a peg for not exerting more control over his friends.

James stabbed viciously at his roast potatoes. “I mean it’s not like you were bullying some first year into touching the bloody tree, is it?” he argued to no one in particular. “I’d have said something then.”

Sirius tried to be sympathetic. “Cheer up, mate, Defense is next then we’re done with lessons for the day. Why don’t we sneak into Hogsmeade for a few butterbeers after?” he offered, but James shook his head.

“Can’t I have to meet with some prefects to organize rounds now that timetables are set,” he said with a resigned sigh. Sirius frowned.

“I’d still be up for it,” Peter offered, but Sirius shook his head.

“Nah, it was dumb idea anyway,” Sirius said with a shrug.

“So, first lesson with Lupin next. Any ideas?” Peter asked after a moment. The three Gryffindor boys were known for pulling pranks, most especially on the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. James had called it a right of passage for the professor.

“If the professor cannot handle a harmless prank they have no business teaching at Hogwarts,” he had said as they jinxed their second year professor’s robes to fart loudly whenever he spoke.

Sirius tilted his head and gave James a questioning look. James simply shrugged and applied himself to his lunch. “Maybe we should layoff on the pranks and stuff,” he said to his plate after a minute; Lily’s chastising was clearly still bothering him.

Sirius wanted to kick something. Since when did what ever that red-headed bint have to say become more important to James than having fun with his mates? Sirius decided to try a little more persuasion.     

“It’s okay if you can’t think of a suitable trick,” Sirius began in a patronizing tone, adopting his best House of Black sneer. James looked up with a scowl. “I mean, if you haven’t got any good ideas, Pete and I will just have to think of one on our own.”

The shaky resolve James had crumbled with the small jab at his pride, and Sirius grinned. “Let’s go,” James said, laying down his fork, and the three boys exited the hall.

oOo

Remus approached his classroom after lunch with a mild sense of trepidation. He had seen the three boys leave the Great Hall before lunch period had ended and had been informed of their penchant for pulling pranks. He was not stupid enough to think there would not be some practical joke waiting for him when he arrived.

The night before lessons began Remus hardly slept a wink. Try as he might he could not shake off the anxious feeling that had taken up residence in his stomach. He had faced Death Eaters without hesitation and yet a group of thirteen-year-old children sitting quietly in their seats for his first lesson terrified him.

However, ten minutes into his lesson and he quickly forgot his nervousness. Remus had a natural gift for defense magic and his enthusiasm for the subject was infectious. The students had been attentive and Remus left the lesson with a warm sense of accomplishment.

Still, thirteen-year-olds would be easy to impress, it was the older students that he would need to try to win over. Those students had several years of schooling behind them, Remus was the newcomer here.

The room hummed with quite chatter as the seventh year students sat at their desks, books, parchment, and quills laid out before them. Remus noticed Black and his friends (James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, McGonagall had informed him) were seated towards the back. They did not look up as he entered.

As Remus approached the front of the classroom the students fell silent. He turned to face the group of students he offered them his best smile.

“Allow me to introduce myself,” he began. “My named is Remus Lupin, and I will be your instructor for Defense Against the Dark Arts for this year.”

This statement was met with silence; they knew who he was after all. Remus cleared his throat and continued.

“I thought it might be a good idea for us to spend a few minutes before we get to today’s lesson getting to know each other. I would like to go around the room and have each of you tell me a little bit about yourselves,” he said, and there was a tittering of laughter among some of the students. Remus tried to see how what he had said was funny. A red-headed girl at the front was scowling.

“Why don’t we start with you,” he said pointing to a blonde girl at the front. “How about just giving me your name and telling me a little about yourself. Favorite subject, or hobbies, or—” there was more laughter, louder this time, and he heard the sound of scratching behind him.

Remus spun around and saw the source of the student’s laughter. A piece of chalk was flying across the black board of its own accord, writing creative expletives in large curvy letters. Remus chuckled as he read some of the insults.

“Thy mother is a yeastly, fat-kidneyed strumpet,” Remus read aloud as the class continued to giggle. “I’ll admit that’s not one I’ve heard before,” he said mildly.

Remus approached the board and made to grab at the offensive piece of chalk, but it danced just out of his reach and gave a loud raspberry sound. More giggles from the class. The chalk began writing the words “Loony Loopy Lupin” repeatedly across the board. His next attempt was quicker and he grasped the struggling piece of chalk tightly in his fist. It fought to break free and continued to blow raspberry sounds at him. Inspiration struck and he turned to the class, the chalk held aloft.

“There is a rather interesting spell used by Aurors these days. Are any of you familiar with _Priori Incantato_?” he asked over the rude sounds of the chalk, and there were a few nods of understanding.

“For those of you who don’t know _Priori Incantato_ will reveal the last spell, or spells, a wand performed. Very useful in an investigation. But what do you do when you don’t have access to the guilty wand? Or what if a wizard uses another wizard’s wand to cast a hex? How do you determine who is responsible then?”

Remus waved his wand with a flourish, gave the chalk a tap, and it struggled no more. He paused for dramatic effect as he surveyed his students who were looking uneasily between each other.

“The spell,” he continued, “is designed to reveal the caster of a curse or hex by locking on to the caster’s magical signature, causing the palms of the caster’s hands to glow bright red. Maybe you’re familiar the phrase, caught red-handed? Mr. Black!” he said sharply and with some authority.

Sirius, who was holding his hands in front of his face, looked up. Remus gave the boy a jovial smile. “Care to show the class your palms?” he asked.

Sirius smirked and held his hands up for all to see.

“No red here,” he said with triumph. His palms were perfectly free of any red glow. The students who were watching this exchange looked back to Remus questioningly.

“Yes, and nor will you see any,” Remus said, and was pleased to see the grin fade from the boy’s face. “You see I made that spell up just now. But only the guilty party would check their palms wouldn’t they?”

Several students sniggered in the boy’s direction and Sirius lowered his hands.

“We’ll actually be going over magical signatures and traces later this year, just so you know. If you would please see me after class, Mr. Black?” Remus asked and turned to place the chalk back on the board, not waiting for a response. Remus sat on his desk facing his students once more, he thought he saw a few looks of admiration on their faces. The red-headed girl was positively beaming.

“Since all eyes are on you, Mr. Black, why don’t you start?” Remus said, indicating with his hands that Sirius should stand. “Please tell me a little about yourself, aside from your enjoyment at pranking your new professors that is.”

Sirius rose from his seat gracefully, but Remus could see the pink tinge of embarrassment blossoming across his cheeks as students continued to snigger. Remus shushed them with a wave of his hand and gave Sirius an encouraging smile.

“Well, I like Transfigurations best. I’m thinking of going into curse breaking or applying for Auror training after school. I like Muggle motorbikes. And my mother really is a yeastly, fat-kidneyed strumpet,” Sirius said with a rakish wink, and Remus and some students laughed.

“Thank you, Mr. Black you may sit,” Remus said. The next student stood to introduce themselves but Remus allowed his eyes to linger for just a moment on Sirius before giving his full attention to the speaker. 

oOo

Sirius plucked sullenly at his quill as Peter and then James stood next to him to give their respective introductions to the professor. _Clever bastard_ , he thought uncharitably. Had it happened to any other student Sirius might have admired Lupin’s trick. Even James and Peter had been sniggering as Sirius was put on the spot. _Bloody traitors_.

James had been the one to think of charming the chalk to write naughty words, and it had been Peter’s idea to make it blow raspberries, but Sirius had been the one to actually cast the spell, being the best at Charms.

At last the final student had taken their seat after introducing themselves and Lupin launched into a lecture about identifying dark artifacts.

“Nearly anything can be cursed with dark magic, so it is important to learn how to identify whether an object is carrying a dark curse and how to distinguish which curse that is,” he had explained. “Often times you can sense the dark magic without casting any spells or even touching the thing, that’s your magic reacting to the aberration in the air. It is important to pay attention to physical reactions, if you feel your hair standing on end or you break out in a sudden sweat, that is your instincts telling you something is amok.”

Lupin set about showing them how to cast revealing spells on various objects he produced from a drawer in his desk. Each student was given the opportunity to cast the spell with varying degrees of success. Lupin gently corrected those who were having trouble. For homework, Lupin provided each student with an innocuous object that contained a random curse.

“Do not worry, none of these spells are dangerous,” he assured. “I want you practice and for next lesson be able to identify which spell your object is cursed with. Next lesson I’ll be showing you how to remove the curse.”

The class departed with a general sense of contentment; Sirius had to admit, it had been a rather good lesson; Lupin clearly knew his stuff. He told James and Peter he would catch up with them later and headed to the front where Lupin was sitting at his desk, placing the objects used for the lesson back into a drawer.

“Ah, Mr. Black,” Lupin said as Sirius approached to stand in front of the desk. Lupin looked up from his task and gave Sirius a kind smile. Sirius decided he rather liked the way the man’s smile made his eyes light up, and once again felt the unmistakable pull of attraction.

“Let’s see… for your punishment. How about you clean the black board?” he offered, tapping his lower lip thoughtfully with the pads of his fingers. Sirius felt his tongue dart out to wet his own lips and he watched Lupin play idly with the pink flesh. He gave himself a mental shake.

“Just clean the black board?” he asked with some surprise.

Lupin just shrugged, his hands moving thankfully away from his lips. “I don’t really want to give you detention, it was a fairly harmless prank and rather clever, though don’t tell anyone I said that,” Lupin rambled. “Besides I have on good authority you’ve already earned yourself one detention this morning for your detour to the new Whomping Willow. And since it is your fault the board needs cleaning, it seems fitting.”

They both glanced at the board, covered in insults and lines of “Loony Loopy Lupin,” and Lupin gave him another smile. _Damn it_.

“Of course, I could not allow your indiscretion to go undisciplined in front of the other students,” the older man continued. “As you said, first impressions are important, right?” he asked looking Sirius directly in the eyes now.

Sirius recalled their first encounter on the train and wondered, for the first time, if Lupin had said anything about it to someone. Had he told any of the other professors what he had seen? His stomach gave an uncomfortable squirm. He was not ready for people know _this_ secret. Sirius noticed that Lupin did not look disgusted, and his tone was more playful than accusing.

“Look about that…” Sirius began but Lupin help up a hand.

“I’m not going to tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about,” he assured.

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s just… I haven’t told my mates that I… well that I like—”

“That you like other blokes?” Lupin offered helpfully.

Sirius shrugged. “I was going to say suck cocks, but yeah… that,” and Sirius was pleased to see a blush creep up the man’s neck. _Ha_ , he thought, _take that Lupin!_

“Well, rest assured your secret is safe with me. Though you and your boyfriend may want to be a little more discreet in the future,” he cautioned.

“Oh, Garry isn’t my boyfriend. We just like to mess around. When he isn’t pretending he doesn’t like my cock down his throat that is,” said Sirius casually, and was once again pleased to see Lupin falter as his jaw worked up and down for a moment.

Happy to gain back some footing from the man who had thrown him so completely off-balance, Sirius smirked began cleaning the board with a nearby eraser. He heard Lupin behind him continuing to tidy up his desk. When he was finished he turned to the older man who was organizing a stack of papers.

“All done,” he announced.

Lupin looked from him to the board and nodded. “Great, thank you, Mr. Black.”

“Is there anything else I can do for you, _Professor?_ ” Sirius asked, looking the man in the eye, and, in a moment of daring, licked his lips.

Sirius watched as Lupin’s gaze fell to his mouth. A few papers slipped from Lupin’s grasp, floating freely to the floor. Moving quickly, Sirius stooped to catch them. When he straightened they were standing nearly chest to chest, his eyes locked onto the other man’s in challenge. A pink tinge once more worked its way across Lupin’s his face as he looked away. Sirius wanted to cheer.

“That will be all, Mr. Black, thank you,” Lupin said, taking the papers and a sizeable step back, successfully avoiding Sirius’s gaze.

“Any time, sir,” he purred in what he hoped was a seductive manner. Lupin did not respond but Sirius still felt as though he’d won this round of what game they’d just begun. Turning away from his professor, he left the room feeling much better than he had before class had ended.


	3. Chapter 3

Before he knew it, the first month of school was over. Remus was willing to admit he was thoroughly enjoying his new role as a professor. The students were engaging and enthusiastic about his lessons. He figured this had much to do with his hands-on, laid back approach to teaching. He still assigned plenty of written work but made sure to balance it with practice based lessons.

There were times when he also wondered if the rapport he was beginning to form with the students did not also have something to do with his age. Remus, being so much closer in age to them than other professors, must have seemed much more approachable. Though he did not know it, many of the students were coming to regard him as their favorite professor.

The only dark spot marring Remus’s first month at Hogwarts was Sirius Black. Or maybe he was a bright spot. Remus still was not sure. After his first week he admitted to himself that he was attracted to the boy. _Who wouldn’t be?_ he reasoned. Sirius was incredibly good-looking, graceful, charming, intelligent...Remus could list his qualities for days. That was the problem.

He had spent an inordinate amount of time watching Sirius, both inside and outside of lessons. To the casual observer Sirius was an energetic confidant young man. He was the life and soul of any room he entered. Other students gravitated to his orbit, and Remus was trying very hard not to get sucked in.

Remus was not a casual observer, however. Where many people saw a confidant, carefree smile, Remus saw a defense mechanism in place, preventing anyone from getting close enough to see the insecurity beneath. But Remus saw.

Remus had made discreet inquires about Sirius to other professors, many of whom were happy to share their experiences of the young man. He learned about the “terrible family business” from Slughorn. How Sirius had run away last Christmas and was disowned, rather publicly. How his own brother went to great pains to separate himself from the magnetic boy. How he was living off the generosity of his friend’s parents.

Even the bond between Sirius and his friends seemed strained. Not knowing the boys until recently, it was hard to tell if things were any different but Remus had a feeling Sirius was distancing himself from his friends. Of course, Sirius was keeping something very important about himself from them. Perhaps that was it? Remus had been on the verge of approaching Sirius about it on more than one occasion but resisted. He did not want to seem like he was prying into the boy’s personal life.

Maybe it was because Remus had begun to see a lot of himself in Sirius. Seventeen, with no family, and a secret you didn’t want anyone to know for fear of ostracism. Remus could definitely relate. He remembered how Dumbledore had become a guiding light in his own life when things were beginning to seem so dark.

That’s what Sirius needs, Remus thought. A mentor. An adult he could turn to for guidance. Remus knew who the obvious candidate was but he hesitated to take the initiative. It was one thing for a teacher to take a student under his wing; it was quite another for a teacher to take a student whom he was rapidly becoming obsessed with under his wing.

Sirius did nothing to make things easier for Remus either. He openly flirted with Remus during lessons. It was never anything overt—a batted lash here or a sulky pout there, occasionally, a sultry purr of _professor_ —but Remus saw it for what it was. The other students simply chalked it up to one of the boy’s many eccentricities. Sirius was probably doing it to make Remus uncomfortable, and he was sorry to admit it was working.

Remus was pondering the enigma that was Sirius Black one day, in a booth at the Three Broomsticks, when the boy in question appeared beside him as if Remus had summoned him.

It was the first Hogsmeade weekend and there were many students crowding the pub in effort to escape the mid-October chill. Dumbledore had asked Remus to be in the village while the students were there (just in case, he said) and after patrolling the village under the guise of window shopping, Remus took a small lunch at the Three Broomsticks while he caught up on marking some papers.

Sirius had strolled in, alone, and immediately took a seat at the bar near Remus. Remus watched as the boy shared a joke with the barmaid and they both laughed. She placed two shots of firewhiskey in front of him before she turned to serve two other patrons further down. Sirius drank both shots in quick succession and pulled out a small item from his pocket, which turned out to be a package of Muggle cigarettes.

Remus’s eyes flew open as Sirius proceeded to pull a long white cigarette from the package, place it between his lips, and light it with a snap of his fingers. The young man took a long drag on the cigarette and exhaled a puff of smoke.

Shelving any misgivings he had, Remus made his decision.

“Filthy habit, smoking, wouldn’t you say, Mr. Black?” Remus asked. Sirius spun on his stool looking around until his eyes landed on Remus. He exhaled another small puff and smiled, his grey eyes dark behind the swirl of smoke. Remus felt his stomach lurch.

“It most certainly is, Professor,” he said. Another puff. “Fraid I picked it up over the summer. James and I were trying to blend in with some of the local Muggles our age you see.”

“Perhaps you immersed yourself a little too much in their culture?” he asked delicately, and Sirius’s expression turned stony.

“Bloody hell, not you too,” he muttered, standing and throwing a few coins on the bar. “Lovely seeing you, _Professor._ ” He turned to leave.

_Damn._

“Sirius, don’t go,” Remus called. Sirius turned his eyebrows raised. “I didn’t mean anything by that.”

Sirius turned and stalked back until he was standing by the table Remus was seated at, his expression wary.

“Let me buy you a drink,” Remus offered as a gesture of peace.

Sirius quirked a brow but took the seat opposite Remus “Offering to get your students drunk now, Professor Lupin? My, my, what will people think?” he said, stubbing out his cigarette on a discarded plate.

Remus smiled. “Hardly. Tea or butterbeer?” he asked and signaled Rosemerta. Sirius pouted but ordered a butterbeer, and Remus tried very hard to ignore the desire to take that pouty lip between his teeth.

_What is wrong with me? He’s seventeen for Merlin’s sake!_ he mentally berated himself.

“Have you got enough chocolate there?” Sirius gestured to a large slab of Honeydukes at his elbow.

Remus blushed, feeling a little guilty at having been caught indulging in this secret comfort, but popped a chunk deliberately in his mouth. He handed the bar to Sirius who broke a piece off for himself.

“I’ve been feeling a little under the weather lately. My dad used to always bring me chocolate when I was ill. Old habits you know.”

“Yeah, you must have been feeling completely rotten if you cancelled lessons last Wednesday. Does it help?”

Remus shrugged, curious how many other students wondered at his absence after the last full moon. “Somewhat. Mostly it just reminds me of days spent in bed with my dad while I recovered. That might sound silly and sentimental but there you are.”

“That sounds nice actually. Can’t say I have such fond memories of my parents,” Sirius said darkly and Remus frowned.

“Yes, I heard about what happened from the other professors. I’m sorry you had such a hard time of things.”

“Me too.”

Sirius did not seem keen on further discussion of his family so Remus decided on another tactic. “Where are James and Peter?”

Sirius shrugged and traced his finger on the table top. “Peter has detention and James has make-up Quidditch practice since he keeps having to miss so many for his Head Boy duties. We were going to try to meet up later but…” he trailed off and shrugged again.

Two butterbeers were deposited onto their table and they sipped in silence for several minutes.

_Think Remus! Reach out to him. Get him to open up! How?_ Remus tried desperately to think of a way to coax Sirius into conversation that wasn’t about class work or the weather but was spared trying to think of another topic when Sirius spoke up.

“Professor, I’ve been meaning to ask you…” he began hesitantly.

Remus nodded encouragingly. “Yes?”

“Just how old are you anyway?”

Remus was stunned for a brief moment, and then he threw back his head and laughed. Sirius chuckled too. When Remus recovered he looked Sirius in the eye and shook his head.

“Not the question I expected, and rather ungentlemanly wouldn’t, you say?” he teased.

Sirius merely shrugged. “It’s not as if you’re a dainty lady. Or have I offended your delicate sense of propriety?” he asked and then turned on a charming smile. “In that case, my apologies Mr. Lupin, I am a world class heel, can you ever forgive me?”

Remus threw a napkin at him. Sirius caught it deftly and they shared another smile.

“I’m curious though,” Sirius continued. “You can’t be much older than me, which means we would have been at Hogwarts together, but I don’t remember ever seeing you around.”

“Well, you wouldn’t remember me from Hogwarts because I didn’t attend,” Remus explained.

“Where did you study then?”

Remus hesitated for just a moment then decided upon telling the truth, or close to it anyway. “My mother died when I was very young, so it was just me and dad growing up. I was always very sick when I was younger and he didn’t want to send me away for school. My dad taught me himself. He was also good friends with Dumbledore, so he would some times send me lessons.”

Sirius was listening attentively, a thoughtful expression on his face. Remus continued.

“Dumbledore arranged for me to sit my OWLs and NEWTs when I was ready. He offered me this job when he heard I was having a hard time finding work.”

“Well that at least explains why I don’t remember you.”

“I doubt I’m very memorable, regardless,” Remus said offhandedly.

“You’d have caught my attention,” he said and promptly turned a bright red. There was an awkward pause. Remus shuffled some of the sheaves of parchment he’d been marking which drew Sirius’s attention.

He gestured to the stack. “What are those?”

“Third year essays,” Remus explained, happy for a change of subject. “I’m afraid I’ve got a bit behind in my marking.”

This was perfectly true. The full moon had brought with it the usual bouts of restlessness but it was now coupled with a new sense of paranoia. Despite Dumbledore’s assurances, Remus had been afraid someone was going to see the symptoms. Someone was going to put two and two together.

The evening of the full moon he traveled through the tunnel under the Willow to an abandoned, ramshackle house on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. Dumbledore reinforced it with magic for the transformations. Remus breathed a little easier when he returned the next morning and no one was the wiser. However, his anxiety on the days leading up to the full had halted all attempts at marking homework, for which he was now sorely paying.

“What’s the topic?” Sirius asked, gesturing again to the stack of essays.

“Boggarts.”

“Here, hand me a few, I’ll help you mark them.”

“Oh, Sirius, that’s very nice of you to offer but, I’m sure you don’t want to spend your first weekend in the village helping your professor mark homework.”

Sirius waved away his comment with an inelegant “pffft” noise. “Let’s just say I owe you for not telling anyone about the train incident,” he said moving to take half of the stack of parchments. “Have you got another quill?”

Remus nodded and retrieved one from his satchel on the seat beside him. Their fingers touched briefly as he passed the quill to Sirius. Remus pulled away, trying to pass it off as casual, but Sirius did not seem to notice.

“I’ve just asked them to identify where boggarts can be encountered and how they can be defeated, with examples.”

Sirius was already reading the first essay but nodded at Remus’s comment. They worked in silence for a while, only the scratch of quills and the occasional “hmm” and “tsk” coming from Sirius as he read over the essays. They both polished off two more butterbeers before Sirius marked the final essay and handed his pile back to Remus with a flourish.

Remus finished marking his last paper and, gathering them all up, placed them in his satchel. Sirius was shredding a napkin idly.

“Well, Sirius, you saved me from a rather dull afternoon of marking papers. I can’t thank you enough,” Remus remarked and he gave Sirius a warm smile.

“I’m a right hero,” he said without feeling, causing Remus’s smile to fade.

“I was thinking of heading back to the castle,” Remus said as he gathered his things. “Would you care to walk back with me?”

Sirius nodded and waited while Remus settled his tab. He held the door open for Remus as they exited.

“After you,” he said giving a little bow and Remus rolled his eyes.

They fell into step as they rounded the corner and made their way back to the castle. 

  


oOo 

Sirius wasn’t sure why he offered to help Lupin mark his papers. He certainly didn’t owe the man anything. _He’d barged into a locked compartment for fuck’s sake._ If anything Lupin owed him…

Sirius rather liked that idea.

But Lupin was clearly uncomfortable with Sirius. Granted Sirius was going out of his way to make him so, but that wasn’t the point. It had been fun, at first, to tease his professor by throwing in a bit of casual flirting or innuendo during lessons. Lupin was not easily rattled and Sirius had to work hard to break through his calm façade. Often times, Lupin managed to turn the tables so fast that Sirius was grudgingly impressed.

_“Have you got something in your eye, Mr. Black? I’m afraid you’ll have to wait until the lesson is over to have it checked out.”_

_“I’m sorry, Mr. Black, that charming smile might work for some of the other professors but it won’t work on me.”_

_“Mr. Black, if you’re looking for a bit of extra credit, I have it on good authority Professor Kettleburn is looking for an assistant to clean cages. I’ll be happy to pass the message along.”_

On rare occasions, however, he was able to get under the man’s skin. Each blush or stammer he managed to evoke was a personal victory. The way he glared at Sirius and avoided him after these episodes had been funny at first. Sirius wasn’t sure when it started being hurtful.

He didn’t think Lupin was being deliberately hurtful. The man was obnoxiously kind. He was obviously uncomfortable with Sirius’s flirting and was avoiding a student, who he knew to be gay, to spare his feelings. _Don’t flatter yourself Lupin_. But still. Sirius started seeing the man’s discomfort to his casual come-ons as rejection, and he was all too familiar that feeling these days.

Sirius had hoped Lupin would be different. So far, Lupin was one of the very few people Sirius had openly admitted his preferences to, aside from Garrett and Uncle Alphard.

He didn’t dare tell his parents, or Regulus. In hindsight, he wasn’t quite sure why. It’s not like they needed any more reason to hate him. _Not like I care what they think anyway_ , he thought and a small voice whispered _liar_ in his ear. He thought viciously of shoving something sharp in his ear to shut the voice up.

He also hesitated to tell James and Peter. Sirius always had a lot of friends, he got along great with everyone, but he _trusted_ James and Peter like he trusted no one else. He didn’t want to risk ruining their friendship if they didn’t understand.

Not that he saw much of James and Peter these days anyway. Between Quidditch and his duties as Head Boy, it was all James could do to keep up with the mounds of homework they were given, let alone spend time with his friends.

They actually had a row it that morning after breakfast. Sirius had been sulking because James would not be coming to Hogsmeade with him.

“Fuck, Sirius, I’m not your bloody boyfriend! Quit acting like such a girl!” James had finally snapped. Sirius could tell James instantly regretted this outburst after seeing Sirius’s wounded face.

“Look…” he said ruffling his hair. “I’ll try to meet up after practice if we finish early, okay?”

“Don’t do me any favors, Potter,” he’d said before storming off.

Poor Peter was stuck cleaning the potions lab all day. Sirius only felt slightly guilty since he’d been the one to convince Peter to throw the dungbomb into Snape’s cauldron the day before. Unfortunately, Slughorn had caught Peter at it, and so he was spending his Saturday in detention. Sirius spent a large portion of the monthly allowance Alphard was sending him on some of Honeydukes finest, and hoped it would be enough to compensate.

Even if Peter had not been in detention Sirius doubted he would have made for great company anyway. Peter was always good for a laugh, but he took too many of his cues from James, and since James had started taking school work and rule breaking a little more seriously, so had Peter.

Sirius allowed his thoughts to wander back to the man beside him. He really liked Lupin when he thought about it. He was kind and had a wicked sense of humor. He was also great with his students—most of them anyway.

He just seemed to go out of his way to avoid Sirius. Lupin, Sirius noticed, was a very tactile person. He did not hesitate to place a hand on a student’s shoulder as they looked over an essay together or come into a student’s personal space to correct a wand movement, but he never did these things with Sirius. Lupin did not sneer or shy away from Sirius in open disgust or hostility, but he also did not allow himself to be as casual with Sirius as he did with other students.

Sirius had been on the verge of asking him about it when he backed out at the last minute. _Some Gryffindor I am_. He was just too afraid of the answer he would get. Sirius recalled how Lupin had thrown his head back in laughter when he had asked about his age.

“Hey!” Sirius cried with indignant realization and Lupin quirked a brow. “You never answered my question.” Sirius had been so caught up in the man’s explanation of his schooling to realize his question had gone unanswered. _Clever bastard_.

“And here I thought I’d got away with it.”

“Come on, Professor,” Sirius goaded with a pout.

“It’s Remus.”

“What?”

“You’ve been calling me Professor all day. We’re not in a classroom,” he said with a smile and shake of his head. “Please, call me Remus.”

“Okay then, Remus.”

Silence stretched for several moments.

“Well are you going to tell me or not?” Sirius finally asked.

“Tell you what?”

“Your age you git,” said Sirius, giving Remus a nudge with his elbow.

“Hmmmm,” Remus considered, and did that annoying lip tapping thing that drove Sirius spare.

“No, I don’t think I will thanks,” he said at last.

“Why not?” Sirius asked, giving Remus his best wounded puppy dog pout. The one he saved for Rosemerta when she was being stingy with the firewhiskey. Remus tried to glare back, but his smile ruined the overall effect.

“Can’t a man have some secrets?” he asked and Sirius continued to pout. “Fine,” he relented and Sirius threw his arms up in victory. “But you have to guess.”

“You promise to tell me if I guess right?”

Lupin nodded. “But you have to get it right on the first try.”

“What?”

“I didn’t say it would be easy.”

“Fine.” Before Remus could protest or shy away from him, Sirius reach out, quick as a flash, to grab his hand. Remus stopped walking and made as if to pull away but Sirius held on firmly and turned his palm upwards.

“Wh—what are you doing?” he gave Sirius a nervous look.

“You didn’t say I had to play fair,” he taunted.

“Are you actually reading my palm?” Remus laughed.

“I received and Outstanding on my Divination OWL I’ll have you know. Now shush, I am trying to concentrate.”

He gazed at the lines on the man’s palm for several moments. Remus began to shift uncomfortably. The skin on Remus’s hand felt soft as Sirius traced a finger on the curve of his Life Line, and he thought he felt the man shiver.

_Merlin, who is this guy_? he thought after reading the story written on his hand. Significant losses early in life, a huge life altering event—that must be when his mother died. Enduring hardships, loneliness…he was a nice, good-looking bloke, what did he have to be lonely for? Secretive…interesting. Intelligent, of course. Brave, passionate—Sirius shivered a little—sexual. _Fuck, he’s got lovely hands_. He turned back to Remus’s Life Line trying to gauge an approximation on his age.

Sirius had not been joking when about the O in Divination. He was good at this. He never professed to have any true divination ability but sometimes he could just sense things. At parties, Sirius would occasionally be called upon to do a palm reading or two. Silly questions like, am I going to pass my Charms exam? or, who am I going to marry? came up frequently. He could not answer these questions directly, of course, but he could interpret a number of things about a person by looking at their hands. He was able to see traits the person possessed, or traits they valued in others.

“You’ll not pass your Charms exam if you don’t study,” he’d say if the person was particularly lazy. That would usually ensure the person did study and subsequently pass their exam, proving Sirius was right. Or if they didn’t study and failed… well Sirius had warned them hadn’t he? Telling giggling girls they would marry a “Handsome, kind, intelligent man,” was usually enough for them to ooh and ahh. These were stupid and easy, but every now and then he’d hone in on something significant.

Like when Evans’s father died. He’d had a niggling feeling around the girl for three days their fourth year. He even went so far as to chat her up during a Transfiguration lesson, trying to figure out why his stomach kept doing somersaults around her. Fear that he was succumbing to her “appeal” as James called it quickly dissipated when she left for two weeks to be with her mother and sister as they grieved for her late father.

“Your hands say a lot about you.” He traced the Life Line again.

“Do they?” Remus asked, a curious quaver to in his voice.

“Mmmhmm. I think you’re twenty-four.”

Remus blinked brown eyes slowly looking stunned. “How did you do that?” He peered at his hand as if to check that was not written on there like some hastily scrawled reminder; _don’t forget tea with dad_ or _pick up more milk_.

“I’m brilliant,” he said simply. “There are seers in my ancestry apparently; maybe I’ve inherited the gift of the Inner Eye?” Sirius was continuing to hold Remus’s hand as he spoke. A moment passed; Remus coughed quietly and gave their joined hands a meaningful look.

“Oh, sorry.” He dropped Remus’s hand and they resumed their trek back to the school.

“I noticed something else about you,” Sirius said after a while.

“Oh, what’s that?”

Sirius gave him a sidelong grin. Remus looked apprehensive. “You have a secret.”

Remus did not acknowledge or seem to hear Sirius but continued walking. “I don’t suppose you managed to tell what that might be,” he asked lightly, but tension was radiating of him in waves.

“No,” Sirius began slowly. “But I don’t need the gift of Sight to know it’s got you nervous as hell.”

Remus took a deep breath, his eyes on Sirius, and Sirius could see the resolve forming behind his eyes. “It might interest you to know that my secret is the same as yours.”

Sirius stopped mid-step but Remus continued walking a few paces before slowing to a halt. He did not turn to look at Sirius.

“You’re…” Sirius hurried to catch up, coming around to face him, his eyes guarded. Remus crossed his arms defensively. “You’re like me? You like…”

“Sucking cocks?” and there was a ghost of a smile when he said it.

Sirius roared with laughter. “I was going to say other blokes.”

Remus nodded and glanced around warily. They had exited the village and were more than halfway to the castle. A few students were also heading back but they were not within ear shot. Remus indicated they should continue walking.

“Is that why you’re always so distant with me?” Remus gave him a questioning look. “I mean, you don’t treat me like the other students. I was starting to think you didn’t like me.”

“And is it so important that everyone like you?”

“Well, most people do,” Sirius blustered feeling on the back foot again. How did Lupin do that? Make him feel simultaneously shallow and awkward and quite like he wanted to hex random passersby. “Anyway, I’ve usually done something to warrant someone disliking me.”

“I never said I disliked you. I was just afraid you might guess. I didn’t really want anyone to know.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone.” Sirius tried not to sound bitter. Was he so untrustworthy?

“It’s not that I thought you’d tell people but you’re too perceptive by half. It’s just… you get used to keeping a secret like this. It becomes second nature to lie, to hide it.”

Yes, that was something Sirius was becoming increasingly used to. He was constantly pretending around his friends, his teachers, the other students. But now…“This is great!” he said suddenly. His heart felt lighter than it had in months. “I never thought I’d ever have anyone else to…be gay with.” Catching the look of alarm on Remus’s face he added hastily, “I don’t mean like that! I just mean…” But Sirius quite liked that idea, because damn it the man was attractive.

“You mean someone who understands you?”

“Yes! And one who isn’t so far in the closet they’re finding Christmas presents from three years ago.”

They had finally arrived back at the castle, much to Sirius’s dismay. They were finally getting somewhere.

“Well, Sirius, thank you again for helping with the essays.” They had entered through the oak front doors. Remus turned as if to leave but Sirius caught his arm.

“Remus…erm…Professor, I was wondering…” he began; fuck why did he feel so nervous suddenly? There was an uncomfortable squirming in his stomach and his palms had begun to sweat. “I just thought maybe we—”

Remus held up a hand to silence him. “I have quite a few classes with assignments due Monday. I’d not say no to some extra help if you wanted to come by my office after dinner.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sirius agreed quickly, and Remus smiled.

“Great, it’s a date then.”

“A date, Professor?” he said with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows.

Remus just shook his head. “See you in class Monday, Sirius.” And with that he left. Sirius watched him go for a moment; the funny feeling in his stomach had not subsided. He didn’t know it yet, but the slight attraction he’d begun to feel was slowing becoming a full-blown crush.

oOo

“A date? What the hell, Lupin?" He gave his head a little shake as he headed back to his quarters. “You need to nip this infatuation in the bud, now!” he told himself sternly. Dumbledore indicated to Remus over breakfast one morning that he was quite impressed with how well Remus was doing as a professor. Remus had no doubt he would not be as impressed to learn that he was lusting after one of the students.

_I just haven’t had a decent shag in a while_ , he reasoned with himself. The life of a Hogwarts professor was a rewarding but celibate one. There was only so much wanking a man could do before it stopped being enough. It had been over two months since Remus felt a warm body against his own, and Sirius’s dark eyes and coy smile were doing nothing to help.

Remus felt so dirty for allowing himself to imagine Sirius’s body flushed against his own, his smart mouth pressing hot kisses down Remus’s neck. _For heaven’s sake he’s practically a child! Shut it down, man!_

_He’s of age_ , a naughty voice whispered.

_Barely! And that’s hardly the point,_ the rational part of his brain argued. He recalled the boy’s excitement when Remus had confessed his sexuality. _He needs a friend right now. Not some perverted werewolf who can’t keep his mind out of the gutter._

And hadn’t that been a close shave? He could still hear Sirius’s taunt of “You have a secret” ringing in his ears. His blood had run cold. Sirius had some how managed to guess his age. Thankfully he hadn’t known. How could he? Still, Sirius was a curious boy and Remus couldn’t afford to allow him to poke his nose where it didn’t belong. Better he be hanged for a wolf as a queer.

_This is what I wanted right? To connect with him._

_You want to connect with him in more ways than one_ , the naughty voice whispered. For the rest of the day Remus did everything he could to put the voice, and Sirius, out of his mind; but, he still could not help looking forward to Monday evening.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius was unusually attentive during the Defense lesson Monday afternoon. He found himself actually raising his hand and actively participating for the first time ever in a lesson. McGonagall might have had a heart attack if he’d raised a hand to answer a question in her class.

Contrary to popular belief, Sirius was not a slacker nor was he an idiot. He’d taken lessons from some of the best tutors money could buy before he’d attended Hogwarts. He was not lazy either; he just saw no point in putting in extra effort where it wasn’t needed. His marks were some of the highest in his year, and while many of the professors would tell-tales about his troublesome behavior, he defied each and every one of them to say he was not intelligent.

James kept giving him weird looks every time Sirius’s hand rose in the air to answer or ask a question. Sirius just shrugged whenever he would catch his eye.

 _I’m just trying to make up for giving Remus a hard time by pretending I care about his subject_ , he reasoned with himself. He certainly was not trying to impress the man. And yet he couldn’t help flushing with quiet pride whenever Remus acknowledged him.

Lily Evans also kept glaring at him whenever Remus called on him. _She probably thinks I’m up to something. Stupid bitch_ , he thought unkindly. She had been a lot warmer with James lately which annoyed Sirius to no end. She seemed to think James turned over a new leaf and was actually allowing him to chat her up. James was over the moon about it, most especially because their “chats” no longer ended with bodily harm.

When class ended Sirius toyed with the idea of hanging around to check they were still on for tonight but decided against it. _You’re just helping him grade papers, don’t be such a girl._ He settled on giving Remus a smile before leaving the classroom and it was returned. Sirius felt his heartbeat quicken. _Get a grip!_

“So you want to tell me what that was all about?” James asked as they passed into the next corridor.

“Don’t know what you mean, mate.” He could feel James staring at him.

“That goodie two-shoes routine back there. You noticed didn’t you, Peter?”

“You _were_ acting a right swot,” Peter agreed.

Sirius felt cornered but adopted his best nonchalant attitude. “It was an interesting subject. Anyway _some_ of us are taking their school work a little more seriously this year,” he sniffed and stalked away haughtily.

James frowned, Peter shrugged, and the subject was dropped.

 

oOo

They arrived back at the seventh year boy’s dorm in Gryffindor Tower and Sirius immediately flopped down on his bed, pulling out his Transfiguration essay, and looking it over. James quickly changed and headed off to Quidditch practice, Peter going with him. James had tried to convince Sirius to come.

“You want to do homework instead of watch me practice?” he asked in disbelief. “Alright, honestly, what has gotten into you?” He came over to put a hand to Sirius’s forehead.

“Did he hit his head or something?” Peter asked peering over James’s shoulder. Sirius ducked away from the hand.

“I’m fine, you idiots. I need to finish this now because I won’t have time after dinner.” James and Peter shared a look.

“Why?”

“Got a date.”

“You sly dog!” James thumped him on the back. “I didn’t know you had your eye on anyone.” Sirius shrugged noncommittally. “We want details!” James called as he and Peter left.

Sirius wished he hadn’t said he had a date. Now he was going to have to make up some stupid story about a night he spent with some random girl. But he didn’t want to admit he was meeting their professor later to grade homework. _You just wish it was a date._

He huffed and tried to focus on the essay but it was not an easy task. Since his conversation with Remus on Saturday he had not been able to get the man out his mind. He kept getting distracted as he remembered the sound of his voice when he laughed or the way his hair fell into his eyes as he spoke. His mind wandered back to the dream he’d had that morning and the subsequent wank that had followed.

The man had been pervaded his thoughts so much lately it was only a matter of time before he entered his dreams. Sirius had woken from the dream thrusting insistently into his mattress and brought himself off with the memory of Remus’s exquisite hands on his body.

The memory of the morning’s activities was beginning to have its effect on him. He felt his arousal growing but did his best to focus on his essay. _I can’t wank to the man twice in one day, what sort of sick freak does that?_ But after several painful minutes of reading the same sentence over and over he threw the essay to the floor and leaned back on the bed. He undid the buckle to his trousers deftly and plunged his hand into his pants.

“Fuck,” he muttered as he began stroking himself, running his thumb slowly over the head and spreading the moisture gathered there down his shaft. His body grew warm with pleasure as he allowed his imagination to carry him away to a place where he was consumed by thoughts of his professor.

He found release, surprisingly quickly, as he pictured the brown-haired man burning him with every touch of hand and mouth, their bodies entwined in ways Sirius had only ever dreamed about. He spilled hard into his hand as the Remus of his fantasy whispered hotly into his ear, _“Sirius.”_

He lay panting for several minutes then cleaned himself with a flick of his wand and rolled over to reach over the side of his bed for his discarded essay. Sitting back up, he turned his attention back to Transfiguration, suddenly having a much easier time focusing.

oOo

Sirius was, thankfully, spared having to invent details of his supposed date during dinner. Peter showed up halfway through explaining how James had been hit in the head with a bludger and Pomfrey was keeping him for the evening. Evans and her group of friends had also come to watch practice and the great idiot could not help showing off. Sirius noticed Lily’s friends arrived at dinner the same time as Peter, but the red-headed harpy herself was conspicuously absent.

A surreptitious glance at the head table told him Remus had not finished dinner and was still chatting with Hagrid, or perhaps just with Hagrid's elbow. Sirius waited for Peter to finish eating and suggested they take some dessert to James in the infirmary so to give Remus more time. He didn’t want to show up early or seem too eager.

They arrived to find James sitting up in on one bed talking and gesturing animatedly with his hands to Lily Evans who was sitting in a chair beside the bed. She was actually smiling. It might have been because James looked utterly ridiculous with a white bandage wrapped around his head, black hair poking out at odd angles. They looked up when Sirius and Peter entered, James was grinning like a loon.

Peter deposited the sweets on a table beside the bed next to a plate of half-eaten sandwiches. “Thought you might like something sweet after your recent brush with death,” Sirius explained.

“Thanks, but I think I’m covered on that front,” James replied and gave Lily a wink behind his glasses. Her face turned a pretty shade of pink. Peter mimed vomiting into the bed pan and Sirius tried not to laugh.

“Mr. Pettigrew, I kicked you out half an hour ago! And Mr. Black, what are you doing here? Visiting hours are over,” came the stern voice of Madam Pomfrey. The four students turned to look as the school matron advanced on them.

“Evans is here,” Sirius pointed out.

“Miss Evans is Head Girl.”

“Actually, I was just leaving,” Lily said, standing. She jerked her thumb at James.“I still need to find someone to cover his rounds this evening.”

“Take these two with you please, Miss Evans,” said Pomfrey shooing them away. They said their good-byes to James and left.

“Being Head Girl has its perks, huh?” Sirius taunted once they were clear of the infirmary.

Lily glared. “I’ve just proven I am more responsible and therefore given more privileges and respect by the staff. Unlike you.”

“Oh yes, very responsible. If it weren’t for you James wouldn’t even be in hospital.”

“It’s not my fault if Potter acts like an idiot when I’m around. I don’t ask him to.”

“You’re leading him on. Making him think he has a chance!”

“I’m not leading him on!”

“Why not? Is he not good enough for you?”

“Are you saying you want me to give him a chance?”

“Can you two keep it down?” Peter asked. He had to shout to make himself heard. Sirius wasn’t even aware he and Lily had begun yelling. “Sirius, didn’t you say you had a date?”

He had nearly forgotten. The sight of James and Lily getting on drove it completely from his mind. She treated James with solid dislike to the better part of the last six years; she had no right being nice to him now. James would never get over his infatuation with her if she gave him reason to believe he had a chance.

“See you later, Peter,” he said and Peter nodded. Sirius took a passage to the left that he knew led away from the Defense classroom and Remus’s office. He would have to double back but he didn’t want Peter or Lily to see where he was heading.

oOo

Remus sat in his office sorting through the many homework assignments he received during the day’s lessons. He was not sure if Sirius would actually show up. _Yes, every seventeen-year-old’s idea of a good time was marking papers with their professor_. Remus went about his normal routine pretending he was not listening for the knock on his door he was not certain would come.

Remus was still not sure what to make of Sirius’s behavior in class that day. He knew Sirius was bright but he was not one for class participation, or so he was led to believe. At first Remus thought Sirius might be making fun of him but the earnest look on his face when Remus called on him made Remus think twice. Perhaps he is just being nice? He and Remus had bonded, in a way; maybe this was his way of showing his appreciation?

Twenty minutes passed and Remus had halfheartedly marked two papers. He nearly gave up on Sirius showing up when he heard a soft knock on his door. Butterflies filled his stomach and he eyed the door apprehensively.

“Come in,” he said after a moment, surprised at the nervousness prickling at the edges of his voice

Sirius poked his head around the door with a rakish smile. Remus felt his pulse quicken. “Evening, Professor. Sorry I’m late, had to make a quick stop at the infirmary.”

“Is everything alright?”

“Hmmm? Oh yeah I’m fine. Just went to check on James. He got hit with a bludger during practice.”

“My, was it serious?”

“Doubt it. He was hit in the head.”

Remus tried not to laugh but did smile and gestured to a seat opposite him as his desk. Without asking, Sirius took a good portion of papers stacked before Remus and pulled them over to his side of the desk. “So… what am I looking at here?”

“Fifth year, curses research paper. Just let me know if you have a question. I trust you know these curses, it’s basic OWL material.”

They set to work and there was silence for several minutes when Sirius snorted. “Unbelievable.”

“I’m sorry what’s that?”

“This student. Listen to this: ‘While Antonin’s _Practical Defense Magic_ describes the _Cruciatus_ as a dark curse, and is in fact listed as one of the three Unforgivible Curses by the Ministry of Magic, this author disagrees. The _Cruciatus_ curse, created in approximately 10 AD was used, primarily as a method of discipline for slaves who escaped and were captured. The _Cruciatus_ was performed on slaves and, on occasion, their loved ones, to send a message to all who would resist their oppressors. While this author does not condone the use of torture on individuals ( _bollocks—Sirius added_ ), the _Cruciatus_ should not be considered dark magic. Methods of control are necessary for the good of society. _Incendio_ , the spell for creating fire, can also be used to torture individuals; does that make it a dark curse as well?’” Sirius looked of from the essay, his handsome face contorted with a look of disgust.

Remus sighed and leveled a weary look at the boy. Dark magic really was considered a matter of opinion by some of the students; he learned that quickly and made the decision to disregard the opinions of those few. His job was to teach how to defend against dark magic and forces, not argue their philosophy. However, he did not forget who those particular students were and made a mental list of their names and strengths (and weaknesses). _Constant vigilance_. 

“It sounds well researched,” he began and Sirius glared. Remus held up his hands in defense. “I’m not saying I agree, and their opinion was, most definitely, not asked for in this assignment, but there are some students who do not see any magic as inherently dark. They’re not entirely wrong.”

“They’re not right either!”

“Sirius, things are not always so black and white. That student argues that _Incendio_ could also be used to torture, and possibly kill, yet it is not considered dark magic. The application of some magic, the intent behind the spell, is what is important. While I disagree with their argument that _Cruciatus_ should not be considered dark—its sole purpose is to torture—the argument they pose is interesting, and not one we should wholly disregard.”

Sirius continued to scowl. “ _Methods of control are necessary for the good of society_ ,” he quoted again. “It’s just wrong!”

“I’m not disagreeing, Sirius. Here, let me have that essay please.” Remus held out his hand to take it. Sirius hesitated but handed it over.

“Don’t trust me to grade it?” he asked nastily.

“Frankly? No.” Sirius looked surprised, as if he did not expect an honest answer. “This student’s opinion obviously has you upset and you can’t be impartial. I can’t fail him just because I disagree, but rest assured, straying off topic with the color commentary is not going to earn extra points.”

They continued to work but the comfortable silence from before was gone. Sirius was scowling at the parchment, his eyes fixed on one point, not even reading. Remus laid down his quill and reached out to place a hand on his forearm. Sirius looked up at the touch.

“Sirius, what has you so upset?” Sirius huffed and laid his parchment down. He did not answer but ran a hand through his hair and crossed his arms over his chest. _Teenagers_. “I thought we agreed we could trust each other,” Remus persisted. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Sirius met his eyes and Remus saw a million walls fly up but hoped the tentative friendship they were building would be enough to break through.

“It’s just…that’s the same sort of fucked up rhetoric my parents tried to tamp down my throat since as far back as I can remember. The same mind washing, pureblooded idiocy that’s got this You-Know-Who fellow killing and torturing Muggles and Muggleborns. This is where it starts,” he said pointing at the offending essay. “That idiot’s probably been spoon-fed that rubbish his whole life, just like they tried to do me.”

“Just like they did you brother?”

Sirius’s head snapped up at that. “Who said anything about Regulus?”

“I’m sorry,” Remus backpedaled, realizing he pushed too hard too quickly. “I’ve just noticed you two don’t get on.”

“Who cares about that idiot anyway?”

Sirius continued to scowl, his anger had not dissipated. If anything Remus had made it worse. _Way to go, Lupin_.

“Come on,” Remus said suddenly, rising from his seat. He beckoned Sirius to follow him out of the office door into the empty classroom, which was dimly light by beams of moonlight filtering through the windows. Sirius followed, hands jammed in his pockets eyes downcast. With a sweeping gesture of his wand, Remus levitated the empty desks and chairs so they stacked neatly to the side.

From the back of the classroom he summoned a practice dummy Dumbledore had been able to locate, which Remus affectionately referred to as Hugo, a name he took from a particularly nasty ex-boyfriend. He levitated Hugo to the center of the classroom and turned to Sirius, who was giving him a look of utter confusion.

“You didn’t seem in any fit state to help me mark papers so I thought a little dueling practice? Get out your wand,” he said switching to professor mode. “Show me a Reductor Curse.”

Sirius looked up his eyes narrowed, but there was an excited smile on his face. He faced the dummy and hurled a Reductor with the force of a small explosion. Remus had the good presence of mind to throw a shield up in front of Sirius and himself, and good thing he did, because bits of Hugo flew across the room like dangerous little projectiles. Sirius was whooping and laughing as, slowly, pieces of the dummy flew back into place, reforming its body.

“Keep going,” Remus said. Sirius began unleashing a volley of spells and curses at Hugo. Remus watched as Sirius cast spell after spell, his body practically dancing with each twirl of his wand. He would occasionally flick a lock of dark hair out of his eyes as he cycled through a repertoire of hexes, cheeks flushed with exertion, moving with a fluid grace Remus might have envied if he were not so busy admiring.  
  
Before he realized he was doing it, Remus threw a shield up in front of Hugo. Sirius stumbled as the force of his spell rebounded on him. Remus banished Hugo the back of the room and moved to stand in his place.

“It’s not really fair to attack a target that can’t defend itself, is it?” he said by way of explanation and before he could say anything further, Sirius was hurling spells at him grinning from ear to ear.

It took Remus several moments to recover the upper hand, but he eventually had Sirius on the defensive. Sirius was an excellent duelist and was most definitely putting Remus through his paces; they seemed to be evenly matched, but Remus had a few tricks up his sleeve. He threw a ball of electric blue light the size of a Quaffle at Sirius who tried to deflect it with a sweep of his wand. Instead of dissipating or veering off course, however, the light fractured into several smaller balls of light still hurtling towards their target. Sirius ducked, a look of surprise on his face, and Remus took advantage of the distraction to disarm him, his wand flying clean across the room. Remus caught it deftly.

When Sirius righted himself he glared at Remus, but he was still grinning madly. “That was cheap.”

“Now, don’t be a sore loser,” Remus said a little breathlessly. They were both somewhat winded from the exertion of their casting. “You’re quite the duelist.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” he said stepping closer to take his wand. “I really needed that.”

“Yes, you did look like you needed to let off some steam. I used to do this all the time when I was younger. Of course I didn’t have a handy partner like Hugo but I made do.”

“Thanks, Remus,” Sirius said, and they were standing close. When did they get so close? Dark hair had fallen into Sirius's eyes, shining silver in the moonlight. His cheeks were still a lovely shade of pink. He saw Sirius’s gaze drop down to his lips, his eyes at a half mast. Remus felt himself being pulled closer, as if by some magnetic force, but had enough good sense to take a quick step back away from Sirius. It was a simple movement and yet Remus felt his whole body resist.

“Glad I could help,” he said and, turning from Sirius, began levitating desks and chairs back into place. Sirius assisted after a minute and soon the classroom was back in order. Remus turned and Sirius was worrying a thread on his cuff. “You should probably get back to your dorm, it’s getting late.”

Sirius nodded but did not meet Remus’s eyes, “Yeah, thanks, Professor.” He turned to leave.

“Sirius, my office door is always open, if you ever feel like stopping by.”

“I may just do that,” he said with a smile and his time he looked up to meet Remus’s gaze. “Goodnight, Remus.”

“Goodnight”

The door closed behind Sirius and Remus dropped into a nearby chair. He sat for several minutes worrying his lower lip with his thumb and forefinger wondering, not for the first time, just what the hell he was doing.

oOo

When he closed the door to the classroom Sirius leaned against it, his eyes closed. He’d been sure Remus was going to kiss him, and he’d been equally sure he would have let him, would have kissed back. His eyes had been dark and inviting, shots of golden flakes shining bright. Fuck, he _wanted_ Remus to kiss him. He wanted to feel that mouth on his, run his tongue along his lower lip. He wanted to bury his hands in Remus’s honey-brown hair, lose himself in those eyes, hold Remus’s body so tight against his own they forgot whose heartbeat was whose.

“Fuck,” he muttered as he felt his arousal stir. _One of the many joys of being seventeen._ Sirius willed his growing erection away and began walking back to Gryffindor Tower.

It had been an uncomfortable few minutes and Sirius was actually considering having one off in the next classroom when Garrett Kelley rounded the corner. He was reading a long roll of parchment by the light of his wand. _Oh, thank Merlin!_

oOo

Garrett Kelley, Sirius decided, had excellent timing. Garrett had not uttered much more than “Black? What the…mmpfh,” as Sirius pulled in into the nearest room, which turned out to be a supply closet, pushing him against the wall and proceeded to snog the life out of him. He fought halfheartedly, he always did, but his weak protests of “Stop…we shouldn’t” quickly became moans of “More”.

They didn’t normally do it like this. Their mutual agreement of “I’ll get you off you get me off” never involved this much kissing, or frantic need. Sirius pinned the other boy to the wall with his body and devoured his mouth, hands everywhere he could reach. Garrett moaned, “Fuck, Black” to which Sirius replied, “That’s the idea”.

Hands quickly undid belt buckles, buttons, and zips until they reached their goal. They stroked each other, lips locked; bodies rocking as they found a common rhythm and soon the only sound in the small space was the harsh breathing and moaning of both boys. Sirius had to bite his lip to keep from crying out “Remus” when he came. Garrett followed soon after with a long groan. They leaned against each other for support, their breathing slowly evening out to normal.

“Merlin, Black, what was that?” Garrett asked afterward with a laugh and he cast a quick _lumos_. Sirius cast a cleaning charm on himself and then Garrett as they made themselves decent. He spared Garrett a quick glance, bright blue eyes, shaggy blond hair—he was quite fit. That was partially the reason Sirius took him on as his “on again off again” fuck buddy.

“Oh you know, you rounded the corner and the mood struck,” he said evasively. “What are you doing roaming the halls anyway? Doesn’t your Arithmancy group meet now?” Sirius knew because he’d lifted Garrett’s timetable from his bag the first week of classes after he’d spent a frustrating three days trying to catch him when he wasn’t in lessons or studying.

“Yes and I’d be there now but Evans cornered me on the way to the library and asked me to take over Potter’s rounds since the idiot’s in hospital.”

Sirius nodded and poked his head around the door when they were decent. A quick glance told him the hall was empty. “Well lovely running into you as always, Mr. Kelley,” he said stepping into the hall.

He’d only made it a few feet when Garrett called out. “Hey Bla—Sirius, would you want to run into me again tomorrow night?”

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Garrett usually avoided Sirius like the plague after a late night tryst while he dealt with his own personal identity crisis.

“I might happen to wander by the Prefect’s bathroom this time tomorrow,” was all he said and turned to head back to his dorm.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius only felt slightly guilty about getting off with Garrett when he really wanted, and was thinking about, another man. It did not help that Sirius was spending more and more time in the company of said man. Sirius found himself with Remus in his office any time he was on his own, which was becoming increasingly more frequent.

Lily invited James—and by default Peter and Sirius (grudgingly)—to be apart of her NEWT study group. As a result James and Peter were spending increasing amounts of time in the library with other seventh years revising. Sirius put in the occasional appearance but would, more often than not, beg off saying he did not need to see James and Lily making eyes at each other all night. On night like this, Sirius would poke his head into Remus’s office, where he would smile and invite Sirius to come in.

Sometimes they marked papers or chatted about lessons. Occasionally, Remus had some fascinating magical creature or another he wanted to show off. Remus was incredibly passionate about his subject and Sirius loved the way his eyes lit up during their discussions.

Often times they would talk about themselves. Remus told Sirius about his happy, albeit lonely childhood in the village he grew up in. He admitted to Sirius he used to be an incredibly shy creature but worked hard, as he grew up, to dispel that habit. Sirius found it absolutely endearing when the man allowed his natural tendency towards bashfulness to peek through, stammering at some bawdy innuendo or ducking his head whenever Sirius turned a charming smile on him.

Though he found a bashful Remus Lupin charming, it was the confident young man of today that drew Sirius in like a gentle tide inching closer and closer to the shore. His own confidence felt hollow when compared to the calm self-assurance of the other man. Remus worked hard to perfect his skills and took pride in his accomplishments. In contrast, Sirius was raised to be proud and arrogant for no reason other than an accident of birth and, while he was indeed talented and handsome, it felt cheap in comparison.

While Remus was very forthcoming about himself, Sirius could tell he was hiding things. Remus had a way of deflecting too-personal questions with such practiced ease Sirius would not realize until hours later he’d been cheated. This only made Sirius more determined to find out more about the mysterious man.  

Sirius was not normally as forthcoming about his own personal life experiences, but found Remus managed to pull details from him with ease. He spared Remus the gory particulars but admitted his childhood had been rather less happy than Remus’s own. His parents were not as affectionate as Remus’s father and they took a very old-fashioned stance on discipline and propriety.

“I think I was born to defy them,” he told Remus over one such conversation. “I was a curious child and whenever I questioned them about anything the response was usually a punishment. The more they punished me the more I began to question them. It wasn’t really until I came here and met James that I realized just how twisted their ideas were. I never want to be like them.”

Remus had given his hand a squeeze and said, “You’re not” which, for Sirius, was the best compliment anyone could ever give him. How Remus was able to get him to reveal one of his darkest secrets he would never know. He hardly knew the man and yet he trusted him implicitly.

Before he knew it he was stumbling head over heels for his professor. It was the first time Sirius actually fancied another person rather than just a vague desire for something male. Remus was handsome, in his own way; he made Sirius laugh, and he was interesting to talk to and get to know. Sirius found himself thinking about his professor almost constantly. _“What is Remus doing right now?”_ wandered through his thoughts so often McGonagall gave him detention for daydreaming during lessons. He even found himself ditching James and Peter when they had free time together to be with Remus. Sirius knew he had it bad.

The more time they spent together the more Sirius began to wonder if his feelings were completely one-sided. He tried to get a read on the man’s signals but just when he thought he knew, _Remus doesn’t think of me that way_ , he’d catch his professor doing something that made him think twice. At least he thought he did. Maybe he was reading too much into the lingering touches or seeing something that wasn’t there when their eyes held their gaze for a little too long.

He’d written to Alphard about it when his own confusion at the situation became too much. Of course, he’d left out the fact that Remus was his professor. He’d simply wrote that he really fancied another bloke at school but wasn’t sure what to do. The bloke in question was rapidly becoming someone Sirius trusted and, there being so few people left in the world belonging in that category, he hesitated to make an attempt at something more. He was afraid of ruining what they had. He knew he could count on Alphard to not call him a girl.

Alphard wrote back suggesting Sirius test the waters. “The most successful relationships are built on a foundation of trust. Don’t tilt your hand so obviously, of course, but if you really fancy this bloke and think he feels the same way (as you indicated in your letter) then put some feelers out there! Just be careful to back off if he isn’t receptive to your advances (and no, before you write back to ask, a smack around the head because you copped a feel is not him being “receptive”).

Sirius wrote back saying Alphard should apply for the Agony Aunt column at the Prophet but took his advice to heart. After another few unsatisfying run-ins with Garrett, he decided to put his plan into action.

oOo

They were cloistered, once more, in Remus’s office marking first year exams when he initiated phase one of his plan. He and Remus were connecting on the deep level that only people who end up becoming true friends can, but it would mean nothing for something more if attraction was not there. Sirius decided to see what throwing a little calculated sex appeal his way would do.

They were sitting in comfortable silence for some time, trading the occasional comment or joke at a student’s answer. Sirius shifted in his seat and made to cross his legs; in the process of doing so he ran the arch of his foot slowly along the length of Remus’s calf. Remus flinched and made a funny squeaking noise. Sirius looked up from the paper he was marking to find Remus looking at him, his face flushed slightly.

“Is everything okay?” Sirius asked innocently.

“Yes, no problem,” he answered looking away.

Sirius finished marking the paper in front of him and reached up to loosen and remove the tie from his neck. He tucked it into his pocket and undid the top two buttons of his shirt, the whole while never removing his eyes from the test in front of him. Through the fringe of his hair he saw Remus’s hand still over paper he was currently marking, causing a large blot of ink to fall onto the parchment. Sirius tried not to grin.

“Is it too warm in here?” Remus asked, his voice sounding slightly disconnected. Sirius looked up, pretend confusion on his face.

“Hmmm? Oh no, I’m fine. Just gets a little stuffy with that wretched thing on all day.” Remus nodded, his eyes darting from Sirius’s eyes to his exposed neck line. Was Sirius imaging the look of desire in his eyes?

“That’s an interesting pendant. Is it silver?” Remus asked gesturing with his quill to the necklace hanging around his neck. Sirius fingered the star-shaped pendant hanging from the leather thong he kept tucked under his shirt. He’d taken a liking to it when he saw it in the shop and he never took it off. He nearly forgot it was there half the time.

“Nah, I bought it at some cheap Muggle shop. They engraved it for me though. Here look.” He lifted his chin a little and held the pendant out so it pulled the leather thong taut. Remus reached with his free hand taking the small piece of metal between his fingers. He leaned forward, his face rather close, as he peered at the jewelry, his brow slightly furrowed.

Sirius smiled as the man’s amber lashes fanned across his cheeks, dusted with light colored freckles, whenever he blinked. He felt knuckles brush against his neck as Remus turned the pendant over and he smiled, taking Sirius’s breath away.

“Is this Sirius?” he asked, eyes darting up to meet his. Their faces were mere inches apart, it would be so easy to lean forward and press his lips to the perfect, pink lip Remus was currently worrying between his teeth. Remus pulled away slowly, letting the pendant fall from the tips of his fingers.

“Yep, that’s me,” Sirius said, lamenting at the loss of closeness and tracing the Canis Major constellation etched onto the back of the pendant. Remus did not seem perturbed and returned to his work, frowning at the parchment he was reading. Sirius decided on another tactic.

“Remus, I’ve been wondering something,” Sirius said trying to sound casual. “Do you have a boyfriend?”  

They never really discussed relationships before, Sirius realized. He got the feeling Remus was something of a lothario, if his dark jokes were anything to go by, but maybe Remus was running so hot one minute and cold the next because he was committed else where? A stab of jealousy pierced him as he imagined some faceless stranger touching Remus like he so desperately wanted to touch.

“No, not at the moment.” He looked up and gave Sirius a shrug. “Working here does sort of limit my prospects.” Sirius pouted at that, but of course, Remus couldn’t really consider the students. There was only six to seven years between him and the oldest students, but Sirius wasn’t just any student now was he?

“Were you seeing anyone before you came to teach here?”

“Nope.”

“So, how long has it been then?”

“How long has what been?”

“Since you’ve had a proper shag?”

“I hardly think that’s appropriate…”

“Why not? We’re mates now, right? Peter’s never been laid. James hooked up with some Muggle girl this summer but hasn’t had any luck with that harpy Lily Evans. And if you ask either of them, they’ll tell you I spent last Tuesday with a very kinky brunette.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but turned that lovely shade of pink Sirius was coming to adore. He’d spent last Tuesday evening with Remus, and Remus knew it.

“Is that what you’ve been telling your friends what you’ve been up to when you’re here?” he asked. “And I’m not kinky.”

“Wishful thinking I suppose… but I do have a reputation to maintain you know. Can’t have my friends thinking I willingly hang out with my professor.”

“Perish the thought.”

“And... I’ve still not told them… about me.”

Remus gave him a sympathetic smile. “I wish I could say if they’re your friends they’ll understand, but people don’t always understand this.”

“I know. That’s why I’m so glad you’re here this year.” Sirius surprised himself by saying it. Remus placed a hand on his, his smile warm.

“Me too.”

Afterwards, Sirius wasn’t sure why he did it, but then he was never one for thinking things through; but Remus was looking at him with such sincerity and his hand felt so nice on his own. Throwing caution to the wind, Sirius stood and, leaning forward as much as the desk between them would allow, placed a soft kiss on Remus’s lips. It was nothing more than a gentle touch of mouths, but Sirius felt his heart hammering in his chest.

He pulled away slightly, their faces inches apart; Sirius could see the slivers of gold shining bright in the other man’s eyes.

“Sirius…”

The sound of his name on the other man’s lips was enough to send Sirius into a frenzy. With strangled cry, he climbed over the desk, scattering parchments and upending a bottle of ink, until he was seated in Remus’s lap. He leaned forward once more, capturing his lips in another kiss, his hands coming up to cup Remus’s face.

This is probably not what Alphard had in mind when he said test the waters but Sirius pushed that thought roughly aside as he continued to kiss his professor. Remus was unmoving for several moments; then Sirius ran his tongue along his lower lip seeking entrance and Remus moaned. Arms wrapped themselves tightly, possessively, around Sirius as Remus began moving his mouth against his, granting him access, and Sirius gave a silent cheer of victory.

It was absolute bliss. Something deep and primal stirred in him, leaving him feeling slightly dazed, as he explored the new territory that was Remus Lupin’s mouth. Sirius deepened the kiss, so warm and inviting, the soft, gentle probing of other man’s tongue causing gooseflesh to break out across his arms. His body was positively trembling as— _oh, yes—_ he felt Remus run hands up his back, over his shoulders, and along his arms, stopping to grasp at his wrist. Remus gently pushed Sirius’s hands, and Sirius away. He moaned at the loss of contact.

“Please get off,” Remus asked breathlessly, not meeting his eyes.

Sirius did not want to, but he extricated himself from Lupin’s lap and leaned on the edge of the desk. Remus stood and moved away quickly, putting as much distance as he could between them. There was a very long, awkward silence.

“Sirius, I’m sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression,” he began. “You are a wonderful student and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you but what just happened shouldn’t have happened… should not happen again. Do you understand?”

He didn’t. He wanted Remus, and if the way Remus kissed him back was any indication, Remus wanted him too. What else mattered?

“Is it because I’m a student?”

“Among other things.”

“I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about…”

“Sirius, that’s not the point.”

“Than what is the point?” he asked, getting a little angry. “Remus, I—”

“This is not up for discussion,” Remus said firmly. “I’ve said no. You should respect that.”

“You kissed me back,” Sirius countered.

“I shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t you like me?”

“No, Sirius,” and he was surprised how much that hurt to hear. “At least, not the way you want me to. You’re one of my favorite students. I thought we were becoming friends, sort of like how I’ve become friends with my mentors.”

Sirius didn’t hear him though. Remus wanted him too, he was sure of it. The connection he felt when they’d kissed had been real. Sirius was not prepared to settle for just being friends.

“Okay, Remus, I understand.” Remus looked up at that, his eyes narrowed. He clearly expected Sirius to put up more of a fight. “I’m sorry I came at you like that, if I’ve embarrassed you at all.”

“It’s alright, Sirius. It’s flattering,” he said but the suspicious look did not leave his eyes.

“I think I’ll go now.”

“Sirius, wait…”

“Goodnight, Professor.” He wasn’t going to allow Remus to apologize again. He quickly turned and gathered his bag and left without another glance.

“Goodnight,” he heard as the door closed behind him.

oOo

Sirius sat smoking a cigarette in the window seat in the seventh year boy’s dorm in Gryffindor Tower much later, replaying the kiss in his mind.

_“Don’t you like me?”_

_“No…not the way you want me to.”_

Sirius rubbed his face tiredly. It had to be a lie. He sat watching the red ember of the cigarette smolder when his musings were interrupted by the arrival of James and Peter. James strode in, immediately dropped his bag at the foot of his bed, and flopped, face first, onto his pillows.

“What’s with him?” Sirius asked Peter. A groaning noise came from the depths of James’s pillows.

“Just knackered I think… and Evans turned him down again.”

“Shut up, Peter!” James yelled, throwing a pillow at him. Peter caught it and threw it back.

“Well it’s true!”

James turned over and placed the pillow under his head his expression stony.

“Right well I’m having a shower.” Peter retrieved his shower kit and disappeared into the bathroom.

Sirius fished in his pocket for the pack of cigarettes and tossed them at James. They landed lightly on his stomach. “Come join the club.”

James crossed the room to join Sirius at the window, lighting a cigarette as he went. He shoved at Sirius’s feet and sat facing him. “Can’t believe you’re still smoking these,” he said around the filter in his mouth, handing the pack back to Sirius. Sirius just shrugged. James took a long drag and exhaled a puff of smoke. “You strike out too?”

Sirius shrugged again, noncommittally. “Why’d she turn you down this time? I thought she stopped cursing the ground you walked on, especially now that you’re so nice to Snivelly these days.”

“Not actively hexing Snivelly at every corner does not constitute being nice. Besides, they’re not even friends any more.” James sighed and hung his head a little. Sirius actually felt sorry for him. “I really thought she was going to say yes this time. We’ve been getting on so well, you know?”

“So what then?”

“She says she wants to be friends,” and Sirius winced; poor James was having much the same night as Sirius apparently. “She says I’m not as insufferable as she once thought and she’s actually enjoyed my company lately, but isn’t looking for a boyfriend right now.”

“Bitch.” James kicked him awkwardly, the small space of the window seat making it difficult.

“She was nice about it. I think she actually felt bad for saying no, for once.”

“So what now? You just gonna give up?”

“Course not. I really like her. You don’t just give up on something you want that badly, do you?”

Sirius watched as tendrils of smoke drifted out of the open window. He smiled at his best friend. “Definitely not.”


	6. Chapter 6

_“Sirius!” Remus moaned as he bucked his hips, sliding again into the warm, wet mouth currently circling his cock._

_The boy gave an answering groan around the obstruction, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure straight through Remus, pooling low in his abdomen. Fuck it was good. Remus tangled a hand in dark hair, urging the boy on. He was so close._

_Sirius looked up from his task, his eyes dark and heavy with lust. Remus nearly lost it at the sight of those dangerously inviting eyes boring into his, that red mouth stretched wide, his delicate cheekbones standing out attractively as he sucked. Remus thought he could gladly die watching Sirius push his lips over him again and again._

_There was a delicate graze of teeth and Remus groaned loudly at the new sensations it sent through him. Sirius arched a dark brow, his eyes glittering wickedly. Fucking tease. He pulled away, giving Remus a long, slow lick._

_“What do you want me to do?” he asked, his voice sounding positively sinful as he stroked Remus slowly with his hand. Remus used the hand tangled in the boy’s hair to gently guide him back to his previous task. Sirius laughed low in his throat as he mouthed at Remus’s shaft, giving it another languid lick._

_“Whatever you want, Professor,” he whispered before taking Remus between his lips once more._

Remus woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed breathing heavily and painfully aroused. He lifted the blanket, half expecting to see a black head of hair still nestled between his legs. Nothing. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

He flopped back on the bed, his pillows giving a soft _whoosh_ noise. That had been intense.

The last two weeks for Remus had been nothing short of torture. Sirius was suddenly everywhere lately, which was saying something considering Remus was an avid Sirius-watcher. Dark, lustful eyes flashed at him through the sea of students so much during meals, Remus had taken to leaving halfway through or skipping them altogether. Thank goodness for the pity of house-elves who piled him with food the second he stepped foot in the kitchens on days where he’d avoided the Great Hall and, thereby, avoid Sirius.

Lingering touches (some quite bold) found Remus around every corner. Soft, deliberate caresses across his abdomen as he passed through a throng of students sent jolts of excitement through him. He’d turn to find dark hair falling into laughing eyes and wished his body would behave itself for once in his life.

Sirius always seemed to find some excuse to hang about after lessons. “Professor, I just had a question about the chapter you assigned us,” he’d ask as he approached, standing much too close as he held up the open text for them to review. “I’m just having such a _hard_ time understanding what Antonin’s saying here,” he’d say emphasizing the word, mischief written in his smile.

Remus was also getting woefully behind on his marking due to the distraction that was Sirius Black. He’d begun taking his lesson plans and homework into the staff room so that Sirius could not corner him in his office again.

Two nights after the ‘incident’ as Remus was coming to call it, he heard a knock on his office door and knew it was Sirius. Remus hoped, rather naively, that he and Sirius would be able to put the whole thing behind them, but no such luck. Sirius waltzed through his office door wearing the tightest pair of Muggle blue jeans Remus had ever seen. _They should be illegal_ , he thought bitterly. Remus’s mouth had gone dry at the sight of Sirius, tight jeans displaying shapely legs and an equally tight button down shirt with the top few buttons undone revealing a tantalizing column of pale flesh. The silver pendent in the shape of a star kissed his neck, hanging from a black cord.

They’d spent a rather unproductive hour marking (or rather not marking) the same exams from the night before. Remus was continually distracted by Sirius as he ran the end of the quill across his lips, eyes sometimes flickering up to meet Remus’s, his smile shy. At one point Sirius stood saying his arm was going numb, as he stretched it over his head, exposing his midriff. Remus finally lost it at the teasing sight of dark hair disappearing into the top of Sirius’s jeans and invented some excuse to get away.

“Oh hell, I just remembered I have to meet Professor Kettleburn about a… something,” he said as he guided Sirius by the elbow out of his office.

“At this time of night?” Sirius teased. Remus deposited Sirius outside his office and headed as far away from him as he could get.

Between the pull of the full moon just days away and the constant state of arousal Remus found himself in lately, Remus was at his wits end. He finally snapped when Sirius managed to corner him again after lessons the day before last.

The lesson had included a lot of physicality and many students (Sirius included) had opted to remove their robes for freer movement. Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius planned for it but he was wearing those infernal jeans again and Remus felt like screaming. Some of the other students were admiring the view as well, and Remus got to add jealousy to the growing list of irritating emotions Sirius Black managed to evoke in him.

Remus had tried to make a hasty retreat after the lesson but Sirius had caught him by the sleeve. “I just had a quick question about my essay, sir.”

He was standing too close again and Remus could smell sweat and soap on his skin, which was an intoxicating mixture that gave Remus a strange feeling in his stomach, like falling unexpectedly from a great height.

Remus felt a hand on his hip as they stood looking over Sirius’s essay and he pushed it roughly away. “Okay, enough, Sirius! This needs to stop, now,” he said firmly.

“What needs to stop?”

“Don’t insult my intelligence. You’ve been badgering me for weeks, I’ve had enough. I am your professor, you are my student, and that is how things will stay.”

“Remus, I told you I’d never say anything about it to anyone. No one has to know,” Sirius implored, dropping the innocent act.

“Sirius, you’re seventeen!”

“I’m of age.”

“Hardly, and you’re my student! It’s completely unethical.”

“I like you.”

“That’s your misfortune,” he’d said rather harshly, instantly regretting his words as Sirius took a step back like Remus had physically struck him. “Sirius, I’m sorry I…”

“Fuck you, Lupin,” he spat before positively flying from the room. Remus fell into his chair, his head hitting the desk with a sound smack. It hurt. He deserved it. He never meant to be so cruel.

It had been two days since and Remus had not seen hide nor hair of Sirius. In many ways, it was a relief, but Remus squirmed uncomfortably as he remembered the look of hurt on the boy’s face. And now, lack of Sirius during waking hours was being made up for in his dreams apparently.

Remus wasn’t sure why Sirius got under his skin so badly, he’d encountered persistent men before after all. But with one coy smile Sirius managed to make him forget all his hard earned lessons. He felt like a teenager again, all at once awkward and desperate for someone to touch him. For Sirius to touch him. He scrubbed his face tiredly with a growl. _Absolutely not._ He could not allow that to happen. No matter how badly he might want it, he could not allow himself to become involved with a student.

He checked the clock on the bedside table, 4:42 a.m. and with the full moon in less than twenty-four hours and the current state of his arousal, he was not going back to sleep for the rest of the day. He sighed and shoved a hand under the covers. At least he could take care of one problem today.

oOo

Remus was one of the first few people to arrive at breakfast that morning. He loaded his plate with food but did nothing more than pick at it halfheartedly. He was normally famished on mornings preceding the full, his body craving nutrients, which was a good thing because he usually had no appetite afterwards when he was recovering.

He forced a few bites and pushed his plate away, unable to stomach anymore. He was so preoccupied with thoughts of Sirius he did not hear Minerva calling his name.

“Remus!”

“Wha?”

“I’ve been calling you for a while now, are you alright?” she asked, her expression kind. The Transfiguration professor had a soft spot where Remus was concerned. Dumbledore explained how a close friend of hers died due to their lycanthropy. While some professors tolerated Remus’s presence with varying degrees of acceptance, ranging from quiet dislike to casual indifference, Minerva was the closest thing he had to a friend, save for Dumbledore (and Sirius, his brain supplied).

He put on a brave smile. “Just not feeling myself today,” he said hoping she got his meaning. _Werewolf thing, drop it_.

She nodded as she went about preparing her morning tea. “This would not have any thing to do with the way Sirius Black has been following you around like a lost puppy would it?” she asked, taking a sip from her cup. Remus stared. _Fuck._ “Don’t look so shocked, Remus. I make it my business to know what that boy is up to at all times.”

“He’s driving me spare, Minerva,” he confessed with a groan.

“He’s got a crush on you,” she said and gave a very un-McGonagallish giggle. “I can almost hear the hearts of young women all over Hogwarts breaking. Sirius Black beats for the other team.” She snorted again and Remus was thankful the hall was near empty.

“It’s not funny, Minerva!”

“Oh, it’s harmless, Remus.”

“It’s not! He keeps…coming at me.”

“You can’t tell me you’ve not been enjoying his attention. He’s a very good-looking young man.”

Remus couldn’t believe he was having this conversation with Minerva McGonagall of all people. “He’s a student!” he felt compelled to remind her.

“Yes, I'm well aware. We don't go about encouraging that sort of thing, but he’ll be done with school in the summer. What about then?”

“He’s seventeen!” he screeched as he pictured what she was saying.

“Honestly, Remus, he’s of age. And he’ll be eighteen in April. You’re not that much older.”

“Seven years!” Wasn’t this argument starting to sound familiar? “Besides,” he began finally changing to a tactic he knew she could not refute, “there is my ‘furry little problem’ to consider.”

“So you have been considering it then?” she teased but she was frowning.

“Of course not,” he lied. They sipped tea in silence for several minutes. The hall slowly began filling with students and professors.

“You know, I don’t think he would mind it at all,” she said and Remus felt like hitting his head against the table.

“Minerva…”

“Remus, the boy ran away from home because he disagreed with the sort of prejudice you face. Give him a little more credit,” she said quite seriously, all traces teasing gone. Remus sighed and ran a weary hand through his hair. “Don’t you like him?”

_“Don’t you like me?”_

_“Not the way you want.”_

_“I like you.”_

_“That’s your misfortune.”_

Godric, he’d been such an arse. “It doesn’t matter if I like him or not, I’m not supposed to. Can we please drop this?”

“That wasn’t exactly a no.” Remus glared. “Okay we’ll drop it, but, Remus, you deserve to be happy. You both do.”

oOo

Morning lessons passed quickly. Remus kept replaying the conversation with Minerva in his head.

_“You deserve to be happy.”_

_“Don’t you like me?”_

It was all terribly confusing, but Remus had made up his mind on one thing: he needed to apologize to Sirius. He’d been harsh with him, and the look of hurt on his face was haunting Remus constantly. With his resolve in place, Remus breathed a little easier the rest of the day.

He made no attempts at finding Sirius on that day, the pull of the moon was still wreaking havoc on his senses and he did not want to chance it. _Afterwards_ , he told himself. But as luck would have it, Sirius found him just after dinner.

Remus decided to take dinner in his office, wanting to catch up on mounting piles of homework, when he heard voices raised in anger outside.

“Fuck you, Regulus, you little shit!”

“Incest now too, Sirius? My, you’ll bend over for anyone won’t you?”

Remus came upon Sirius and Regulus Black, standing no more than four feet apart, their wands drawn and pointed at each other.

“I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less from a blood-traitor faggot.”

Sirius threw a jet of red light at the other boy, but Remus was faster. He cast a quick shield between the two, their heads whipping around to look at him, identical expressions of fury on their faces. Remus had never had the opportunity to view the two brothers together in such close proximity. This close, it was easy to see they were related, but Remus marveled at the differences on an otherwise very familiar face.

Sirius was definitely the handsomer of the two. Regulus had a longer nose and his chin was less defined but they had the same elegant arch to their brows and the same high cheekbones. Sirius was taller, but not by much and more powerfully built, where Regulus had a pinched look about him. Remus was familiar with late growth spurts and could tell Regulus would fill out quite a bit more, though probably not quite like his brother.

“Put your wands away,” he said calmly. “Now.” The two boys glared at each other but did as they were told. Remus lowered the shield. “Do either of you care to explain yourselves?”

“Nothing to explain, Professor,” Sirius said, adopting a false sense of cheeriness, but Remus could see his fists were still clenched tightly at his sides. “You know, simple brotherly rivalry—”

“You’re not my brother!” Regulus interrupted sharply. The false smile left Sirius’s face and was replaced with a rather ugly sneer. He opened his mouth to respond but Remus had heard enough.

“Right then, twenty-five points from both Gryffindor and Slytherin and I’ll be speaking with your respective heads of houses for dueling in the halls.”

“He was the one who was dueling!” Regulus replied hotly and Remus pinned him with his best impression of a McGonagall glower.

“Continue to talk back, Mr. Black, and it will be fifty points and detention.” Regulus glared but remained silent. _Brat_.

“You may leave,” Remus said gesturing with his arm. Regulus pushed past Sirius, knocking his shoulder as he went. Sirius closed his eyes, seeming to physically restrain himself from reaching out and punching the other boy. Remus would not have blamed him if he did.

“Sirius, would you join me in my office for a minute?” he asked. He had not been planning to do this today, but he couldn’t just walk away. Maybe fate had put Sirius outside his door? There was little over two hours until moon rise. He had time.

oOo

Sirius felt his hands trembling as he entered Remus’s office, a million emotions running through him at once. _Fucking Regulus..._  
  
His words had cut much deeper than Sirius expected.

He debated for two days about approaching Remus again. He wrote to Alphard telling him how every thing had gone to hell, to which his uncle replied Sirius should give some time for things to cool off, but Sirius missed Remus. He missed their chats about everything and nothing, he missed his smile, and, while he desperately wished for something more, he missed his friend. Sirius decided he would bury this crush in the deepest parts of his heart and settle for having his friend back.

His feet followed the now familiar path to his professor’s office where he hoped to find him and apologize for his behavior. Regulus had rounded the corner, alone, just as Sirius was approaching the Defense classroom. They froze when they saw each other. After Sirius left last year, Regulus had been forbidden to speak with him—not that Sirius hadn’t tried.

It tore him up inside to leave that night, not because he would miss his mother and father (though he was unendingly surprised to find he did), but because it meant cutting off all contact with Regulus for good. Regulus would do whatever their parents commanded and no amount of persuading on Sirius’s part would change his mind.

Regulus sneered at him with such loathing that for a wild moment Sirius thought about looking over his shoulder to see if there was someone else behind him. Regulus had never looked at him like that before. There had been a time when Regulus would look at Sirius with shining admiration. Sirius wondered when that had changed.

Sirius had been both friend and brother. Whenever Regulus woke in the middle of the night, shadows moving in the dark driving him out of his bed and into Sirius’s, Sirius would ruffle his hair fondly, “Don’t worry, Reg, I’ll protect you.”

Sirius had not made that vow lightly either. Sirius always placed himself between Regulus and their mother’s wrath at their latest prank. “It wasn’t his fault!” he’d protest, which usually earned him a sound smack across the face and an evening in his room without supper.

Later, Regulus would steal the spare wand their parents kept in the study and undo the lock on his door, bringing a small parcel of food he’d managed to hide in a napkin during supper. “It’s me and you against the world, Reg,” he’d say on nights like that. Regulus would smile and nod, “You and me,” he promised.

Things started changing after he returned from his first year of Hogwarts, Sirius reflected. Without Sirius there to buffer their parent’s influence, Regulus hardened considerably. Regulus had spent most of the year hearing his parents lament how disappointed they were in their elder son. How he disgraced them by allowing himself to be placed in Gryffindor and making friends with half-bloods and blood-traitors and how Regulus had better show much better sense if he knew what was good for him. Things had not seemed any different at first but Regulus treated him with a little more reserve then, and when he was sorted into Slytherin that September, it had been the beginning of the end.

They stared at each other for a very long time. “Fancy seeing you here, Reg, and all alone I might add. Finally get sick of those losers you hang around with?” Sirius asked at last.

“My friends are nothing compared to the company you keep these days. Hanging around with a certain Ravenclaw Prefect a rather lot lately are you? Have your Gryffindor friends disowned you now too? Or are they not aware you’re a flaming poof?”

“Been keeping an eye on me have you?” Sirius asked as he felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. _Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck_.

“Hardly, I just happened to catch you and Kelley in the Prefect’s bath last week. Really, Sirius, if Mother and Father hadn’t disowned you for being a rotten blood-traitor, they most certainly would have for being fucking queer.”

“Fuck you, Regulus, you little shit!” he cried, brandishing his wand. Sirius was sure he would have destroyed Regulus if Remus had not shown up.

He faced the window and placed his hands atop his head as Remus closed the door to his office, Regulus’s shout of “You’re not my brother” ringing in his ears.

“That little prick. He knows!”

“Sirius, it will be alright,” Remus said coming up behind him to place a hand on his shoulder. He turned to face his professor, dropping his arms to his sides then wrapping them around his torso defensively. Remus smiled his kind smile and Sirius wanted desperately to believe him. “I wanted to speak with you…about the other day.”

“Me too actually,” he said. “I was on my way to come see if you were here when Regulus showed up.” Sirius dropped his gaze, feeling unexpectedly shy. Here he was, but his prepared speech seemed to have left him.

“Sirius…” he looked up into his professor’s eyes, the golden flakes Sirius had come to love shining extraordinarily bright. They were standing so close. It would be so easy…

And suddenly he was kissing Remus again as if it were the only thing in the world that mattered. He tangled his hands in the other man’s hair, pulling him in closer. Sirius felt Remus grab at the front of his robes and expected to be pushed away again, but he merely held on, and then he was kissing back with equal intensity.

_Yes yes yes yes yes!_ Remus took a several steps forward until Sirius felt his back touch the stone wall behind him, Remus pinning his body to the wall with his own. He smiled into the kiss as felt hands tearing at his robes as they sought closer contact. Their teeth clacked together once or twice but Sirius didn’t care because Remus was kissing him back and running hands all over his body, and _Merlin, he wants me!_

Remus broke away from the kiss and began licking and nipping at his neck causing Sirius to moan. He felt himself being lifted off ground and soon had his legs were wrapped around the taller man’s hips and Remus was thrusting gently against him. Remus's erection slid against his throught he fabric of his robe and Sirius thought he’d found perfection as pleasurable sensations coursed through him with each thrust.

“Oh! Remus!” Sirius moaned, hooking his arms around Remus's neck for leverage and arching his back. Merlin he was so close. He placed kisses against Remus's temple, moaning when his arousal began spiking and he heard an answering growl as Remus continued his ministrations. Suddenly, he felt a rather painful bite at the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. “Ouch, Remus…”

But Remus had already begun to back away, his chest heaving. Sirius stumbled to right himself as Remus took several hasty steps back, a look of abject horror on his face. Sirius could almost see the battle in the man’s eyes, which were practically glowing, as he fought to bring himself under control, untamed desire refusing to leave.

Sirius took a step forward, reaching out a hand to pull Remus back. “Don’t stop. Remus, I want this. I—”

“Don’t come any closer!” Remus ordered, his voice harsh. Sirius stopped and watched as Remus struggled with himself for another moment, breathing heavily. “I might…I’m sorry, Sirius, I have to go.”

Remus practically sprinted from the room, the office door rattling on its hinges as it Remus threw it open. Sirius watched him go, hopelessness and frustrating unfulfillment welling up inside him. He felt the spot where Remus bit him and pulled his hand away. It had hurt, but not enough to draw blood. He’d have a wicked bruise later though. _Love bite_ , he corrected himself.

A little while later, Sirius sat in the widow seat back in the dorm once again, cigarette in hand, staring out the window and wondering. “Everything is just so fucked up,” he told the full moon hanging outside the window. He didn’t want to settle for just being friends with his professor. He wanted more. He just wished Remus would accept he wanted it too.


	7. Chapter 7

Remus woke the next morning in excruciating pain. He opened one bleary eye as he tried to rise from his position sprawled on the floor of the recently named Shrieking Shack. His other eye would not open, it felt sore and puffy and when Remus reached up he thought he felt sticky, drying blood. _Lovely_.

He managed to raise himself into a crawling position and slowly made his way over to the compartment in the wall that held his wand and clothing. It took him several minutes to manage the handle on the compartment his hands were shaking so badly. When he finally had his wand in hand he sat, his back against the wall, legs crooked out in front of him, unable to do anything more than breathe as he struggled to remain conscious. The short excursion for his wand cost more energy than he had.

He sat cataloging his hurts for a long while, the mental filing of injuries calming him somewhat. It had been a brutal night. The wolf fought Remus every step of the way as he ran from his office the night before. Sirius had felt so wonderful beneath his hands, had tasted just as wonderful beneath his lips. He felt sick remembering how amazing it felt to take his flesh between his teeth and bite. He never did that with any of his lovers, but then he rarely took lovers to bed the night of the full moon.

The wolf had a mind of its own and it decided to punish Remus for denying himself. His foot looked broken; it stuck out at a sickeningly odd angle. Several scratches, some quite deep, on his belly. It hurt to breathe, _probably a broken rib_. The nausea and blinding headache were worse, they always were.

When he felt up to it, he healed the minor injuries he could. He’d have to see Pomfrey if his rib was broken, and at best all he could do was splint the foot, but it would have to do. He had no idea what was wrong with his eye and didn’t want to risk it. He reached into the compartment and pulled out his robes. He fumbled through one of the pockets for a vial of Pepper-Up he’d had the good presence of mind to keep with him. It would be enough to get him back to the castle and to the infirmary.

He dressed slowly in his still seated position and eventually managed to pull himself up to a standing. He felt dizzy, and the room spun for several long moments, but he managed to make his way slowly back through the shack and tunnel, clutching the walls for support.

It was incredibly cold on the grounds, morning mist still swirling around, but thankfully, winter had chosen to arrive late this year and there was no snowfall. He was glad there were no students about as he trudged back to the castle in misery.

“Good heavens, Remus! What have you done to yourself?” Pomfrey cried when he entered the hospital wing at last. He allowed her to help him to the nearest bed, her wand out casting spells silently. “Goodness it’s a miracle you still have an eye at all, Remus. This is badly damaged,” she fussed.

“Will you be able to heal it?” he asked weakly.

“I need to fetch a few supplies, I’ll be right back.”

Remus watched her bustle away and laid his head back on the pillow to wait and promptly fell asleep.

 

oOo

“Remus, dear, I need you to wake up now.” He was gently prodded awake by Pomfrey, how much later he didn’t know, but he could open both eyes and the pain in his side was gone, so that was something. “I was able to heal your other injuries while you slept but I need you to be awake to take these potions.”

Remus nodded and reached out to take the first of the three potions she held out on a tray. These were familiar by now: an anti-nausea, pain-killer, Calming Draught cocktail before breakfast was just what he needed to start his day. There was nothing they could do for the headache as it seemed to be immune to all attempts at magical healing. He downed the potions quickly and Pomfrey nodded approvingly.

“The school is still at breakfast if you’d like to join them,” she offered but Remus shook his head and she knew better than to argue. She’d tried to force Remus to eat on mornings after the full his first two months at the school, he’d acquiesced out of politeness and promptly brought it right back up. He was grateful she would no longer force that particular issue but he knew he’d still have to battle with her on one thing.

“I think I’ll just have a quick shower and get ready for lessons,” he said trying to rise. She placed a hand on his chest.

“Absolutely not, Remus, you need to rest. You were much worse off this month and I cannot allow it.”

Remus tried not to sigh and instead gave her his most charming smile, not that he expected it to work. Pomfrey took her charge as school matron very seriously and she was not easily bullied or persuaded to budge when she took a stance on a patient’s health.

“Really, Poppy, I’m feeling much better now. You patched me right up,” he said, hoping the use of her first name would win him points. It didn’t.

“Not a chance. I’ll inform the Headmaster you cannot take lessons today and he’ll arrange to have another professor substitute for you.”

“Listen, I am not a student you can boss around,” he snapped and she stared. Remus winced. _What is it with my mouth lately?_ “I’m sorry, Poppy, I’m just… I feel well enough to give lessons. I would tell you if I didn’t. I missed the day after the last two months. I can’t have the students wondering where I am after full moons every month.”

“Alright,” she relented with a huff. “But I want you back in here during lunch for another round of potions.”

“I solemnly swear.”

 

oOo

Remus had missed both breakfast and lunch that day, Sirius noticed. This was not exactly anything new. Sirius noticed Remus avoided meal times a lot lately and he knew the cause. He would just have to speak with him after lessons that afternoon.

When they arrived at the Defense classroom Remus was seated at his desk at the front, quill in one hand, his other hand holding up his head as he stared a stack of papers in front of him. He was pale and Sirius could see dark purple circles under his eyes. He looked like shit, in Sirius’s opinion, but he looked up when the students entered and gave them his usual smile.

“I apologize but I’m feeling a little under the weather today,” he began the lesson, his voice hoarse sounding. “Let’s go over the chapter I assigned you last class and then we’ll do a practical demonstration.”

Remus led the class in a discussion for the first half of the lesson. It was obvious to everyone he was unwell, why had he even given lessons that day? He sounded as tired as he looked. Instead of walking about the room, as was his usual method when leading discussions, he stayed at his desk. After the discussion he asked students to form groups of four or five and practice the spells outlined in the chapter.

Sirius was working with James and Peter and (unfortunately) Lily. Most of the seventh year students were using the time to practice but a few were just sitting around talking. Remus did not seem to care. In fact, Sirius noticed, Remus seemed to be falling asleep at his desk.

“Pathetic,” said an oily voice. Snape was standing a few feet away from Sirius and his group his eyes on Remus, his face twisted in its usual sneer. “I swear they give us an invalid to teach us defense. Why even bother?”

“Shut up, Snape,” Sirius warned. “No one cares what you think.”

“Surely you’ve noticed how ill he is all the time?” Snape asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Always looks like he’s getting over a bad flu, I do hope it’s not catching. Just look at the state of him.”

A few of the Slytherin students laughed. Sirius looked back to the front of the room. Remus was fast asleep, his head resting on the stack of parchments from earlier, snoring softly.

“Maybe we should wake him?” Lily asked turning to James, who shrugged.

“This is pointless,” said Snape and he promptly packed his bag and swept from the room, the other Slytherins following his lead. Some of the other students seemed to have the same idea and were packing up their bags and leaving.

“Do something!” Lily hissed at James.

“Right, I’ll er, just go have a word with him. Poor bloke, it’s probably better we all just leave early and let him rest.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Sirius said suddenly and the three other Gryffindors stared. “What? I need to speak with him anyway.” Lily shot him a suspicious look. “I’m not going to do anything, Evans, give me a little more credit.”

“Right, thanks, Sirius, we’ll see you back in the common room?” James asked already leading Lily and Peter out of the classroom. Sirius waved him off as he approached his professor. The remaining students took that as their cue to pack up and leave as well. He watched as the last few students exit and gently shook Remus’s shoulder.

“Remus? Wake up, mate.”

Remus opened his blood-shot eyes and slowly lifted his head, wincing slightly. The parchment he was laying on was stuck to the side of his face. Sirius chuckled and peeled it away from the man’s face placing it back on the pile and leaning on the desk.

“Where is everyone?”

“Head Boy made the executive decision to let everyone bugger off so you could rest. You look like you need it.”

“Great,” he muttered running a hand through his hair.

Sirius gave him a long, critical look. Much as he hated to agree with anything Snape said, the oily git did have a point. Remus definitely looked unwell. Sirius wondered how he managed to miss it for so long. While Remus had a young face, he had the look of someone who had lived for a much longer time. He was twenty-four and Sirius could see the faint suggestion of lines on his forehead and around his mouth, and silver hairs peppered the golden brown he loved so much.

“Remus…are you ill?” Sirius asked placing a hand under the man’s chin and tilting his head up. Remus smiled tiredly and gently removed Sirius’s hand.

“I’m fine, Sirius, just had a rough night last night.”

 _Was this was his fault?_ “About that… I wanted to talk to you about last night.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Sirius. I’m sorry for—”

“Please, let me finish.” Remus closed his mouth and nodded. Now that he had the man’s attention he felt suddenly nervous. “I really like you, Remus,” he began, feeling like it was now or never. “I understand if nothing can happen between us, much as I’d like for it to. I was going to come by your office last night and apologize for how I’ve been behaving. I really thought you felt the same way and all it would take was a little persuasion. I’m quite irresistible after all.” Remus smiled and rolled his eyes. Sirius continued, “I’ve decided I don’t want to know how you feel. Because if you feel the same way, I won’t be able to help myself from pursuing you. And if you don’t… well I’m not sure I could handle the heartbreak.”

“Sirius…”

“So let’s just go back to the way things were, yeah?” he asked, his stomach twisted in so many knots. He was never this honest, and it scared him to admit all of this to Remus. It was taking everything inside him to not drop to his knees and beg Remus to love him.

“Okay,” Remus said at last. “We'll go back to the way things were before. I must say I’m very impressed with how mature you’re being about this, Sirius.”

“Yeah well… just don’t tell anyone. Evans will start to think James is having a good influence on me.” Remus laughed and stood to collect the papers on his desk but swayed dangerously. Sirius reached out an arm to steady him. “You’re not fine, Remus,” he said sharply. “Are you?”

“Really, Sirius, I’m alright,” he said faintly, but his hands were shaking when he moved to collect his work and Sirius was having none of it.

“Come on, let’s go.” Sirius placed a hand under his professor’s elbow and ushered him into the office behind them, grabbing the stack of parchments as he went. He guided Remus to his chair and placed the stack of papers on the desk then went about preparing tea, being quite familiar by now with the layout of Remus’s office.

“Drink,” he commanded, placing a steaming up in front of the other man. He reached into his bag and pulled out a handful of Chocolate Frogs, placing them beside the tea. Remus looked at him in surprise. “What? You said it helps right?” and without another word he pulled the parchments Remus had been using as pillow in front of him and began marking them.

 

oOo

Remus watched as Sirius marked papers in silence, dark hair falling into his eyes. He touched the cup of tea and felt his fingers grow warm. A different sort of warmth filled him completely at the sight of the Chocolate Frogs. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch, touched beyond all belief that Sirius had remembered. Sirius looked up and flashed him a winning smile and turned back to his work.

Something clicked into place in Remus’s heart just then. Years later, Remus would always look back on that moment as the moment he fell in love with Sirius Black.

 

oOo

He must have drifted off at some point because he felt himself being shaken awake for the third time that day. He opened his eyes to find Sirius smiling down at him.

“There he is,” Sirius said. “I’m finished here. I was going to head down to dinner. Would you like to come with me?”

“Sirius, did you mark all those papers yourself?” he asked surprised.

The boy shrugged. “It was nothing. So, dinner? You look like you could do with a good meal.”

Remus felt his stomach growl at the mention of food. “Yeah but I have one more thing I need to do. Go on with out me.”

He frowned but nodded and shouldered his bag. “Okay, see you later, Remus,” and he dropped a chaste kiss on the top of Remus’s head. Remus looked up in surprise and Sirius shrugged. “I kiss all my friends. They usually call me a great sopping girl.”

“Go get your dinner you great sopping girl.”

“Goodnight.”

Remus watched Sirius walk out of his office, sparing him one last smile. When the door closed Remus pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and began penning his resignation to Dumbledore.


	8. Chapter 8

“I’m sorry, Remus, but I’m afraid I cannot accept your resignation without good reason.”

Remus resisted the urge to bang his head on Dumbledore’s desk. He sat in the Headmaster’s office, having delivered his letter of resignation in person and Dumbledore, it would seem, would not accept it easily. Remus was stupid to think he would.

“Sir, as I’ve told you, it’s for personal reasons. I can’t teach here any more. I’m sorry.”

His mentor surveyed him for several long moments, his blue eyes piercing into the depths of Remus’s soul. Remus did his best that morning to prepare for this though, and threw up the best mental defense he could muster. He was never very great at Occulmency but it would be enough to send the message he was trying to convey. _Keep out_.

“Remus, has someone discovered your secret? Is that why?”

“Thankfully no, but it is only a matter of time.”

“Well, we shall cross that bridge when we come to it. If that is not the reason then please tell me why you wish to resign. You cannot possibly tell me you do not enjoy teaching here. I have never seen you more in your element, and the students love you.”

Yes, that was it wasn’t it? The students loved him, or at least, one student loved him a little too much. The problem was Remus was beginning to love him back. He was sure that would go over well, _“Yes sir, the thing is I’m quite in love with one of the students, male students I might add. So you see, I simply cannot continue teaching here under those circumstances or a may just find myself shagging him rotten over my desk.”_ Then again maybe the truth would work. Remus felt a gentle probe at his mind and glared at his mentor.

“Remus, is this because of Sirius Black?” the old man asked, not unkindly. Remus just stared. _Did everyone know?_

“Hmph, what’s that ungrateful whelp done now?” a voice from above asked. Remus turned to see one of the Headmaster portraits looking down at Dumbledore and himself.

“Nothing to concern yourself with, Phineas, thank you,” Dumbledore replied, his tone kind but brooking no argument. The portrait huffed but remained silent. “As I was saying, I have noticed the boy has become rather fond of you. I merely wonder if your sudden desire to resign has anything to do with it.”

“Some what, sir, yes,” Remus confessed.

“I must say I was quite pleased to see him seek you out like he has,” Dumbledore replied, and Remus was taken aback. _He was pleased?_ “He’s a rather troubled boy and he could really use someone like you to help guide him Remus. I had hoped you would take him under your wing. I know he can be difficult,” the Headmaster above huffed again but Dumbledore continued as if he had not heard, “but I urge you not to give up on him.”

What could Remus say? If Dumbledore noticed any other aspect to his relationship with Sirius he was not letting on. Perhaps he simply trusted Remus enough to do the right thing? Remus sighed, regardless of what Dumbledore knew or didn’t know he was not going to let Remus run away from it.

“You’re right, sir. I shouldn’t give up. I’m sorry to have bothered you with this,” he said standing to take his letter. Dumbledore handed him the letter and he pocketed it.

“No bother, Remus.”

He nodded and turned to leave. He made it all the way to the door when he heard the other man call out to him. “Remus?” He turned to look back over his shoulder. His mentor was standing studying Remus, his smile kind, but the normally mischievous glint in his eyes was missing. “Please be careful.”

“Yes, sir.”

oOo

Sirius had vowed to put his infatuation with Remus behind him, but it was much easier said than done. He did anything he could to distract himself from thoughts of the brown-haired man. He stopped skipping Lily’s NEWT group study sessions, he attended every Quidditch practice with James and Peter, and he even pulled detentions on nights he knew he would be alone and therefore likely to find himself in Remus’s office. This had gone on for over a week when he realized he was not putting things behind him; he was merely avoiding dealing with it. 

He was wandering the halls brooding over just what to do about it when he felt pair of hands pull him into an empty classroom.

“Hullo, Garry.”

Garrett cast a locking and silencing spell on the door and turned to Sirius. Sirius thought he looked nervous. He fidgeted with the hem of his sleeve not meeting Sirius’s eyes. “Oh, hi Sirius,” he said as if they’d just met casually and he had not just pulled Sirius bodily into the room with him.

“Everything alright?” Sirius asked uncertainly.

“Have you been avoiding me?” he blurted and promptly turned a bright red. Sirius frowned. He had not been actively avoiding Garrett, he’d just been so busy avoiding Remus he’d forgotten about the other boy.

“Haven’t been avoiding you, just thought it might be a good idea if we didn’t see each other for a while,” he began and Sirius thought he saw a flash of hurt in Garrett’s blue eyes. “My brother caught us out in the Prefects bath a few weeks ago,” he continued.

“Shit!” Garrett said his nervousness switching to panic.  
  
Sirius placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry I don’t think he’s going to say anything.”

“How can you be sure?”

“It would embarrass the family,” he said and it was true. He might be disinherited and disgraced but this gossip would still reflect badly on his parents. “I’m a blood-traitor and a shame on their name already, adding shirt-lifter to the mix would cause them even more humiliation. You know now that I think about it, coming out might just be worth it. My last ‘fuck you’ to the Black family.” He smiled sympathetically at Garrett’s look of distress. “Don’t worry I’m not going to do it.”

“Okay, good, that’s good,” he said, but he still looked anxious.

“Good,” Sirius repeated and, taking a step forward, placed a kiss on the other boy’s lips, arms coming around to pull him closer. Garrett responded eagerly and soon Sirius had him pinned against the wall and they were both writhing against each other.

“Um… Sirius?” he asked, pulling away slightly.

“Hmmm?” Sirius asked placing kisses on the other boy’s neck and rolling his hips. Garrett groaned but pushed Sirius away a little. He was looking at Sirius, chewing on his lower lip nervously.

“I was wondering…We’ve been messing around together for a while…Do you ever want something more?” he asked, and this close, Sirius could practically feel heat from his blush burning his cheeks.

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Garry?”

“Um…yeah. I guess I am.”

Sirius thought about that for a second. He’d never been someone’s boyfriend before and Garrett was good-looking and nice. So why not? _Because you want Remus_ , he reminded himself. He pushed that thought away. Remus was off-limits.

“Yeah, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

oOo

Being boyfriends with Garrett Kelley was not much different from before. They continued to meet in empty classrooms, taking a little more care with their locking spells. Neither boy was prepared to come out so they could not walk each other to classes or hold hands in public, not that Sirius wanted to do that sort of thing. Girls wanted to do those sorts of things, and the stupid boys who liked them just went a long with it. He studiously ignored the part of his brain that insisted he would not mind doing those things with a certain someone else.

Making things official with Garrett also gave Sirius the nerve to meet Remus in his office again for the first time since the day Remus had been so sick. Remus didn’t comment on his long absence. Just smiled and beckoned Sirius into his office. Remus was telling him about how a first year hit him with a tickling charm while they were practicing disarming spells when he blurted it out.

“Garrett Kelley is my boyfriend now.”

Remus stopped mid-story his mouth hanging open slightly, his eye-brows raised, and an indecipherable look in his eyes. _What was I expecting? Jealousy?_

“Oh,” was all Remus managed to say.

“Finally decided to make an honest man out of him,” Sirius joked and Remus smiled and nodded. There was along awkward silence after that.

“Are you…” Remus looked embarrassed. “Are you having sex with him?”

It was Sirius’s turn to look surprised. “No. We haven’t gone all the way.” _Yet_ , his brain added.

“Far be it for me to tell you what to do, Sirius, but please think before you go any further with him.” Sirius didn’t quite know what to say. “It’s just that, he really likes you, Sirius. I don’t think you see how much, but it’s obvious to anyone who looks close enough. Just, don’t do anything more if you don’t feel the same way.”

“How do you know I don’t feel the same?”

“Are you telling me you do?”

“I dunno,” Sirius shrugged. “He’s nice looking and I like being around him most of the time.”

“Well take it from me, you’ll end up hurting him and hating yourself if you go bed with him and you don’t care about him like he does you.”

Sirius quirked a brow. “Whose heart did you break, Mr. Lupin?”

“What makes you think I wasn’t the one who had their heart broken?”

“You said I’d end up hating myself.”

“And you will. Just promise me okay?”

“Okay, I promise.”

It wasn’t until much later, after Sirius left and was back in his dorm, that he realized Remus hadn’t answered his question.


	9. Chapter 9

Christmas at Hogwarts was one of the most beautiful things Remus had ever seen. The castle was covered in a blanket of snow and the lights shining from the castle gave the atmosphere a fairytale quality. Everyone smiled a little bit more and laughed just a little bit louder. Remus could hardly believe there was only one week of classes left before break.

He’d never felt happier during this time of year. Christmases, for Remus, were normally a lonely affair. He had no more family to spend Christmas dinners with, no close friends or lovers to shop for. At most, he would trade holiday missives with Dumbledore or some other associate but it never went beyond that.

While Remus loved the holiday decorations he did think the mistletoe was a going a little too far. There was mistletoe around every corner, hanging in nearly every doorway. Remus never had the opportunity to view enchanted mistletoe before. Anyone caught beneath would be held with a freezing charm and therefore unable to leave until they kissed the other occupant. It was amusing the first few times to watch students, or less often professors, kissing embarrassingly while the crowd giggled or cheered. Poor Sirius was corned under mistletoe more than most by hopeful young women with devious smiles. He and McGonagall shared amused looks whenever he was caught. But eventually the novelty wore off and Remus was annoyed at having to plan strategic routes around the school to avoid the parasitic plant.

He was on his way to the Main Hall when the sound of laughter and jeering drew his attention. He turned the corner and saw a group of students jamming the hallway.

“Cornered again, Black! Go on kiss him!”

Remus craned his neck and sure enough, Sirius was standing beneath the mistletoe with none other than Garrett Kelley. _Poor Sirius_. Both boys looked at each other wide-eyed but a curious smile played at the corner of Sirius’s lips.

“Really, this is just stupid,” said Lily Evans.

“Don’t be such a spoil sport! I’ll get you eventually,” James said with a wink. “Go on, Sirius!”

Sirius laughed and seemed to gather his courage. Cupping Garrett’s face he leaned in and kissed the other boy, who responded with little enthusiasm. Some cheered or made noises of disgust, but it was good-natured. When he pulled away both boys were blushing.

“Gross! I can’t believe you did it!” Peter said with a laugh. Sirius winked at Garrett.

“Thanks for the snog, Garry,” he said and headed off with his friends, the students skirting the mistletoe as they went.

“I think he likes getting caught,” said a voice beside him. Remus turned and saw McGonagall smiling beside him.

“I do too. Say what are your plans today? I was going to head into Hogsmeade to do some shopping, would you like to join me?”

“Oh, I’d love to, Remus, but I have some things I need to take care of here first. Perhaps we can meet up later?”

“Sure,” Remus agreed and continued on his way, doing his best to avoid the mistletoe hanging above.

oOo

He began regretting his decision to visit the village as soon as he arrived. It was packed with students and villagers shopping for the holiday. It had taken him almost an hour to get sweets from Honeydukes for Dumbledore, and he’d found a nice set of mittens at Gladrags for McGonagall, who complained about her best pair being ruined by a second year the other morning. He also found a scarf in the same silver shade of Sirius’s eyes and decided he might like it and bought that too.

His purchases in hand he decided to head back to the school. He was on his way back when he happened upon Sirius and his group of friends, which included Garrett Kelley and two other Ravenclaws. Remus wondered if Sirius was working up the courage to tell his friends, but the two boys made no overt actions towards each other, so they were together in the guise of friends it seemed.

“Hello, Professor Lupin,” Lily said and the group turned to look at him.

“Just the man we need!” Sirius said, his eyes lighting up. He came beside Remus and placed an arm around his shoulders. “Sir, you’re an expert in Dark Arts. What do you make of the Shrieking Shack?”

“It’s spooky,” said one of the Ravenclaw girls. “That house has been abandoned for a long time but there were never any signs it was haunted.”

“It’s not haunted,” said Garrett flatly.

“Is too!” the girl insisted.

“We went up there before, it wasn’t very scary or anything,” ventured Peter.

“We’re not here at night,” said James. “The villagers say it gets really active some nights. Sounds like someone is being murdered.”

“What do you think, Professor?” Sirius asked in his ear, his warm breath causing Remus to shiver. Or maybe it was the sight of the ramshackle house he spent the last three full moons in looming in the distance sending the chill up his spine. He wasn’t sure.

“Something horrible goes on there, that’s for sure,” he said softly. 

“Maybe we can break in,” Sirius said removing his arm from Remus’s shoulder and gesturing to James.

“Hello! James Potter: Head Boy,” he said holding his hand out to Sirius. “Get real, we’re not breaking in.” Sirius knocked the hand away.

“I would not advise it,” Remus said, and did his best to sound grave. “Whatever is in that house, I don’t think it would take too kindly to being disturbed.”

The students gave a collective shudder and glanced warily down the ally towards the house. _Good_ , he thought. Dumbledore had helped spread the rumor the house was haunted by rather violent ghosts. Remus did his best to keep up the charade. He was horrified at the thought of a student trying to break into his own personal nightmare.

“It’s freezing out here,” Lily said at last. “Let’s go to the Three Broomsticks already. Professor, would you like to join us?”

“Thank you, but I’m heading back to the castle. Stay warm, everyone. And, Mr. Black, if I find out you so much as touched the handle on the door to that house, detention for a week.”

Remus watched them go, Garrett falling in step with Sirius as they went. Sirius looked back over his shoulder and winked at Remus then leaned in to whisper something in Garrett’s ear. _They look good together_ , Remus reflected. He ignored the part of his brain that wished he were the one walking beside Sirius, their hands brushing casually with each step they took. He heaved a sigh and continued his trek back to the castle, alone.

oOo

“Hurry it up Black!” James yelled behind him as he jogged back to his dorm. They were leaving for Christmas holiday but Sirius had something he needed to do.

While Remus had not caught Sirius trying to break into the Shack, McGonagall had and really did give him a weeks worth of detentions. He was planning on giving Remus his gift before they left but he never managed to find the time.

Not in his office. Not in the Great Hall for a late breakfast. Maybe he was in the staff room? Sirius rounded the corne, heading to the staff room when he saw the brown-haired man walking towards him, levitating a large trunk.

“There you are!” he said a little winded as he approached the other man. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Hello, Sirius,” Remus said lowering the trunk. “You’re running a little late aren’t you? The train back to London should be leaving soon, shouldn’t it?”

“Yes I know, but I wanted to give you your gift before I left,” he said fishing I his pockets for the wrapped parcel.

“Oh, Sirius, you really didn’t have to,” Remus began and Sirius waved him off.

“I know I didn’t but I wanted to. Here we go.” He handed Remus the brightly colored gift.  Remus took it and gave Sirius a truly beautiful smile.

“Thank you, Sirius.”

“You’re welcome, don’t open it now though. It’s not Christmas yet. I just didn’t want to send it by post,” he rambled, still caught up in Remus’s eyes as he smiled.

“I have a gift for you too, please don’t be offended if I send it by post though, I haven’t got it with me.”

“No problem.” They smiled at each other for a moment. “Anyway, I should go or I’ll miss the train.”

He tried to turn to leave but his legs refused to move. _Oh no_. He looked up and Remus mimicked his movement. Dangling from the rafter above was bushel of white berries and green leaves.

“Lovely,” said Remus dryly. He looked back at Sirius and shrugged in a very Sirius-like way.

Sirius glanced up and down the hall quickly and sent a thank you to whichever deity was listening that it was empty. Before Remus could do or say anything else Sirius reached up and pulled him in for a quick kiss. At least, he meant for it to be a quick kiss. The moment their lips met Sirius felt his whole body respond. He moved until he felt the bump of another chest against his, cupping the back of Remus’s head with his hands before he could pull away.

His eyes fluttered closed and he thought it was possibly the best Christmas gift he'd ever received as their lips slid together. He had not been given very much opportunity to find out but Remus, he decided, was a wonderful kisser. Remus held him close, hands resting lightly on the small of Sirius’s back, as he nibbled on his lower lip. Sirius felt his own lips part automatically at the first brush of Remus’s tongue.

He groaned into the mouth, now firmly attached to his, tangling his fingers in the hair at Remus’s neck. Remus responded in kind, deepening the kiss, his hands coming to rest on Sirius’s hips, pulling him closer. Sirius’s head was spinning, due to lack of air or because he was kissing and being kissed by the man he’d been unable to stop thinking of, he didn’t know.

Sirius forced himself to pull away and heard the stubborn child in his head give a petulant whine. It was so good, he wanted it so much, but he really would miss the train if he didn’t hurry. He pressed his lips to Remus's once more and looked up into chocolate brown eyes, their lips still almost touching. Through his lashes, Sirius could see the spatter of light freckles on the bridge of Remus’s nose and cheeks. He smiled.

“Merry Christmas, Remus,” Sirius murmured against the his lips and he felt Remus shiver. Without another glance, he turned and hurried down the corridor to the Entrance Hall. As he turned the corner he thought he heard Remus say, “Merry Christmas, Sirius.”


	10. Chapter 10

Sirius felt his scarf pulled roughly aside as the other boy placed soft kisses against the sensitive skin of his neck. He was a little pissed because the scarf had been his gift from Remus and he was rather fond of it, but he felt hot breath and an affectionate nip at his ear and promptly forgot his irritation.

His body grew warm despite the freezing temperature outside. He and Garrett were hidden beneath the Ravenclaw stands at the Quidditch pitch, cold hands seeking warm bodies beneath their clothes, while the whole of Hogwarts cheered above them.

“Merlin, I missed you,” Garrett murmured into his neck. Sirius gave a vague “hmmm” and rolled his hips against the other boy, earning a low groan for his efforts. They were two weeks back from Christmas break and had not had time for more than a quick snog in a boom cupboard since they’d returned. Sirius felt professors were trying to kill them with course work.

“They’re not called Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Exams for nothing,” Flitwick had clucked as he bombarded them with homework.

Sirius felt a cold hand brush against his naked cock and gave a little yelp of surprise. Garrett chuckled in his ear. “Sorry,” he laughed as he began working his hand slowly up and down. It soon turned warm between the friction of his movements and heat of Sirius’s body. “You look good like this.” He thrust gently into Garrett’s hand wondering what had gotten into the other boy. Garrett never spoke this much when they were getting off except for the occasional “fuck and faster and harder” or some variation in between.

Warmth pooled in his belly as his orgasm approached. Garrett worked his cock slowly, thrusting gently against Sirius’s hip and placing warm kisses on his neck and ear. So close…

“Fuck, Sirius, I want to be inside you so bad.”

His orgasm ripped through him at Garrett’s words. _What the fuck?_ The other boy pumped a few more times and removed his hand from the sensitive flesh, casting a quick cleaning charm.

“Did I hear you right?” he finally asked when his breathing returned to normal and his head stopped spinning.

“Sure did,” Garrett replied as he placed both hands on the swell of Sirius’s arse and thrust more insistently into his hip. Sirius took the hint and fumbled with the clasp on Garrett’s trousers as he thrust his hand into the other boy’s pants to return the favor. Garrett groaned low and touched his forehead against Sirius’s.

This close, Sirius noticed the interesting contrast between the pale yellow of Garrett’s eyelashes and his tan skin. The stands above erupted in cheers. “50-30 Ravenclaw!” came the voice of the announcer. Sirius heard Garrett’s breathing hitch, he was close. “I do…oh, Sirius, I want to fuck you, ah—” Garrett came with a shudder, moving to rest his chin over Sirius’s shoulder. “What do you think?” he asked after a moment as Sirius cleaned his hand, still leaning on him for support.

_What did he think?_ The memory of his talk with Remus, ages ago came to mind.

_“Please think before you go any further with him… you’ll end up hurting him and hating yourself if you go bed with him and you don’t care about him like he does you…promise me.”_

Did he care about Garrett? They weren’t the average couple. Certainly not like James and Lily, who’d recently got together after Christmas hols. James and Lily made eyes at each other across the room, and held hands as they walked to and from classes. They were smitten, Peter had said, which earned him a solid three hours of teasing. Sirius knew he wasn’t smitten with Garrett. Did that mean he didn’t care?

Their initial arrangement had never been more than no-strings attached romping until recently. Sirius had taken a gamble and told the boy he had a nice arse and if he would like to make out. The rest was history.

“Sirius?”

Garrett pulled him back to the present; he was chewing on his lip anxiously. His long silence must have caused some concern.

“I dunno, I never really thought about it,” which was perfectly true. He didn’t dwell on where their relationship was going much, completely oblivious to the red flag that went up at that realization.

“So…do you want to?”

“Maybe,” said Sirius slowly. “I’d have to think about it.”

“What’s to think about? You like me don’t you?”

“Of course I do…”

_Don’t I?_

“It’s just…I dunno it’s a big step isn’t it? And anyway where would we do it?” he asked landing on a good excuse. “Do you really want your first time to be under the freezing cold Quidditch stands or bent over a desk in the Charms classroom?”

“That’s a fair point,” Garrett said, his lips pursed in contemplation. “Well, we’ll figure it out…”

Just then the stands erupted loudly and the announcer shouted, “Martin’s caught the snitch! 180-50, Hufflepuff wins!”

“Better go,” Garrett said and placed a long, lingering kiss on Sirius’s lips. “See you later?”

Sirius nodded and watched Garrett head out towards the crowd of students leaving the game. He lit a cigarette and thought for several long minutes until the cold drove him back inside.

oOo

Contrary to popular belief, Sirius Black was a virgin. How he earned his reputation as the Stud of Gryffindor he would never know. He’d dabbled with the passing girl here or there, sure, but never went beyond frustrating, unsatisfying snogging in dark corners of the castle and he gave up on girls completely after fifth year. James clapped him on the back and teased him for week the first time the rumor mill churned out that Sirius and Melissa White had “made it” in the Transfiguration classroom late one night.

“Black and White!” people teased and Sirius just winked and pretended it didn’t bother him. Sirius had been too embarrassed to confront the girl about it and thought, if she had been the one to start the rumor, she’d got what she deserved in the end anyway. Sirius was labeled a stud and Melissa had gotten a far less glamorous title. _Double standards were so unfair he,_ thought cheerfully as she burned with embarrassment every time he passed her in the hall.    

Sirius realized he’d been rather naïve to think that Garrett would drop the subject after he brought it up the first time. He never thought he’d miss the shy, insecure boy from a few months ago more. Sirius was always pushing Garrett into doing more, taking the next step, but he realized now how insensitive he’d been. They argued about it almost constantly now.

“I really want to Sirius.”

“I know, you’ve told me already. Can we please just drop it for now?”

“Would you feel better if you went first?”

“That’s not it, Garrett!” (Though that seemed far less terrifying).

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know!”

Garrett usually stormed off after that and when he didn’t, Sirius did. He kept replaying Remus’s words of caution in his head. Sex, real sex, was always something he knew he would do eventually, he just never considered when or with who but he knew something didn’t feel right about doing it with Garrett.

_“He really likes you Sirius. I don’t think you see how much. Just, don’t do anything more if you don’t feel the same way.”_

He’d written to Alphard the day after Garrett first brought it up for advice but he’d yet to hear back and it had been more than a week. Alphard was usually quick in his responses but Sirius had gone this long without a reply before. _Leave it to Alphard to get caught up with work when I need him most_ , he thought childishly.

He already knew Remus’s thoughts on the matter. He entertained the idea of paying his professor a visit and asking for advice but decided against it. Remus would definitely tell him not to and problem was, he really, _really_ wanted to. He wanted to feel himself buried in another person and, while it made him a little nervous, it excited him a lot more to think of having someone else inside him.

There was only one other person in the world whose opinion he trusted but he hesitated to bring it up with him. It would mean admitting a lot more than he was ready to. But after his third row with Garrett about it, he decided he’d try.

oOo

“Pssst! James…Jamie wake up,” Sirius whispered later that night as he prodded at the sleeping form of James Potter. The sheets were pulled above his head and black hair was poking just out of the edge.

“Nnngff,” was all James said.

“I’m coming in,” Sirius warned and proceeded to crawl into bed with his friend.

“Bloody hell, Sirius, your feet are freezing!” James yelped, suddenly wide awake. Sirius placed his feet deliberately on an exposed ankle and James kicked hard at Sirius’s legs.

“Ouch! That hurt you bastard!”

“What do you want?” James asked grumpily.

“Keep it down, you’ll wake Peter. I just wanted to ask you a question.”

“Can’t it wait til morning?”

Sirius thought it probably could but he was laying awake thinking about it and couldn’t fall asleep. Sirius snuggled under the covers, lying on his side to allow more room, James did the same. There was a time when both boys fit in the same bed comfortably, whispering secrets they were too afraid to say in the bright light of day. At seventeen their knees knocked awkwardly and they were far closer than two, supposedly straight, teenage boys should probably be comfortable with.

“You really like Evans right?”

“No, I just asked her out regularly for the last, I dunno, three years because I’m a glutton for punishment.”

“Still are mate.” James kicked him again.

“Fucker.” They laughed.

“What is this about?” James asked, rather soberly.

“How did you know she was… you know the one.”

“Dunno… I just did.”

Sirius waited, hoping he would elaborate and was thankful when he did.

“Kept noticing things about her…the way she laughed when I did something stupid…how clever she was...is. The way she always smelled nice…I just knew. Why? Do you fancy someone?”

“Dunno…I might.” He thought of the things James noticed about Lily. Did he notice those things about Garrett? He was frustrated that he was coming up with nothing.

“Well is there someone you…notice those kinds of things about?”

_Yes_ , was the emphatic answer from his heart. He noticed golden brown hair falling into chocolate colored eyes and a shy, sensual smile that he wanted to kiss over and over again.

“Fuck…” he muttered and James laughed.

“Hop to it then! Now go away so I can sleep. Bloody girl…” he said pulling the sheets back over his head.

oOo

The next day Sirius broke things off with Garrett Kelley. He’d been grateful Garrett had not cried or thrown a tantrum. He supposed he really didn’t know the boy if he expected hysterics. Garrett had just nodded and said “Okay” and left without a backward glance. He wanted badly to feel the same way that Garrett felt about him, but he knew he didn’t, and the guilt over dumping him now was nothing to what it would have been if he’d actually slept with him and ended things later. Remus had been right.

His feet led themselves down the familiar path to his professor’s office. Alphard had yet to write back and there was only one other person he could talk to about his break up. He approached the door and was about to knock when he heard raised voices from within.

“Damn it, Remus, these are your people after all!” said a man’s voice Sirius didn’t recognize.

“They’re not _my_ people,” he heard Remus say in a much harsher voice than he’d ever heard the man use. _What was going on?_

“Don’t be so sensitive Remus you know what I meant! You have better insight into their world than anyone else in the Order.”

“Dumbledore has me here for now, you know that. Does he even know you’re in my office talking to me about this?”

“Of course he does! And even if he didn’t I have a right as an Auror to check up on people like you. You’ve failed to check in with the Ministry the last fourteen months.”

“I’m no longer required to, you know that. I’ve never had an incident.” Sirius had never heard Remus sound more furious.

“I know it. But it’s suspicious isn’t it? Lucky it’s me making the call, wouldn’t you say?”

“Is that a threat, Alastor?” Remus said with quite anger.

“I’m not threatening you, Remus, you know that. I’m just saying we’re doing you a favor, and your expertise in this area would be helpful.”

Suddenly the door was wrenched open and a wand was pointed inches between Sirius’s eyes. The man pointing the wand had a scarred face and one abnormally large eye that swiveled as he glared at Sirius. Sirius slowly inched his hand toward the wand in his pocket.

“Not a good idea, laddie,” the man said and his hand froze.

“Sirius? Alastor, kindly lower your wand. He’s a student,” Remus said, his head looking over the man’s shoulder.

“You sure about that? Sirius did you say? Not Sirius Black?” the man asked his wand still trained on Sirius.

“You’ve heard of me?” Sirius asked, never looking away from the man’s eyes.

“I get a list of names of all seventh years who express interest in joining the Aurors.”

Remus, with some difficulty, managed to squeeze past the man, Alastor, and insinuate himself between the two.

“I will not ask you again Alastor, lower your wand.” He did but his good eye never left Sirius. The other spun around the room giving it a quick sweep. “Thank you. Sirius, this is Alastor Moody, he’s a senior member of the Auror department.”

“You’re Mad-Eye Moody?” Sirius asked suddenly excited. He and James had heard stories from Frank about Mad-Eye. Remus covered a laugh with a cough.

“Hmpf, and who in the Auror department let that name slip to the general public?”

“Oh come now, they call you Mad-Eye in the Prophet,” Remus argued. “I’ll take a look at the names you’ve left Alastor, but Sirius and I have an appointment.”

Moody grumbled but stepped out of the office. “Send me a message as soon as you have more information.”

“Yes, yes, of course. Have a good evening,” Remus said as he stepped back into his office and began gathering papers and placing them in a drawer.

“Goodnight, Remus,” he called as he stomped off. “And keep an eye on that boy; he’s a Black after all.”

“Constant vigilance!” Remus called but rolled his eyes at Sirius and gestured him in. Sirius closed the door but did not sit. “Moody can be a little imposing but he’s a good man. Sorry if he gave you a start.”

“What was he doing here?”

“Hmmm? Oh just had some questions, thought I could be of help.”

“He said he had the right to check up on you…what did he mean?” Sirius thought he saw Remus's back stiffen at the question but he sat calmly and gestured Sirius to do the same.

“I trust I can tell you something without you repeating it to anyone?” he asked, and Sirius nodded. “It’s not really a secret but, I’d rather the students didn’t know and write home to their parents about it… I’m part of group of wizards and witches Dumbledore has gathered to oppose Voldemort. So is Moody. I’m sort of on assignment here, and Moody thinks he can come in and drop more work in my lap.”

“So you’re part of this Order? Is that what he called it?”

“Yes.”

“Brilliant! Can I join?”  
  
Remus laughed. “You’re not even done with school. Focus on that first.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I’m your professor, my job is to make your life miserable, remember? So, what were you up to tonight? Other than eavesdropping on private conversations, of course.”

_Oh yeah._ The argument and appearance of Mad-Eye had temporarily driven his break up with Garrett out of his mind.

“I ended things with Garrett.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sirius. What happened?”

Sirius shrugged and heaved a little sigh. “He wanted more and I didn’t. Well, I mean, I did,” he admitted and Remus quirked a brow. “I’m seventeen,” he reminded the other man which earned him a laugh. “But…I remembered what you said and I knew it would be a mistake.”

“Glad to hear some of my good sense has rubbed off on you.”

“You never did tell me how you came to be so wise, Professor. Learned from personal experience did you?”

“Don’t ask me to revisit the ghosts of boyfriend’s past,” Remus joked.

“Maybe you’d like to tell me what you meant when you told Moody you’d never had an ‘incident’ before then?” He winced at the look of suspicion and anger on the man’s face. _Idiot_.

“How much did you hear?” Remus asked, his teasing tone gone.

“I just caught the tail end there,” Sirius admitted. Remus nodded and the look of anger left his face to be replaced with laughing smile, but Sirius thought it looked rather forced.

“So I met this guy at a bar I used to work at…”

oOo

“When I came home that night he’d torched everything, Sirius. All my clothes, books, it was a nightmare! I was furious.”

“You kind of deserved it,” Sirius laughed. “Remus Lupin, breaker of young hearts, who knew?”

“I never meant to hurt him. For a while I was sort of glad I did though.”

“Remus!”

“He destroyed my things!” Remus argued. “Some of which were irreplaceable! After I cooled down though I realized what a cad I’d been.”

“Everyone does stupid things when they’re young. I do almost every day. And you learned from it and passed that hard earned knowledge onto me so you see what good came of it?”

“I live to serve,” he said dryly.

“Do you think he’ll be okay? Garrett I mean?” Sirius asked after a while. Remus tapped his lips thoughtfully.

“He will, it will just take time.”

“Speaking from experience again?”

“That’s just what they say, isn’t it? Time heals all wounds?”

“So you’ve never had your head kicked in by love? Never wanted someone who didn’t want you back?” he asked, just a touch angry. _Didn’t Remus see?_

“Of course I have, but you get over it,” he said not meeting Sirius’s eyes. There was an awkward silence and Sirius was sorry he brought it up. “It’s getting late, you should probably head back,” Remus said at last.

Sirius took the dismissal for what it was and rose to leave. “Goodnight, Professor.”

“Sirius…” He turned to look back at Remus, his hand on the doorknob. The man looked anxious, as if he were choosing his next words carefully. “I must ask you not to dwell on anything you heard earlier.” It wasn’t what Sirius expected the other man to say. Remus continued, “This is important, Sirius. I’m asking, as your friend, to forget what you heard. Please.”

The plea in Remus’s voice was enough to give Sirius pause. He wondered just how many secrets Remus Lupin had.

“Forgotten,” he said lightly. “But Remus… you can trust me. You know that right?”

“I know, Sirius.”

“Do you?” he asked and didn’t wait for a response as he left the room.


	11. Chapter 11

Sirius was sorry he left Remus’s office the way he did. They had finally got back to the easy camaraderie they had before and here he was acting like a spoilt brat. Why did he feel so entitled to the other man’s secrets?

_Because you love him_ , the annoying voice in his head reminded him. He wondered briefly if everyone was born with those bloody voices in their heads, or if his ancestor’s Pureblooded mania had anything to do with it. Alphard would probably say it was his conscience. _Stupid conscience._

He passed through a tapestry into another corridor on his way back to his dorm when he heard the voices of two people he really didn’t want to run into coming from the staircase to his left. He’d just decided to double back and find another route when he came face to face with his brother, and Severus Snape. They were both clad in dress robes; Snape’s a little bit shabbier than his brother’s. Blacks always did have the best of every thing.

“On our way to old Sluggie’s latest Junior Death Eater meeting, are we? Don’t let me keep you,” he said giving a mock bow and gesturing them to move on. Snape sneered and swept past Sirius roughly, Regulus followed, avoiding Sirius’s gaze.

He continued up the staircase they had just vacated and was halfway to the next landing when he heard footsteps behind him.

“Sirius…wait.”

“Reg, don’t!” Snape ordered, holding him by the sleeve. Sirius wanted to throttle Snape for using _his_ name for Regulus.

“You’re not my mother, Severus!” Regulus said, wrenching his sleeve from the Snape’s grasp and jutting out his chin a little. “He should know.”

“I should know what? Has Snivelly here had his annual bath? I assure you, it hasn’t made the slightest bit of difference.”

“Fuck you, Black!” Snape cursed turning an ugly shade of red.

“Not if my life depended on it.”

“Severus, just go! This is family business.” They glared at each other for a moment then Snape huffed and stalked off.

“Don’t know if you’ve forgotten, Reg, but I stopped being family a while ago. You were so kind to remind me about it the last time we had a chat.”

“Uncle Alphard is dead,” Regulus said suddenly.

The words echoed in the empty hall. There was a very long silence. Had he heard right?

“Regulus, what are you talking about?” Sirius asked finally. The words had still not penetrated his brain.

“Alphard died three days ago. His service was held this morning.”

“You’re lying!”

_It couldn’t be true._

“I’m not! It was in the Prophet. I just got back from the reception.”

“And Snape went with you did he?” he asked angrily, the dress robes suddenly making a lot more sense.

“Severus is my friend! I asked—”

“I’M YOUR BROTHER!” he shouted and Regulus had the decency to look ashamed, a pink tinge appearing on his cheeks.

“I wanted to tell you. Mum and dad…”

“Forbade you? From telling me the last member of our fucked up family still speaking to me has died?”

“They didn’t want you crashing the service. Honestly, I can’t believe you missed it in the Prophet. I kept expecting you to show up in that ridiculous Muggle jacket of yours and tell everyone to sod off… where are you going?” Regulus called after Sirius’s retreating back. Sirius was sprinting up the stairs, two at a time.

“What do you care?” he yelled over his shoulder. He tore through the halls and up staircases, knocking a group of second year Hufflepuffs as he passed them, until he reached the portrait of the Fat Lady.

He barked the password at the dozing portrait. The sound of laughter and cheer greeted him when he stepped into the common room. Several of the older students were gathered together, glasses of butterbeer and, in some cases, firewhiskey in their hands. 

“Hiiiii Sirius!” said a petite blonde girl. She threw her arms around Sirius and hugged him, little blonde curls piled on the top of her head tickling his nose. “It’s my birthday, give me a kiss!” she pouted. He’d forgotten the seventh years were throwing a birthday party for Melanie. She was the last of the seventh year Gryffindors to turn seventeen and it had seemed like a good excuse as any to throw a party. He removed her hands from around his neck and gave her a shove towards a nearby Peter. “Kiss Pete,” he suggested and continued through the room. _Where the fuck is it? There’s always one lying around…_

He found a discarded Prophet lying on the table and snatched it up, knocking someone’s drink over in the process. “Hey!” He ignored them and hurried towards the boy’s dorm. Once he was sitting on his bed he began riffling through it, tearing a few pages in the process.

“Hey, mate. You alright?” he heard James ask from the door. He held a small glass of whiskey out to Sirius who took it and knocked it back quickly never taking his eyes off the paper. He held his hand out to give the glass back and James poured him another. Sirius gulped the second glass a little slower as he landed on the article about his uncle. The whiskey burned his throat and he felt his eyes water but he didn’t care.

The article was in the society pages, which was why Sirius missed it. _Honestly, why would I read the society pages?_

**_Alphard D. Black (31 May 1927 - 24 January 1977)_ **

**_London_ ** **_– Services will be held for Mr. Alphard D. Black (49) from 9:00am to 11:00am with reception to follow. Mr. Black was found dead in his London home Tuesday morning 24 January. Reports indicate Mr. Black’s passing was not due to nefarious causes. Mr. Black complained of a headache when he left work the day before and Healers from St. Mungos indicate he suffered a brain hemorrhage some time in the night._ **

**_Mr. Black was a valuable asset to the Potion’s Masters Guild. His colleagues and friends describe him as an easy-going, clever man, who got along well with everyone. Mr. Black leaves behind neither wife nor child but condolences may be sent to siblings Mrs. Walburga Black and Mr. Cygnus Black._ **

“Sirius, what is it?” He felt a hand on his shoulder and flinched away. James held up his hands cautiously, like one would approach a wild animal that spooked easily. He handed the paper to James wordlessly and moved off the bed to sit at the window. He was halfway through his first cigarette when James joined him.

“Fuck Sirius, I’m sorry.” Sirius nodded, not sure how to respond. James shuffled his feet for a second or two then retrieved this discarded glass from the bed. He poured a generous amount of whiskey in the glass then debated for a second and handed the whole bottle to Sirius. “To Alphard?” he toasted holding up the glass.

“To Alphard,” Sirius agreed, clinking the bottle and glass together and taking a long swallow. Sirius flicked the spent cigarette out of the cracked open window and promptly lit another. James sat beside him saying nothing for some time. Sirius took comfort in the presence of his best friend, needing someone to just be there. Eventually the sounds of the party downstairs roused him from his reverie.

“You should go back down to the party, James.”

“No, it’s cool. I’m fine right here. Don’t feel much like partying any more anyway.”

He gave his best friend a long look. James smiled his usual carefree smile and rumpled his hair in that annoying way of his. Sirius never loved him more than in that moment. He sincerely hoped this was the side of James Potter that Lily Evans was getting to know.

“Really, I appreciate it but… I think I want to be alone.”

James frowned but nodded. “Okay, whatever you need,” he said and moved to take the bottle of whiskey. Sirius clutched it a little closer and James laughed. “Like I said, whatever you need. Just don’t overdo it, alright?”

Sirius took a dainty sip and smiled. “Yes, Mr. Head Boy, sir.”

The door closed quietly behind James and Sirius took another large swallow of firewhiskey. His head was already spinning and he hardly felt the burn of alcohol that time.

oOo

Remus heaved a sigh and ran his hands tiredly through his hair. He’d been pouring over the lists and reports Moody left him earlier that night but nothing was making sense. If he were being honest with himself, they were starting to make him a little sick. He tried piecing together names, locations, anything that might jump out as significant but it added up to nothing. These were seemingly random attacks by random werewolves, killing most victims and turning a fair few. He didn’t see how anything he could interpret in these reports would be useful.

After more than an hour of reading over the gruesome details Remus gave up and shoved the reports back into his desk and locked them with a spell. He stretched and yawned loudly checking his watch, 11:23. The aches and pains from the recent full moon had already faded and he had a good feeling tonight would be the first decent nights sleep he would get since.

He exited his office, locking the door behind him and made his way towards his quarters. Almost automatically his mind wandered back to the conversation he had with Sirius earlier that evening. Sirius was clever, he could work it out. Remus hoped he would leave it be, but he also knew how stubborn the boy could be.

_“You can trust me…you know that right?”_

He seriously debated telling him the truth, but his fear overcame his trust in the end. What if he didn’t understand? Remus never wanted to see the look of horror and revulsion on the young man’s face.

Remus arrived at his room and dropped onto the squashy sofa in front of the fire, toeing off his shoes as he went. He hugged a pillow to his chest as he watched the flames flicker, feeling himself grow drowsy. _Should probably get ready for bed_ , he thought sleepily. He just decided the sofa was a good a place as any to sleep when he heard a sharp series of knocks on his door. _What now?_

He considered ignoring whoever it was but the knocker persisted and he rose reluctantly from his place on the sofa to answer. He leapt back in surprise as Sirius literally fell into the room when he opened the door.

“Top of the evening to you, Prfssor!” he sang as he fell heavily to the floor. “Ouch, my arse.”

 “Sirius, is that you? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, y’know…just thought I’d pay you a visit,” the boy said from the floor and he gave a giggle. Has he been hexed? No. Remus peered closely. Not hexed. Drunk. Sirius reeked of firewhiskey and he was clutching a bottle of Ogden’s to his chest. It was more than halfway empty. Sirius hummed a tune as he continued to lay of the floor, completely at ease.

Remus flashed a _lumos_ down the corridor but he did not see any other students. Where were James and Peter? If Sirius was drinking, why was he alone? With some difficulty he managed to close the door shoving Sirius’s legs out of the way.

“You’re really tall,” Sirius reflected, staring up at Remus. Remus tried not to laugh and offered a hand down to Sirius to help him up. He struggled to remain upright as Sirius swayed and overbalanced, leaning heavily on Remus.

“Merlin, Sirius, how much have you had?” he asked taking the bottle and holding it up. Sirius chose that moment to bury his nose in Remus’s neck.

“Mmmm you smell good,” he said, breathing hotly and causing other parts of Remus’s anatomy to perk up in interest. Remus took a calming breath and guided Sirius to the sofa, turning to place the bottle on the mantelpiece. Sirius did not remain seated for long though. Remus turned around to find Sirius opening and closing cabinets in the kitchen area on the other side of the room.

“Have you got anything to eat? I’m starved. What do we have here? Chocolate biscuits! Can I have some?”

“Yes, help yourself,” said Remus coming up behind the boy and closing cabinet doors he left open. Sirius munched happily on a biscuit as he stumbled about the room to further investigate, Remus hovering protectively behind, righting objects Sirius knocked along the way.

“Who’s this?” he asked picking up a framed photo of Remus and his father on Remus’s fourteenth birthday. The young boy and older man smiled up from the photograph waving enthusiastically. Sirius held the frame directly in front of his face, his eyes going wide as he tried to focus.

“That’s me and my dad,” he said, gently prying the frame from Sirius’s hands and placing it back on the bookshelf. Sirius continued to wander aimlessly around the room.

“Cor, is this your bedroom?” he asked as he entered the next room. “Your bed looks much comfier than the student’s. Ooof.” Sirius flopped face first onto the bed. “Yep…much comfier,” came his muffled voice.

“Sirius? Okay, enough. You can’t be here, especially not in this state. Come on, let’s get you to the infirmary.” He tried to pry Sirius from the bed but he resisted.

“I’m tired, Remus, can’t I stay here tonight?” he asked with a sigh and curled up on his side closing his eyes.

“Are you trying to get me sacked?” Remus asked but Sirius appeared to have drifted off. He was snoring softly, his brow furrowed, black lashes resting against pink tinged cheeks. _Fucking great._

Remus sat on the side of the bed watching the slow rise and fall of Sirius’s chest as he breathed. A lock of black hair moved with each puff of breath. Remus reached over to tuck the lock behind an ear. “What am I going to do with you?” he asked softly, resting his hand lightly on the boy’s head. With a sigh he rose from the bed and retrieved a blanket from the back of the sofa and threw it over Sirius. He pulled his shoes off, placing them beside the bed when he heard another knock on his door.

“When did I get so popular?” he wondered out loud to the sleeping form of Sirius. He closed the bedroom door behind him as he exited and answered his knocking door for the second time that night. “Oh, thank Merlin,” he breathed when he saw James Potter and Peter Pettigrew on the other side of the door. “Come in.”

“Evening, Professor,” James chirped as he and Peter entered the room. “I take it by your relieved expression you have a Sirius some where here?”

“Yes, he passed out, he’s in the bedroom. Have you all been drinking?” he asked catching the strong smell of alcohol on both boys.

“A little bit, sir,” James admitted.

“Aside from the fact students are forbidden to have alcohol in the first place, what made you think it was a good idea to drink and go cavorting around the castle?” he asked glaring at both boys. Remus did not buy their shamefaced expressions for a second.

“It’s my fault, sir. We were having a little party but it wasn’t supposed to get out of hand. Sirius was a little upset, so I gave him some firewhiskey. I locked him in the dorm just in case but he must have got past me,” James explained.

“Did you know how much he’d had? Did either of you even consider how dangerous it would be for him to wander around the castle in this state? He could have seriously hurt himself!” Remus was furious.

“We’re sorry sir,” chorused both boys. Peter looked to James then Remus and back again.

“When we realized he was missing we went looking for him,” Peter said in a small voice.

“None of the portraits or ghosts saw him leave the castle but there are hidden passages. I thought he might go looking for you so we thought it would be a good idea to check here.”

“Why did you think he would come looking for me?” Remus asked, careful to keep his voice neutral.

“Well…you’re sort of friends, right? He talks about you all the time like you’re mates and I know he visits your office every now and then. He always says he’s meeting up with some bird or another but I think he just doesn’t want to admit he’s friends with a professor. No offence.”

“None taken. How do you any of you even know where my rooms are?”

“Pranked the professor last year,” James admitted cheerfully.

“It doesn’t even smell in here any more,” Peter commented, his eyes scanning the room apprehensively.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Look, do you think you can manage to get him back to the dorm and keep him there?”

“Yes sir, we brought—”

“JAMIE! PETIE!” Sirius cried joyfully as bound from the room and launched himself at his friends.

“Sirius, where is your shirt?” James asked as Sirius threw his arms around both boys’ shoulders in a group hug fashion, his arms and chest completely bare.

“I’ll get it,” Peter said removing himself from the other boys and heading into the other room.

“Jamie, let’s go swimming!”

“It’s freezing out, you idiot. For Godric's sake, keep your pants on! Sorry, Professor, he gets this way when he’s drunk,” said James as he struggled to keep Sirius from undressing further. Sirius kept trying to undo his belt and James was dutifully redoing the buckle.

“Come on, let’s get your shirt on,” said Peter as he approached with Sirius’s shirt and shoes in hand. Remus watched with some amusement as the two boys struggled to dress their friend.

“Damn it, Sirius! Hold still!” said James in frustration; Sirius was being less than cooperative.

“Forget buttons James, let's just get his shoes on or his feet will freeze on the way back to the dorm.”

“Back?” Sirius asked, swaying dangerously as Peter tried to lift a foot to place in a shoe.

“Yep, gotta get you back to the dorm. Here, we brought—”

“No!” Sirius cried and stumbled towards Remus. His shoes were only half way on his feet and he tripped; Remus caught him around the arms.

“You said I could stay right, Remus?” Sirius asked as he righted himself and wrapped his arms around Remus’s torso. James and Peter glanced at each other, surprise written on their faces.

“You should go back with your friends,” Remus said, trying to ignore how warm Sirius felt with his bare chest pressed against him.

“You’re my friend! I want to stay!”

Many of the professors commended Remus for his seemingly infinite amount patience, but Sirius was really pushing it.

“Come on, Sirius, you’ve bothered Professor Lupin enough for one night,” said James as he tried to pull Sirius way.

“I’m not bothering you, am I, Remus?” He looked down into sad grey eyes and a pretty pout and Remus felt his resistance melt away.

“No, Sirius, you don’t bother me.”

“Then I can stay?” he asked excitedly.

“Yes, you can stay,” Remus said, running a weary hand over his face and wondering why he was incapable of telling the boy no. Sirius cheered in delight. “You two can stay as well,” he nodded to James and Peter.

“I told Lily where we were going, she might go to McGonagall if we don’t come back.”

“Alright, tomorrow morning will you please come get him? I don’t envy the hangover he’ll have.”

James gave him a look that said quite clearly “please” and pulled out two vials of potions. “This one,” he held up a lavender colored potion, “is a sobering draught. And this other one is for the hangover.”

“I knew there must be some reason Dumbledore made you Head Boy.”

“Harsh, Professor. C’mon Peter lets get back before Lily sics McGoogles on us.” James handed the potions to Remus, who managed to shake Sirius off, and he led James and Peter out. He banged his head lightly on the door as he closed it after the two boys. He heaved a sigh.

“Right then, let’s get you sorted,” he said wearily. He took Sirius by the hand and led him through the bedroom to the bathroom sitting him on the edge of the tub. “Drink this please,” he handed the lavender potion to the boy.

Sirius uncorked it and sniffed and knocked the potion back easily. The sobering draught would metabolize the alcohol in Sirius’s system much faster.

“There’s a good lad. Now I want you to wash up and everything before we go to sleep. Can you manage on your own?” he asked. Sirius nodded and Remus left him alone in the bathroom.

He placed the hangover potion on the nightstand and rummaged through his clothing drawers for something Sirius could sleep in. When he returned he heard the sound of the shower running. He peeked in, the curtain was closed but he could see steam from the hot shower rising above the curtain and Sirius’s discarded clothes lay on the bathroom floor.

Try as he might, Remus couldn’t stop his imagination running away from him as he pictured Sirius completely naked on the other side of the curtain, hot water and soap sluicing down his body. Remus gave himself a mental shake. “Sirius, there are some clothes for you on the counter here,” he said placing them on the counter and picking up the discarded shirt and trousers before making a hasty exit.

“Kay,” he heard Sirius say from behind the curtain before he closed the door. Remus cast a quick cleaning charm on the clothes and folded them neatly before placing them on the chair in the corner. He changed into his own pyjamas and heard Sirius exit the bathroom as he was pulling on his shirt.

“I suppose you think you’re funny,” Sirius said as he toweled his hair dry. Sirius was clad in a pair of dark gray sweatpants and a faded t-shirt he got at a Muggle concert. Remus marveled (and was the tiniest bit jealous) at how Sirius could look elegant even in his old, worn out clothes. “Queen? Honestly?”

Remus laughed, catching his unintentional joke. “No offense meant. You’d like them actually; they’re a Muggle rock band. One of my exes was a Muggle. He loved them. Took me to a few concerts.”

“Cool,” said flopping on the bed. Remus entered the now vacant bathroom and settled for cleaning his face and teeth for the time being. When he re-entered the bedroom Sirius was seated cross-legged on the bed plucking at the frayed hem of the sweatpants.

“You alright?” Remus asked. Sirius merely shrugged. Remus grabbed the blanket he threw on Sirius earlier. “I’m going to kip on the couch. Just come get me if you need anything, okay?”

Sirius nodded and continued to pluck at the pants. Remus turned to leave when Sirius said his name. “Remus?”

“Yes?”

“Would you stay with me?”

This was not a good idea and Remus knew it. Sirius might be sobering up but he was still intoxicated and, if Remus was being honest with himself, Sirius looked incredible in his clothes and Remus did not trust his body to behave.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Sirius.”

“Please?”

“How about I stay until you fall asleep?” he offered as a compromise, surprised again by his inability to say no to Sirius. The boy nodded and crawled under the blankets and Remus joined him, extinguishing the lights and taking care to keep his distance. They lay on their backs looking up at the blue shadows cast by the moon on the ceiling saying nothing for quite some time.

“Remus?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you miss your dad?”

It was the last thing Remus expected Sirius to ask.

“All the time,” Remus admitted, thinking of the man who’d raised him. Cared for him. Loved him even, despite what a wretched a son he’d been. Even in his most miserable hour, John Lupin was there with a fierce hug and a soft kiss to the temple.

_“You’re a good boy, Remus. I love you, son.”_

Remus took a deep breath, willing away the melancholy thoughts of his father. “He was my best friend,” he said after a moment.

Remus felt Sirius shaking next to him. The heels of his hands were pressed into his eyes and his breathing sounded strained.

“Sirius, are you okay?” Remus asked turning to Sirius and leaning up on an elbow. Sirius removed his hands and Remus could see a look of absolute misery on his face by the dim light of the moon. “What is it?”

Sirius’s answer was to turn towards Remus and place a soft kiss on his lips. Remus tried to back away but insistent hands on his hips held him in place.

“Sirius...stop.” Remus tried to dislodge the boy gently, his traitorous body reacting almost violently to the onslaught of Sirius’s kisses and touch, which began growing bolder.

“Oh..Remus…I want you so much…”

“No, Sirius…”

“You want me too! I can feel it,” he said rolling his body against Remus, his tell-tale erection jabbing into Sirius’s hip.

“We can’t,” Remus managed to choke out as a jolt of pleasure coursed through him. Sirius hands had found their way under Remus’s shirt and brushed softly against the sensitive flesh of his ribcage. “Sirius, you need to stop.”

“Is that what you really want? For me to stop?” Sirius nibbled lightly on Remus’s lower lip and rolled his hips again causing Remus to gasp. No. He most definitely did not want Sirius to stop.

Remus allowed himself to imagine giving in. Letting his desire take over for once in his life. He pictured himself pushing Sirius back on the bed and devouring his mouth. Tearing clothes from his body like some trashy romance novel. He imagined how soft and warm the skin would feel under his hands, how it would taste on his tongue as he took flesh between his teeth. The all-encompassing heat and tightness of Sirius’s body as he thrust into it relentlessly, his own name falling from Sirius’s lips with each stroke. God he _wanted_ it. 

“We can’t,” he repeated, more for his own benefit than anyone else’s.

Sirius threw himself back on the bed, his arms over his eyes. Remus lamented the loss of exploring hands for just a moment. “Why don’t you want me?”

Why couldn’t Sirius understand? It wasn’t that Remus didn’t want him. Remus wanted him badly. Thought about it almost constantly. But it was wrong. So very wrong.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Sirius said suddenly and turned to lean over the bed. Remus managed to summon the rubbish bin just in time. The contents of Sirius’s stomach rocketed to the bottom of the bin with a sickeningly wet thud.

Remus sat up and pushed long black hair out of the boy’s face with one hand as he heaved, the bin held in the other. The sound of retching stopped after a minute and Remus gently eased Sirius’s head out of the bin and vanished the mess. He summoned the washcloth from the bathroom and offered it to Sirius, who took it and wiped his face and mouth, his head bowed.

“Do you feel better now?” Remus asked after a moment. Sirius was trembling.

“No,” he choked around a sob, and the next minute Remus had a lap full of sobbing teenage boy. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and buried his face in the crook between Remus’s neck and shoulder heaving great wracking sobs. Remus felt the collar of his shirt getting wet.

_I should really be canonized for this,_ he thought wryly, but he wrapped his arms around the shaking boy and began rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades.

“Shhhh, it’s alright,” he said.  
  
Sirius clutched him even tighter and continued to cry. “It’s n-not al-alright,” he managed to say, his voice thick with the sound of tears. “He’s d-dead and n-now I’ve got no one.” 

“Who’s dead, love?”

“Lphard.”

Remus wracked his brain. “You mean Alphard? Your uncle?” Sirius nodded and gave a great sniff. “Oh, Sirius, I’m so sorry.”

Remus continued to hold the crying boy for several long minutes, offering soothing _there now’s_ and _don’t cry’s_ and wondering how on Earth he was going to calm the boy down. Eventually though, his shoulders ceased their shaking and he hiccupped only once or twice more.

“He was the only one Remus… the only one in my fucked up family that didn’t hate me…who thought I was worth something.” Sirius took a deep, shaky breath but he was no longer crying. “Now he’s gone and I’ve no one. They didn’t even invite me to his fucking funeral! And now I’m alone…”

“You’re not alone, love. You’ve got your friends. James and Peter care about you. And the Potters. Did you know they write to McGonagall asking for you?” Sirius shook his head. Remus carded his hand through black, silky hair idly. “I know it hurts but there are lots of people in this world who love you, Sirius. I do.” It was out of his mouth before he realized he was saying it. Sirius looked up at that and Remus panicked for half a second. Sirius’s eyes were red-rimmed and bright.

“You do?”

_Damn it._

Remus should have said no; that what he meant to say was that he cared about Sirius deeply because he was a great friend, a wonderful student, and had so much potential. But Sirius looked so vulnerable, his eyes wide and silver and pleading. He looked as if the next words Remus spoke had the power to break him completely. He realized they probably did.

“Yes, Sirius,” Remus said willing his voice to remain steady. “I love you.”

“Show me,” he breathed and leaned forward to capture Remus’s lips in a kiss. Remus allowed himself to respond for just a moment but then gently tried to push Sirius away.

“No, Sirius, stop…”

“Please, Remus,” Sirius begged and his drunken slur lost some of its edge. He lunged forward grabbing Remus by the front of his shirt to pull him in for another kiss. Remus turned his head to avoid it but Sirius took that as permission to trail open-mouthed kisses down his jaw and neck. Remus nearly groaned as excitement swept through him. “Please,” he said again sounding quite desperate. “Please…Remus, I need this.”

The sheer desperation in Sirius’s voice was enough to shatter the last shreds of resistance Remus possessed. A man could only take so much temptation. Remus pulled Sirius back for a brutal kiss and finally gave in.

It was over fairly quickly. They hadn’t even got undressed. Remus placed a hand on the boy’s chest, pinning him back the bed as he explored his mouth. Lips, tongue, teeth, _warm_. He insinuated himself between Sirius’s legs, pressing their bodies together intimately, wonderful friction causing delightful sensations in all the right places. Sirius moaned loudly into Remus’s mouth with each brush of their arousals, long legs coming to wrap around his hips bringing them impossibly closer. Remus could feel everything through the thin layer of cotton clothing.

“Oh, yes…Remus…”

Remus pulled away slightly as Sirius continued to arch up against him. Sirius was gorgeous beneath him, black hair pooling on the white sheets, his eyes dark with desire, lips red and swollen from kissing. He felt fingers in his hair and was pulled back for another deep kiss, their tongues tangling together wetly. It had never felt so good. He’d denied himself for so long and they fit together so perfectly.

He thrust desperately for several minutes, his lips firmly latched to the boy beneath him, Sirius rising to meet each stroke. Wave after wave of endless heat surged through Remus. Sirius held him tightly, the harsh quality of their breathing and keening moans the only sounds in the room as they inched closer and closer. Remus thought it was a thing of beauty the way Sirius threw back his head as he sobbed out his release, undulating beneath him.

“Remus!”

That had been Remus’s own undoing. He collapsed on top of Sirius, their bodies still shuddering with each breath. Sirius ran hand through Remus’s hair and placed soft kisses on his neck. Remus rolled off and they lay side by side facing each other, for how long, Remus didn’t know. Sirius was smiling at Remus, his eyes drooping ever so slowly with each passing moment. He reached for Remus’s hand and tangled their fingers together.

“Stay with me?”

Remus nodded and Sirius closed his eyes. “Love you too, Remus,” he said sleepily.

He watched the younger man drift off to sleep, his face relaxed and untroubled despite the massive emotional upheaval he’d had that evening. A fierce wave of protectiveness rolled through Remus as he watched Sirius sleep and he was unsurprised to realize he’d do absolutely anything for the boy. He brushed his lips against Sirius’s forehead and began drifting off himself. _I am in so much trouble_ , he thought before sleep finally overcame him.


	12. Chapter 12

 Remus woke to the pleasurable sensation of a warm mouth kissing and licking the skin below his bellybutton. His shirt was bunched up and a curious hand was tracing circles on his inner thigh, brushing teasingly close to his cock which was beginning to take interest.

He buried his hand in silky hair, “Mmmm” being the most coherent thought he could voice. The mouth, which was alternating between kisses and licking bites, laughed against his skin, warm breath ghosting across his belly.

“Remus…” a husky voice said from beneath the covers. Remus felt his hips thrust gently of their own accord, the wandering hand on his thigh travelling up and dipping two fingers into the waistband of his pyjamas and running them back and forth. _Tease._

“Oh God, Sirius…”

_Sirius?_

“Sirius!” Remus cried, pulling the covers back to reveal the dark-haired boy, his tongue sticking out to lap at Remus’s stomach, laughing eyes darting up to meet his.

“Morning,” he said softly and buried his nose in Remus’s stomach and breathed in deeply. “Oh, Remus, you smell so good…”

“Sirius! Stop!” Remus practically shrieked as he tried to push Sirius away as gently as possible.

“Mmm, not so loud, love. M’head still hurts a little.”

“Remus?” a voice called from beyond the bedroom. The two young men stared at each other, their eyes wide. “Are you awake?”

“It’s Dumbledore,” Remus whispered. “Stay here. Don’t come out.” Remus rose from the bed and donned his robe from the night before. He spared Sirius one last nervous glance before exiting his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Dumbledore’s head was in the fire. “Ah, there you are. Good morning, Remus. I’m so sorry to bother you on a Saturday.”

“It’s alright, Headmaster. Is everything okay?”

“Just fine, Remus, thank you. Is Mr. Black still with you? There are some people in my office here to see him.”

“Sirius?”

“Yes, Minerva went to retrieve him from Gryffindor Tower this morning and Mr. Potter told her he was with you. Is he still there?”

“Yes, sir, he is.”

“Could you send him through please?”

“Of course.”

“I’ll leave the floo open. Oh, and, Remus?” Remus, who had turned to head back into the bedroom, looked back towards the fire. “We’ll have a chat about this later this afternoon. Your office.”

“Yes, sir,” Remus said as the man’s head disappeared from the fire. A nervous weight dropped unpleasantly into his stomach and he suddenly had the urge to be sick. He entered the room to find Sirius in the middle of dressing. The vial containing the hangover potion was empty on the night stand. He had his trousers on and was buttoning his shirt over the t-shirt Remus gave him to wear last night.

“I heard you two talking,” he said. “Do you think we’re in very much trouble?”

“I don’t know.”

“It will be okay, Remus.” Sirius checked his hair in the mirror, running his hands through it a few times before shrugging. “Taking after Potter this morning. Oh well.” He gave up on the mirror and gave Remus a long, lingering kiss. “In case you’re sacked later,” he explained and kissed him again. He watched Sirius disappear through the emerald flames the unpleasant feeling slowly morphing into something like dread.

oOo

“Ah, Mr. Black, thank you for coming,” Dumbledore said when he stepped out of the floo. The Headmaster was seated at his desk across from two serious looking wizards in pinstriped robes. Sirius started to get an inkling of what this was about but wasn’t sure if he was ready to deal with it just yet. “Please have a seat.” Dumbledore conjured a comfortable looking chair beside himself and indicated Sirius should sit. “Tea?” he asked politely.

“No thank you, sir,” he said, not trusting his hands to be still with the delicate cup.

“Sirius, allow me to introduce our two guests, Mr. Franklin Havard and Mr. Isaac Holms. They are—”

“Representatives for the House of Black, I know,” he said his suspicions confirmed. He’d received a rather official looking owl shortly after leaving home stamped with the Havard and Holms seal telling him he’d been summarily disinherited from the Black family fortune for good, and to make no attempts at contacting the family.

“Yes, well if you know who we are then you must know why we are here,” the man on the right began. He had a rather voluptuous moustache that Sirius might have found impressive if he did not look absolutely ridiculous on the man’s thin face.

“I can only assume to settle my uncle’s affairs.”

“Precisely,” the other man said. He was broader than the other man and was completely bald. Sirius entertained the idea of removing the moustache from the thin man and placing it atop the bald man’s head and tried not to giggle at the picture his head made. The bald man addressed Dumbledore, “Headmaster, you’ve been more than kind to allow us to meet with Mr. Black on such short notice but this is private business.”

“Why do I feel as though you are trying to kick me out of my own office?”

“We just hoped you would offer us a bit of privacy to discuss these sensitive matters. I did not wish to be so blunt as to ask you to leave.”

“And yet that is precisely what you’ve done. At any rate, I cannot allow you to discuss this matter with Mr. Black alone. Sirius is still a student of my school. Not only that but you gentlemen are here representing the House of Black, which Sirius is no longer a part of. Therefore I do not feel you are here representing his best interests. As such, I should like to fill that role, if you will allow me that is,” he inclined his head to Sirius.

Sirius, for one, was never more grateful for the old man’s ability to meddle in other people’s affairs. He nodded. “Yes, sir, thank you.”

“Very well,” Baldy continued. “I hold in my hand the last will and testament of Mr. Alphard D. Black.” He produced a roll of parchment from a briefcase.

Sirius gave a sharp intake of breath. The man spoke of Alphard so casually that it sent an icy shard of pain through his heart. A warm hand patted his knee gently and he was again grateful for Dumbledore’s presence. 

“It would seem Mr. Black has left you everything.” He held out the scroll for Sirius to take but Dumbledore leaned over to take it himself. The man glared at Dumbledore but the Headmaster remained oblivious as he unfurled the scroll and began reading.

“By everything,” Mr. Moustache continued, “that includes a rather sizeable bank vault at Gringotts, his London townhome as well as the country cottage in Somerset, and all his most recent research.”

Sirius was surprised by the last one—well all of it really—but his research? What would Sirius do with that? Dumbledore hummed beside him as he continued to read.

“The bank vault has already transitioned to your name, if you present this letter,” Baldy produced a sealed envelope from the file and handed it to Sirius; Dumbledore made no attempts to take it, “You’ll be given a key to the vault. The properties are another matter, however, as is Mr. Black’s research.”

Dumbledore continued to read but Sirius thought he was listening attentively all the same. “You see, while Mr. Black may have had your best interests at heart, the properties were not his to bequeath. The London townhome and the cottage in Somerset belong to the House of Black, of which—as Dumbledore has reminded us—you are no longer a part of. Mrs. Walburga Black has already petitioned to have the properties transferred to her name, as she is the eldest sibling.”

The grief that had settled in Sirius’s heart instantly turned to rage. _That bitch_. Alphard was hardly cold in his grave and she was already fighting over money? He felt an angry retort on his lips but Dumbledore placed a restraining hand on his on his forearm. Above him he heard one of the portraits give a nasty snicker. _Nigellus._ Sirius glared at the portrait of his great-great-grandfather but Nigellus simply raised and elegant brown and smirked.

“I’m afraid I have to disagree, gentleman. This indicates the properties in question were transitioned to Sirius under title 113, a property law that recently overturned some of the more, shall we say, archaic Wizarding laws which prevented the estates of pureblooded families from falling into less worthy hands.”

“That law is being called into question.”

“And has very little chance of being repealed.”

“That maybe your opinion, Dumbledore, but with the current uncertainty we find ourselves in, we feel it is prudent to offer a compromise.”

“I don’t see what there is to compromise on,” Sirius said, surprising the two men. “Uncle Alphard left me those properties, and, if what the Headmaster says is true, and I have every confidence it is, then by right they’re mine. You can tell that bitch to go to hell.”

“Really!” cried Nigellus. “Such disrespect!”

“Phineas, kindly stay out of this,” Dumbledore chided.

“Can’t imagine where his parents went wrong—”

“I will not ask you again, Phineas.” Dumbledore glared at the portrait. Sirius stuck his tongue out at his grandfather who huffed and stalked off, disappearing through the side of the frame. “Sirius, I must ask you to mind your language. Mr. Havard and Mr. Holms have been completely cordial thus far, if not woefully misguided.

“We are not misguided! Mr. Black,” Moustache turned to look directly at Sirius. “Despite what the Headmaster thinks, that property law is being called into question. Should it be repealed your parents would have every right to sue you for those properties. Your uncle left you a considerable amount of gold but a legal battle with the full might of the Black fortune on your parent’s side would drain your resources significantly. Mrs. Black has agreed to allow you to keep the cottage in Somerset, if you’re willing to give up the London townhome.”

Sirius wasn’t sure what to do. In truth, he didn’t care a fig for either house. The cottage was always nice during summer, he recalled fondly, but there were too many memories of adventures with Regulus for him to feel too nostalgic without also feeling desperately lonely. He doubted the place held much adventure now. The townhome was grand, but modeled too much after his family home at Grimmauld Place. Still, he’d burn the houses to the ground before he let his mother have her way this one last time.

“Gentlemen, I appreciate your warning but I’m afraid I must decline your offer,” Sirius gave his best aristocratic impression and Dumbledore chuckled softy beside him.

“We regret that you’re not willing to be more cooperative. If you’ll just sign here,” Baldy said producing a long parchment and indicating at the bottom where Sirius should sign. Dumbledore stayed his hand as he reached for the quill to read over his shoulder.

“Go ahead,” he said after a moment. Sirius signed with a flourish.

“There’s that,” Baldy said and placed the parchment back in the briefcase. “Now we come to the matter of Mr. Black’s personal research. The Potion Master’s Guild has no legal rights to this research, as it was all done independently and with non-Ministry funds. They are asking that you consider turning it over to them, as it can only benefit those in that field and you would probably have no use for it.”

“Sirius, it is, of course, up to you, but I would strongly encourage you to hold onto that research, for now,” Dumbledore said giving Sirius a meaningful look.

“It’s no matter to us, we do not service the PMG and the research is incomplete. Mr. Black deposited the research into his vault shortly before his death and it shall remain there until you collect it. If you’ll sign here,” another parchment was shoved before him. Dumbledore nodded that Sirius should sign and he handed the parchment back.

“That concludes our business for today. Thank you, Mr. Black. Headmaster. Copies of the paperwork will be placed in your vault at Gringotts. Good day.” Both men rose to leave.

“I’ll see you out,” Dumbledore said also rising. "Sirius, if you would please stay for just a moment.” Sirius also stood to leave but stopped at Dumbledore’s request. He was tired and hungry and wanted to get back to his bed or, even better, Remus’s.

“Yes, sir,” he flopped into one of the chairs Baldy or Moustach vacated. He watched as Dumbledore led the two men down the spiral staircase.

“Your mother’s just blasted Alphard off the tapestry.”

Sirius looked up at Nigellus who had returned from his portrait at Grimmauld Place.

“Whatever.”

“Watch your tone with me, young man! Dumbledore might tolerate your impertinence but I will not.”

“Because there is so much you can do about it, being a portrait and all,” Sirius said, sarcasm dripping from each word.

“How dare you, you ungrateful little wretch! Your mother ought to have strangled you at birth. I always said you’d be nothing but trouble.”

“Too bad she didn’t!” Sirius yelled jumping to his feet, his fists clenched at his sides. “I’m sure everyone would be much happier if I were dead, wouldn’t they?”

“Stop being so dramatic. Idiot boy—”

“Enough!” Dumbledore ordered as he re-entered the room. “Phineas, I will not tolerate you speaking to my students this way, family or not.”

“Hear, hear! Lay off the poor boy!” a witch from another portrait called. “He’s obviously upset.” There was a chorus of agreement from the other portraits of “leave him alone” and “keep out of it, Black” and Nigellus looked quite taken aback.

“Outnumbered it seems,” Nigellus sniffed. “Fine, I know when I’m not wanted,” and he stalked off again.

“Twat,” Sirius muttered and dropped back into the chair his blood still pounding in his ears. Dumbledore sat himself back in his chair behind the desk.

“I want to thank you for allowing me to assist you with Havard and Holms. I feared they might try to take advantage of your youth and ignorance in Wizarding law.”

“No, thank you, Headmaster.”

“I should like the opportunity to review your uncle’s research, if you would not mind. If he was using private funding, it may not be, strictly speaking, legal. Nothing against Alphard,” he said quickly catching Sirius’s glare. “He was far from a Death Eater sympathizer, but I would like to take precautions.”

“You think it could be something dark?”

“I think he had a good reason for keeping the Ministry and Potion Master’s Guild out of the loop,” Dumbledore said delicately.

“Sure, you can look at it, not sure what I’d do with it anyway.”

“Thank you, Sirius. Now, I must ask if you’re feeling alright." His tone was suddenly less business like and much kinder. “Mr. Potter informed us you were not quite yourself last night.”

“Understatement of the year. I don’t quite remember most of it to be honest,” which was no lie. Up until he took the sobering draught things were very fuzzy. He felt of flush of warmth pool in his lower body as he recalled some of the less fuzzy details during the latter half of the evening.

“Lucky then, that Professor Lupin took pity on you.”

“Yeah Remus is…erm Professor Lupin, he’s great.”  
  
Dumbledore smiled at the slip up. “I’ve known Remus since he was quite young. I’m glad that you two have become close, he has not had very many friends.”

“Why is that? He’s a nice bloke.”

Dumbledore surveyed Sirius for a long moment; his blue eyes piercing Sirius in a way that made him try very hard not to squirm.

“That is his secret to tell,” the Headmaster said at last. “Life has not always been kind to Remus I am afraid. Please, do not be offended if he is slow to trust. He will tell you when he’s ready.”

“I suppose…er, was that all, Professor? I could really do with something to eat.”

“Of course, go on. I’ll send an owl about your uncle’s research.”

Sirius nodded and hurried out of the Headmaster’s office and down towards the kitchens. He was just reaching up to run his fingers along the pear when the portrait swung open and James Potter stepped out carrying a delicious smelling basket.

“Sirius! I was just coming to find you.” He held up the basket. “Thought you might be hungry.”

“A picnic? How lovely, Jamie!” Sirius teased.

“Hey if that’s the thanks I get for thinking of your sorry arse you can forget about it!”

“You’re the best friend a disinherited blood-traitor could have, you know that?” Sirius asked, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulder and planting a kiss in his wild hair.

“Bloody girl. Let’s go on our picnic,” said James, linking arms with Sirius and marching off.

oOo

“Wow,” James said after Sirius finished explaining the morning’s events in detail. “I mean, I know your uncle liked you but I didn’t know he liked you that much.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said throwing a crust of toast into messy black hair. They were sitting at the window again, munching on the contents of the basket, which were filled with all of his favorite things. _Bless you, James Potter_.

“Not saying you’re not likeable or anything. Nearly everyone likes you. Even Lupin.” Sirius said nothing, just continued picking at his toast. James continued. “Can’t believe he let your drunk arse terrorize him last night.”

“Remus is cool,” he said simply.

“So it’s Remus now, is it?” James asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Did you two have a nice time, all alone, after me and Pete left? Earning some extra credit now, Black?”

“Don’t be gross, Potter.”

“Why not? It’s the truth isn’t it?” he asked and his voice was devoid of all humor. “You fancy him, don’t you?” Sirius just stared at his friend, who smiled and shook his head in an exasperated manner. “I’m far more observant than people give me credit for. I got curious about all those supposed ladies you were meeting in secret so I followed you in the cloak one night.”

Silence seemed to be the best option. So far, James only knew Sirius hung out with Remus on a regular basis.

“Imagine my surprise. Resident trouble maker Sirius Black turned teacher’s pet. ‘Can’t be!’ says I! Then you forgot to put a silencing charm on your curtains one night and it all fell into place.”

 _Fuck_. Remus featured almost exclusively in his late night wanking sessions. He was usually good about putting up the charm but he supposed it was possible he was too befuddled by the goings on between his legs one night and could have forgot.

“James…”

“Well now, that wasn’t quite the name you were calling that night, and thank Merlin because it was quite shocking enough. Hey,” he said, putting a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius had been gripping the window seat tightly but he let go at the touch. He looked up into his friend’s smiling face. “I’m not saying I understand it, Sirius, honestly, I still don’t know what to think, but if you’re happy…this way…then I’m happy for you.”

The weight of carrying his secret around lifted from his shoulders with that simple touch. It was amazing how much lighter he felt now that the feeling was gone. When had he grown so accustomed to it? James was still smiling and his hand was still resting calmly on Sirius’s shoulder.

“Thanks, James. You really are the best friend a bloke could ask for.”

“Yeah, okay, enough fruity stuff, no offence intended of course. I’m missing Quidditch practice for you. Wanna come with?”

“A chance to ogle your arse while you fly around on your fantastic broomstick? How could I resist?” James floundered for a full minute, his hand rumpling his hair messily, before he realized Sirius was laughing at him.

“Wanker.”

oOo

Sirius had waved James off saying he didn’t feel up for watching Quidditch, he was still tired and just wanted a nice long nap but after several minutes of tossing and turning he decided a walk might be nice after all. Could he help it if his feet began pounding the well-known path to Remus’s office? _Certainly not_ , he thought shamelessly.

If Sirius were one for skipping he would have danced through the halls on his way to see Remus. _He loves me_. His heart was soaring. _He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!_ Sirius felt stupid with happiness. He could not stop thinking about the night before. How Remus had kissed him. Touched him. It was such a new feeling, this sort of happiness. He smiled to himself and quickened his pace.

When he arrived at the office he knocked and waited, plastering his most seductive smile on his face. When the door opened he looked up into the gentle blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore and not Remus Lupin. He felt his jaw drop a little and a blush creep across his cheeks.

“Er, hello, Professor,” he said awkwardly.

“Mr. Black, lovely to see you again. I take it you are here to see Professor Lupin?” he asked jovially, stepping back and gesturing Sirius in. Remus was seated at his desk, his eyes downcast, but they darted up quickly to look at Sirius. He flashed Remus a smile but it was not returned. “I was just taking my leave. Remus, thank you for seeing me; you both have a good day.”

Dumbledore strode from the room closing the door quietly behind him. Sirius could tell something was very wrong. Remus would not meet his eye.

“So, does Dumbledore suspect anything?” he asked after several long moments of tense silence.

“No, he doesn’t suspect.” Remus stood and moved to stand by the window, his arms crossing and uncrossing in an agitated manner.

“That’s good then, right?”  Sirius asked coming up beside the other man, the need to be close overcoming any misgivings at his odd behavior. He placed a hand on Remus’s shoulder but Remus shrugged it off.

“He doesn’t suspect, Sirius, he knows.”

“How can he possibly know?”

“I told him.”

“Why?” Sirius asked, nonplussed.

“I didn’t have much of a choice. He would have found out eventually anyway. I’d rather admit to the some what tame activities of last night then allow him to continue to think we’ve done…are doing…anything more.”

“Are you in trouble?”

Remus snorted at the question. “No, Sirius, no house points were deducted and I’ll not have to serve any detentions. Legally speaking we’ve done nothing wrong because you’re of age, but that doesn’t mean it was right either.”

“It felt right to me,” Sirius said, surprising himself with his blatant honestly. He felt his face grow hot as Remus stared at him, an unusual expression on his normally kind, serene face. Was it pity? His stomach churned unpleasantly and his arms felt awkward hanging down at his sides. “Don’t you…didn’t you feel it too?” he asked.

Remus was silent for what seemed like ages and Sirius felt his heart shutter to a stop. Several years later to Sirius—when in reality it was less than a minute—his brown eyes softened and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.  “Yes, love, I did.”

And Sirius could breathe again. He felt himself smile and he reached out again to touch. Remus allowed the touch this time and Sirius pressed his advantage, running fingers lightly through soft, brown hair and leaning forward to kiss. Their lips slid together slowly and he would have liked more but Remus placed a gentle hand on his chest and pushed him away after a minute.

“We can’t do this,” he said, his hand still resting on Sirius’s chest. Sirius opened his mouth to argue but Remus held up his hand. “Please, let me get this out.” Whatever Remus had to say, Sirius was sure he was not going to like it, but he nodded and remained silent. “Regardless of how we may feel, we cannot carry on a relationship. I am still a professor here, despite what happened last night, and having an affair with a student would be incredibly inappropriate.”

“I don’t care,” Sirius said, unable to remain silent.

“I care,” Remus said firmly, the gentleness from a moment ago gone, along with the hand. “Sirius, you disregard and defy convention like it’s your personal mission but some of us need to be a little more careful. I can’t be caught having an affair with a student! Even if you are of age, all people will see is a professor and a student and the judgment will be cast. I have enough difficulty in my personal life without adding this to it.”

“So that’s all I’d be then? A difficulty for you?”

“Stop acting like a child, you know what I mean.”

“I love you.”

The words hung in the air and seemed to echo loudly throughout the room. He remembered saying it the night before but he had still been drunk on firewhiskey and they were both drunk on post-coital bliss. Nothing said in the throes of passion could be taken at face value. Nevertheless, Sirius knew he meant it before the words left his lips. He loved Remus Lupin.

“You said…last night you said you loved me too. Is it true?” he asked desperately.

“Yes, but—”

“Then what else matters?”

“You hardly know me,” Remus protested, his cheeks flushed.

“I know, but I want to, if you’d just let me in.”

“I can’t, Sirius. I’m sorry.” Remus took several steps back, looking away from Sirius. It was amazing how much it hurt to hear Remus say it. After everything, Remus did not trust him. Refused to open himself up and let Sirius in.

“What are you so afraid of? Remus, if we’re ever going to be together you need trust me.”

“We’re not going to be together,” Remus said flatly. “Sirius, you’re a bright boy, please get it through your head. This. Is. Not. Happening,” he said, punctuating every word. There was no trace of kindness in his eyes any longer and his mouth made a hard line. “I’m sorry but I am the responsible one here and that—that is the final word.”

Sirius did not realize how much he’d been counting on this thing with Remus until it was suddenly taken from him. He carried his joy and excitement at beginning something that promised to be amazing with Remus like a talisman against everything that was crashing down around him. His bubble of safety burst and all the pain and fear he’d experienced in the last twenty-four hours came rushing in like a violent tide. He felt his whole body shaking and knew if he didn’t leave immediately he was going to do something very stupid, like cry or drop to his knees and beg Remus to have him, or quite possibly both. Without another word Sirius turned and fled.

He wasn’t sure what hurt more, Remus telling him they were not going to be together or the way he said absolutely nothing to stop Sirius from leaving. A small part of his heart hoped that Remus would call out, tell him to wait. Don’t go. The other man’s silence rang loudly in his ears as he tore from the office, away from the crushing disappointment that he would not be able to outrun.

oOo

The look on Sirius’s face as he ran from his office was almost enough to break Remus. There was a part of him that wanted to go after him, to bring him back and ask him never to leave. It took every thing inside him to keep from calling out to him as he left. He knew he was doing the right thing.

It was true, of course, that the stigma of being caught in an inappropriate affair with a student would be devastating, not only to his reputation, but to the school’s and Dumbledore’s. Dumbledore vouched for Remus, had needed to persuade the governors to allow Remus to teach due to his age and lack of experience, his lycanthropy notwithstanding. If it were to come out that Remus was having sex with a student, he would be sacked, and Dumbledore would have a lot to answer for. There was enough going on the world outside that Dumbledore was managing without piling that on top, just because Remus could not control himself.

As for his own reputation, well that wouldn’t have been such a big deal really. The places that would refuse to employ him because they’d heard he had an affair with a student would also refuse to employ him because he was a werewolf; the options he was limited to would not know or care about any inappropriate business while he was a teacher so long as he showed up on time and didn’t complain about the low pay. Had it not been for his concern over how his behavior would reflect on Dumbledore he might have gone for it.

Remus was unsure what to expect from his meeting with Dumbledore, but the Headmaster had been sympathetic.

“I am the last person in the world who would come between two people in love,” he’d said, causing Remus to falter inelegantly.

“Who’s said anything about love?” he asked, wiping dribbling tea from his chin.

Dumbledore simply smiled and gave him a knowing look. “Are you telling me you brought Mr. Black to your bed for a casual fling?”

“I didn’t bring him to my bed!” he said, blushing furiously. “Things just…got out of hand.”

“Remus, you are both adults, what you do behind closed doors should be nobody else’s business. However, if someone were to find out about your, ah shall we say, relationship with Mr. Black, then there could be problems. Students would tell their parents, we would probably be unable to keep it out of the Prophet, especially considering the student in question. It would be a nice little scandal for quite some time I imagine.”

“Don’t worry about it, sir. It’s not going to continue. I never meant for it to happen in the first place. I knew how he felt about me and I’ve not been good at discouraging him I’m afraid.”

“And how do you feel, Remus?” his mentor asked, quite seriously.  
  
 _Smitten?_ his brain supplied unhelpfully. _Besotted? Obsessed?_ He recalled the serene, sleeping face of the boy the night before and the powerful emotions he evoked in Remus. Yes, he was layers deep in love with Sirius Black.

“How I feel is irrelevant. I have to end it.”

“You should not be so quick to throw it away, Remus.”

“Why do you sound as though you’re encouraging this? It can’t possibly work. I’m too old for him…too broken.”

“Are you even giving it a chance?”

“Albus…”

“Remus, I would just like to see you happy. I am not saying this should continue now.” He leveled a meaningful look at Remus. “The school year will be over in a few short months. Mr. Black is one of the few students I intend to ask to join the Order once they are done with NEWTs. You may end up seeing a lot of him.”

“Albus, they’re far too young for all of that!”

“Once they leave the halls of this school I can no longer protect them, but I can help them to protect themselves and others. No one is forced to join, you know that.”

Sirius showed up then. If he had been given more time to consider what Dumbledore said, the conversation might have gone a little differently. As it was, all Remus could see was young, beautiful, whole, Sirius Black with his entire life shining brightly in front of him. His own future did not look so promising. No, it promised to be cold and dark and lonely. Why would he even consider leading Sirius down that path with him?


	13. Chapter 13

_Remus found himself walking, alone, down a bare stretch of dirt road. Branches from dead trees swayed in the cold night air, whipping his hair about. He gave a violent shiver. The full moon hung hauntingly and huge at his back, casting eerie blue shadows as he marched to what could only be his death._

_Suddenly, he felt a warm hands cover his eyes and a soft voice whisper “trust me” in his ear. The hands fell away saw Sirius standing beside him, a brilliant smile on his handsome face. The air was no longer biting cold but pleasantly warm, like a hot bath. Insects chirped, creating their nighttime music, and the trees breathed softly—no longer dead and menacing but full and lush. The sound of the leaves rustling and the stars winking above filled him with a peaceful, romantic feeling._

_“Let’s go,” he said linking hands with Remus and leading him down the path by the hand._

_“Do you want me Remus?” Sirius asked coyly._

_Yes, he thought desperately. He tried to reach out, to touch, to hold, but Sirius danced out of his reach with a playful laugh._

_“You’ll have to come get me then.”_

_Sirius gave him one last mischievous smile and tore down the path at a fast run. Laughter bubbled in his throat and spilled over as he gave chase. Sirius glanced behind when Remus got close, brushing his sleeve with an outstretched hand, and gave a fresh burst of speed._

_“You’ll have to do better than that, old man.”_

_Remus dove and caught the boy around the middle. They both tumbled to the ground, rolling and laughing, coming to rest on soft grass that tickled his neck as he lay, his back flat on the ground._  
  
Sirius was straddling his hips, his _chest heaving and cheeks flushed from exertion. Remus brushed a hand across his cheek, mesmerized by the silver glint in the boy’s eyes from the moonlight. The moon._

_He looked directly up and there it was, swollen and heavy with luminosity that touched every surface with its mysterious and constant light. It pulled at his soul so violently he thought he might scream. Sirius leaned forward until he was hovering directly above Remus’s face, eclipsing the moon, which looked like nothing more than a halo around his head._

_“I’m much prettier than that silly bitch,” he said, giving his hips a little nudge and jerking him back to the reality of having this beautiful, perfect boy in his arms._

_“I’m still waiting for an answer.”_

_Dark hair fell into his eyes and Remus reached out to brush it back. Sirius smiled._ _“Do you want me?”_

_“Yes.” He cupped the back of Sirius’s head to bring him closer until their lips met in a kiss. “Yes, yes, yes, yes,” he chanted, punctuating each word with a kiss and Sirius chuckled._

_“Then I’m yours,” he murmured against Remus’s lips, and Remus had met his limit. He felt on the verge of tears as their lips met again in a passionate kiss. His heart swelled and he thought it was in danger of bursting through his chest._

_“All you have to do is ask, and I’m yours.”_

Remus woke, sobbing Sirius’s name into his pillow, Sirius’s answering cries of “Remus!” echoed over and over again in his ears as he lay panting, the wetness in his shorts cooling rapidly. _This can’t go on_ , he thought miserably as he cast a quick _evanesco_ to clean himself. It had been the third in a series of similar dreams he’d had every night since Sirius fled his office, though this was the first time he actually caught Sirius in the dream.

He knew that the time had come to tell Sirius he was a werewolf but he hesitated still. There was a very good reason he kept that particular detail about himself secret. He’d been burned one too many times. People shied away from his touch, talked to him like he couldn’t comprehend simple English, or even attacked him when they found out. Never mind the fact that they thought he was perfectly nice and intelligent before the word werewolf had been spoken.

Remus lost a great many friends and lovers when they found out. Not that he had a many to begin with, as he rarely let anyone close enough, but the few who he dropped his guard for proved to him time and again that he could not trust anyone with this secret, let alone his heart. He pictured himself handing that heart to Sirius on a silver platter. What would the boy do with it?

Sirius was the first friend he’d made in a long time. The first person he let himself love in years. He wanted to trust him. To give him everything and hope anxiously to have it returned, but Sirius was young. The heart of a seventeen year old was a fickle thing. _He loves me today, what happens tomorrow?_ the jaded side of him thought. 

He reflected on how beautiful the world of his dreams became with Sirius there. His mind was making no secret of his inner most desires. He wanted Sirius. More the he wanted anything before. He wanted to kiss those grey eyes awake in the morning, trade jokes and smiles over meals, hold him close as they made love.

Yes, he wanted it. Wanted it badly, but was terrified of getting a sweet taste of that life only to have it ripped away from him like every other good thing. After that dream though, the despair at never getting a taste at all was becoming almost too much to bear. He had to do something.

oOo

“Are you skipping Defense again today?” James asked him when Peter had disappeared into the bath. Sirius looked up from the shoe he was lacing to glare at James.

“Going to take house points if I don’t?”

“Like that’s ever worked. But Lily said she was going to McGonagall if you kept skiving off.”

“Why? It’s Lupin’s class. Shouldn’t he be the one doling out the detentions?”

“Well he’s not, he hasn’t even mentioned your absence. Just asks me and Pete to make sure you get the homework for each lesson.”

“Well tell Lily to keep out of it.”

“I have, that’s why I’m asking you now if you’re skiving off again or do have to bully you into going today?”

“Potter, get real. I’m not Peter. I don’t jump at your command.”

“Look I’m trying to be understanding here. So you and Lupin had some kind of fight, am I right?” Sirius said nothing. “You can’t avoid him forever,” James said, and his tone carried a note of kindness most people thought the boy was incapable of. He looked up into sympathetic hazel eyes behind square specs.

“Damn you and your doe eyes Potter! I’ll go to Defense but I don’t have to like it!”

oOo

Sirius did not, in fact, like it all morning. He sulked as he finished dressing and snapped at Peter for no reason other than he was annoying. James kept shooting him exasperated looks and Peter was just confused. He made a show of picking at his breakfast. He wasn’t really hungry but he wanted James to see how much he was not liking it.

He was also very much not liking Lily who sat across from him next to James, pecking him on the cheek with a quick, “Good morning.”

She prepared her breakfast and disappeared behind her copy of that morning’s Prophet, which Sirius was grateful for because he was sick of looking at her.

He continued pushing his breakfast around his plate for several minutes when he heard Lily say, “This is just horrible.”

“What is, sweet pea?” James asked looking over her shoulder. He felt Peter’s eyes flicker to him, waiting for the mocking comment that would usually follow any time James used a stupid pet name like that, but he remained silent.

“Four people were put to death after they were convicted of killing nine villagers during the full moon. They were werewolves.”

“They’re not exactly people,” a voice to their right said. A fifth year girl Sirius didn’t know was holding her own copy of the Prophet and sneering. “They’re beasts.”

“Excuse me?” Lily spluttered, her green eyes flashing.

“They’re beasts! Monsters even.”

“Kindly keep your opinions to yourself,” James said placing a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “My dad is friend’s with a werewolf and he’s a good guy, never had an incident of biting or hurting anyone. They can’t help the way they are.”

The girl huffed and turned back to her paper. Something important was niggling in the back of Sirius’s mind. It felt like his brain was piecing something together faster than he could comprehend. _What was it?_

“Is your dad really friends with a werewolf?” Peter asked.

“Yep. Decent bloke. He used to come over for dinner a lot. Dad always said he was down on his luck. Course, now I know it wasn’t luck, poor guy, couldn’t hold a job. Too many people like that bint. Doesn’t help that the Ministry keeps them on such a tight leash, no pun intended.”

“What do you mean by that?” Sirius asked, trying to sound casual.

“Well, they have to register, don’t they? The Ministry keeps a list of all known werewolves. They’re required to check in every month after the full moon. If they don’t Aurors and MLE have the right to check up on them, which usually earns them a fine or, in some cases, a stint at Azkaban.”

_“They’re not my people,”_

_“I have a right as an Auror to check up on people like you.”_

_“I’ve never had an incident.”_

“Of course it’s completely unfair,” James continued after a few bites. “You ask a werewolf to check in after full moons when they’re sick and recovering and when they can’t you punish them.”

_“I was always very sick when I was younger.”_

_“Defense is cancelled, Professor Lupin is sick apparently.”_

The memory of Remus, pale and tired, falling asleep at his desk during lessons surfaced. When had that been? Had there been a full moon that night? _There was_ , he thought with a jolt to his gut. He recalled clearly sitting at the window talking to the moon the night he’d gone to apologize to Remus. Warm pleasure ran down his spine as he remembered how Remus pinned him to the wall; how he kissed him…bit him. Bit him! His hand flew to the spot on his neck, long since healed, his heart hammering. He remembered the horrified look on the man’s face as he ran from the room.

It was not possible. He glanced at the staff table where Remus sat, nodding at something tiny Professor Flitwick was saying, his face somber. He’s just a man. _A man with a secret_ , the voice in his head whispered.

“No,” he said softly.

“What’s that?” James asked, bringing him back to reality.

“I’m skipping morning lessons.” Sirius jumped to his feet and retrieved his bag from the floor.

“You said you weren’t going to skip today.”

“I said I wouldn’t skip Defense,” he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder and hurrying out of the hall.

Madam Pince glared reproachfully as he hurried through the library but said nothing. He pulled as many books as he could carry on werewolves and dark creatures and secluded himself in a far back corner to read.

Two hours later and he felt no closer to an answer. Everything he read talked about how to identify and combat a werewolf when it was transformed, which was none too helpful really. Run, was the best advice one book had given. Idiot author. The books that did talk about the man were laced with prejudice so ignorant Sirius wondered how the book even made it to print:

_There is not much difference between man and beast; they are one in the same. Their deviousness is that they blend so well into society that the normal witch or wizard learns, too late, that they are keeping the company of a monster._

Sirius very much doubted that werewolves attacked small children and ate raw meat when the moon was not full. _This isn’t helping._ He wondered how Remus would react if he simply asked. He wondered also, for the first time since the idea consumed him, how he would react himself if the answer were yes.

Seventeen years of solid, pureblooded upbringing surfaced unexpectedly. Werewolves were not a subject often discussed in the Black household, except in low, disgusted voices. His first reaction was revulsion and fear and he was suddenly ashamed. This was Remus. Kind, gentle, wonderful Remus, who made him smile and laugh. Who he loved. He was happy to note that affection for the man far outstripped any fear he felt until it was nonexistent. It had never really been there in the first place.

oOo

Sirius skipped lunch period too, hoping to stave off any discussion of his unusual behavior that morning as long as possible. When he arrived to class James and Peter were already seated at their usual desks in the back. James rounded on him the minute he joined them.

“Where have you been?” James demanded as he sat.

“Did you miss me that much?” Sirius teased but the hard look in James’s eye did not leave. James continued to do that “I’m going to stare at you until you confess your sins” thing that people like McGonagall and Evans were so good at but Sirius steadfastly ignored him. He was starting to feel a little restless under the scrutiny when the lesson began and James turned his attention to the front.

“Let’s begin by going over the reading I assigned last class. Yes, Mr. Black, did you have a question about the chapter?” Remus asked, acknowledging his raised hand. He had not intended to do this now, but his hand had flown into the air before he even realized he was doing it. James shot him a look but he ignored it.

“No, not about the chapter, sir. Actually, I wanted to ask about something that was in the Prophet this morning.” Was it his imagination, or did Remus look even paler than usual? He continued, “It sparked a rather interesting discussion at our table. I’m talking about the article about several werewolves that were put to death for attacking and killing those villagers. I just thought it might be interesting to hear your thoughts on the subject, being the resident expert and all.”

There was no mistaking the way his brown eyes narrowed at the question. “Well, it’s rather tragic, but I’m afraid I don’t have much to say on the matter,” he said casually, but Sirius could tell by the set of his shoulders and the way his hands gripped the book he was holding that he’d touched a nerve. Remus turned back to the book, “Back to the reading—”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Sirius interrupted and Remus practically glared at him. He knew he should probably drop it but he had to know. “I’m just curious to know how they were able to identify these people as the werewolves who attacked the village. How can you tell a person is a werewolf when they’re not transformed?”

“You can’t,” Lily said from two seats away. “Honestly, Black, we covered this subject in our OWLs.” A few people sniggered and James was giving him a curious look.

“I don’t believe I was asking you, Evans.” They glared at each other.

“She’s right though,” Remus said and they both turned to look back at their professor. “Untransformed, a werewolf looks and acts just like a normal witch or wizard.”

“Sir, my uncle used to work for the MLE and he told me that werewolves were vicious and dangerous no matter what cycle of the moon,” a Hufflepuff boy said. “He told me a story once of how he had to bring in a werewolf once and the man kept trying to bite and scratch him.”

“Mr. Smith, when it comes down to it, werewolves are human first. There are good and bad werewolves, just as there are good and bad men.”

“Professor, given the strict regulation of werewolves by the Ministry, isn’t it safe to say that they pose a little more threat than the average witch or wizard? They are more prone to violence and crime than any other dark creature, statistics show,” Snape said from his corner of the room. Some of the other Slytherins were nodding in agreement.

“That’s bollocks,” James said glaring at Snape. “If you treat a person like they’re evil or a criminal, eventually that’s what they become. The Ministry keeps werewolves in poverty, they can’t hold jobs, they don’t have the same rights that normal wizards do, and then they’re punished, rather severely, when they’re forced to do things they probably would not do otherwise to survive.”

“So you’re saying the werewolves that killed those villagers should have been given a slap on the wrist?”

“Of course not! I’m saying—”

“Why should werewolves be treated like any thing other than what they are? Monsters,” Snape argued, goading James further. Sirius watched as James turned a spectacular shade of red, his hand twitching as if to reach for his wand, and he was amazed that Snape was not yet covered in boils or something equally horrific.

“This is exactly why I did not wish to get into this subject,” Remus said from the front. He didn’t shout but his voice carried a note of authority that said, quite clearly, that the discussion was over. “This is neither the time nor place to discuss werewolf rights; the subject is fraught with prejudices that have no place in this classroom.”

Sirius admired the way Remus handled the interchange. He hadn’t flinched or made any outward sign that the discussion bothered him in the least. Sirius wasn’t quite sure what to make of that, and he still felt no closer to a definitive answer. There was nothing for it; he’d have to confront Remus directly.

oOo

After the lesson Sirius shook James off saying he wanted to discuss the lessons he missed and he would catch up later. Remus was standing at the front, his back to the room, erasing the notes from the black board. Sirius waited for the room to empty, and when it did, he cleared his throat to let Remus know he was there. Remus did not acknowledge him, just continued his task of cleaning the board. When he was done he placed the eraser on the ledge, his arm dropping to his side, but he did not turn around. The air grew thick with silence.

After several moments Sirius could no longer stand it. “Remus?”

“I thought I remember you promising to forget the things you heard in my office that day,” Remus said, his voice quiet.

“I did, honest. It’s just that article in the Prophet…things just started piecing themselves together. So, it’s true then? You’re a…” he couldn’t say it.

“Werewolf?” Remus had still yet to turn around to face him. From behind, he could see the man’s head drop a little. “Yes, it’s true,” he said, so softly Sirius might not have heard him.

Relief was the first thing he felt. Relief at finally knowing the thing that Remus refused to tell him, that was keeping them apart. The second thing he felt was regret. Regret that he’d pushed Remus to tell him when Remus made it perfectly clear he did not want Sirius to know, that Sirius knowing terrified him. Regret that Remus was forced to deal with this burden, this curse.

He moved until he was standing directly behind other man. He placed one hand on the man’s shoulder and wrapped the other arm around his waist until he was holding him close, his forehead resting on the man’s back. Remus made no move to return the embrace but he did not shy away from it either.

“I just want you to know that I don’t care, Remus. I still love you. Maybe… maybe I even love you a little bit more now.” Remus snorted, which Sirius took as a good sign. “Don’t laugh at me, you prat, I’m bearing my soul here.”

“Sorry, do go on,” he said, and laced his fingers with Sirius’s at his shoulder. Sirius nuzzled the back of his neck and Remus sighed and leaned into his embrace.

“Now I’ve gone and forgot where I was.”

“You were telling me how much you adore me.”

“Ah yes, thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome.”

He stood holding the other man for another few moments, breathing in his scent as he continued to nuzzle his neck, a soft dark smell that was uniquely Remus. “I’m absolute shit at this sort of thing,” he said after a while, earning him another snort of laughter. “Will you look at me, please?”

Remus turned so they were facing each other, Sirius keeping his arm around his waist. There was a tentative smile on his face but his eyes were guarded.  “You don’t get many people who tell you they’re okay with this do you?”

“I don’t give many people the opportunity to find out.”

He cupped the other man’s cheek, running a thumb across his cheekbone. “I am. I mean it. You believe me don’t you?”

Remus stared at him, searching his eyes for something. Maybe he was waiting to Sirius to say “Ha! Just kidding!” but Sirius had never meant any thing more. Some of that must had shown in his face because Remus smiled more broadly and said, “I do. But this doesn’t change anything, Sirius. I still meant what I said the other day.”

“And I told you I don’t care. I want to be with you. Don’t you want me too?”

“Yes,” Remus admitted, a blush forming on his cheeks.

“Then have me,” he said kissing the other man gently. “I’m yours already anyway.”

Of all the kisses they’d shared so far, Sirius thought this might have been his favorite. Remus wrapped strong arms around him, and slid their lips together in a languid, tender kiss. He smiled into the kiss as their tongues brushed together. Sirius felt a slow, burning desire smoldering between them but there was no rush. This unhurried slide of lips and bodies was as glorious a thing as he’d ever felt, and it could carry on forever as far as Sirius was concerned.

“Oh, fuck!” came a surprised voice from behind. They sprang apart, eyes wide, identical expressions of horror mirrored on their faces. James Potter stood, his hand still on the door knob, his face bright red with embarrassment, trying very hard to look any where but at Sirius and Remus and failing miserably. “Just came to get…book. Lily left. I’ll just…” he quickly retrieved a book from where they were sitting and left, his face still burning.

“Damn Potter.” He turned back to find Remus standing, stock still, a hand covering his face. “Remus, it’s okay. He already knows. I told him. Well, he kind of figured it out actually and confronted me about it.”

He wrapped his arms around the man’s waist again, and leaned forward placing a kiss on his jaw but Remus stepped out of his embrace. “No…Remus.” Not again.

Remus withdrew his wand and sent a locking spell at the door. “Sirius, I want this. I’ll admit it. Possibly more than I’ve ever wanted anything. But that,” he pointed to the door where James had just exited, “that is exactly why we can’t do this.”

“It was just James. He isn’t going to tell!”

“It could have been anyone!”

“Remus, please…”

“No, Sirius, I’m sorry but we can’t do this. Not now anyway.”

“Not now?”

“Can you wait? Until you’re done with school?”

Sirius hated waiting, he felt he’d waited long enough for this but if waiting was the only way he was going to have what he wanted then so be it. “You’re worth waiting for,” he said, causing Remus to blush attractively again.

Before Remus could say anything else, Sirius pulled him forward by his shirt and kissed him soundly. Remus responded with enthusiasm and Sirius heard a low moan but was unsure who it came from. He snuck his hands around the other man to rest on his arse. Remus laughed against his lips.

“We should stop,” he said pulling away slightly. Sirius ducked his head to nuzzle at Remus’s neck again.

“Don’t want to stop,” he said placing a kiss on the flutter of pulse beneath his lips, and he heard Remus sigh.

“I don’t either but you should really go.” Remus carded a hand through Sirius’s hair which sent jolts of pleasure down his spine. He gave an involuntary thrust of his hips against the other man.

“Once I leave we go back to being student and teacher.”

“For now.” He felt Remus place a finger beneath his chin and tilt his head up, brushing their lips together briefly.

“For now,” Sirius agreed.


	14. Chapter 14

They agreed Sirius should no longer come to visit Remus in his office. The temptation was too great when there were no other people around to keep them in check. That did nothing, however, to keep them from wanting each other every waking minute of the day, and usually non-waking hours of the night too.

Sirius was in an almost constant state of arousal. His body reacted every time their eyes met, when they shared secret smiles, when ever he saw Remus laughing or frowning or brushing hair out of his eyes. Every little thing the man did drove him wild.

_This can’t be healthy_ , he thought as he watched Remus stirring sugar in his tea, willing his body to behave. It couldn’t be normal to want to be that spoon, could it? He nearly moaned out loud when Remus brought the spoon to his lips to take a small sip.

He was never more grateful for the amount of homework he was given as NEWTs inched ever closer. It kept his hands busy and his mind off Remus for a few blessed hours of relief. Defense lessons were another matter however. Sirius decided to go back to his usual routine of non-participation but Remus had other ideas. The man had avoided his gaze the whole lecture and Sirius assumed Remus would ignore him during lessons but he was sadly mistaken. During the practical demonstration he called on Sirius to assist.

“Mr. Black, would you be so kind as to join me here in the front to demonstrate the counter-curse?” he asked in his best professorial tone, and _oh God_ , how had he never noticed how sexy that voice was? Sirius privately thought Remus was a closeted sadist for how cruelly he teased Sirius during the demonstration.

“Why don’t you do me first?” he asked and from the back he thought he heard James snicker. “Throw your best curse at me and I’ll deflect.”

Remus had seen Sirius duel before though and deflected easily. “Now, I’m sure you can try _harder_ than that,” he said, and Sirius heard the laughter in his voice, things were hard enough already, thank you very much. _Evil bastard_.

If Remus was struggling with this as much as Sirius, he hid it well. He seemed completely unperturbed around Sirius, except on the rare occasions when Sirius would catch him watching, when he thought he was being sneaky. Remus gazed at him with such unconcealed longing it took incredible amounts of restraint Sirius didn’t even know he possessed to keep from snogging the man silly in the middle of the Great Hall.

His restraint was pushed to its limit after one such incident during dinner. Dark, brown eyes burned him during the whole meal. He did his best not to look but that some how made things worse. Knowing Remus was watching every thing he did, he’d never felt more turned on. When Remus rose from his seat and left, Sirius followed him at a good distance. Once they’d put two floors between them and the rest of the school, Sirius hurried to catch up and pulled Remus bodily into the nearest empty classroom. 

“Sirius? What’s going on?”

He threw his best locking and silencing spells at the door and proceeded to devour the other man’s mouth. They kissed messily for several long moments, pulling roughly at hair and clothing. Sirius felt his body positively humming with desire so strong it was making him dizzy.

“We should stop,” Remus managed to say thickly between, kisses but made no attempt to do so as they continued to attack each other.

“Can’t stop. _Oh God_ , Remus I need to touch you so badly. I think I might die if I don’t,” he gasped, pulling Remus’s shirt from his trousers and running his hands underneath to feel soft, warm skin.

“Can’t have that now,” Remus chuckled, and moaned when Sirius pinched a nipple. “Just this once,” he said before pulling Sirius closer.

oOo

After that, “just this once” became all the time. It was pathetic, they hadn’t even been able to make it one week before giving in the first time. Remus berated himself afterward every time they met in empty classrooms or dark corridors. He vowed that he would not let it happen again, but then he’d catch that dark, lusty look in Sirius’s eyes and he lost himself. He knew that what they were doing was wrong, but found, with every kiss, he cared less and less.

The best that could be said was that they were being very, very careful. Sirius, running hands over every where he could reach, teasing him with hot kisses, usually drove Remus to distraction, but never so much that he did not have the good presence of mind to put up charms and spells to keep anyone from interrupting their amazing interludes. And they were amazing.

For a teenage boy who had only recently discovered his desire to get off with other men, Sirius took to their clandestine adventures like a seasoned professional. Remus spent nearly two weeks since the first time in a constant state of mind consuming lust. Sirius surprised him at every corner, pulling him into empty classroom and dark corridors. Remus drew the line at allowing Sirius to visit him in his quarters and office. Somehow that seemed like taking it too far.

Seven years of exploring the castle had earned Sirius a vast knowledge of hidden passageways, which they put to good use. In fact, they were putting it to good use currently, hidden away in a secret passageway, bodies sweating and rocking against each other.

Sirius groaned low and tossed his head back revealing his long, lovely neck as Remus fisted him tightly. Remus was mesmerized by the way his Adam’s apple bobbed with each ragged breath he took. The urge to bite was strong but he kept it in check. The full moon was close, two nights away, and his more aggressive tendencies were coming to the surface. They’d not discussed his lycanthropy since the first time he’d admitted it to Sirius but he knew it was inevitably going to come up again, and soon. The need to dominate, to mate, was too strong. He was only just keeping himself in control.

“Oh, Remus….feels so good,” Sirius moaned, thrusting into Remus’s hand as they continued to frot against each other. It _was_ good. Sirius felt hot and slick with each slide of his shaft against Remus’s. His orgasm was building, he was almost there, but it felt just out of reach and he gave a frustrated growl. It was good, but it wasn’t enough.

“Turn around,” he said and Sirius’s head snapped forward to look at Remus, surprise evident in the grey depths.

“What?” he gasped as Remus slowed the pace of his pumping. He knocked the hand on his own cock away and grabbed Sirius by the hips, forcibly turning him until he was facing the wall. It was a little awkward as his trousers were still around his knees but they managed. Remus leaned forward, bracing one hand on the wall in front of Sirius and ran the tip of cock along the crack of Sirius’s pert arse with the other, pumping himself slowly.

“Remus…” Sirius moaned and looked over his shoulder at Remus. Remus removed the hand fisting himself and placed it atop Sirius’s head, pushing it until his forehead touched the wall.

“Don’t talk,” he ordered and returned to his task. “Place your hands on the wall.” Sirius complied, gasping and groaning and soon began pushing back into Remus's frantic stroking. _Fuck_ , it was brilliant. He buried his face in damp black hair inhaling deeply, the combination of smells—sweat, and smoke, and sex—driving him to further heights of arousal.

Sirius was trembling against him; he glanced over the boy’s shoulder and saw he was biting his lip hard to keep from crying out. _Such a good boy_ , he thought fondly. He continued stroking himself, wanting desperately to go deeper, to fuck this beautiful body in front of him. But he knew Sirius was not ready for that. At least not the kind of fucking he’d get two days before full.

“Oh, fuck, Remus, touch me please. I can’t… I can’t!” he whined pitifully, pounding his fist against the wall, gasping loudly with each up and down of Remus’s stroking.

“Tut, and you were doing so good,” Remus sighed, making no move to relieve the very obvious need between the boy’s legs.

“Oh! Remus, please! I’ll be good I swear, just touch me!” Sirius was practically sobbing, his hips snapping back in quick succession.

“No,” he said and Sirius shuddered violently against him. He indulged in a sharp nip on the flesh behind Sirius’s ear. “Touch yourself,” he whispered.

Sirius did not need to be told twice and stroked himself in time with Remus’s shallow thrusts against his backside, moaning loudly with each downward stroke. Remus felt his climax building as he watched Sirius crying out and thrusting back against him.

“You’re gorgeous like this, you know that?” he asked in the boy’s ear. Sirius’s only response was to moan louder still and begin fisting himself faster. "Love watching you."

“Ah…Remus, I’m gonna…oh!”

“Do it,” Remus ordered. “Yeah, that's it.”

That seemed to be the breaking point for Sirius. With a loud cry, his hips shuddered to a halt as his orgasm pumped out of him in thick white spurts. Watching Sirius come undone was all Remus needed and he was coming too in long, jerky spasms after half a dozen more strokes. He leaned heavily against Sirius, still bracing himself on the wall, but wrapping his other arm around the boy’s torso. When his heartbeat gained some semblance of normalcy he began placing long, tender kisses on Sirius’s back, his neck, in his hair.

“My God, Remus…” Sirius groaned leaning forward, resting his arms on the wall again.

“Never been called a god before, was it that good?” he asked with a laugh. He waved his wand to clean himself and Sirius, and lovingly dressed the boy, placing kisses on his back as he did so. He just couldn’t get enough of touching him.

“Absolutely brilliant,” he said as Remus dressed himself. Sirius turned to face Remus, his eyes still cloudy with lust. He pulled Remus forward and kissed him deeply.

Remus smiled when they broke apart. “Glad you enjoyed yourself.”

“Mmmm. Who knew you were so bossy? You’re just full of surprises, Mr. Lupin.”

“I tend to get a little more aggressive the closer it gets to the full. I hope I haven’t frightened you off. I was trying very hard to keep myself in check.”

In the two short weeks they’d been messing around, they’d hardly done more than handjobs and one rather spectacular blowjob, sometimes even preferring to just snog each other senseless, orgasms not required—of course it was always much nicer when they happened. Today had been very different and he hoped Sirius was not going to run scared.

“While I imagine you may not enjoy the days leading up to the full moon, I think I may find myself enjoying them immensely,” Sirius said twirling a lock of Remus’s hair around his finger. Remus frowned, not liking the casual way Sirius treated his condition. Catching his look, Sirius said, “I’ve said something wrong haven’t I? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“It’s okay, you haven’t. It’s just… I’m not used to my lovers knowing.”

“Am I your lover then?”

“I don’t know what you are. Insane probably, to be getting involved with me of all people.”

“Blacks are not known for their sanity.”

“Well, sane or not, it’s probably not a good idea for us to see each other again until after the full moon.”

Sirius pouted, something he’d learned quickly Remus found absolutely irresistible and used shamelessly when he wasn’t getting what he wanted. “Reeeeeemus,” he whined.

“No, that won’t work this time,” he said firmly but ruined it by smiling. Sirius continued to give him a wounded puppy expression and Remus tried and failed to glare. “I mean it, I’m not…in control when it gets this close to full. You were very close to being fucked into the wall a few minutes ago.”

“I wouldn’t have minded.”

“Yes, you would have. You don’t want—”

“Would you please stop telling me what I would and wouldn’t want? I’m a big boy, Remus! I can make my own decisions!”

“It wouldn’t have been your decision! That’s what I’m trying to tell you!”

They glared at each other. Disagreements like this were also not uncommon these days. Sirius had a world-class ability to act like a spoiled child sometimes. Remus gave it up to Sirius growing up having every little thing handed to him. That, combined with the stubbornness of a teenager, made for a rather annoying headache behind the eyes that only Sirius was capable of inspiring in him.

The small part of himself that hesitated to jump into a relationship with Sirius counted this among one of the several reasons why this was a bad idea. He was always going to have to play the role of the adult. Sirius was too young to care about the consequences of his actions and so Remus had to care for him, and he had no desire to be the boy’s minder. 

But the larger part of himself that could not resist falling into this thing they were doing loved Sirius’s youth. Sirius was experienced in some ways but very innocent in others. It turned Remus on in a way he didn’t know possible to show Sirius things he’d learned himself through much trial and error. To see Sirius blush and moan and writhe against Remus when he touched places no one had ever touched before, when he whispered about the secret, dirty things he wanted to do to him, drove Remus wild with lust. More than anything he was excited to teach Sirius how to make love, which was why he did not want their first time to be a hard and fast fuck against a wall. He knew Sirius would thank him for it later.

“You don’t want it like that, Sirius, trust me. It would be painful and you’d hate it, and I don’t want to do that to you. I want our first time together to be special.” He felt a little embarrassed saying it but it had the desired effect. Sirius’s eyes softened and he shook his head smiling.

“Remus Lupin, you utter girl,” he said placing a kiss on his lips. “So, that means you want to then. Right?”

_Oh_. Remus suddenly understood. “Did you think I didn’t?”

Sirius shrugged not meeting his eyes; a gesture Remus had come to understand to mean Sirius was feeling insecure. He grabbed Sirius by the chin, forcing the boy to meet his eyes. “I want to, Sirius. Very much. How could I not?”

Something like relief flitted through his grey eyes. “It’s just I really want to, Remus. You keep pushing me away, I know we’re supposed to be waiting but I can’t stand it. I can’t stop thinking about it. I want you to…make love to me.” Sirius blushed brilliantly at that last statement.

“Now whose being a girl?” Remus teased and Sirius pinched him where his hand was resting on Remus’s hip.

“Git.”

Remus made a soft “hmmm” noise as he nuzzled the boy’s neck, indulging again in another soft nip of the skin there, causing Sirius to moan and buck his hips. “Ready for another go already?”

“What can I say? Must be your animal magnetism. What do you say, Wolfboy?” Sirius asked bucking his hips again.  
  
Remus laughed outright. “Sirius if you ever want me to fuck you, you’ll never call me Wolfboy again.”

“Moony then,” Sirius said and Remus wrinkled his nose.

“Only marginally better,” Remus said palming Sirius through his trousers feeling the slowly building hardness there. _To be seventeen again_ , Remus thought wistfully.

“I think I like it. Moony,” he said testing the word out again. Remus shook his head and gave Sirius an affectionate tug of his hair.

“I think I might know something you’ll like even better,” Remus whispered in his ear and promptly dropped to his knees.

Remus was reluctant to admit it, but “Moony” did not sound quite so bad when Sirius was moaning and crying it out as he came down Remus’s throat. Damn clever boy.


	15. Chapter 15

Sirius had been true to his word and stayed well away from Remus for the next two days, but it was a difficult feat to manage. He’d become far too used to touching the other man, far too used to being touched by him. He was disgustingly aroused for the second day running and had no outlet for relief, and was taking out it out on anyone he came across. James had called him out for being an insufferable prat when Sirius snapped at him for the third time that day.

“Merlin’s balls, Sirius, go get shagged or what ever it is you do with Lupin, you’re being fucking impossible,” he’d said when they were alone in their dorm for afternoon break. “I’ve got to finish this Charms essay before practice.”

“I can’t, he’s not putting out at the moment.”

“Oh my God.” James looked up from his work his eyes wide. “I was joking. You’re really…doing things with him?” James asked looking appalled.

“Are you doing things with Lily?” Sirius asked a hard edge in his voice. James had been very accepting regarding Sirius’s preferences but they had a silent agreement to not to discuss it in too much detail.

James blushed and carded his hand through his hair. “Actually no. Lily… we haven’t done much more than snog. I think she wants to but maybe it’s just not the right time, us both being so busy and what not.”

“And you’re telling me to get laid. Maybe you’d mellow out a bit more if you were having fantastic sex like me.”

“You’re having sex with him?” James asked, and the disgust from before was gone replaced with cautious curiosity.

He gave James a long look. Homosexuality was an interesting subject among the young men of Hogwarts. Although many protested in tones of disgust that they would never touch another bloke like _that_ , their inherent curiosity always won out. Why would two blokes want to do _that_ with each other? Crude jokes were made, impossible scenarios where it would be acceptable were given (maybe for a million Galleons or only if we were the only two people in the world and there were no sheep), and while some boys wondered and decided that no, it was not for them, some boys like Sirius took their curiosity to the next level and discovered something new about themselves.

“No,” Sirius admitted after a moment. “We’re not having actual sex, just, you know,” he made a crude hand gesture and he watched James’s eyes widen impossibly behind his glasses.

“I don’t believe it,” James said, his mouth agape.

“I thought you knew. You walked in on us kissing that one day.”

“Yeah but I didn’t think you were doing anything more. Sirius,” James rose from his prone position on his bed and sat up. “That’s really wrong.”

“Oh give me a break, James, you said you were okay with this.”

“No, Sirius, I am, but he’s a professor! He could get fired! He could go to jail! This isn’t some silly prank.”

“He can’t be arrested, I’m of age and we’re being really careful.”

“Weren’t being careful the day I walked in.”

“A lesson learned the hard way.” James continued to scrutinize him. “You don’t approve.”

“It’s just, risky isn’t it? What if you’re caught?”

“Merlin, you sound like, Remus. We’re not getting caught; we’re being careful, okay?”

James was silent for a long minute as Sirius toyed with the book in his lap. “So, what’s it like? Being with another bloke?” James asked cocking his head to the side the same way he did when they were devising a wicked prank.  
  
Sirius grinned.“Bloody amazing. It’s not all that different from being with a girl. Less soft curvy bits. Honestly, being with a bloke is so much easier.” James laughed staring at Sirius in frank wonderment. “All the mechanics are the same you know? Chances are the thing you like, the other bloke is going to like too.”

“Isn’t it weird though, touching someone else’s dick?”

“Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it,” Sirius chided and James turned a fantastic shade of red.

“I’ll think I’ll let you have all the fun and I’ll stick my soft curvy bits.”

“Freak,” Sirius teased.

“Poof,” James retorted, and Sirius could tell there was no malice behind the word. This was something they we’re going to be able to laugh about. All further discussion on the subject was put to rest when Peter entered carrying a stack of books.

“Think this should do for the Potion’s project Slughorn assigned this morning. Pretty sure NEWTs might kill me.”

“Hear, hear,” James said turning back to his essay. Sirius was grateful he had James in his corner. He still hesitated to tell Peter but he thought he probably should and soon. Sirius and James could keep a secret but the energy of hiding it from Peter was really not worth it. If Peter didn’t like it, oh well. He had James.

oOo

He knew it was a bad idea, going to Remus’s office. The full moon was that night and Remus had made it perfectly clear Sirius should stay away. Staying away though, was much harder to do than he expected. He’d watched Remus for two days, and was fascinated by the changes he noticed in the man. Probably no one else would have noticed the subtle differences in his behavior but watching Remus was like a religion to Sirius.

The first thing he noticed was how agitated he seemed. Remus was usually very calm and collected and moved with calculated purpose. Now, Remus moved like someone had doused him with itching power from Zonko’s. He paced restlessly around the classroom, his movements and gestures were jerky and uncoordinated, and though he was very good at stopping himself, Sirius could tell Remus wanted badly to scratch at his shoulders. He’d frequently reach up to do so then waggle his fingers frantically and run his hand through his hair so the movement wouldn’t look awkward. The constant finger carding through his hair mussed his normally neat, wavy, locks so badly it gave him the appearance of a mad man, which was not helpful.

Remus was also much less patient with the students. He was still supremely nice and far more patient then some professors by half, but his kind smile became more of a grimace. And while he was usually very forgiving, he was much quicker to dock house points for any misbehavior.

The most interesting thing he noticed was how bright Remus’s eyes shone, almost like he had a very high fever. How had he never noticed that? The normally deep brown turned almost copper as the yellow in his eyes practically glowed. Was that a werewolf thing? He wondered if other werewolves had similar eyes.

He knocked on the door to Remus’s office and heard some shuffling around. “Just a minute,” he heard Remus call. More shuffling. The door wrenched open and Remus pulled him in into the room by the front of his shirt, slamming the door closed again, his chest heaving and face flushed like he’d just been running. “Sirius! What are you doing here?” he demanded.

“I just wanted to see you. Remus, are you alright?” he asked reaching to touch his face. Remus leaned into the touch and kissed Sirius’s palm as it caressed his cheek.

“No, I’m not alright,” he breathed. “I’m incredibly horny and I’m going to transform into a werewolf in a few hours, but thank you ever so for asking.”

“Were you having one off before I showed up?” Sirius teased, but it was the wrong thing to say apparently. Remus growled and shoved him hard against the door, pinning him there by the arms.

“Yes, I was,” he hissed and ran his tongue along the line of Sirius’s jaw. Sirius felt his body respond immediately. “I was touching myself and thinking of how badly I want to fuck you,” he said nuzzling Sirius’s neck and breathing deeply. “I could practically smell you on the other side of the door. Damn it, Sirius, this is why you can’t be here, you have to go.” He wrenched himself away with a grunt but Sirius pulled his collar to bring him back.

“I’m not afraid.” He palmed Remus through his robes feeling the hardness there. Remus groaned loudly. “Didn’t finish the job, hmm? Allow me then.”

He slid gracefully to the ground, running his palms along the length of the other man’s body as he went. “Sirius, you don’t have to do this,” Remus said but buried both hands in Sirius’s hair while Sirius undid the belt on his robe. “I might be… rough.”

“Maybe I like it that way.” He flipped open the trousers beneath the robes and pulled them down along with underwear to expose sensitive flesh beneath. Sirius stroked the length slowly with the back of his knuckles. They’d done this before and Remus had really enjoyed the way Sirius toyed with him. Remus pulled at his hair, not quite painfully but with enough force to let Sirius know he could make it hurt if he wanted to.

“You’d better do something soon, Sirius, or in the next minute I’m going to fuck your mouth whether you want me to or not.”

Needing no more encouragement than that, Sirius ran his tongue along the underside of Remus’s cock and pushed his lips over the swollen head. Remus guided Sirius’s with his hands until he’d swallowed more than his length and he panicked for half a second. If Remus was really as worked up as he said he was there was little Sirius could do to stop now that they’d begun.

 _No turning back now_ , he though bravely and began to suck. It was probably not the best blowjob he’d ever given but Remus didn’t seem to mind as he moaned and thrust shallowly into Sirius’s mouth. Sirius ran his palms up Remus’s thighs and around to cup the curve of his arse. This seemed to destroy what little restraint Remus had left. He groaned loudly and thrust deeply into Sirius’s mouth, pulling harshly on his hair.

“Oh God, _Sirius_ ,” Remus moaned as he snapped his hips back and forth quickly. Sirius tried not to gag and did his best to relax his throat as Remus continued to thrust. His jaw was starting to hurt and he felt his eyes watering and breathing was beginning to become an issue, but he was also painfully aroused and wouldn’t have tried to stop Remus for anything. “Touch yourself,” Remus ordered between gasping moans.

Sirius freed himself from his trousers which had become uncomfortably tight and stroked himself, managing a muffled moan around the obstruction in his mouth and causing Remus to thrust faster and faster. Just when Sirius was starting to feel dizzy due to lack of air, Remus stilled and Sirius felt warmth fill his mouth. He tried not to choke as Remus came down his throat but was unsuccessful. Remus pulled away as Sirius coughed, wiping his mouth with his sleeve.

He felt himself being pulled to his feet and suddenly Remus was kissing him deeply, tongue delving into Sirius’s mouth, as he tried to remove the tie around Sirius’s neck. Sirius reached up with his free hand to help, getting an inking of what Remus wanted, and not wanting Remus to destroy his clothing in his haste.

“You’re perfect you know that?” he whispered as Sirius undid the buttons on his shirt to expose his throat. Remus nosed the pendant hanging above his breast plate aside and nibbled softy at the hollow there as Sirius continued to stroke himself. Sirius wondered if it was a Remus thing or a wolf thing, but the man loved to bite and lick his neck, which never failed to arouse Sirius so he wasn’t really complaining. Remus bit harder on the side of his neck, sending a shock of pleasure through his whole body.

“Remus please….” he begged, still stroking himself swiftly, badly needing release. Remus’s hand joined his frantic stroking and he came after a few sure strokes.

They leaned into each other breathing heavily. “You’re perfect,” Remus said again, burying his face in Sirius’s hair.

“Feeding my already enormous ego now, Moony?” he asked, his voice sounding a little hoarse to his ears.

“I hate that nickname,” Remus said without any real anger.

“You love it because I gave it to you,” Sirius insisted.

“Maybe,” Remus hedged.

Sirius leaned forward and their lips met in a gentle kiss. Remus cleaned them with a spell and they dressed quickly.

“I should go,” Remus said at last.

“I don’t want you to go,” Sirius said, wrapping his arms around the man.

“I have to. I’ll be okay.” Remus placed a kiss in his hair.

“I’ll be thinking about you all night. Are you ever scared?” Sirius asked, looking into the man’s eyes.

“Every time.”

“I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“There’s nothing anyone can do. It’s okay, I’m used to it.”

Sirius hated the dull resignation in the man’s voice. It wasn’t fair. Sirius had done a lot more reading up on werewolves since he’d first confronted Remus. He’d managed to find a few texts that were far less bigoted, and from what he’d read transformations were horrible. One text, actually written by a werewolf, described how painful the process of transforming from man to wolf and back again was. The wolf literally tore itself from the man’s body, breaking bones and rending flesh. Some werewolves were known to die just from the transformation alone due to extensive injuries. Werewolves like Remus who secluded themselves from others during the transformations attacked themselves when they could not find humans to bite. And Remus did this every month, for years now. He shivered against the man he was holding.

“It’s okay,” Remus said again, stroking his hair.

It wasn’t fair. Remus should not be the one comforting Sirius. He leaned into the touch hoping he was giving as much comfort as he was getting. Remus sighed and placed another kiss in his hair.

“Come on, you should get back to your dorm. I have it on good authority you have a quiz tomorrow, go study or something and don’t worry about me.”

oOo

“Earth to Sirius Black, hello?” James said waving a hand in front of his face. Sirius wrenched his eyes from the window that he’d been staring out for close to five minutes to look at his friend. “Ah ha, there he is. You know, I think he’ll be okay after all, Peter.”

“Depends on your definition of okay,” Peter said picking up a card from the deck of Exploding Snap cards he and James were playing with.

Sirius glanced back out the window at the full moon hanging innocently white in the cloudless sky. He did anything he could think of to distract himself from thoughts of Remus, none of which helped. He’d been sitting on his bed trying to read but hadn’t even turned the page once, the words not even penetrating his brain. He’d caught sight of the moon out of the dormitory window and was struck with panic at the sight.

Where was Remus right now? What was he doing? Was he hurt? _Please God, don’t let him be hurt_ , he prayed fervently, something he never did as he didn’t hold too much stock in prayer. He berated himself for worrying so. Remus would be fine. He’s been doing this for years and come out on the other side alive, why should tonight be any different?

As much as he tried to keep himself from worrying, images of Remus lying broken and bleeding on the floor of the Shrieking Shack haunted him. Damn it, he felt so useless he could cry.

“What’s eating you, Black? You’ve been distracted all evening.” James threw him a concerned look. “And you’re going to tear that page out if you’re not careful.”

Sirius looked down; he was indeed clutching the page he’d been reading for the last hour tightly in his fist. He smoothed it back down but there was a small tear at the top. He had to get out, he had to do something.

“Feel up for a bit of mischief boys?” he asked jumping to his feet, an idea coming to him suddenly. Peter glanced at James who did that cocking his head to the side thing, frowning slightly.

“What did you have in mind?” he asked.

“Nothing too immoral. Don’t want to besmirch the honor of our dearly beloved Head Boy. Just thought it might be fun to pop over to Hogsmeade for a drink or two. When was the last time we snuck out?”

“We have lessons tomorrow,” James said but Sirius could tell he thought it was feeble excuse.

“Has that ever stopped us before? We’re only young once right?”

oOo

Less than thirty minutes later they were seated in a booth in a dark corner of the Three Broomsticks, mugs of Butterbeer in hand. Rosemerta chastised them good-naturedly about leaving the school grounds after hours and refused to serve them anything stronger than Butterbeer, which was fine by Sirius as the memory of the last time he indulged in firewhiskey was still fresh.

They sat at the table sipping their drinks while James regaled them with his latest Quidditch story. Sirius sat facing the door so he could alert the other two boys if a professor walked in so they could duck under the table and sneak out under the cloak.

“I still can’t believe you had to give up Captaincy this year, you’d have made a much better Captain than Jones,” Peter said.

“I know, Jones is alright, but in a way I’m glad, bloody exhausted with every thing else going on. We’re only sixty points behind Ravenclaw for the cup so if we play right we can definitely win.”

“Assuming Slytherin doesn’t win the next match, that’ll put us in third if they do,” Sirius said, his eyes on the door and ears straining to hear snatches of other conversations. The bar was not packed, nor was it empty. There were several small groups of witches and wizards scattered around, and a few people sitting alone at the bar.

“Slytherin is crap this year. Admittedly, they have your brother who is actually a pretty good seeker, but Ravenclaw chasers are ace. So are their beaters. Don’t think Slytherin stands a chance.”

Two hooded, cloaked figures walked into the bar and Sirius tensed and held up his hand.

“A professor?” Peter asked.

“No, sorry false alarm,” Sirius said as the two men lowered their hoods. Not professors, just villagers. The two men sat at the bar and Rosmerta appeared to serve them, placing two mugs of mead on the bar in front of them.

“Ta Rosie,” one of the men said, drinking deeply.

“Did you hear it?” she asked in a whisper, looking back and forth between the two men, but Sirius heard her, had been waiting to hear this. A jolt of something like nervousness shot through him.

“Heard it alright, I’m telling you that ain’t no ghost,” one of the men said.

“Reckon we ought to write to the Ministry?”

“Whatever it is, it’s not hurting anyone,” another person at the bar said. “Dumbledore came down to look at the house and he didn’t find anything wrong.”

“Sirius, what is it?” James asked, noticing that Sirius was not as enthralled as Peter was with his Quidditch story.

“Shh,” Sirius whispered putting a finger to his lips. “They’re talking about the Shrieking Shack.”

Peter’s eyes widened a fraction but James smiled wickedly. He looked from Peter to Sirius expectantly. “Feeling brave, gentlemen?” he asked in a voice reminiscent of the old James Potter, the pre-Head Boy badge wearing James Potter.

This is what Sirius had wanted, to go to the house where Remus was. Why then was he suddenly so afraid? He’d lured his friends out on a school night to a bar he knew would be full of locals. He’d been counting on someone to bring up the goings on in the Shack, since it was likely to be very active tonight of all nights. Had hoped he could entice his friends into paying it a visit, the thrill of adventure too much to pass up, and here James had beat him to the punch. It was perfect. He took a large swallow of his Butterbeer, finishing the drink. James mirrored his action.

“Let’s go,” Sirius said moving to stand.

“But…” Peter began to protest looking pale.

“Are you a Gryffindor or not?” James asked giving the boy’s shoulder a shake. Peter seemed to waver but that look, that steely resolve he got whenever James or Sirius goaded him into doing something monumentally stupid graced his pointy features. James and Sirius shared a grin and the three boys left the bar casual as could be.

They ducked around the back of the bar deciding the long way around to the Shack was probably safer and there was less likely to be someone who would recognize them wandering around. Sirius felt his nervousness grow, his stomach churning around the Butterbeer he’d hastily swallowed uncomfortably. What was he doing? _This is so stupid_ , a voice sounding very much like Remus said in his ear.

The house was not very far when they heard it, a loud blood curdling shriek ending in a very long, bone chilling howl. The three boys froze in their tracks, looking at each other, eyes wide. Sirius thought he might be sick.

In an odd way he also felt relieved. That shriek meant Remus was still alive, but for how much longer? He resumed walking first. “Courage, men! Courage!”

They approached the house slowly. There were no lights. Sirius wondered why he expected there to be. The full moon was bright behind the house, bathing the house in blue light but casting the front in shadows. He heard a series of loud crashes and a pitiful yelping noise.

“Merlin, what the hell is it?” James breathed staring at the house.

“Let’s go around the back,” Sirius said. “In case someone comes along.”

He crept through the decrepit yard, James and Peter following a few steps behind him. They stopped a comfortable distance from the house. Sirius felt his heart pounding in his chest. Another loud crash sounded from the house, like something huge had fallen from the second landing to the first. There was another high pitched cry, and there was no mistaking the pain in the voice of the thing that cried out. _Remus_. Sirius moved quickly and automatically towards the broken steps of the porch.

“Sirius, don’t!” James screeched but followed him.

Sirius put a foot on the bottom step. Something slammed into the back door with such force the screen hanging askew on the door wobbled dangerously. Both boys stopped short, Peter was still standing farther back. There was another slam against the door, this time Sirius could hear the sound of nails dragging against the door and a low menacing growl.

True fear finally made its way into his brain. What was he doing? That wasn’t Remus fighting to get out. It was of course, but not Remus in his right mind. The wolf was not going to recognize Sirius or his friends as anything other than dinner. Tasty human was tasty human, lover or no.

“Let’s get out of here,” James breathed as the growling grew louder. Sirius couldn’t move though. “Sirius! We should leave!” James pulled on his sleeve.

“Are you actually scared, Potter?” he asked with a laugh, but he thought his voice betrayed his own fear.

“I’m bloody terrified. There’s something dangerous in there. Can’t you sense it?”

He could sense it alright, but then he already knew there was something dangerous in the Shack. Someone dangerous. There was another smash into the door again and the screen rattled and fell to the porch. They backed away quickly; the thing on the other side continued to slam into the door repeatedly, growling and crying out as its prey got further and further away.

The cries of pain and anger followed him long after they put the house in the distance. Sirius could still hear them as he lay awake in his bed. The lack of snoring and sounds of sleeping told him James and Peter were still awake too, though probably not for the same reason. He turned, trying to forget about the brown-haired man and the terrible cries of the wolf that held him prisoner in that house. He eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep where the cries of the wolf followed him into his dreams.

oOo

Remus woke to the feeling of hands stroking his hair. It was a rather lovely way to wake up considering the night he’d endured. He opened his eyes and the hand stilled. Everything was blurry and he blinked several times trying to focus on the dark figure above him.

“Remus?” the figure asked.

“Sirius?” he croaked, his vision finally clearing to focus on the boy. Sirius was kneeling beside him, Remus’s head cradled in his lap. He sat up slowly, staring at him. “What are you doing here?” he asked, clutching his head and fighting off a wave of dizziness. There was blanket thrown across him.

He began cataloging the damage from the previous evening. His shoulder ached something dreadful but it didn’t feel broken and the usual bites and scratches littered his body but he felt pretty good all things considered.

“How did you even get here?” he asked sharply, suddenly aware of what the boy’s presence meant. He told Sirius where he went during his transformations but he had not told Sirius how to get there. Sirius was far too curious for his own good.

 _Oh God_ , he thought with a sick feeling. “Sirius, did I…were you here last night?” he demanded. He remembered smelling humans near the house the night before. A few villagers ventured close the past several moons, their curiosity piqued at the new phenomena among them. For a while he thought he smelled Sirius and the wolf had flown into a rage.

“Kind of,” Sirius admitted, his head bowed.

“What do you mean, kind of?” Remus asked gritting his teeth a little.

“We just came up to the house. It’s not like we came in or anything. I’m crazy not stupid.”

“We?”

“Erm, me and James and Peter.”

“Damn it, Sirius! What in Merlin’s name we’re you thinking bringing them here? What we’re you doing here for that matter?”

“I just needed to see it.”

“Feel better now that you have?”

“No.”

Remus wanted to be mad but he didn’t have the energy. “Do they know?”

“No, I didn’t tell them. We snuck into Hogsmeade for a drink and we overheard some of the villagers talking about it.”

“How convenient. I can just guess whose idea it was to sneak out.” Sirius hung his head, a pink tinge appearing on his cheeks. Maybe he had the energy after all. He glared at Sirius. “You know, this is exactly why I hesitated to get involved with you.” Sirius looked stricken at his words but he continued. “You do whatever you want. You don’t care if someone else might get hurt along the way. You don’t care…didn’t care that it might upset me to have you see me this way.”

“Remus…”

“You take advantage of people, Sirius. You manipulate the situation to suit your needs, your wants. You’re really very selfish.”

Sirius sat, his knees pulled up to his chest, hugging his shins. He looked so vulnerable Remus regretted his words for a brief moment. He heaved a sigh. “How did you even figure out how to get in? I assume you figured out the trick on the willow. There is no other way.”

“I followed you after I left your office last night.”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Couldn’t figure out how to freeze it like you did though. I took a couple of knocks on my shoulder. It still hurts if it makes you feel better.”

“A little bit,” Remus admitted and Sirius smiled tentatively. They sat staring at each other for a while. Remus pulled the tattered blanket more tightly around himself.

“Am I really that bad?” Sirius asked, not looking Remus in the eye.

“Sirius…”

“I mean, it’s not like I do things like that because I’m cruel or anything.”

“I know that,” Remus said and reached to take one of his hands. “That’s why I can’t stay mad at you. I know you mean well but you’re…careless,” Remus said a little more delicately. Sirius did not look any more comforted.

“I was just really worried about you,” he said in a small voice. Remus crawled over to sit beside him and wrapped his arms around the boy, resting Sirius’s head on his good shoulder. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he heard Sirius say thickly into his neck and felt wetness. Good Lord, he was crying. “All I could think about was how you were in pain and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I felt so useless. I hated it. I had to do something. I thought, maybe being nearby might help, like maybe you’d remember it was me…oh, I don’t know why I’m c-crying. This is stupid.” He tried to laugh but it came out as more of sob.

Remus placed a kiss in the boy’s hair and rubbed his back, ignoring the pain in his shoulder as he did so. He felt Sirius shaking in his arms and continued to place soft kisses in his hair. Remus had done his crying over this long ago, he would let Sirius have his moment. 

“It didn’t help though,” Sirius said sniffing. “I think it just made you angry. You kept throwing yourself at the door.” That explained the shoulder then.

“I know you want to help, Sirius, but you can’t. Please don’t waste your time trying.”

“If it were me would you just give up?” Sirius asked looking up to meet his eyes. His cheeks glistened with tears and his dark eyelashes clumped together in wetness. Remus had nothing to say to that but Sirius seemed satisfied. “I’m going to think of something, Remus. I promise.” He kissed him.

Remus sighed and ran a hand lovingly through dark hair. “If anyone can, it’s you, Sirius.”


	16. Chapter 16

Sirius lamented he did not have more time to research a cure for Remus. NEWT workload had reached an all-time high. He knew he was being rather naïve in thinking he could accomplish what many more qualified wizards had not been able to achieve for hundreds of years—but then again, none of those wizards had the mad determination of Sirius Black.

For the first time ever, he wished he could return to Grimmauld Place. The library there contained plenty of books he was unlikely to find even in the restricted section of Hogwarts. The unsavory nature of some of those books was bound to contain something interesting, if not useful, regarding werewolves. He doodled absentmindedly on his Charms essay, deciding a trip to the town house that Alphard left him might be in order. 

“Who is Moony?” said Peter, pulling him from his internal musings.

“What’s that?” Sirius asked, tracing the heart he drew at the bottom of the parchment.

“You wrote: Sirius loves Moony. Who is Moony?” Peter indicated on the parchment where Sirius had indeed written the phrase, circled by a big heart. James snorted but did not look up from his own essay.

“Never you mind,” Sirius said, severing the bottom portion of the parchment with a neat charm and tucking the offending scrap of paper into his pocket.

“Have you got a secret love, Black?” Lily asked, a teasing lilt in her voice.

They were seated in the back of the library, books, quills, and parchment covering every inch of the three tables they had pushed together. The NEWT Group, as they’d begun to call themselves, had grown by several more members since its inception. Three Ravenclaws, including Garrett Kelley, were among some of the newer members. Sirius spared a quick glance at the boy but his eyes were resolutely fixed on the book in front of him. He cursed Peter for his lack of tact and glanced back to Lily.

“Not unless you count the relationship I have with Righty here,” he said holding up his right hand. He gazed longingly at his hand; there was smudge of ink between his middle and index fingers. “No,” he said breathlessly. “We mustn’t!” He licked his palm and mimed shoving his hand down his pants under the table, throwing his head back in ecstasy. “Oh yes! You dirty, dirty girl,” he mock moaned, amidst laughter and noises of disgust. Lily threw a broken quill at him, her face rivaling her hair in brightness.

“Now, that’s hardly appropriate behavior for the library wouldn’t you say Mr. Black?” someone asked from behind him. Sirius turned to see Remus standing there, his arms crossed and eyebrows quirked in a wicked smile. His hand was still placed between his legs and the thing it was touching began to take interest.

“Sorry, sir, she has a mind of her own. She’s quite _talented_ you know,” he said, staring directly into Remus’s eyes. Sirius fancied he saw a flash of desire in the brown depths and grinned. Less than twenty-four hours ago, that very hand was showing Remus just how talented it was. James cleared his throat loudly.

“Yes, well, do ask your hand to keep her fingers to herself whilst in the library where some of the younger students can see.” He indicated to a group of second years sitting a few tables away.

“What brings you to this corner of the library, Professor?” Lily asked, anxious apparently to get off the subject of Sirius and his talented hand.

“Short on owls I’m afraid. I’m here to deliver a message from the Headmaster actually.” He rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a sealed roll of parchment. “The work of a Hogwarts professor is far less glamorous than I was lead to believe,” he said, handing the missive to Sirius, hesitating for just a moment.

“I assure you it’s _clean_ ,” Sirius teased holding out his hand to take the scroll. He flicked his tongue along his bottom lip almost imperceptibly, the memory of the way Remus moaned as Sirius licked that very hand clean the night before fresh in his mind.

“I some how doubt that,” Remus said with a smile, but placed it in the boy’s hand. There was a loud noise as Garrett slammed his book shut and pushed himself away from the table. He slung his bag over his shoulder and stalked out of the library without a word.

“What’s his problem?” Peter asked. One of the Ravenclaw girls gathered her things and hurried after Garrett shooting Sirius a nasty look. Sirius bit his lip suddenly feeling guilty. Garrett had been on the receiving end of such open flirting with Sirius before; he was bound to spot it between himself and Remus. _Shit_.

Remus too seemed to sense they’d overplayed their hand. “So sorry to have disrupted your studying,” he said politely to the group at large, all innocent eyes and shy smiles. Remus Lupin could be damn manipulative when he wanted to be.

“I’m sure it had nothing to do with you, Professor, and everything to do with Black’s unfailing ability to be a complete nuisance,” Lily said.

“Well,” Sirius said in mock injury. “I know when I’m not wanted.” He stood and gathered his things. “Professor, be a dear and see me home.”

Remus rolled his eyes and stepped aside so Sirius could pass. “Have a good evening everyone. Don’t study too hard.”

Sirius walked several steps ahead of Remus, far enough away that no one would think they were walking together, but close enough for Sirius to hear him following. When they were a comfortable distance away from the library, Sirius did a quick once over to make sure the hall was clear and winked at the man behind him before ducking into an empty classroom. Less than a minute later Remus joined him, putting up the usual spells with a flick of his wand, and wasted no time pinning Sirius to the wall with his mouth.

“You’re such a tease,” Remus mumbled against his lips. Sirius crushed their hips together, the friction sending an electrode of pleasure to pass between them. Remus groaned.  “Mmm not tonight. I have to go soon. Not enough time I’m afraid.”

“Where could you possibly have to go that’s more important than here?” When he said “here” he pressed their hips together tightly again as if to emphasize the word.

“Order meeting.” He kissed Sirius again, cupping the side of his neck.  
  
Sirius pulled away reluctantly. “Why’d you follow me then? And you call me a tease, leading me here under false pretenses.”

“I was under the impression you had a rather talented hand, surely you don’t need mine. Anyway I thought I’d get one last kiss in case I’m killed tragically by Death Eaters. At the very least, it will give me something to think about while other members drone on with their reports.”

“Sure you don’t want something more memorable than a kiss?” Sirius practically purred, nibbling on the soft skin below Remus’s ear, something he discovered drove Remus insane with desire. He felt Remus pull away with a groan.

“No fair.” He placed a soft kiss on the tip of Sirius’s nose. “That will just have to be my reward for returning safely.”

“Is it…dangerous?” Sirius asked, trying not to sound too concerned, but Remus saw straight through him. Sirius felt a thumb press between his eyebrows.

“You’re such a worrier.” He smoothed his thumb across Sirius’s brow. “It will be fine. My poor attempts at humor aside, Order meetings are rather dull.” Remus pulled out his watch. “I really have to go. I’ll see you later.” He gave Sirius one final kiss and left quickly.

“Sadistic bastard,” Sirius muttered, willing his body to behave. When he had some semblance of control again, he made his way back to Gryffindor Tower where he could have a proper wank, hoping James and Peter were still in the library.

He was halfway to the dorms when he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and pull him into a hidden corridor behind a large tapestry.

“We have to stop meeting this way, Moony,” Sirius teased and looked up, not into the soft brown eyes of Remus Lupin, but crystal blue of Garrett Kelley. _Fuck_.

“So there really is a Moony,” Garrett said letting go of his wrist.  
  
Sirius sent a few well chosen charms at the tapestry just in case. Garrett’s face was unreadable and Sirius was not sure what this was about so he asked. “What do you want?”

“You.” It didn’t sound angry or hopeful, just resigned. “That’s not going to happen though, is it?”

“You know it’s not.”

“I think I might love you.”

Sirius stared at that statement. How could he possibly? Sirius accepted long ago he was not very loveable; he’d not been given many reasons in his life to believe he was. Though the words Remus spoke in the Shack that morning had hurt, they did not surprise Sirius in the least. He knew he was bad news. That Remus loved him at all was a blessing he’d never stop being thankful for. “I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say.

“I thought I might strangle Lupin, the way you flirted with him the library. It’s him, isn’t it?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not an idiot, Black. I see the way you look at him. He’s your Moony then?” Garrett took his silence as a yes. “He’s not bad looking, intellectual sort, that’s your type, isn’t it? He’s got wicked eyes and quite a sexy mouth. Has he put it on your cock?”

“Leave Remus out of this. This doesn’t have anything to do with him,” Sirius hissed, a wild flare of jealousy burning suddenly within him.

“I rather think that it does considering you left me for him.”

“I didn’t leave you for him. We split because I didn’t want to be with you anymore.” A spasm of hurt flitted across Garrett’s face. “I’m sorry, Garry, I didn’t mean it like that…look you wanted more and I didn’t and I’m not just talking about sex. Fuck, Garrett, you just told me you loved me. Do you really want to be with me when I don’t feel the same?”

“You never even gave it a chance. How could you know you didn’t feel that same?”

“I just knew.”

“Because you love him.”

It wasn’t a question but Sirius answered it anyway. “Yes. I do.”

Both boys stared at each other for a long time. “I could tell you know. Go to the Headmaster or the governors even. He’d be sacked.”

“Your word against ours. Anyway what is there to tell? I never said he and I were together did I? It’s not a crime to love someone.” Garrett said nothing and Sirius felt his point was made. “And while I may be a disinherited son of a bitch, I learned cunning at my father’s knee. Make no mistake, Garrett, if you fuck with me or Remus you’ll regret it.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Garrett said, not looking at Sirius. “I just…whatever I don’t know.”

“Right then, are we done?”

Garrett shrugged. Sirius took that to mean yes and quickly undid the spells on the tapestry, leaving Garrett alone. He felt wretched. Who asked Garrett to fall in love with him anyway? He wished Remus were here as he very much wanted some reassurance that he’d done the right thing. He had no difficulty imagining how Garrett must feel. He would probably go to pieces if Remus told him he was in love with someone else.  
  
Sirius was so wrapped up in thoughts of Remus and Garrett he didn’t hear the spell that was cast from behind until it hit him in the back of the head and everything went black.

oOo

“You didn’t have to hit him so hard! A stunner would have worked just fine!” a voice near his ear said. He felt something prod at the back his head. _Ow._ It hurt a lot.

“Don’t tell me you actually care, Regulus,” another voice sneered.

“I don’t but what if he has a concussion? He won’t be much use if he can’t fucking think straight.”

“Enough,” a soft voice said. He knew those voices. Sirius opened his eyes but his vision was fuzzy. All he could make out were two large blurry shapes he assumed were human. A hand on his shoulder gave a gentle squeeze then it was gone.

“He’s waking up.”

“Let me,” the soft voice said. There was the tip of a wand at his temple and a murmured incantation and suddenly everything cleared. Sirius looked up into the sallow face and dark eyes of Severus Snape. “That will clear his head for now. Pity that stupid look on his face rather suited him.”

“Snape,” he growled and swung his head around which he regretted instantly because it hurt like fuck. Whatever Snape did helped to clear his mind but did not diminish the pain.

“Take it easy, Sirius, you had a nasty knock to the head,” he heard his brother say. Sirius glared in the direction of Regulus who would not meet his eyes.

“What the fuck is going on?” he demanded to the group at large but he was looking at his brother when he said it. His arms and legs were bound to a chair and Snape was twirling his wand in his hand idly. His head throbbed.

“You know Snape and Regulus I’m sure,” the third boy said. He was seated backward in a chair smiling genially at Sirius, but his eyes looked rather cruel. “I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. Rabastan Lestrange.” He held out his hand then laughed because Sirius’s hands were bound so of course he could not shake his hand, not that he would have. “I’ll assume if you could, you would refuse my hand. Makes no difference to me. We’re not exactly here to make friends are we?”

“Why don’t you just quit the blathering and tell me why then.” Sirius fixed his eyes on Lestange.  
  
Lestrange had all the makings of a Pureblooded brat like himself. He had electric blue eyes and dark, brown hair and nice, even features—Sirius might have found him attractive under other circumstances. Still, he was wary. Sirius knew what Regulus and Snape were capable of and Letrange was unknown to him. He knew Lestrange had an older brother who was married to Bellatrix so the family had to be full of nutters. All he knew was that the boy was in Regulus’s year; aside from getting caught in the crossfire of the various pranks he and James played on Regulus and, more often, Snape, Sirius had never spoken to him.

“To business then,” Lestrange said standing. “It’s come to our attention you’ve inherited something rather interesting from your late uncle. We’d like it very much if you were to hand it over to us.”

Sirius laughed, despite the pain it caused in his head. “Oh yes, of course, since you’ve asked so nicely,” he said sarcastically. “I’m not giving you Alphard’s potions research so you can forget it.”

Lestrange quirked a brow and smiled. “And Snape here said you were stupid. Glad you’ve cottoned on so quickly.”

“What else could you possibly want?” Sirius asked in condescension. “You can’t need the money because the Blacks, and I suspect your family too, come from money and the houses he left me are nothing special. Why do you even want it? I won’t bother asking how you know I have it,” and he glared at Regulus who looked away quickly.

“He doesn’t know what it is,” Lestrange said looking to his companions as if sharing a secret joke. “Let’s just say you’re uncle stumbled across a very interesting bit of magic that the Dark Lord might find useful.”

“How is it you even know what his research contains?”

“My dad is a member of the PMG. It was no secret to the other Masters what he was looking into, and it had a lot of promise.”

“Alphard didn’t dabble in the dark arts. How can whatever he researched help your dark lord?” Sirius said firmly. They laughed but he stuck out his chin defiantly. He knew he was right.

“Alphard wasn’t a saint, Sirius, much as you like to think he was.”

“Maybe he wasn’t but he also wasn’t stupid, whatever he was working on when he died, it wasn’t dark.”

“What it is, is irrelevant to you because you’re going to give it to us.”

“No, I don’t think I will thanks. Do you think I’m actually intimidated here? You’re fucking students not Death Eaters.”

“Yes, but we are friends with some. My brother and your cousin are in deep with the Dark Lord.”

“And Aurors will have them in Azkaban the minute they set foot inside the school.”

“Who said anything about them coming into the school?” Snape asked lightly. That gave Sirius pause.

“That’s right, plenty of people outside of Hogwarts they have access to. The Potters, for instance. They live in Devonshire don’t they?” said Lestrange.

Sirius felt blood pounding in his ears as he was hit with white hot rage. He glared at Regulus with such intensity the boy flinched and bowed his head. “Regulus, I will never forgive you for this,” he said with quiet fury.

“Like he cares,” Snape said. “But if you’d like a little more persuasion we could always use someone a bit closer to home. Lupin perhaps?”

“What about Lupin?” Sirius asked, feeling his heart shudder to a stop.

“Don’t play dumb now, Black. We know what Lupin is. We also know you’re his little bitch. You can thank Regulus for that bit of knowledge too. Clever boy, Regulus. Figured it out all on his own. A werewolf at Hogwarts. Who’d have ever expected that one?”

“And how is it you know I’m his little bitch, as you put it?”

Lestrange looked to Regulus whose face was positively burning with embarrassment. “I, uh, heard you in his office last full moon. I was going to sneak into his office to see if I could find out anything conclusive.”

Sirius's silence seemed to confirm what they already knew.

“So here is what is going to happen.” Letrange sat back in the chair, turning it around so he could sit properly. “You’re going to give the research to Regulus. Call it a gesture of good will towards the family or moment of insanity, whatever. You’re going to do this by the end of the week. If you don’t,” he leaned close, “I’m going to write to good family friend Walden Macnair. You know him, graduated two years ago. Incidentally, also a good friend of the Dark Lord. He works for the Ministry now, intern of course but he has some rather close contacts in the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Are you getting the picture yet, Black?”

He certainly was but he was damned if he was going to let them know how badly they’d rattled his cage. “I think you three are absolutely insane. And I’m afraid you’re too late,” he said with sudden inspiration. “I’ve already given that research to Dumbledore. Sorry to disappoint.” It was a lie but they couldn’t know that, and he’d certainly had every intention of giving the information over to Dumbledore anyway. Now more so than ever.

He saw his brother’s jaw drop, Snape narrowed his eyes dangerously, but Lestrange simply laughed. “You really shouldn’t underestimate me, Black. Do you think this was some silly plan hatched by over-eager students? Our orders come from a higher power and our information is good. You haven’t touched anything in the vault your uncle left you.”

“No,” he breathed, shocked beyond all belief. He thought this was the attempt of three students to play at being adults. “You can’t be Death Eaters,” he said and looked to Regulus for confirmation. For once his brother did not avert his gaze.

“We’re not. This is a test, to prove that we’re worthy of being accepted into their ranks…”

“Keep your mouth shut, Regulus!” Snape hissed and Sirius never wanted to rip his oily head off more.

“As an added bonus, we found this on you,” he said ignoring his companions and produced the roll of parchment Remus had delivered to him earlier that evening, now unsealed, curling a little in on itself, trying to maintain its shape. “Summons from the Headmaster to discuss the matter of granting him access into your vault to retrieve the very research we’re discussing. Funny how things work out sometimes, isn’t it?”

Lestange didn’t seem to expect an answer and Sirius felt his head spinning, from the pain or from the sheer magnitude of the situation he found himself in, he did not know. “What makes you think I won’t go straight to Dumbledore?” he asked trying to buy himself some time while he thought. His head ached and things were getting fuzzy again.

“We found these too,” he held up two small scraps of paper. He recognized his own handwriting and the stupid little heart circling the phrase _Sirius loves Moony_. The writing on the second paper was different and devoid of hearts but was no less sappy. “Moony loves Sirius,” Lestrange read with a smirk, throwing the parchments into Sirius’s lap.

Sirius looked down at his lap where the parchment rest, Remus’s elegant script smiling friendly up at him and he bit back a smile. Remus must have slipped it into his pocket without him knowing. _Remus_.

“So what’s it going to be, Black?” Lestrange asked. “Are you going to run to Dumbledore and tattle on us like a coward or will we be sending your werewolf to Azkaban? You should know, even Dumbledore doesn’t have the power to keep Lupin out of Azkaban once the Ministry gets involved. If I even think you’ve told anyone I’m sending an owl to Macnair and Lupin will be in a cell by the next morning. Trust me when I say it will not be difficult for some trumped up charges to land that beast in a cell. No one trusts a werewolf. Did you know that most werewolves die their first month in Azkaban? Something about the Dementors during the full moon. Tear themselves to bloody pieces from what I’ve heard.”

This couldn’t really be happening could it? _Just give it to them_ , the rational part of his mind argued. What was a stupid bit of research if it meant Remus would be safe? _For how long though?_ Would the threat of harm to Remus keep him at the beck and call of any Death Eater who wanted to use him? Would he let them? He was scared to admit he probably would. If it meant Remus would be safe, he’d do anything. The Gryffindor in him rebelled at that though. _Fuck no_. He’d find some other way.

“Regulus,” he fixed his eyes on the face he recognized maybe more than his own. Wary blue-grey eyes met his; Sirius searched those eyes for a glimmer of the old Regulus he knew. “You’re not really going to let them do this to me are you?” Regulus looked away again biting his lip. “Brother!” he nearly shouted and felt the pain in his head reach a pitch, darkness nearly over taking him. “You and me, Reg, remember?” he asked weakl,y trying to catch Regulus’s eye again and hoping he didn’t sound as pitiful as he felt.

“Here’s your chance, Regulus,” Snape said looking at Sirius. “Can you be objective? Are you willing to do what it takes? Us or him? That is your test.”

Regulus looked torn. For a brief shining moment Sirius thought he saw a flash of the boy he knew, his first friend, looking back at him. But the mask he’d built, that they both had to build to hide themselves from the shit their mother threw at them, solidified behind his eyes.

“You have until the end of the week, Sirius,” Regulus said looking directly into his eyes. Sirius felt his heart break as his brother raised his wand and said softly, “Stupefy.”


	17. Chapter 17

The next time Sirius woke up he was in the hospital wing. His head no longer hurt but he felt dizzy and confused.

“Madam Pomfrey, he’s awake,” he heard a voice call.

“Thank you, Mr. Kelley,” Madam Pomfrey said as she approached.  
  
Sirius turned to look. Garrett Kelley was indeed sitting in a chair beside the bed he was currently laying in. “Garry?”

“Please don’t speak just now, Mr. Black. You’ve had a rather nasty head injury. I was able to heal it but you have a concussion. Mr. Kelley, found you passed out in a hallway and brought you here.”

Sirius had no choice but to submit as the school matron checked him over with her wand, shining light in his eyes and casting diagnostic spells. She asked him to recount everything he remembered before waking up in the hospital wing. Sirius gave her a run down of his evening glossing over his conversation with Garret and leaving out his brief tryst with Remus and his run in with the Slytherins.

“Do you remember how you hit your head?” she asked, running her wand over his head once more.

“I think I fell, honestly I don’t remember much after Garrett and I parted ways.”

“You’ll need to stay the night just to be sure you make a full recovery. Mr. Kelley, would you kindly inform Mr. Black’s dorm mates that he is here so that they do not go looking for him?” Pomfrey asked turning to Garrett. He nodded and rose to leave and was almost to the door when Sirius called out.

“Garrett.” The boy turned to look at Sirius. He looked sad and for a split second Sirius hesitated to make the request he was about to make. “If you see Moony, can you let him know I’m here too?”

Sirius could see Garrett’s jaw clench but he managed a polite, “Sure.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said. Garrett nodded and left without another word. If Pomfrey was surprised at his request she didn’t show it.

“Here is a change of clothes to sleep in,” Pomfrey placed the clothes in his lap. “I’ll be back shortly with a potion for you to take.”

He dressed quickly into the hospital issue pyjamas and flopped back onto the bed. His brain rattled around in his skull. He reached over the side of the bed to dig through the pockets of his robe and was relieved to find the small bits of parchment from before as well as the summon from Dumbledore. He read it through quickly. Dumbledore wanted to meet at eight the next night to discuss his uncle’s research. Tucking that one back in the robe he lay back down staring at the small note scrawled by Remus.

_Moony loves Sirius_.

Sirius felt his heart constrict painfully. What should he do? What _could_ he do? Let them take Remus to Azkaban? Hurt the Potters? He felt sick but he wasn’t sure if it was from fear or the injury to his head. It was like being pulled in a million different directions. The rebel in him did not want to give in to extortion. He also didn’t want anyone he cared about to be hurt, including Regulus, much as it hurt his brain to think about it. He was certain he didn’t want Voldemort and his Death Eaters to get a hold of Alphard’s research, whatever it was. Nothing they wanted that badly could be good. But what choice did he have?

The sound of heels coming closer told him Pomfrey was on her way back. Sirius pressed his lips to the words lovingly penned by Remus and tucked the parchment under his pillow.

“Here, a potion to help you sleep and it will dispel the concussion.” She handed a goblet to Sirius. He downed the potion easily and felt the effects, almost instantaneously. His eyelids grew heavy and he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

oOo

“Have you seen much of Sirius Black lately?” Dumbledore asked casually as he and Remus walked back to the castle from Hogsmeade.

Remus paused long enough to appear thoughtful rather than nervous. “No, not really. To be honest, he didn’t take it too well when I told him we had to wait. Bit of a stubborn brat if you ask me.”

“And yet you’re quite taken with him,” the older man said with a fond smile.

“I am not!” Remus protested around a blush.

“Remus, I have known you for a long time now and I have never seen you smile like you did at the mention of his name just a moment ago.”

Remus was, in fact, still smiling, completely unaware. He forced his face into a frown and then the thought of Sirius making faces at him across the hall caused the corners of his mouth to turn up again. _What the hell?_ Dumbledore watched him struggle to rid himself of his Sirius-induced smile with an infuriating twinkle in his eye.

“I’m not taken with him,” Remus reiterated, unable to keep a straight face. “He’s young and inexperienced and acts like a complete child,” Remus listed qualities in Sirius as if they were reasons he _didn’t_ love Sirius.

“All things you absolutely adore about him.”

“Stop reading my mind, Albus, you know I hate when you do that.”

“Remus, I do not have to. All one has to do is look at you to know you are in love.” Remus said nothing and they walked in companionable silence for several long minutes. They were almost to the castle. “So long as you keep your passion for the boy in check while within the confines of the school, I have no objection,” Dumbledore said, picking up the thread once more. “In fact, I’m happy for you, Remus. I wish you both the best when the term ends.”

Remus squirmed uncomfortably but successfully managed to keep from showing it. He felt horrible for lying to his mentor. Dumbledore trusted him and yet Remus had done nothing to keep his “passion” in check. Quite the opposite, considering he had been plotting through most of the Order meeting how best to get Sirius alone once he was back to the school. Maybe they should call it off until the summer, like they originally planned. Yes, that conversation would go over well with Sirius.

“I actually have a meeting with him tomorrow regarding his uncle’s research. I know you’re already keeping a close eye on the boy but I would very much like it if you would keep track of who he is speaking to out side of lessons or, more importantly, who is speaking to him.”

“Certainly, sir, but why?”

“I have a feeling the other side would be very interested in what that research contains. I’ve received many owls from the Ministry on behalf of the Potion Masters Guild asking to meet with Mr. Black, some of which contained thinly veiled threats. I will not pretend that there are not students in the school that have connections to Death Eaters outside of Hogwarts.”

“You think someone will try to get to him?” he asked, suddenly afraid for the boy.

“I do not think he would be in any real danger, not while he is at Hogwarts, but I would err on the side of caution.”

“Do you know what it is that Voldemort would want it that badly?”

“From what I understand, from a close friend in the PMG, Alphard Black was researching methods of purging magical energy from a witch or wizards body. He made an interesting breakthrough before he died. So you can imagine why it might appeal to Voldemort’s cause.”

“Yes, I can,” Remus said feeling sick. How many Muggleborns would be subjected to a magical purging if the other side got their hands on that information? “How is that even possible without killing the wizard?”  
  
“I do not believe it is, which is why I cannot allow this information to fall into the wrong hands.”

They entered through the great, oak front doors in silence. The castle was dark, save for torches lit along the halls. Night had fallen several hours ago. There was the occasional ghost that floated by, nodding politely as he and Dumbledore made their way through the castle.

“Good evening, Mr. Kelley. Prefect rounds?” Dumbledore asked as they came upon a student walking towards them.  
  
Garrett Kelley looked between himself and Dumbledore, a little startled. “Yes, sir. Just finishing up.”

“Very good, I’ll leave you to it,” Dumbledore said kindly, moving to leave.

“Actually, Professor Lupin, could I have a word with you about a question I got wrong on my last exam?” he asked looking at Remus anxiously.

“Of course,” he said a little puzzled. As he recalled, Garrett received full marks on the last exam he’d given the seventh years. “I shall see you at breakfast tomorrow Headmaster,” Remus said, bidding Dumbledore goodbye.

Garrett looked nervous as he watched Dumbledore walk away and turn a corner. “Could we maybe go somewhere a little more private?” he asked. “There is a classroom just ahead here.” He walked without checking to see if Remus was following. They entered the classroom and Garrett cast a silencing spell at the door.

“Mr. Kelley, what is this about?” Remus asked, quite sure it had nothing to do with schoolwork.

“Sirius Black is in the hospital wing. He asked me to tell you.”

“Oh….okay…well thank you,” Remus said, doing his best to sound confused rather than overtly concerned. “Is he alright?” Remus asked, unable to contain himself.

“He’s okay now. Madam Pomfrey patched him right up but he had his head bashed in quite badly.”

“How?” was all Remus managed to ask. What the hell had happened in the three hours he was away? His thoughts instantly went to the conversation he’d been having with Dumbledore not five minutes ago.

“He doesn’t remember. I think,” Garrett hesitated. “I think he was attacked, sir.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked, feeling his suspicions confirmed.

“When I found him, he was muttering about his brother. I know the sort his brother hangs out with. I wouldn’t put it past them to do something if given the chance.”

“Was there anyone else around when you found him?”

“No, sir, he was passed out at the bottom of a moving staircase.”

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It could be nothing, maybe he had a run in with his brother and he’d fallen, or was pushed down the stairs. He’d seen Sirius and his brother draw wands at each other before. He knew he needed to let Dumbledore know right away, regardless.

“Why didn’t you want to say this in front of the Headmaster?” Remus asked, suddenly remembering the man had been there when Garrett approached him.  
  
Garrett blushed. “I assumed he was unaware of your…relationship with Sirius. I’m not trying to cause trouble for him or you,” he said, rather bitterly.

“There isn’t…how do you…” Remus fumbled, not sure what to say. Relationship could mean so many things.

Garrett actually laughed. “I figured it out. The way he looks at you, I could just tell. He used to look at me like that…well maybe not quite like that.” Remus never felt more embarrassed in his life. For his part, Garrett looked equally uncomfortable. They were silent for several moments, neither party knowing quite what next to say. “He told me he loved you,” Garrett said breaking the silence. “Do you…love him?”

“I’m sorry Mr. Kelley but this is not—”

“Just answer the question,” he demanded, a desperate sort of look in his eyes.

“Yes,” Remus said against his better judgment. “I love him.”

Garrett sucked in a deep breath, his lip trembled slightly. Remus felt horrible and hoped desperately Garrett would not start crying. He had no idea what to say. "I’m sorry" just didn’t seem right. He wasn’t sorry for one. He loved Sirius; it was nothing to be sorry for. It was regrettable that Garrett ended up getting hurt after his break up with Sirius.

The boy sighed and looked at Remus, lip no longer trembling, and shoulders squared. “Just, take care of him, okay? He’s a bleeding idiot. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word careful.”

“I will.”

“I won’t tell anyone, so don’t worry.”  
  
“Garrett…”

“Goodnight, Professor, thanks.” The boy left with out a backward glance.

Remus stood for several minutes as he processed everything that had just transpired. _Okay…Sirius was hurt but he’s fine now. Garrett Kelley found him and thinks he was attacked by another student or students. Garrett Kelley also knows about our…that we’re together, but won’t tell anyone…except he’s still upset about his break up with Sirius…who I admitted to being in love with._ He was proud at his summation but felt no closer to a resolution.

He thought about going straight to see Sirius in the hospital wing but decided against it. Poppy would ask questions. Of course he could always do something radical like break his arm so he had an excuse to visit the infirmary. It was a testament to how much time he’d been spending with Sirius that he seriously considered the idea.

Remus shook his head and checked his watch. It was nearly midnight. He knew the Headmaster would be awake; perhaps it would be best to tell Dumbledore what he learned from Garrett. They could decide what to do from there. Quelling the urge to head straight to the hospital wing to check that Sirius was still breathing, Remus made his way towards Dumbledore’s office.

oOo

“Absolutely not! It’s late and this boy needs rest. You can come back in the morning, Remus.”

“Poppy, the Headmaster sent me. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.”

_“Moony?”_

Sirius cracked open his eyes. Madam Pomfrey and Remus were standing at the foot of his bed. Pomfrey was in a dressing gown and looked positively livid.

“What’s going on?” he asked sleepily.

“Look, he’s awake anyway. I just need fifteen minutes and I’ll leave, okay?” Remus asked her, glancing back at Sirius.    

“Ten minutes,” she said and turned on her heel and stalked off muttering to herself about pushy professors. Sirius watched as Remus sent a _Muffliato_ in the direction Pomfrey headed. He moved to sit at the end of the bed, one leg propped up so he could face Sirius.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I could ask you the same thing. In fact, that’s why I’m here.”

“You know, I’m a little offended. You hardly look as though you’ve been weeping over my injured form. Bad show, Moony.”

“Well, I’m not so much the hysterical type. But if it’s any consolation, I did consider throwing myself down a flight of stairs so Poppy would let me in to see you.”

“You skip hysterical and go straight to melodramatic then?”

Remus shrugged. “How’s your head?”

“S’fine…doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”

“I ran into Garrett Kelley, he’s the one who told me you were here.”

“Good old Garry.”

“Yes, well he mentioned something else rather interesting…”

“I didn’t tell him,” Sirius cut in quickly.

“Yes, he told me he figured us out. I can’t tell you how unnerving I find it that so many people know about us, but that is neither here nor there at the moment. Sirius,” he looked directly into his eyes. “I need you to tell me who hurt you.”

“No one hurt me,” Sirius protested, a little too quickly.  
  
Remus gave him a hard look. “This is important. Are you saying you don’t remember? Garrett told me you kept muttering about your brother when he found you. Was it him?”

_Fuck_. Sirius wanted to look away but Remus held his gaze. “Yes,” Sirius said thinking fast. “He…well he said some nasty things about me…being gay. We got into a bit of a row and…well here I am.”

Remus continued to stare into Sirius’s eyes as if trying to read the lie behind them. “Was there anyone else?”

“No, just Reg—Regulus.”

“Okay then…thank you for telling me. I have to inform the Headmaster.”

“No!” Sirius said quickly. Remus quirked a brow. “It was…just between me and him. Remus he’s my brother, it’s…a family thing. Please don’t involve anyone else. If it gets back to my parents…I just want to forget about it. Please?”

“Sirius, you were badly hurt, we can’t just ignore that.”

“I don’t think he meant to, it just got out of hand. I hit him with a few curses too. Just…please?” he pleaded again, imploring Remus with his eyes to understand.

Remus gave him a sad smile. He leaned forward cupping Sirius’s cheek and placed a soft kiss on his forehead. “Don’t worry about it, okay?” Remus said looking him direct in the eyes again, this time his expression much kinder. Sirius nodded and stole a quick kiss before Remus could pull away. They heard the sound of footsteps coming nearer and moved an appropriate distance apart.

“You’ve had your ten minutes, Remus, now please leave. You can come back to question Mr. Black tomorrow.” Remus held up his hands in surrender and allowed himself to be shooed from the infirmary, but not before giving Sirius one final smile. “Back to sleep, Mr. Black, or I’m going to bring you another potion,” Pomfrey warned.

“Yes ma’am,” Sirius said making himself comfortable. He lay awake for some time, unable to let his mind rest. That had been close. Remus very nearly pulled the truth out of him. Sirius stared up at the dark ceiling. He reached up behind him and fingered the bit of parchment under his pillow.

Not for the first time since his death did Sirius desperately wish Alphard were still alive. Not only did he miss his friend and confidant but if Alphard were still alive, Sirius would not be caught in the middle of this bid for his research. He felt a little guilty for cursing Alphard for putting him in this position. Surly he knew there would be those who would be interested in obtaining the information. Who would go to great lengths to get it…whatever it was.

Alphard must have overestimated Sirius’s ability to stand up to those who would seek him out. But he didn’t know what the right choice was. The only thing he did know was that he could not allow anyone he cared for to be hurt. He eventually fell into a troubled sleep, the note containing Moony’s love clutched loosely between his fingers.

oOo

Sirius spent the next day in such a state of agitation James threatened to take him back to the hospital wing for a calming draught if he didn’t knock it off. Peter said he was probably just jumpy from the injury. He did his best to appear normal but he could not help dwelling on everything that had happened the night before.

He was also incredibly anxious about his meeting with Dumbledore that evening. Not showing up might look suspicious, but what would he say when he got there? He’d already told Dumbledore he could have it. Why the sudden change of heart? And was he _seriously_ considering giving it to Lestrange?

“Mr. Black, are you even paying attention?”

Sirius looked up from the parchment he was shredding. Remus was standing at the front of the class looking at him quizzically. Other students were shooting him strange looks too. He made the mistake of catching Snape’s eye but the sallow face boy looked quite unreadable.

“No, sir, I’m afraid I wasn’t” Sirius said, giving Remus a lopsided smile. It was not returned. A few students snickered at his cheek.

“See me after class please,” Remus said and turned to survey the class. “Would anyone else like to answer the question? Miss Evans?”

Sirius tuned out the discussion once more. Remus was another problem. He hated lying to him, and Remus was far too perceptive. Sirius wasn’t sure how long he could keep it up. When the bell signaling the end of lessons rang, the seventh years filed out and Sirius shuffled to the front. When the last student exited Remus sent a silencing spell at the door.

Sirius became fascinated by what looked like a scorch mark on the desk and Remus stared at Sirius for a full minute, perhaps waiting for Sirius to look up and meet his eye. When he didn’t, Remus sighed and asked, “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Remus said with a scoff.

“Don’t believe it then, I don’t care,” Sirius snapped harshly.  
  
Remus looked at him in surprise. “The way you’re talking to me tells me something is bothering you.” Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder. When had Remus moved so close? “I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

“I didn’t ask for your help, did I?” And what the hell was with his mouth right now? He was unable to stop it though. “You’re not my mother, Remus! Just back off! You’re always doing this! Trying to jump in and save the fucking day! Always trying to tell me what to do, what to think! But you get off on ordering me around don’t you?” Sirius taunted, glaring at Remus but giving him a sensual smile.

He stepped closer, pressing their chests together, nose to nose. “What do you want me to do now, Professor?” he purred. “Do you want me to touch myself? That seems to be your favorite request these days. You’re quite the voyeur, aren’t you _Professor_? Or do you want me to get on my knees and suck you off? Tell me!” He was nearly shouting by this point. “What does Remus Lupin want now?”

“I want you to get out,” Remus said dangerously calm, stepping away from Sirius and raising his wand. “Get out before you say anything else you might regret. You can come back and apologize to me when you’re through acting like a child. If that’s possible. I’m starting to doubt it. Which really has me wondering if you’re worth the trouble.” He flicked his wand at the door and it flung itself open with a violent bang.

“Fine.” Needing no more prompting, Sirius stormed out, giving the door a satisfying slam as he left.  He did not get more than a dozen steps from the room when a voice stopped him.

“Trouble in paradise?”

Sirius swung around to see Snape leaning against a wall, his arms crossed and a sneer on his face. Sirius glared.

“Piss off, Snape. I’m not in the mood for you today. Never in the mood really, but today, even more so.”

“As if I enjoy your company. No, just making sure you’re keeping your mouth shut. Judging by your tantrum back there I think it’s safe to say you are.” Snape swung his bag onto his shoulder. “See you around.”

Sirius watched him go, feeling his anger dissipating with each passing moment. As he made his way back to Gryffindor Tower the anger settled back into anxiety once more. He wished he hadn’t left Remus like he did. Really wished he had not said some of the things he’d said. Remus had been offering comfort, just like he always did, and Sirius threw it back in his face. He’d attacked Remus when all he really wanted to do was wrap his arms around him. Burrow into his embrace as Remus stroked his hair and told him everything would be okay. When had he become so dependent on the man for comfort?

When he arrived back at the dorm James was sitting, alone at the window seat. Sirius wished he had more cigarettes but he’d run out and was unable to get any more. “I really wish you would tell Peter about…you know, yourself. It’s getting bloody difficult to think of excuses to get him out of the room.”

“Can’t see why you needed to now.”

“I wanted to see if you and Lupin were having problems. You’ve been acting weird all day. Thought you might want the opportunity to talk about it”

“No problems,” he said with a grunt as he belly-flopped onto his bed.

“Then what’s up with you?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a shit liar. Come on!” James jumped from the window and tackled Sirius off the bed with a very primal cry.

“Ow, fuck, Potter! You maniac!” Sirius cried as James wrestled him to the ground. The bespectacled boy was pinning Sirius to the floor with his knees and holding his wrists tightly in one hand. Sirius tried to buck him off with his hips. “Merlin, James, you weigh a ton! Get off!” he said gruffly, trying again to remove the boy atop him.

“No! Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

Sirius ceased his struggling and glared at James. “We’re not twelve any more. You can’t just punch and wrestle me until I tell you.”

“Of course I can,” James said happily and he pinched Sirius’s belly with his free hand, eliciting a rather unmanly giggle.

“Oh you are asking for it, Potter,” Sirius growled and bucked hard enough to dislodge James, who gave a squeak as Sirius lunged and pinned him to the ground. The two boys wrestled for several minutes, laughing and cursing, as they fought. Sirius shrieked in pain as a rather pointy elbow caught him in the ribs. He caught James around the middle, knocking him into the bedside table, the contents rained down on them as they were jarred from their resting place.

“Tell me!”

“Never!”

They continued to struggle for dominance until they heard a voice at the door. “Oi, if you two lovebirds wanted a bit of alone time, all you needed to do was ask. No need to send me on a pointless errand,” Peter remarked, watching the pair wrestle with amusement.

They froze. James had a knee between his legs and there was a sharp something poking into his back that might have been a pair glasses. They looked up when Peter spoke and, almost simultaneously, dove for the boy, pulling him by the legs into the room.

The three man tussle went on for several minutes. Sirius lost a chunk of hair and Peter had a busted lip but they were laughing good-naturedly as James proclaimed himself king, his knees digging into the backs of both Sirius and Peter.

“Go ahead, say it! James is King!” he said a hand on the back of either boy’s head pushing their foreheads to the ground.

“Go to hell, Potter!”

“No, no, it’s James is King. Honestly, Sirius, it’s not that difficult.”

“James is King,” both boys chorused and James released them.

“King of the Idiots maybe,” Sirius said and rubbed the back of his head where his hair was forever parted from his scalp. “Fuck, Peter, you fight like a girl! Hair pulling? Honestly!”

“James was sitting on my head!” Peter said dabbing his lip with his sleeve.  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes. “Here let me heal that,” he retrieved his wand from the bed. Grabbing Peter’s chin he waved his wand over the boy’s lip. “ _Episkey._ ”

“Cool!” Peter said feeling his newly repaired lip. “Where did you learn a healing charm?”

“Remus showed me,” he answered automatically, tucking his wand into his pocket.

“You mean Professor Lupin?” Peter asked. James shot Sirius a look.

“You know any other Remuses around here?” Sirius asked, flopping back onto his bed.

“Now, since I am the champion and King of All Things, it is time to come clean, Black. Do tell what your fucking problem is so that the benevolent and wise James Potter can solve it for you,” James said, perching himself on the end of Sirius’s bed. Peter joined them looking curiously between both boys. Sirius heaved a sigh. James wasn’t going to let this go apparently.

In the end, he gave James the same excuse he’d given Remus. This involved explaining the true nature of his relationship with Remus to Peter who toppled off the bed in surprise. He supposed there were better ways to come out to your friend than “I like putting his dick in my mouth” but there you were. As he expected, Peter looked to James for guidance. James's easy acceptance of Sirius’s peculiarity served to dictate how Peter should feel, and since James was fine with it, so was he.

They spent the rest of their free time before dinner plotting ways to get back at Regulus. Just like the night before, Sirius asked his friends to let it go, that he didn’t want to cause more trouble. Both boys reluctantly agreed, but that did not stop them from thinking up horrible ways to get Regulus seriously injured.

Sirius still felt no closer to a decision about what to tell Dumbledore at their meeting later. He thought of simply telling the old man no. It’s wasn’t as if he owed him an explanation. He also toyed with the idea of simply not showing up to the meeting but knew better than to expect Dumbledore to drop the issue. That was how he found himself, standing outside the Headmaster’s office, fifteen minutes after their scheduled meeting time. Sirius knew he was hesitating and thought about bolting when the door opened and Remus Lupin stumbled headlong into him.

“Ow, oh, here he is, Headmaster,” Remus called over his shoulder, stepping back into the room holding the door for Sirius.

“I was just sending Professor Lupin to retrieve you,” Dumbledore chided gently, standing behind his desk.

“Sorry I’m late, time just got away from me.”

“Quite alright.” Dumbledore indicated to the chair before his desk. “Please have seat. I hope you do not mind, I have asked Professor Lupin to join us.”

“No, of course not,” Sirius said politely, trying to catch the man’s eye. Remus was looking resolutely ahead of him however. He was still angry then.

“Before we begin, I would like you to know that nothing we discuss tonight leaves this room. That goes for Professor Lupin and myself. Do I have your word on that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Very good. Now, as we discussed briefly before, the matter of your uncle’s research is becoming more problematic than I first expected. I have a close friend in the Potion Masters Guild who was able to shed some light on the discovery Alphard Black made before his untimely death. Without being able to look it over, I cannot ascertain whether it is dark in nature or not, but its purpose troubles me greatly.”

“What is its purpose?” Sirius asked eagerly, happy he was finally about to get some answers, despite the nagging nervousness he felt.

“As I understand it, your uncle was researching, and discovered something significant, on methods of removing magical energy from a witch or wizard.”

“You mean like turning a wizard into a Squib or something?” he asked in surprise.

“Again, without all the details it is hard to say, but yes, that seems to be the jist of it. You can perhaps see why the nature of this information concerns me. Most particularly if this were to fall into the wrong hands.” Sirius shifted uncomfortably. “This leads rather nicely to my next point. I am aware that Professor Lupin has discussed an organization I have founded and which he is a member of called the Order of the Phoenix?”

Sirius glanced at Remus again but the man was still sitting casually in the chair next to him looking silently ahead. “Yes, he mentioned it.”

“Allow me to explain a little more. The Order is a group of witches and wizards I’ve gathered to oppose Voldemort. I feel it is important for those who are willing and able, to show they are not willing to submit to the tyranny that man represents. A few of my Order members have brought it to my attention that Voldemort’s supporters have taken a keen interest in your uncle’s work.”

Some of his distress must have shown on his face because Remus placed a reassuring hand on his knee. Looking at Sirius for the first time since he’d entered the room he said, “Don’t worry. We’re not going to let anyone hurt you.”

“Indeed, we most certainly will not. I have asked Remus to keep watch over you,” his white beard twitched. “I urge you to seek him out should anyone approach you.”

“Of course,” Sirius said turning his brilliant smile on the brown-haired man. Remus smiled back and Sirius felt captivated. Remus still rested a protective hand on his knee and Sirius had to resist the urge to take the hand in his. The sound of Dumbledore clearing his throat broke the spell. When he looked back at the Headmaster he was surveying them with amusement and Sirius felt his face grow warm. Remus removed his hand.

“The problem is we have reason to believe Alphard’s death was not as harmless as the Prophet made it out to be. I am sorry to tell you this, Sirius, but it is crucial you know how precarious a situation you have been placed in.”

“I just can’t believe Alphard would have been involved in something so…evil.”

“Let’s not be so hasty to judge Alphard. As I said, we do not know the specifics. I taught your uncle, he was a brilliant student. Whatever he became involved in before his death, he was not weak or easily led. There are certain kinds of magic that are almost irresistible to the curious witch or wizard.”

Sirius did not feel wholly reassured. “So he was murdered then…by Death Eaters?”

“That is what my sources tell me. They did not plan on you being his sole heir however, so now we fear you may become a target.”

Now was the time. _Tell them_ , the voice in his head urged desperately. They could protect the Potters, maybe send Remus away before the Ministry could throw him in Azkaban. _Tell them!_

“Sir…”

“Yes?”

“What should I do?” It was not what he’s meant to say, in truth he wasn’t sure what he was going to say, but it was certainly the question on his mind.

“For the time being, I suggest keeping the information locked securely in your vault at Gringotts. It is safe there. Handing it over to me would be tantamount to declaring allegiance to the Order.”

“I would. I want to join.”

Both men laughed and Sirius wondered if he said something stupid. “Professor Lupin said you would say that. The time may come, Mr. Black, when you’re asked to join, but that time is not now.”

Sirius nodded. “Alright, I’ll leave it there for now…”

“I know much of this must be hard to hear. Are you alright?” Dumbledore asked kindly.

“Yes, sir. Just…surprised I suppose. By all of this.”

“Try not to dwell on it too much. You have Remus and myself looking out for you. Focus on your studies. We will worry about the rest. I simply felt you should know.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Very good. That will be all, Mr. Black. Thank you for meeting with me. Remus will show you out.”

Sirius rose and bid Dumbledore goodnight and turned to leave. When he reached the door he turned to Remus. “Could I speak with you? Outside?” he asked in a low voice. Remus nodded tightly.

“Headmaster, did you still need me?” he called over to Dumbledore who seemed engrossed in unwrapping a sweet from the dish on his desk. He waved the sweet distractedly.

“No, thank you, Remus. Goodnight to you both.”

Remus followed him outside the Headmaster’s office and down a little ways until they came across an empty classroom. Remus perched himself on a desk when they entered. Sirius charmed the door silent and sat beside him. The room was dark save for the moonlight from outside. Sirius swung his feet awkwardly, feeling twelve years old again and very much like he’d been caught out doing something he shouldn’t.

“Well?” Remus asked after a while when Sirius continued to swing his feet in silence.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“For?”

“I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I don’t know why I did. I was…did you mean it? What you said about me not being worth all the trouble of putting up with me?”

Remus’s words haunted him all afternoon. Granted he said some nasty things himself but Remus’s words had the effect of terrifying him, whereas his own ranting and raving had been childish, but certainly not cruel.

“Somewhat,” Remus admitted, not looking at Sirius, and he felt his heart sink. “I just keep thinking we’re too different. The differences in our ages, it shows. I’m not interested in raising a kid, Sirius, and sometimes it feels that way.”

“You have some weird ideas about child rearing then, if you get my meaning,” Sirius said hoping to diffuse the tense mood with a joke.

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” but he laughed when he said it.

“You think I’m immature.”

“No…I mean you are, can be, but that’s not it. I think you’re still figuring yourself out. You’re still finding your place, finding out who you’ll be. I feel like you need to figure out who you are on your own, not who you are with me. Am I making sense?”

“You’re breaking up with me,” Sirius said flatly, feeling suddenly like the world was coming to an end.

“No,” Remus said emphatically and he placed a hand under Sirius’s chin, forcing him to look into those warm brown eyes. “I’m not. I love you.”

They, neither of them, had said it very much. Sirius never felt the need to hear it, it was there in the way Remus looked at him, smiled at him, touched and kissed him. He didn’t need words but hearing them again wiped away the fear that was beginning to gnaw at his insides since their argument that afternoon.

Sirius linked his arms around the man’s neck and kissed him deeply, tongues re-exploring now familiar territory. “Love you too,” he mumbled between kisses as Remus carded fingers through his hair. He moaned in disappointment when Remus pulled away, resting their foreheads together.

“I think we should go back to our original plan,” he said after a minute. “Let’s wait until the summer.”

This did not seem like a much better option. Now that he had Remus he was reluctant to give him up, even if for a few months. Not only that but they had lessons together three times a week and saw each other at every meal. How was Sirus supposed to deal with seeing Remus constantly and being unable to touch him?

“It’s not breaking up. I don’t want anyone else and I’ll expect you to keep your hands off other boys as well. We agreed from the beginning to wait, there was a good reason for it. And far too many people know about us than I’m comfortable with.” Remus kissed him lightly. “Say something, please.”

“Tonight.”

“Tonight?”

“The summer is four months away. Spend the night with me tonight. Tomorrow we can go back to the way it was before. I want you for tonight though.”

Remus was staring at him with an unmistakable mixture of shock and desire. Sirius could see the internal battle behind his eyes. He was thinking hard about the suggestion. Sirius decided to give his brain a nudge in the right direction. Leaning forward slightly, he ducked his head and placed a soft nip and kiss on the skin below Remus’s ear, allowing his hands to drift downward coming to rest on his hips.

“Sirius…” Sirius swallowed whatever Remus was about to say with another kiss, parting lips with his tongue and letting his hand fall a bit further down to rest on the inside of his thigh. He knew he was being a bit underhanded, but he also knew Remus would never do something he didn’t already want to do. He just needed to show Remus all the reasons why this was a good idea.

Sirius broke away and moved to whisper in Remus’s ear. “Make love to me tonight.” The words sent a thrill of excitement up his spine causing him to shiver in a delighted sort of way.

A shiver of another sort passed through him when he felt Remus nod and say, “Okay.”


	18. Chapter 18

They agreed to meet in Remus’s room in an hour, giving Sirius enough time to get some things from his dorm and ask James to cover for him if anyone asked where he was. What were best mates for after all?

Perhaps the previous night’s attack had him more on guard, or maybe he was just waiting for it, but this time, when the spell was cast, he dodged it effortlessly. The hair on the back of his neck prickled and he ducked as the stunner whizzed past his head. He whipped around and sent a warning hex just over Lestrange’s shoulder.  
  
The boy laughed jovially. “Can’t catch you off guard twice it seems.”

“You’re lucky you caught me the first time. Typical of a Slytherin to attack a man in the back.”

“Who am I to question effective methods?”

“What do you want?” Sirius asked, his wand still trained on the other boy.

“Can’t I catch up with my favorite Gryffindor?” Lestrange asked in a friendly manner. Sirius scowled. “Have a nice chat with the Headmaster?”

“Actually yes, quite interesting. In fact, I think I have come to a decision.”

“And?”

“And you’re crazy if you think I’m going to give that research to you.” The boys smiled faded. “I know what it is now and I’ll destroy it before I let you hand it over to your maniac friends.”

“My maniac friends have a lot of power, Black.”

“Well, you’re not the only one with friends on the outside. We’re not afraid of you. I’m not.”

“You’re making a mistake. I wasn’t making idle threats before, Black. I urge you to reconsider.”

“I’ve made up my mind. You can run off and tell your little friends, from me, to go to hell.”

“You have no idea what hell is, Black. I think by the end of the week you might though. You’ll change your mind.”

“Yes well, don’t hold your breath.” Quick as a flash Sirius sent a disarming spell at Lestrange, hitting him directly in the che,st. Sirius caught the wand and laughed at the look of outrage on his face. Sirius tossed the wand over the banister near by, watching it fall several stories below. “Just in case you get any ideas of hitting me in the back again,” he said simply. “Have a nice evening.”

Sirius feigned nonchalance as he walked away. He had not even made the decision until the words were out of his mouth, but he liked to think his subconscious never intended to let the Slytherins win. When he put Lestrange behind him he picked up his pace hoping James would let him borrow the cloak to meet Remus later.

oOo

Sirius showered and dressed quickly, opting for the tight pair of jeans he knew made Remus mad with lust. He was rummaging through James’s trunk looking for a suitable shirt. He owned plenty of shirts that would have worked just fine but James was a size smaller and Sirius wanted to look absolutely fuckable tonight.

He found a black tee and sniffed experimentally, but it was clean. Throwing on the shirt, he wandered over to his own trunk for his dragon hide boots. He smirked wickedly when he noticed the sleeve of the leather jacket he bought in Muggle London the year before, poking out beneath a robe. His mother threatened to throw it in the fire (with or without Sirius in it) when she saw it. He hadn’t been home long enough for her to actually do it by then. Giving the jacket a shake he pulled it on, thinking Remus was in for a surprise.

“Bloody hell, Black, could those jeans be any tighter?” he heard James ask from the door. Sirius grinned, still bent over his trunk, looking over his shoulder to smile at James and, surprisingly, Lily, whose eyes were popping slightly as she stared at him.

“Enjoying the view, Evans?” he asked shaking his bum a little as he extracted his boots from his trunk. She looked away flushing slightly.

James scowled. “Is that my shirt? Where are you going dressed like that?” he asked.

Sirius glanced at Lily quickly then back to James. “Spending the night with Moony,” he said. “That reminds me, can I borrow your cloak?”

James said, “You’re actually spending the night with him?” the same time Lily said, “So there is a Moony…wait did you say him?”

James winced as Sirius tossed him a glare. He pulled on his boots and smiled roguishly at Lily who was perched, casually, on the bed that belonged to James. He wondered vaguely if she knew it was his or just happened to pick it by chance and made a mental note to tease James about it later. “Yes, Evans, he said him. I know you’re heart broken but this fine specimen of man only keeps the company of other men.” He kneeled in front of Lily and lifted her chin with a finger. “I know it’s hard, love, but you’ll get over this,” he said looking directly into her eyes.

In the back he heard something like, “Oi, paws off!” from James but Lily laughed and shoved him playfully. “You really are the limit, Black. You give James a run for his money with an ego like that.”

Sirius sat back on his haunches and surveyed Lily for a moment. “Say, Evans…you’re a girl,” he mused rubbing his chin.

“Last time I checked. Why? Changing your mind on your preferences? I have it on good authority I’m quite irresistible,” her eyes flashing flirtatiously.

“Merlin, this room is not big enough for this much narcissism,” James said throwing himself on the bed behind Lily.  
  
Sirius threw back his head and laughed. “No, sorry love, I’m irrevocably bent, but I could use your help with something.”

Several minutes, and one emptied trunk later, Sirius and Lily were sitting on his bed, her delicate hands cupping his chin as she applied kohl eye makeup to his face.

“Look up,” she instructed, her green eyes focused on his face. “Where did you even get this stuff?” she asked, applying the pencil to his eyes. Her face was very near his own, he noticed she had a freckle on her lip and she smelled rather nice for a girl. James was hovering protectively nearby.

“Some bird at a party put it on me over the summer. She let me keep it because she said it made me look sexy. Ouch!”

“Sorry! Hold still just a moment…there.” She capped the pencil and sat back to admire her work.  A pink tinge worked its way across her cheeks. “Yes, I can see what she meant.”

“Moony won’t know what hit him!” Sirius crowed in triumph. He felt a bundle of smooth material thrust at his chest.

“Here take the cloak and get out. I’m sick of my girlfriend ogling you.”

“Thanks, mate.” Sirius rose and flashed Lily a quick wink, unseen by James. “You’re a really cool girl, Evans…Lily,” he amended and placed a quick peck on her cheek. Ducking the swipe at his head from James, he made his way to the door. “Wish me happy shagging!” he called over his shoulder as he exited.

oOo

Sirius wasted no time making his way to Remus’s quarters. He was already late but he doubted the man would be disappointed, given the effort he’d put into his appearance. He checked twice to make sure the hall was empty, even going so far as to cast a _Homenum Revelio_ , but he was quite alone. He whipped off the cloak and knocked, leaning casually on the doorway.

“I was starting to think you’d changed…” Remus opened the door and his jaw dropped slightly as he took in the picture Sirius made. Sirius did not fail to notice the way the man’s eyes darkened as they traveled up and down his body.

“What was that, Moony?” Sirius asked, stepping into the room. He threw the cloak on the sofa and turned to face Remus who was slowly closing the door, his eyes still roving over Sirius.

“Wondered if you changed your—your mind. About coming here,” he said distractedly, his hand still gripping the door knob.

It gave Sirius a happy thrill to know he was having such a drastic effect on the man. Remus did not look too bad himself. Of course, he could be wearing a potato sack and Sirius would find him sexy. Sirius had opted for presentation where Remus had chosen practicality it seemed. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of dark brown trousers that showed off his arse nicely and a rumpled white button down shirt. Most of the buttons at the top were undone, giving Sirius a lovely view of the skin on his chest. The loose fitting clothes did nothing to hide the lithe body beneath.

“Would you like a drink?” Remus asked, regaining his composure as he moved to the kitchen area. “There is still some of that Ogden’s you left here the last time.”

“That sounds good.” Sirius tossed his jacket on the sofa with the cloak and joined Remus in the kitchen. He poured a generous amount of the amber liquid into two small glasses and handed one to Sirius.

Sirius took it and stepped close to place a kiss on slightly parted lips. Just when he felt Remus begin to respond in earnest, he backed away and swallowed his drink, tossing his head back to expose his neck as he did so, feeling particularly wicked. He heard a murmured “fuck” and saw Remus mimic his movement through his lashes.

Remus slammed his glass back on the counter and grabbed Sirius, rather harshly, by the hips and proceeded to attack his neck. Sirius felt a warm, wet tongue trace the line of his throat, starting just below his Adam’s apple all the way to the tip of his chin. “You’re such a tease,” Remus growled as he bit sharply at the skin below his jaw. Sirius moaned and pushed his hips against Remus, his already tight jeans slowly becoming, almost, unbearably so, despite earlier preparation.

“Moony…” he pleaded, thrusting again into the man’s hips, feeling the matching arousal through the thin, cotton trousers.

“I shouldn’t you know. Teach you a lesson about teasing people,” he gasped, but clutched at the denim clad cheeks and ground their bodies tightly together. Sirius wrapped a leg around his hip but it still wasn’t nearly enough.

“Going to give me detention, Professor?”

Remus chuckled against his neck and continued the slow, rocking pressure. “I love when you call me that,” he said hotly into Sirius’s ear. “Sounds so naughty.”

“Hmmm,” Sirius agreed. “It does. As fun as I—ah—can see that being, I don’t want to be f—fucked by Professor Lupin tonight.”

“No?” Remus asked, increasing the speed and pressure of his grinding. Sirius nearly lost coherent thought as he felt his arousal peaking. He brought Remus up for a kiss, clutching at his hair and nibbling at his lower lip.

“No. Remus Lupin will do just fine, thank you,” he said, looking directly into Remus's eyes.

“Oh, fucking hell, Sirius,” Remus moaned as he continued his relentless thrusting. “You look so good,” he breathed, running a thumb across Sirius’s cheek, just below his eye. Sirius saw the black makeup transfer to his thumb. “Shit…I’m not going to last long if we keep this up. Bedroom. Now.”

Sirius sidled out from under the man, putting some distance between them. He sauntered away towards the bedroom, snagging the bottle of Ogden’s as he went. He took a healthy swig and passed the bottle to Remus who also drank deeply and placed the bottle on the nearby dresser. The room was dimly lit by several floating candles. The first pang of nervousness dropped into the pit of his stomach at the sight of the bed and candles—although it could have been the firewhiskey.

Remus came up behind him, his warm body flushed against Sirius's back, wrapping arms around his waist. He placed hot, open-mouthed kisses on the back of Sirius's neck. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready,” he whispered in his ear.

“I want to,” Sirius breathed, feeling his knees betraying him at the slight graze of teeth below his ear.

“Are you sure?” Remus asked, his hands moving to rest on the buckle of his belt, but made no move to unclasp it.

“I’m ready,” he said, reaching behind him to tangle a hand in wavy hair. Remus kissed his shoulder, undoing the buckle deftly but working the button and zip, with some difficulty.

When he finally had the jeans undone he slipped his hand inside and began stroking Sirius slowly with nimble fingers. He gasped and rolled his head back onto the shoulder behind him, Remus supporting most of his weight, as he gave himself over to the man and the warm waves of pleasure he was invoking with each pass of his hand over Sirius’s swollen prick.  
  
Remus’s hand worked its magic, mouth sucking lightly on Sirius's neck as he rocked gently against Sirius’s backside, creating a steady rhythm of stroke and thrust. Sirius pushed back eagerly, loving the feel of the man’s hardness against him and thinking there was far too much clothing between them.  
  
He was already teetering on the edge and felt himself inching ever closer as his blood surged southward to pool low in his abdomen. The hand not working his cock moved beneath his shirt to trace the hard lines of his chest, stopping once to pinch a nipple. Sirius bucked his hips and Remus gripped the base of his shaft tightly. He felt his orgasm ebb away torturously slowly. A pitiful whimper snuck past his lips and he felt Remus laughing against his neck.

“You’re not coming yet,” he said, and removed his hand to pull at the shirt until it was a pile of black material on the floor. Sirius turned and pulled Remus into a deep kiss, plucking at the buttons of his shirt as their tongues fought for dominance. Sirius ran his palms over the soft skin of Remus’s shoulders, removing the shirt as Remus unfastened his trousers and nudged them down, over his erection, until they fell easily to the floor.

They had never been this naked together, Sirius realized suddenly, still standing in his jeans. Even after the full moon Sirius had quickly thrown a blanket over the man, not even daring to peek, wanting to give Remus some modesty. Remus seemed unfazed, for the moment, by his own nudity, running hands over Sirius lovingly and kissing him everywhere his mouth saw fit. He pushed Remus away slightly, wanting to see. Needing to burn this moment into his memory. Remus looked up confused and then blushed, or at least Sirius thought he did—it was hard to tell in the dim light of candles. The man ducked his head and looked shy, almost embarrassed for the first time since Sirius arrived.

“Scars…they don’t always heal right,” he explained, noticing where Sirius was looking.

Sirius traced his fingers along the silvery scars of the various scratch and bites Remus had inflicted on himself over the years. A fierce mixture of powerful arousal and equally powerful anger rolled through him. It wasn’t fair that this wonderful man had to endure such pain. Sirius vowed silently, once more, that he _was_ going to think of something to save Remus from this curse. He had to. Fingertips ghosted along Remus’s left collar noticing the prominent scars there. He felt Remus watching him intently as he touched the distorted scar tissue. It was clearly a bite mark made by something very, very large.

“Is this where…?” he asked, peering closely at the scar. He felt Remus trembling beneath his palms.

“Yes. That’s where I was bitten.”

Sirius ran his fingers reverently over the marks where teeth had punctured flesh. He leaned forward and placed a kiss, several kisses, to the mark, feeling Remus shudder violently beneath his hands. “I love you, Remus.” He looked up into fathomless brown eyes and heard the man’s breathing hitch for just a moment.

Strong arms came around him, clutching him tightly, possessively. Remus was kissing him, like he had never kissed him before—with sheer abandon and passion. Even in their most heated of moments, Remus always managed to keep himself in check. Perhaps the only time Sirius had seen Remus lose control completely, had been right before the full moon. But that had been about sex. This was about something more.

The desperate noises coming from the man as they kissed was sending Sirius into a tailspin of feverish desire once more. He pushed himself tighter into the man’s arms and managed to slide a hand between their bodies, wrapping it around the swollen head of Remus’s shaft. Remus groaned loudly and bit down hard on the flesh of his shoulder as Sirius gathered the bead of fluid leaking from the slit with his thumb and smoothed it down his length.

“Oh! I need you...now,” Remus moaned between kissing him. Sirius moved to remove his jeans but Remus stopped him. “No,” he said suddenly, grabbing his wrists. “Let me. Fuck, I’ve dreamed about peeling these bloody jeans off you more times than I can count.”

Remus pushed him backward until the back of Sirius's knees hit the bed and he fell with a soft _thump_ onto the mattress. Remus kneeled between his legs, on the floor, pulling the boots off violently and throwing them recklessly over his shoulders. One made a rather spectacular crashing noise against something but they were both too far gone to care. Remus dipped the tips of his fingers into the waistband of his jeans and began pulling them off slowly. Sirius canted his hips to allow easier passage and he was soon lying, stark naked on the bed, only the pendant hanging from the thin, black cord around his neck remaining. Remus was kneeling between his open legs, looking at him with something akin to to awe.

“Remus… _please,_ ” he begged, thrusting his hips slightly, needing to be touched. To touch. Remus rose and practically lifted Sirius to the center of the bed, pushing his knees up and kissing him tenderly as he situated himself between Sirius’s thighs.

“It…you might be more comfortable if you turned over but…”

Sirius shook his head. “I want to see you.”

“Me too. Just try to relax,” he breathed before reaching for a jar on the nightstand. Sirius had a fairly good idea what was in it. He willed the nervousness prickling at the edges of his senses away as a warm, probing finger maneuvered between his legs. It dragged teasingly along his crack and sunk into a part of his body he hardly knew existed. He groaned, not quite in pain. “Relax,” Remus whispered again, kissing his knee as his finger continued to touch him _there_.

  
Sirius would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt, but not very much. After a few moments, he moaned as the pain melted away into something far more pleasurable. Another finger was added, which reignited the uncomfortable burning again, but it too settled into a delightful tingle after a while.

Breathy moans escaped Sirius's lips as he began pushing back onto the fingers inside him, feeling dirty and shameless. Remus was watching him, his breath coming in heavy pants, his eyes dark and hungry as he watched Sirius writhing, legs spread wide and hips lifting off the bed with each stroke. A shiver ran up his spine. That look was for him.

“Remus…” he pleaded, thrusting insistently now.  
  
Remus groaned loudly and bit his knee, his free hand tracing the curve of his calf idly. “Fuck, Sirius, you are bloody gorgeous.”

“Words, words, words, it’s always words with you,” Sirius managed between gasps as the lust-induced fever in his brain began making him delirious.

“You’re a vain creature. What would you do without my compliments?”

“Ah—oh, fuck, surely perish…oh, Remus, please, I can’t take it anymore.”

“Ready then?”

Sirius could do nothing but nod. Remus moved and placed a pillow under his hips as the fingers were withdrawn and something warm and wet and thick replaced them. Remus pushed in slowly and Sirius bit his lip to keep from crying out as his body stretched impossibly wide to accept him. It hurt. A rather lot actually. But the look of absolute bliss on the other man’s face as he entered him was enough to make Sirius endure the pain if not forget.

There was nothing quite like it, Sirius decided. He’d never felt so full or so connected to another human being before, despite the discomfort. Something fierce and powerful was trying to claw its way out of his chest and he took several deep breaths, closing his eyes against it as Remus filled him in unimaginable ways.

“Oh, yes…oh, Sirius,” Remus moaned, thrusting slowly, deeply, grabbing at Sirius’s legs to wrap them around his waist until his not inconsiderable length was fully sheathed. Remus stilled and he felt a hand on his cheek. He looked into dark, copper-colored eyes, full of trust and love and he forgot his discomfort. Their bodies shifted as Remus leaned forward until their lips were nearly touching.

“Are you alright?”

Sirius gave a shaky, “Yes” and felt lips pressing firmly against his as Remus thrust, out and in…once…twice. Remus pressed his forehead to Sirius’s, stilling once more.

“It’s so good. Oh, Sirius, I’ve wanted you so much…and now you’re mine.”

“Yours,” Sirius agreed and moaned when a warm rush of pleasure washed over him as Remus began moving again. Out and in. In and out. His back began arching off the bed as Remus pulled back slightly, picking up a steady rhythm.

He felt a warm, slick hand on his cock, and remembered he was still incredibly aroused. His breath was coming in short pants as Remus stroked him in tandem with his thrusts, their eyes locked. With each slow, deep plunge there was a warm, astonishingly brilliant hand to meet it. It was slowly becoming agonizingly wonderful, the uncomfortable pain having morphed into something truly delightful, when Remus did something that made his body buck uncontrollably.

“Oh, Remus!” he moaned, unable to stop himself as he felt his body pushing hungrily backward with every upward thrust by the other man as Remus did it again.

And again.

And again.

Until Sirius was unable to keep from crying out, his own name forgotten, as he sobbed, “Remus” and “Moony” and “harder,” faster and louder as Remus began pounding into him mercilessly. His hands drifted up along the man’s chest, cupping one cheek and Remus pressed a hot kiss into his palm. He felt more than heard Remus whisper “love you” into his hand, brown eyes never leaving his, and that was all it took until he was coming in unending waves.

“Fuck, oh fuck! Remus…”

His orgasm pulsed out of him so hard and fast he began feeling lightheaded. White spots were popping behind his eyes. He felt it in his toes and the tips of his fingers as it travelled up and down his spine, pure, wonderful, extraordinary pleasure. He was quite sure he was dying but his brain did not have the capacity to care as Remus continued to ride him to completion.

Though his body began growing heavy with post-coital lethargy, Sirius braced himself on the headboard behind him and managed to wrap his legs tighter around the man’s waist. He dug his heels into the soft, fleshy muscles of Remus’s buttocks, pulling him deeper, harder; wanting to give every last bit of himself he had left to the man.

“Oh, God, Sirius…Sirius!”

Remus stilled suddenly above him after a few more thrusts. He felt a warm sensation fill him and Sirius moaned, surprised at his ability to feel anything after _that_. Remus collapsed on top of him, breathing heavily, still chanting his name, “Sirius” as if in prayer. Sirius wrapped his arms around the man, planting kisses in his hair as they recovered, stroking his sweaty back in soothing gestures.

Eventually, Remus rolled off, moving to lie beside him, pulling their bodies close. Remus leaned up on an elbow, carding his hand through the damp hair at Sirius’s temple and looking down at him in awed disbelief. As if Sirius were some sort of fascinating, priceless treasure he’d only recently discovered. Sirius felt it mirrored his own feeling of wonderment.

“I…Sirius...” Remus could only goggle at him, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he blinked his large brown eyes, strands of honey-brown hair clinging to his forehead in small rivulets.

Sirius lifted a heavy arm and pushed the sweaty fringe back, tangling his fingers in the man’s hair, and bringing him closer until their lips slid together. He tried to say everything he felt with that kiss. Tried to pour all his love, and happiness, and, though he did not recognize it for what it was, fear, into that gentle press of lips. Remus responded in kind, cupping the side of Sirius’s neck, moaning softly as their mouths moved together in a loving, languid kiss.

“That,” was all Sirius could say when they broke apart. Remus chuckled and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Sirius’s once more.

“Yes. Quite.”

Sirius wasn’t sure what he’d done to deserve this gorgeous, caring, breathtaking man but he clung to him tightly as he slowly began drifting off to sleep. He was vaguely aware of Remus casting a spell to clean them both and pulling the blankets over them. Remus caressed him fondly, murmuring “I love you” as he placed soft kisses in his hair, on his cheeks, lips.

“I love you, Moony,” he said in sleepy response. “I love you….love you.”


	19. Chapter 19

Sirius flopped into a seat the at Gryffindor table the next morning, a sated smile on his face. “Lovely morning, isn’t it?” he said to no one in particular. James and Lily shared an amused look. Well Lily was amused anyway, James looked faintly nauseous; Peter looked confused. Paying them no mind, Sirius began loading his plate, quite famished after the previous night’s—and early morning—activities.

_“It still feels like breaking up,” Sirius pouted. They were agreeing to not be together for four months. How was it not breaking up?_

_“I just want to give you some time to sort yourself out.”_

_“I’m sorted out! Damn it, Remus, I know what I want!”_

_“A three-year-old also knows what he wants. It’s not just a matter of knowing what it is you want, Sirius. Sometimes it’s learning to accept you can’t have it.”_

_“But I do have you and you’re trying to take it away from me.”_

_“And like a baby you’re throwing a fit because of it.”_

_“Just tell me what you want from me.”_

_“You see? Sirius, you look to me for direction in this far too much. I don’t know if it’s because I’m your professor or because I’m older. Maybe it’s both. There are some things I’m happy to teach you but I can’t keep telling you what to do.”_

_“You’re doing it now! By pushing me away!”_

_“This is as much my fault. You said it yourself, I’m always trying to tell you what to do, how to act. I don’t want us to be like that. I need time to too. Maybe when the title of professor is stripped away and we’re just two men, we can make an honest attempt at this. Please tell me you understand.”_

_“I do… I still don’t like it though. Honestly, Remus, after a night of mind blowing sex, how can you expect me to be happy with this arrangement? Four months!”_

_“Mmmm, it was nice wasn’t it?”_

_“Indeed. Don’t suppose you’d be interested in giving my arse something more to remember you by.”_

_“Well, since you asked nicely.”_

He smiled to himself as he recalled the sound fucking he’d gotten after that conversation. Heat crept up his neck and face as he remembered how he shamelessly begged Remus for _more, Moony, fuck MORE,_ as he lost his mind with pleasure. Remus told him the soreness would fade after a while but for now he was quite enjoying it. He almost hoped it would never fade as he very much liked the way his body reacted to every little movement.

“Have a nice night then?” Lily asked casually stirring him from his reverie.  
  
He dropped her an impish wink. “Orgasmic. Thank you for asking, Miss Evans.”

“Going into Hogsmeade today?” James asked loudly as Peter squeaked. Sirius and Lily sniggered at their obvious discomfort.

“I’d nearly forgotten it was a Hogsmeade weekend. Are you two going to be all coupley today or do you care to keep a lonely bloke company?”

“Not going with Moony?” Lily asked with some surprise.

“Actually, Moony and I aren’t going to be seeing each other for a while,” Sirius said feeling a first-class sulk coming on, despite how good he felt.

“Oh,” Lily said, looking embarrassed. “I thought you two were…I’m sorry, Sirius.”

“It’s mutual. Sort of. Last night was a sort of last hurrah.”

He was baffled by the look of concern Lily was giving him, or maybe he was simply not used to her looking at him with anything other than contempt. James was also frowning at him. He gave her a brave smile. “Thanks for your concern, Evans, but I’m fine.”

“Well, you’re welcome to join us today,” James said.

“Ta, Potter.” He raised his juice in a toast and took a drink, trying very had not to look as Remus entered the hall. Sirius already missed him. The uncomfortable churning feeling in his stomach he’d woken up with intensified as he thought about the man. It was going to be a rough four months.

oOo

Remus had given serious consideration to the idea of tying the dark-haired boy to his bed and never letting him leave. He woke to find Sirius snuggled close, his head resting on Remus’s chest, arms and legs twined with his. His heart swelled and he sighed with happiness as he kissed the boy awake. He nearly let Sirius talk him out of their arrangement.

“I’ll miss you,” Sirius had said as they lay together, panting after their brief argument and subsequent love making.  
  
Sirius was…enthusiastic, Remus decided as they lay, chest to back, his arms around they boy, holding him tight. He felt himself growing soft, Sirius’s warmth still encasing his prick. Sirius seemed to sense the need for prolonging the moment, snuggling back into his embrace.

He buried his face in the crook of Sirius’s neck, breathing deeply. “I know. I’ll miss you too. But it will be over before we know it. You need to focus on your school anyhow; you don’t need me distracting you.”

“I like when you distract me,” he’d pouted thrusting back against Remus. He groaned around a laugh at the sensations it caused and peppered kisses on his neck and cheeks. Sirius continued to push back eagerly against Remus and he laughed, grabbing his hips to stop him.

“I don’t quite have the stamina of a teenager, Sirius, give me a few minutes.”

“Actually, I think I need a shower. You’ve got me quite dirty, Mr. Lupin. Besmirched my young, innocent body.”

“I didn’t hear any complaints last night, or just a few moments ago. In fact, I seem to remember a dark-haired young man crying ‘harder, Remus, fuck me harder’ was I imagining that?”

“You’ve corrupted me. What can I say? Really though, I feel sticky.”

“Go then,” he said, extracting himself from the boy and placing a kiss on a boney shoulder. “I’ll join you in a minute and help you get clean again.”

“Don’t keep me waiting long,” he said, turning and giving him a lingering kiss. Remus watched Sirius go, admiring his exquisite body in the early morning light as he stretched, the muscles of his back and legs flexing invitingly as sauntered to the bathroom. He threw a knowing smile over his shoulder. _Bloody show off._

Remus fell back into his pillows with a sigh, catching Sirius’s scent mingled with his own in the sheets, and a smile stole across his face. It faded quickly, however. Despite what he told Sirius, it did feel like breaking up. It had never been so good with any of his past lovers. He’d been grateful that Sirius had begun dozing and quickly fell asleep the night before. Not that he would have minded trading sweet pillow talk, but Remus had felt so emotionally fragile as they lay together, and was loathe to have Sirius to see him cry.

Remus hated crying. Had become numb to its cathartic effects long ago. It was pointless, helped nothing, and yet he felt hot tears prickling at the corners of his eyes as he held, what was quite possibly, the most precious thing he’d ever had the good fortune to possess in his arms. He took several deep breaths, willing the emotional tide back.

If someone had told him _this_ would be waiting for him when he took the job at Hogwarts he would have thought them mad. Good things like this rarely happened to Remus, and never lasted when they did. He felt truly happy for the first time in years and it absolutely terrified him. He was ruined. Could never go back to a life that did not include Sirius. A few traitorous tears had fallen into dark hair as he pressed kisses there, his heart thumping madly in his ribcage every time Sirius whispered “love you” into the skin of his chest.  

It frightened him to think on just how much he loved Sirius and how much it would hurt to lose him. He watched his lover sleep for a long while the night before, praying fervently that he should be allowed to keep Sirius _. I don’t ask for much,_ he thought bitterly. _Please, just let me keep him._

The decision for them to put things on hold until the school year ended was the right thing to do, he knew that. Not only because he felt Sirius need space to figure himself out, but he realized he needed it himself. He’d fallen so hard, so quickly, and he needed to ground himself once more. Yes, it was the right thing to do. But he also knew he was going to be utterly miserable having the boy so close and being unable to touch him. Keeping his distance would be even more difficult now that Remus had the added task of keeping tabs on him for Dumbledore. Of course he would have done so anyway, but it would be a challenge nevertheless to watch him and want him from afar.

They spent quite a while getting Sirius clean in the shower, he seemed to insist on making himself dirty again, not that Remus was complaining. Sirius took his time dressing, lingering over the buttons on his shirt and making a production of fixing his hair. When there was nothing left for him to occupy himself with, he turned and wrapped his arms around Remus’s torso, burying his face in his chest.

“Last night was incredible,” he’d said into his shirt. “I never thought it would be like that.”

Remus smiled and hugged him close. He’d done his best to be careful, wanting to make it good for the boy. His first time had been a disaster and he’d been determined to give Sirius a wonderful memory. Given how enamored Sirius was with him all morning, he thought he’d done a decent job of it.

“I’m never going to forget it,” Sirius said, clutching him tightly.  
  
Remus frowned. “This isn’t goodbye, Sirius.”

“I know I’m just…promise me we’ll be together after term ends.”

“You know we will.” He looked into anxious grey eyes and pressed a firm kiss to his lips. “I promise.”

Sirius looked happier after that, but Remus could still see traces of nervousness behind his eyes and smile. He watched, with some amusement, as Sirius tried to leave several times. “Just one more kiss,” Sirius kept saying before launching himself at Remus and kissing him soundly, and Remus indulged him. When the door closed and Sirius did not rush back in to kiss him again the first drop of melancholy fell into the pit of his stomach. The summer was so far away.

Much later, he stood with Minerva, checking students out for the visit to Hogsmeade and not really paying attention. It seemed like a good idea to monitor who was leaving the castle. Once Sirius and his lot left, Remus would wait ten minutes and follow. As it was, he was still tired and feeling uncharacteristically maudlin and was not paying as close attention as he should.

“Mr. Black,” he heard Minerva say and his head snapped up, but it was not Sirius. Regulus Black quirked an elegant brow in his direction and swept off with his year mates. His gut told him Sirius was not the right Black to follow presently and after a few minutes he bid Minerva goodbye and followed in the direction he saw the younger Black heading.

oOo

The Three Broomsticks was packed. Lily insisted James and Peter get drinks while they she and Sirius attempted to find empty seats. Lily managed to snag a booth just as two occupants were leaving. They sat in uncomfortable silence for several moments. James was the only thing they had in common and with him distracted Sirius felt a little awkward around the girl. They had never exactly been friends.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Lily asked him eventually. “You’ve seemed really down all morning.” She was giving him another sad smile. Did he really look that pathetic?

“I’m fine, Evans,” he said a little snappishly. A flash of annoyance crossed her face and Sirius felt like he was in much more familiar territory. “Just because I’m queer doesn’t mean I want to talk about my feelings like a girl.”

He expected--hoped for even--a smart retort, but Lily simply rolled her eyes. “Boys are so silly. I just thought you might like to have some one to talk to about it. James and Peter might be accepting about you but I doubt they want details of your love life. You…” she hesitated. “You looked really happy last night. I’d never have expected it from you. A lot of the girls used to joke you had a heart as black as your name because you never took much of an interest in anyone. You really like him, Moony, don’t you?”

“Love him,” Sirius admitted, and Lily placed a hand on his giving it a soft squeeze.

“Why are you breaking it off then?”

“He thinks I need to grow up a little more.” Why was he even telling her this? But once he began unburdening himself he could not stop. It plagued his mind all morning; it would be nice to get a little bit of it off his chest. “It’s sort of more complicated than that, but that’s the heart of it. I’m too childish and he feels he needs to control me because of it, which he does. He says it’s not healthy and we should wait until the summer to give me time to…I don’t know. I really don’t know what he wants. I can’t change who I am.”

But that wasn’t quite what Remus was asking him to do. Remus was not asking him to change who he was. He was asking Sirius to figure out who he was to begin with. “I’m afraid…” he began, voicing he thing he feared most. “I’m afraid that he won’t want me any more by then.”

What if Remus didn’t like the person Sirius was after four months? The thought of it felt like a knife in his heart. That was partly why he’d insisted on last night. If Remus didn’t want him after their hiatus at least he could say he had him once.

“Oh, Sirius, if he loves you like you do him that won’t happen,” she said squeezing his hand again, her green eyes full of compassion.

“Why are you being so nice? I always thought you hated me,” he said, feeling incredibly vulnerable in front of the girl he’d known for seven years yet hardly knew at all.

“I never hated you or James. I simply thought the pair of you were completely insufferable. But you’re my boyfriend’s best mate. I was wrong about James so it is possible I could be wrong about you too.”

“Lily Evans wrong about something? Never thought I’d see the day.”

“Haha, enjoy the moment while it lasts because you will never hear me admit it again.”

“I’m glad you came to your senses about James. He’s a good bloke. Bit on the obsessive side at times but overall a stand-up guy.”

“Careful. I might start to think you have designs on my boyfriend.”

Sirius laughed outright at that. “Have you forgotten? In love with another bloke over here. Plus he’s like my brother, though I’ll admit he has nice bum for a messy-haired git. Still, he’s got nothing on Moony.”

“Any chance of you telling me who Moony really is?”

“Nope. He’s mine, Evans. Nice try though.”

“What are you two talking about?” James asked as he and Peter approached carrying drinks.

“Boys,” they said together and shared a laugh.

oOo

Following Regulus Black had been a good idea. While nothing he did was out of the ordinary for the average Hogwarts student, Remus learned a lot about the boy in the one hour he’d spent tailing him. One of which was he kept the company of a lot of students who definitely had connections to known Death Eaters. That certainly wasn’t a crime but it was interesting to note. Regulus had prospective Death Eater written all over him.

Though he probably should not have, he couldn’t help but compare the boy to his brother. The two were far more similar than probably either of them realized. Remus wondered how much of it was due to Regulus emulating Sirius in childhood. They both had the same way of throwing their head back when they laughed, though he could tell Regulus rarely let himself be as carefree as Sirius. They had the same graceful way of moving and they were both impeccably well mannered. It was obvious Regulus took those lessons in manners a little more to heart than Sirius, who tended to disregard good behavior more often than not, but in moments of forgetfulness, could be terribly cultured.

None of the boys noticed him and the snatches of conversation he heard were innocuous at best. No jokes about how he’d nearly knocked his brother’s brain out of his skull not two days ago or discussion about upcoming plans for evil deeds. Not that he expected anything of the sort. One boy looked back and caught his eye and leaned over to whisper something. Regulus looked back and Remus gave him a polite smile before ducking purposely into the nearest shop which turned out to be the post office.

“Wotcher, Remus,” someone to his right said.

“Frank!” he said recognizing the voice. Frank Longbottom was standing next to an elderly witch as they inspected an owl that appeared to be injured.

“What brings you here?” Frank asked.

“Oh, the person I was tailing noticed me and I had to make a hasty get away. You know how awful I am at that sort of thing.”

“Too right. I’m sorry, Mrs. Dobbs, it doesn’t look like it was hit with anything dark. ‘Course they might not have needed to use a dark spell.”

“Thanks for checking anyway, Frank,” the old woman said and she carried the owl carefully to the backroom.

“Got a few reports from other owl posts that their owls were coming back injured, some not even coming back at all. Not necessarily the job for an Auror but—”

“Can’t be too careful,” Remus said, finishing his sentence. It was really becoming a mantra these days. “Patrolling the village today?”

Frank nodded. Dumbledore always had at least one Order member in the village during weekends when students would be present. “Feel like walking with me?” he asked moving towards the door. Having nothing better to do, Remus nodded.

“So, who were you tailing?” Frank asked as he threw up a spell to distort their voices. Remus recognized the spell, having taught it to Frank after all. It was quite useful when Order members wanted to speak freely and things like silencing or Imperturbable charms were less practical. Anyone listening would think they were speaking gibberish.

“Regulus Black. You were a student with him. What do you know about him?”

“Not much,” Frank admitted his brow furrowed. “Knew his brother better, him being in Gryffindor after all. I remember breaking up a few spats between the two but never really paid much attention to him. Why the interest?”

“He attacked Sirius the other day. Sirius says it was about something harmless that got out of control but I’m not so sure. Neither is Dumbledore.”

Frank nodded in understanding. “They never seemed to get on very well. Always thought it was sibling rivalry you know? ‘Course knowing what happened last year between that family it probably runs a little deeper than that, huh?”

They walked in silence for a moment, a few students calling out hellos to Frank as they passed. “Funny, Sirius was always really good at giving as good as he got, you’re saying his brother got one over on him?”

“Split his head open from what I understand.”

“Blimey. Sorry I can’t be more help. Hello, talk of the devil.” Frank removed the charm as they came upon Sirius and his friends exiting the Three Broomsticks.

“Devil? Telling tales again, Frank?” Sirius asked with a grin. Sirius caught his eye and his smile faltered for a second. “Good afternoon, Professor. Don’t believe anything Frank tells you.”

“Of course not.”

“What are you doing here anyway, Frank?” James asked.

Whatever Frank was about to say was cut off by the sound of an explosion and very loud screaming coming from behind him. He and Frank whipped around their wands out. People were running; in the distance he could see several cloaked and hooded figures and there was black smoke rising in the air.

“Patronus, Frank,” Remus said but Frank was way ahead of him, his Patronus flying from his wand as he ran towards the commotion. Remus turned to the students who were still standing there, eyes wide but wands drawn. He felt a brief moment of pride at the look of determination on their faces. “I need you four to get as many students together and head back to the castle.”

“You can count on us, Professor.”

“Remus…”

“No, Sirius! Go!”

“I can fight!”

There was another loud bang. Several people, a few of them students, were thrown into the air and fell like stones. Remus ran in their direction, Sirius hot on his heels. He heard James yelling for Sirius to come back but there was nothing he could do. The area was nearly clear of people by the time he arrived except for the hooded figures and a few villagers who were trying combat them.

“There he is!” one of the figures shouted throwing a curse in his direction. He ducked, pulling Sirius with him and cast a stunner but it missed.

“Aw, and he brought his little pup with him!”

_Pup?_ Another curse was flung at him and another. It was all he could do to deflect as the curses kept coming. Sirius was throwing just as many curses back but they were being blocked by a third wizard. The attacks all seemed to be aimed at him. What was going on?

“Alright, the pup is starting to annoy me,” one of the figures, a woman by the sound of it, said and she threw a hex directly at Sirius. Remus managed to get a shield up in time but the other two took advantage of the distraction and hit Remus in the chest. He keeled over in pain and his vision swam.

“Remus!”

“That’s quite enough out of you.”

He felt himself jerked roughly upwards. His wand was taken. Sirius was being held by another wizard, his arms and legs bound and mouth gagged. There was a flash as the witch held a dagger to Remus’s throat. The point burned his skin. Silver. _Lovely._

“Well, pup?” the witch asked turning so Sirius could see. “We were told you were being…less than cooperative. Are you changing your mind yet?”

“What are you talking about?” Remus asked and the wizard holding him yanked his hair.

“Oh, he didn’t tell you? That’s interesting.”

“Quit playing around, Bella,” the man holding Sirius said. The witch removed the dagger and threw her hood back revealing long dark hair and a pointed face. Remus had never seen Sirius look so angry. He watched as Sirius began to struggle violently against his captor, his eyes burning fire at the woman.

“Lovely to see you again too, cousin,” the witch said giving his cheek a pinch. Sirius continued to resist as she leaned close to his speak directly in his ear.

“Now, are you feeling a bit more obliging? Or will I be spilling your werewolf’s blood all over the street?” she asked sweetly. Sirius ceased struggling and looked back to Remus, his eyes full of anguish. “There’s a good boy,” the woman said, patting Sirius's head fondly.


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of the world seemed to go silent as everything came down to the point of the dagger touching the pulse of life fluttering on Remus’s neck. Sirius felt his whole body go numb. _They’re going to kill him right in front of me_ , he thought dazedly. Remus was holding his gaze, his expression unreadable. What should he do? What choice did he have at this point?

Bellatrix was watching Sirius, the tip of the dagger just under Remus’s chin, a look of sick fascination on her face. Her mouth twisted into a cruel smile and Sirius felt his blood boil once more. He wanted to scream and cry. He wanted to kill Bellatrix. Choke the life out of her with his bare hands.

“Sirius, don’t—” Remus started to say.

“Quiet, Werewolf!” she shrieked, and there was a splatter of bright, red blood as she flicked the dagger across his cheek, the cut standing out in stark contrast against his pale face. Remus hissed in pain but did not cry out.

“No!” Sirius cried around the gag as he watched blood flowing freely down Remus’s cheek and Bellatrix laughed. Using the tip of the dagger, wet with Remus’s blood, she cut the gag away, grazing his cheek but not cutting.

“Your answer?” she asked.

“It’s yours,” he said, defeated. “You can have it. Just let him go!”

Remus was staring at him in disbelief but Bellatrix clapped her hands joyfully. “Splendid. A wise decision cousin. Perhaps the first one you’ve made in a while. Honestly, Sirius, a werewolf? Could you sink any lower?”

“I swear to God, Bellatrix, I am going to make you pay for this.”

“You’re not in any position to be making threats.” She placed his wand back in his pocket. “We’re going to give you until nightfall to bring that information to us. If you don’t, you’ll find what’s left of the werewolf in the Forbidden Forest.”

Sirius stumbled and fell face first into the ground as the Death Eater holding him let go, biting his tongue hard when he landed. He rolled onto his back and watched in horror as the group Apparated away with Remus, brown eyes locked with his. _No!_

“Sirius!” Frank appeared beside him, vanishing the bindings and helping him to his feet. “What happened? Where did they take Remus?”

“I don’t know,” he said as spat blood to the ground. He stared at the spot Remus had vanished from in disbelief, his heart aching terribly.

“Sirius!”

He turned to see James running towards him, followed closely by Lily and Peter and, to his surprise, Garrett Kelley.

“What happened?” James asked. “Dumbledore is coming now. It doesn’t look like anyone was hurt badly. Where did Lupin go?”

“They took him.”

“They what?”

“He’s gone…they took him. _Oh God_.”

Remus was gone. Sirius clutched at his hair painfully but he didn’t really feel it. _He’s gone._ It didn’t feel real. He flinched violently when James put a hand on his shoulder and felt hair part from his scalp as he tore his hands away.

“Hey, it will be okay, mate. We’ll get him back.”

_Get him back?_

“Right. I have to go.”

“Wait! Sirius, you can’t go anywhere. Dumbledore will want to talk to you,” said Frank, but Sirius was already backing away.

“I don’t care about Dumbledore! I need to get Remus back!”

He turned and sprinted towards the castle, pumping his legs and fast as he could. Remus was going to die if he didn’t do something. James was always quick on his feet though and caught up with Sirius grabbing him by the wrist before he could get very far. The others were hurrying to catch up.

“Let me go, Potter!” he growled brandishing his wand at his friend. James glared at him indignantly.

“Bloody hell, Black! Put your wand away! It’s me!”

“James, I have to get him back,” he said, pleading with the messy-haired boy to understand. “I have to. Now either get out of my way or help me!”

James considered him for a long moment then cocked his head and gave him a mischievous smile. “All you had to do was ask, mate. What’s your plan?”

oOo

“Sirius, you can’t give them that research! It’s dangerous!” Lily said as they hurried through the underground passage beneath Honeydukes. With all the commotion the shop was completely empty and they snuck in easily through the back. He and James agreed it would be better to take the hidden passage where they could talk freely. Sirius quickly explained what had happened to the others as they walked.

“Lily is right, Sirius, who knows what they’ll do with information like that.”

“I can’t let them hurt Remus. It’s my fault he’s in trouble. If you don’t like it you don’t need to help me.”

“Sirius, we all like Professor Lupin but—”

“Lupin is Moony, Lils,” James explained.

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” Sirius threw over his shoulder.

“Does everyone know?” Garrett asked with a huff.

“You know?” Lily and James asked in disbelief.

“Why does _he_ know?” James asked Sirius, a touch of something like accusation in his voice.  
  
Sirius growled in frustration. This was pointless discussion. “You want to explain, Garrett?”

Four pairs of eyes shot to the blonde boy who was inexplicably tagging along. He blushed and looked suddenly awkward. “Well…erm…Black and I used to. That is we were—”

“Merlin, Garry, spit it out! We used to be boyfriends,” Sirius snapped, and Garrett glared.

“What!?” James yelled coming to a halt. Lily and Garrett nearly knocked into him.

“I’m so confused,” Peter said unhelpfully, bringing up the rear.

“Look, none of that matters now. I need to get the letter from my trunk that gets me into my vault so I can take that bloody research to those maniacs who have Remus before they kill him.”

“Sirius…”

“Evans, I don’t have a choice. I can’t let him die.”

“Maybe you don’t have to give it to them. No listen,” she said as Sirius opened his mouth to protest. “There is this idea Sev—Snape and I had this one time. It’s not dark,” she said immediately, catching the look on James’s face. “He has this book. He keeps all these notes and spells in it. We joked once about rigging it to self-destruct. In case anyone ever got a hold of it, you know?”

“How does it work?” Sirius asked, cottoning onto her meaning.

“Self-destruct?” James asked.

“Muggle thing,” Garrett said quickly. “That’s actually brilliant, but how would we trigger it?”

“Look, you need to get into your vault. James, you can go with Sirius. Garrett and I can look up a workable spell. We’ll enchant it before you give it to those Death Eater scumbags, get Professor Lupin back, and then boom...destroy the research!”

Sirius grabbed Lily by the shoulders and kissed her on both cheeks. Bright pink patches appeared on her face. “James, you may marry her.”

“Thank you for your blessing,” he said with sarcasm.

“Guys… this sounds really dangerous. Shouldn’t we go to Dumbledore?” Peter asked, looking anxious.

“Peter, if you don’t want to help, fine,” Sirius snapped.

“I want to help!”

“He can follow the Slytherins—your brother and his lot—under the cloak. He can tip Lily off if he learns anything good.”

“Good idea, James. Alright, let’s do it.” He held out his palm face down to the group. Four other hands joined his. Sirius caught Garrett’s eye. The boy gave him half a smile and shrugged. “Operation Rescue Moony on three!”

oOo

Lily and Garrett immediately split off to go to the library while James, Peter, and Sirius headed to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius counted his blessings no one of import saw them as they made their way calmly through the halls.

“How are we getting to Gringotts?” James asked when they’d reached their dorm. “We can’t Apparate.”

“Floo?” Peter suggested.

“The common room fires aren’t connected to the Floo network though,” Sirius said, digging through his trunk tossing clothes and books aside with complete disregard for their wellbeing.

“The fires in the professor’s offices are connected,” James offered.

Sirius located the letter finally and goggled at James. “Are you suggesting we break into a professor’s office?”

James merely shrugged. “Is it weird that I’m more afraid of breaking into McGonagall’s office than I am facing a group of Death Eaters?”

“We can use Remus’s office. Here,” he handed his half of the two-way mirror to Peter.

“Good idea,” James retrieved his half from the bedside table and tucked it in his pocket.

They exited the common room trying to look as casual as could be. When they were in an empty corridor James threw the cloak over Peter.

“Just hang back and see if you can find out anything interesting.”

“And don’t get caught,” Sirius ordered.

“Your confidence is overwhelming,” the invisible Peter grumbled.

oOo

Twenty minutes later they were making their way through the winding streets of Diagon Alley trying to appear calm. James was paranoid they’d run into someone they knew. “Imagine what my mum would say if she saw us while she was out doing a bit of shopping?” Sirius tried not to think about those things, they would just have to count on luck and their own cleverness to get them through, but they reached Gringotts without incident.

Sirius handed his letter to the first available goblin who took it, examining him closely. “You have blood on your face,” the goblin said by way of greeting, as he accepted the letter. Sirius wiped at his face with his sleeve imagining the apoplectic fit his mother would have to see him do such a thing with a wry grin.

“This seems to be in order. Your wand please,” the goblin demanded holding out his hand for Sirius’s wand. Sirius handed it over, reluctantly and the goblin placed it on a scale. The goblin gave a “hmmm” of approval and handed the wand back without ceremony. He clapped his scaly, long-fingered hands and an escort goblin appeared. “Ciruk, please escort Mr. Black and his guest to his vault. Seven hundred and eleven. Thank you.”

Sirius never enjoyed the rickety cart ride less in his life. Every passing second he grew more and more anxious. Where was Remus now? What were they doing to him? Was he even still alive? What if he showed up and they handed over his dead body? He felt like leaning over the cart and vomiting. _Get it together man!_

The goblin, Ciruk, opened the vault when they arrived at their destination. “Do you know what we’re looking for?” James asked as they entered the vault and began searching.

“No, probably a box of some sort?” he shrugged feeling a little overwhelmed. He knew Alphard had been generous in leaving him all his money but he never really knew, or cared, how much that really was. There was enough gold for Sirius to live comfortably for several years and then some.

“Here’s a box,” James said and Sirius hurried over.

The box was smaller than his trunk at Hogwarts. James fumbled with the hatch and opened it. There were several black journals and scrolls as well as some random looking vials that might have been potions ingredients or possibly left over potion. Sirius picked up the first journal and opened it, immediately recognizing his uncle’s elegant script with a pang as he read the first page. It was one of his last entries if the date was anything to go by.

_Visited subject one today. He is responding positively to the most recent trial._ Oh hell, he’d been testing this on people? _Subject states the usual side-effects were virtually non-existent. This has been the most successful trial to date._

Sirius closed the book feeling nauseous again. He stuffed the journal in his bag along with the others and the scrolls. “Let’s not take the vials. They won’t know.” James nodded in agreement. He hefted his bag over his shoulder and they re-entered the cart.

The trek back to the Leaky Cauldron was not as uneventful. Sirius kept getting the feeling someone was watching them, the hair on his neck standing on end in paranoid agitation. He clutched his wand tightly in his pocket. “James, someone is following us.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know but I feel someone watching…”

“Just keep cool, they’ll probably attack if we make a break for it.”

They entered the Leaky and queued up for the Floo but the uneasy feeling did not leave. James tossed the powder into the grate and disappeared in the emerald flames. Sirius made to do the same when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Mr. Black, a moment of your time if you don’t mind.”


	21. Chapter 21

“Mr. Black, a moment of your time if you don’t mind.”

Sirius panicked for half a second then shrugged the hand off roughly. “I’m afraid I do mind. My friends are waiting,” he said impatiently, giving the best impression of his father he could manage. He moved again to take a pinch of Floo power when he felt a wand pressed into the small of his back and a rather large hand wrap around the arm that was currently clutching the wand in his pocket. _Fuck_. “On second thought maybe, I can spare a minute.”

“Excellent, come with me then please.”

The man guided Sirius by the elbow to one of the private rooms in the back, the wand still digging into his back. He glanced over trying to get a peek his captor but he hung far back enough that Sirius would have to turn his head too far to look. They entered a small but cozy room. There was another man seated at the small table. The man who accosted him sealed the door with a spell and leaned casually against it.

Sirius took his chance to observe the two men. The one seated at the table was older, his dark hair and beard streaked with silver. The man who led him to the room was younger and looked a bit like the older man, same dark hair and square jaw line, tall and powerfully built. Sirius realized he had no chance of overpowering him physically as he eyed the man’s muscular forearms. The younger man also had two startling, parallel scars running across his left cheek ending just across the bridge of his nose. He gripped the wand in his pocket more tightly.

“We don’t want to hurt you,” the younger man began. “My name is Julian and this is my father Andrei. We knew your uncle.”

Sirius hitched the bag more securely on his shoulder. The two men shared a look. “Sirius,” Julian said moving a little closer, his hands held in front of him cautiously. Sirius was a little thrown off at the use of his given name. “I know you have no reason to trust us but we were working closely with your uncle on that project you’re about to hand over to those Death Eaters. I—we can’t let you do that.”

“It’s mine to do with what I want,” Sirius said, a touch childish. The older man let out a booming laugh.

“That is not yours, boy! It’s mine. Mine and Julian’s and Alphard’s!”

“Father.” Julian shot the older man a look and he fell silent. “Sirius, we helped your uncle research that project. Our names could not be officially on the record because of… there is a very good reason, I assure you. We put just as much work into that as Alphard did. Here,” Julian produced a sealed envelope from his front pocket and handed it to Sirius. Sirius immediately recognized the seal Alphard used in all his letters. “This is from Alphard. He requested we give it to you in case anything happened to him.”

Sirius removed his hand from his wand to open the letter, again recognizing his uncle’s handwriting with a small punch to the gut.

_Sirius,_

_If you are reading this it means I have, most unexpectedly, kicked the proverbial bucket. I’m sure you are inconsolable but do try to get your weeping under control for a moment. I do regret I will not get to know the man you will become but I have every confidence you will do well in life._  
  
You were never like the rest of us, Sirius, and I know you take that as the highest compliment. I know you will always be your own man and I can rest peacefully knowing this.

_Please trust Andrei and his son Julian. They have been close friends of mine for the last several years and we have been working together on the project you now possess. Please understand it was necessary to bequeath that information to you. The Ministry would not have allowed Andrei or Julian to inherit and I could not afford to let the Guild to take possession of it. Listen to what they have to say for it is important._

_Shining down on you from the heavens (or possibly hell, who knows?)._

_With love,_   
_Alphard_

He bit his lip hard in effort to marshal his emotions. It sounded just like Alphard but… “Is this a trick?” he asked when he knew his voice was more under control. Both men were looking at him with compassion.

“No, son, it’s not. Your uncle told us a lot about you and all the trouble you and your friends get up to at school. We just want you to listen to what we have to say. Those journals do not contain what you think they do.”

A sigh escaped and once again, Sirius felt torn in a hundred different directions. He gave himself a little shake. “It doesn’t matter if they don’t. I don’t really care any more. I just need to get Remus back.”

“Who is Remus?” Julian asked.

“He’s my…” Sirius was at a loss as to how to define the man. My boyfriend? Lover? “It doesn’t matter, he’s important to me and Death Eaters have taken him. I can’t let them hurt him. I’m sorry but I can’t help you.”

“I’ve heard enough,” Andrei said rising from his seat and pointing his wand at Sirius. “Julian, you have tried this your way but it is not working. Do not think I will not curse you, Mr. Black. Hand over the bag.”

“Father, stop it…”

“This is too important to let some silly teenager throw away!”

“We’re no better than the Death Eaters who have got to him if you do this!”

There was a series of sharp knocks on the door. All three of them turned to look. _Merlin’s tits what now?_ Sirius thought hopelessly. The knocker persisted.

“Ignore it,” Andrei commanded. There was silence for a minute when the knocking came again.  
  
Julian removed the spell on the door and cracked it open just a bit. “The sign says do not dist—”

“Stupefy!”

Julian collapsed to the ground with a loud thud. Sirius took his window of opportunity while Andrei was distracted to stun him too. James walked in pulling the Invisibility Cloak off himself.

“What the hell, Black?”

“I’ll explain later. Let’s just get out of here.”

oOo

They arrived in Remus’s office nearly at the same time, forgoing the niceties of waiting for the queue and shoving some elderly woman out of the way with a half-hearted “Sorry.” James threw the cloak over him the minute they stepped out of the office. “Peter said your brother was looking for you,” he explained. “Just follow me.”

They hurried back to Gryffindor Tower when James started leading him to the seventh floor away from their dorm. “James…?” he whispered.

“Mr. Potter!”

They spun around to see McGonagall hurrying towards them, both boys automatically schooling their faces into identical expressions of innocence that had never worked on their professor in their whole seven years as students. The Transfiguration professor looked positively frantic as she approached.

“Mr. Potter, do you know where Sirius is?”

“No ma’am, I’ve been looking everywhere,” James said with the perfect mixture of innocence and concern.

“We haven’t been able to find him. I think he might have gone off to find Professor Lupin.” She wrung her hands nervously. Sirius had never seen the uptight professor so beside herself.

“I’ll let you know straight away if I find him,” James assured her.

“Thank you, James, you’re a good boy. I know I’ve always come down rather hard on you two.”

“We certainly never made it easy for you,” James admitted awkwardly, and she actually laughed a little. Sirius had to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep quiet. McGonagall turned to leave when James stopped her. “Professor, have they found him? Professor Lupin?”

Sirius could have kissed him for asking the question.

“No, I’m afraid they haven’t.”

Sirius followed numbly as James resumed his walking. He began wondering if this plan was even going to work. They passed in front of the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy and James entered a room he’d been in plenty of times but did not recognize. James locked the door with a spell when they entered and Sirius pulled off the cloak. They were in a small, neat room that was practically empty save for a few threadbare sofas and a large table laden with books and parchments. Lily and Garrett were working beside each other pouring over a book.

“Didn’t this used to be a broom cupboard?” he asked, mystified.

“Funny, that’s what he said,” Lily jerked her head towards Garrett who blushed brilliantly. She was looking over Garrett’s shoulder at a book as he pointed to something.

“Right well… I take it you two found something.”

“Ahem, yes, it’s actually fairly simple,” Garrett said as Lily focused on charming a piece of parchment. “We’ve already tried it a few times. The enchantment is pretty straightforward but there is a problem. We had to bunk the password idea as a trigger because it doesn’t work if done from a distance. We’re trying to figure out how to put a timer on it but…”

“We can’t have it go off too early.”

“Have you thought of layering the enchantments? Give it a password or casting trigger and that starts the count down?” Sirius asked and they both stared. “What? We do it all the time,” he jerked his thumb at James and Peter who nodded. “A few of our more impressive pranks needed to be set up early on and then we’d trigger them later. Sometimes we didn’t even need to set them off ourselves.”

“What do you mean?” Lily asked, sounding genuinely interested.

“Oh simple things like, when the sun rises, or when someone walks by,” James offered.

“How does it work?”

“It’s not so hard. Here I’ll show you.”

oOo

It took them the better part of two hours and a lot of trial and error before they got it right. Even then they tested it three times just to be sure. The whole lot of journals and scrolls would catch fire and burn themselves to cinders fifteen minutes after Sirius spoke the right combination of words that would trigger the enchantment. They just had to count on that being enough time for Sirius and Remus to get away.

“Ready?” Lily asked as they spread the journals and scrolls out over the table.

“Wait,” Sirius said thinking quickly. “Let’s copy them first.”

“What?”

“I want to make copies.”

“Why?”

“I just do.”

“What the hell, Sirius? Why did we even go to the trouble of figuring this spell out?” James asked, looking irritated.

“It had to look real didn’t it? Just trust me, yeah?”

And so they spent another hour copying the journals and scrolls in blank notebooks and scrolls of parchment that seemed to come with the room. The task was made much easier with a handy spell the three Gryffindor boys learned in second year that copied the words on one parchment to another, but there was still a lot to go through.

“You three are such cheats,” Lily grumbled as she cast the spell again and again.

By the time they finished copying the work and casting the enchantments there was less than two hours of daylight left.

“Take those to the dorm and lock them in my trunk.” Sirius indicated to the copied materials as he packed the rest in his bag again.

“Sirius, how are you going to find him?” James asked suddenly.

“Oh, I think I know someone who can point me in the right direction.”

oOo

He had the feeling Lestrange was waiting for him because he smiled cordially when Sirius found him alone in the stacks in the library, reading a book.

“Where is he?” Sirius asked, pressing his wand to the boy’s throat. Lestrange made to withdrawal his wand but James came up to his other side, wand also pointed at the boy. He held up his hands and shrugged with a “can you blame me” smile. “Where is he?” Sirius asked again.

“I was told to give you this when you asked.” He reached into his pocket, ignoring the wands and withdrew a small scroll. Sirius took it, removing his wand and James took over. Sirius read it twice.

_By nightfall they will hear his **shrieking** all the way in the dungeons. Come alone._

He tucked the parchment into his pocket. “Know where he is?” James asked and he nodded. “Good. Stupefy.” Lestrange had only a second to register the word before he collapsed to the floor.

They exited the library, Sirius once more hidden under the Invisibility Cloak. They’d discussed and agreed James and Sirius would go alone. They’d be too noticeable with more people. Lily would ask McGonagall if she could help in anyway and try to find out anything she could about what Dumbledore was doing to find Remus. If they didn’t return after an hour Lily would tell them what she knew. Peter was told to go about his day as usual and lie if anyone asked him where to find James or Sirius.

There was actually a bit of a stir at the school as word started to spread that both Professor Lupin and Sirius Black had disappeared in the attack at Hogsmeade. Sirius laughed outright when Lily told him some girls in the bathroom were practically crying. Students were trading rumors freely in the halls and the professors all looked tense.

They bid Garrett goodbye as they made to split off once more. “Good of you to help us, Kelley,” James said holding out his hand. Garrett shook it and the rest of the group broke off just a little bit away to give him and Sirius a moment.

“Really, Garry, thanks for helping. You didn’t have to.”

Sirius was mystified as to why Garrett had chosen to help him. He’d always been a decent sort, but how many people were willing to help you risk life and limb for your ex-boyfriend’s current lover? He thought about how he would do absolutely anything to make Remus happy and gave Garrett a sad smile. He didn’t deserve this boy’s affection, wished there was something he could do to make it right.

“When Lily started rounding up Prefects to help get the students out of the village and they said you were fighting those maniacs. Well…I had to do something, didn’t I?”

“I suppose. I’m really sorry for the way things turned out.” He meant it. He’d never wanted to hurt the other boy.

“No you’re not. Not really anyway, but don’t worry, I’m not angry with you. You care about Lupin and he cares about you. Who am I to come between that? Maybe you didn’t want to hurt me but we had fun.” Sirius stared, not quite sure what to say, and Garrett shook his head muttering to himself, “God, I’m so stupid.”

Before Sirius could react, Garrett leaned forward, placing his hands on Sirius’s shoulders, and kissed him. Sirius pulled him closer and responded fervently, thinking if this was the last thing he could give the boy to remember him by, he wanted to make it count. The blonde boy broke away with a soft moan. “Just don’t get yourself killed,” he said and left without looking back.

“Good luck kiss?” James teased once they were making their way through the castle.

Sirius shook his head and shrugged. “Something like that.”


	22. Chapter 22

Remus sat bound to a half destroyed chair in the Shrieking Shack, unable to move much more than his head. The Death Eater who tied him up said they wouldn’t be gagging him. “Want to make sure your pretty boy hears your screams if it comes to that.”

How they knew about Sirius was the biggest question on his mind with, “How the hell do I get out of here?” coming in a close second. Anyone who had access to the Werewolf Registry--which was anyone who asked really--could find out he was a werewolf, but knowledge of his relationship with Sirius was troubling.

He listened attentively to the conversation between the two male Death Eaters with him. The woman—Bellatrix, Sirius had called her—was absent for the time being. They made no comments or jeers about the shack being the location for his transformations, nor did they mention it’s rumored haunting.  He decided to probe a little to see how much they knew. Surely it could not be a coincidence that they would bring him here of all places.

“This place his haunted you know,” he began to the Death Eater on the rickety bed nearby.  
  
The Death Eater peeked over his copy of Witch Weekly with a smirk. “Scared?”

“They get pretty violent from what I’ve heard.”

“Well get used to the idea, you might just be joining them tonight.”

So they didn’t know. Maybe they brought him here then because they thought no one would check? There were substantial wards on the house. Perhaps they were using that to their advantage? Regardless, Remus decided it was a point in his favor that only he knew the secrets of the shack. _And so does Sirius_ , he thought.

But that troubled him also. What would the boy do? He wondered if it was vain to assume Sirius would stop at nothing to rescue him. He certainly would if the positions were reversed.

_How do they even know we’re together?_ A fair few people knew. It was possible someone else could have discovered their secret. Regulus for example. Was the spat between the two brothers what triggered this?

The woman entered the room, stalking about haughtily. Yes, she was definitely related to Sirius, he thought, noticing the way she walked with the same elegant grace. She shared the same dark hair and aristocratic features as the brothers and she might have been beautiful were it not for the twisted sneer she wore. She looked restless as she paced around the room, like a tiger in a cage. Her eyes met his and she gave him a cruel smile.

“Are you really fucking my cousin?” she asked coming to stand in front of him, tapping her wand on her thigh impatiently.

“If I say no, will you let me go?”

“Not a chance.” She pointed the wand between his eyes.  
  
He glared up at her insolently. “Then yes, I’m fucking him.”

She laughed harshly. “I always knew he was queer but I just can’t believe he would bend over for a Mudblood werewolf.”

Remus wanted to argue that he was, in fact, half-blood, but it made no difference to her. They were one in the same as far as Death Eaters were concerned.

“Sirius may be a nasty little blood-traitor but he’s still a Pureblood. You’ve had your filthy hands on someone you don’t deserve, Werewolf. I think that warrants some punishment, don’t you?”

Interestingly, a small part of Remus agreed with her completely. He didn’t deserve to lay his hands on Sirius, didn’t deserve his love. He’d done nothing to win such a magnificent prize. His gut told him he _would_ pay one day, for loving--coveting even--that beautiful, perfect boy, though probably not quite in the way she thought.

He braced himself for the attack as she raised her wand but one of the Death Eater men put a hand on her shoulder.

“No, Bella, someone will hear him screaming.”

She tossed her hair angrily but lowered her wand and drew the silver dagger from her belt. She placed it under his chin to tilt his head up, scalding his skin as she did so, but he did not flinch. He looked into cruel, cerulean eyes, nothing like Sirius’s. “Let’s save it for when my cousin shows up, hmm? For now…” she flicked the knife across the same cheek as before. She laughed viciously as he hissed in pain. The dagger was placed on the table as she stalked from the room.

Bellatrix was a wild card. The other two were level headed, or, at least, as level headed as it was possible for two Death Eaters to be, but the woman was downright unstable. He wondered how much truth there was to the Black Madness Sirius joked about occasionally.

_“You’ll catch the Black Madness if you’re not careful, Moony,” he teased as they kissed once._

_“I think I already have.”_

Remus sighed and tilted his head back on the wall behind him as he considered his options. Much as he hated to admit it, his options were zero, unless you counted dying a rather painful, humiliating death as an option. The best he could hope for was a rescue. His cheek stung badly. He could feel sticky blood from both cuts drying on his jaw and neck, pulling and cracking on his skin. If he lived through this, he was going to have some rather nasty scars.

oOo

“The Shrieking Shack? You do remember the last time we went there, right?” James asked, looking pale. They were standing in the passage behind the humped-back witch that led to Hogsmeade when Sirius was struck with inspiration.

“It’s not what you think,” Sirius said, throwing the cloak over his friend’s messy head and watched the boy disappear.

“And why, exactly, am I going to the greenhouses?”

“I said near the greenhouses.”

“Would you stop being so damn cryptic?” James hissed, sounding annoyed.

“There is a tunnel under the Whomping Willow. It leads straight to the Shack.”

“How do you know this?”

“Remus told me,” he explained, avoiding answering the question directly. “I don’t think they know about the tunnel. They would have had to come onto the grounds to get through and there is no way they would have got in without being caught. You’re going to go through the tunnel. I’ll head in through the village.”

Silence stretched for a long moment. Sirius nearly reached out to check that James was still there.

“I’m not sure splitting up is a good idea,” he heard James say after a while.

“The note said come alone. Who knows what they’ll do if they see you. But if you sneak in under the cloak we have the element of surprise.” James made a skeptical noise. “Have you got a better idea?”

James said nothing and then, “Alright, just keep the mirror channel open.”

“Will do.”

Sirius tucked his half of the mirror in his pocket and hurried through the passage to Honeydukes as James exited behind him.

oOo

Remus watched the light of the sun travel across the dusty floor of the shack as it slowly began to set. He estimated there was, perhaps, no more than an hour of daylight left as shadows began seeping into the corners of the room.

Would they really kill him? If Sirius did not show up it was possible they would continue to hold him hostage for a while longer. He was really no good to them dead.

His thoughts turned dark as he recalled a family who had their daughter abducted recently. Death Eaters had sent the family bits and pieces of the girl, fingers and such, and the family caved quickly. Perhaps they’d send a bit of Remus to Sirius? He eyed the dagger warily.

“Guess your pretty boy doesn’t care after all,” one Death Eater commented as he checked his watch, honing in close on Remus’s own line of thinking.

Perhaps Remus had been given up on? _No, Sirius does care_ , he told the doubtful voice that was trying to make itself heard. He recalled the look of torment on the boy’s face as they Apparated away. _He loves me_. The thought gave him courage.

“He’ll come,” Bellatrix said with supreme confidence. “He’s too stupid and noble not to.”

As if by speaking the words she made it happen, there came a pounding on the door. Remus felt his neck crick it snapped up so quickly. Bellatrix laughed delightedly as the three Death Eaters took their positions. Sharp nails dug into his scalp as Bellatrix gripped his hair, the dagger once more at his throat. One Death Eater stood guard at the back door while the other approached the front. Remus glanced quickly to the unmanned trap door.

The door was opened and Sirius strode in, his wand on the Death Eater in front of him, his bag slung over his shoulder. His eyes darted around the room quickly, assessing his surroundings, sparing Remus only the shortest of glances.

“I’ve brought what you want.”

“Excellent. Nott?” Bellatrix waved the knife in the direction of the Death Eater by the front door and he moved to take the bag.

Sirius clutched it a little more tightly and took a step away from Nott. “Let Remus go first.”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. Give Nott the bag. Once we’ve checked it over, we’ll let your mangy werewolf go.”

“How do I know you won’t kill him anyway?”

“You have my word, Sirius. We won’t harm him if you cooperate.”

“Forgive me if your word doesn’t count for shit in my book.”

“You wound me, Sirius,” she said with false injury, placing the hand clutching the dagger over her heart. “I swear to you, on the graves of our noble and most ancient fathers, I won’t kill your werewolf if you give the bag to Nott.”

Sirius glared at her, eyes narrowed in suspicion, but held the bag out for Nott to take. The man brought the bag over to the table and began inspecting the contents, flipping through black leather bound journals and placing them back in the bag.

“Well?”

“It checks out.”

“Good. Take them to the house. Rod, you go with him. I just want a few more words with my dear sweet cousin.”

The two men Disapparated away. Bellatrix released his hair as she moved around to face Sirius more fully, drawing her wand. Sirius eyes darted to Remus once but he kept his wand on the woman, his handsome face twisted into look of supreme loathing. Remus had never seen Sirius look so angry, fancied he saw a bit of the same deranged madness he’d seen in the woman’s eyes, and he wondered vaguely what it was about the Black family that made them tick. They were absolutely frightening when angered.

“I wonder what your mother and father would say if they knew of your perversion?” Bellatrix mused, stopping when she was standing directly in front of the boy.

“Can’t say I’m too fussed what they think. What do you want, Bellatrix? You got Alphard’s research. Let Remus go.”

“You care a great deal about him, don’t you?”

Sirius said nothing.

“He isn’t just a fuck, why would you go to such lengths otherwise? My God,” she said, her eyes wide with realization. “You love him.” Sirius gripped his wand tighter, still saying nothing, but his eyes darted to Remus once more. She threw back her head and laughed madly. “Oh, that makes this so much sweeter.” Bellatrix raised the dagger.

“You gave the oath! You swore!”

“I swore _I_ wouldn’t kill him. He’s holding you back, Sirius.” She flung the dagger at Remus’s feet; the sharp point stuck into the wooden floor and it wobbled back and forth a few times. “Imperio!”

Sirius, who was watching the dagger, did not have a chance to react as the spell hit him. Remus saw him stagger as his eyes slid out of focus. His wand clattered to the floor. “Now, pick up the dagger.”

Sirius moved automatically and stooped to retrieve the dagger at his feet.

“Sirius!” Remus cried urgently, as Sirius rose, the dagger gripped tightly in his fist. “Don’t!”

Sirius faltered for a second, tiling his head to the side as if puzzled as he looked into Remus’s eyes. Bellatrix flicked her wand and Remus felt a gag materialize on his face, effectively silencing him.

“Now…how should we have him kill you?” she asked Remus, casually tapping her chin with her wand in contemplation. “I know.” She pointed the wand at Sirius once more, her features twisted in a cruel smile. “Stick the dagger in his heart,” she commanded coldly.

Hesitantly, Sirius leaned close, bracing his left hand on the wall behind Remus, as he raised the dagger high. Remus was shaking his head, pleading with his eyes for Sirius to fight the spell. The dagger glinted dangerously above his heart. Their eyes met.

_I love you!_ he thought desperately. _Damn it, Sirius, fight it! I love you!_

Grey eyes flitted in and out of focus, the dark pupils widening slightly. He blinked slowly. “Moony?” he whispered curiously, brows furrowed, and Remus nodded encouragingly.

_Yes! Yes! Moony loves you, Sirius! Keep fighting it!_

“Imperio!” Bellatrix said again and Remus watched Sirius’s eyes clouded over once more. Panic flooded his veins as Sirius raised his arm higher, preparing to stab, but he was trembling, the dagger shaking violently in his hands.

“Please…no,” Sirius pleaded with himself in a small, whimpering voice and Remus felt his heart breaking.

There were a million things he wanted to say to Sirius before he died. How much he loved him. How happy he’d made Remus. How he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Remus supposed he was getting his wish on that last one as the boy continued to stare into his eyes, dagger poised to strike. He wished those eyes looked as they did the night before. It seemed so long ago now that Sirius was gazing up at him with such adoration and trust. Remus closed his eyes and imagined he was there again. He looked back into the troubled grey storm, trying to say everything he felt with that final look, and saw something snap in the boy’s eyes.

“No!” Sirius roared, flinging the dagger across the room, breathing heavily, his eyes wide and clear. He dove for his discarded wand.

“Crucio!” Bellatrix shrieked as he landed on his wand, missing him by inches. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw the trapdoor fly open, but no one emerged.

“Stupefy!”

Bellatrix dodged the curse flung by Sirius easily. She whipped her wand over her head and brought it down in a flash of dark red light hitting Sirius square in the chest and he crumpled to the floor.

“Stupefy!” a voice cried and Bellatrix too fell to the floor.

James Potter appeared from beneath an Invisibility Cloak, his eyes wide and face pale. He kicked the wand by Bellatrix across the room and hurried over to Remus vanishing the bindings.

“Sorry, Professor, would have been here sooner but that damned tree nearly knocked me out.”

Remus noticed the side of his hair was wet and shining with what could only be blood. Remus felt his legs seizing up as stood, retrieving his wand from the table. He cast a quick Patronus, trying hard to conjure up a happy moment in spite of the fear that seized him when he saw Sirius collapse. The familiar large dog landed lightly at his feet, turning once excitedly before sitting and cocking its head to the side expectantly. “Tell Dumbledore I’m coming back with James and Sirius. Have Poppy meet us at the Willow. Sirius is hurt.”

He watched it give a silent bark and bound off and he hurried over to James who was trying to revive Sirius. “Rennervate! Damn it, Sirius, come on! Rennervate!”

“I don’t think that will work,” he said, coming around to his other side. Indeed, Sirius did not move or react to the spell.

“Is he dead?” James asked fearfully, looking up to meet Remus’s gaze.

Remus placed a hand over Sirius’s heart and felt the gentle pump of life through his chest. He gave a sigh of relief. “He’s alive,” he said as he counted the beats beneath his palm. There were not nearly enough. “We need to get him help though. Tie her up.” He nodded to Bellatrix.

James scrambled to do so. He placed Sirius’s wand in his pocket and lifted him in his arms, not wanting to chance any more magic on the boy, and needing badly to hold him close. Sirius looked very pale, his lips standing out red against his skin in stark contrast. He was cold to the touch.


	23. Chapter 23

The gentle rise and fall of Sirius’s chest as he slept was the only thing that convinced Remus that he was still alive. Sirius had been asleep for two days now and Remus was growing more and more anxious with every passing hour. Despite Poppy’s assurances that he would be fine--that Sirius just needed to recuperate and sleep was the best way to do so--Remus was afraid he’d never wake. The chairs in the infirmary were hard and uncomfortable but he ignored the ache developing in his lower back as he sat, for the second night in a row, beside Sirius's bed, watching him sleep.

Fear was an emotion Remus rarely experienced when the moon was not full, but he’d lost his head, rather embarrassingly, as he and Poppy worked to keep Sirius from dying. It had been far too close. He twined his fingers with Sirius’s own limp hand, relishing the soft pulse he could feel in the fingertips. “Wake up, love. Come on, I need to see you,” he pleaded with the sleeping boy.

“He’s always been a bit of a stubborn bastard,” a voice to his left said. James Potter appeared from beneath his Invisibility Cloak, tossing it over another chair. “He probably thinks it’s funny, staying asleep to drive us mad.”

“Well it’s working. What shall we do to make him pay for such behavior?”

James cocked his head to the side as he scrutinized his friend. “We always joked about swapping each other’s shampoo for hair removal potion. Don’t suppose you want him to look like an ugly, stubborn bastard though.”

“It would grow back.”

They shared a smile. James took up residence at the foot of Sirius’s bed and they both watched his unmoving face for several minutes. “He’s my favorite person in the world, I think,” James said after a while.

“Mine too,” Remus said running his thumb on the soft skin of Sirius’s hand.

“You don’t even know him,” James accused, a touch bitterly, and Remus looked up in surprise. Sirius had given him the impression that James was okay with their relationship.

“I don’t have as much history with him, true, but we’ve got to know each other quite well since term started.”

“Guess he’s found a new best friend then.”

“James, it’s not like that. He needed someone who understood him.”

“I understand him!” James said with a glare and Remus offered a skeptical look.

“Do you? You understand what it’s like to struggle with something like this?” he asked, gesturing with his free hand between himself and Sirius.  
  
James shifted awkwardly but his jaw was set stubbornly. “I told him I was okay with it. I meant it.”

“And that’s wonderful, James. It is. Truly. He needs you to be okay with it, but that doesn’t mean you know what it’s like come to terms with it.”

“And you do.”

“Yes. I only ever meant to be someone he could turn to. I don’t know how things got so out of control,” Remus said, wondering why he was explaining himself to the boy. “I’m sorry you feel like he’s replacing you. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he is. He needs his best friend. I think…I hope…he needs me too, but for different reasons. You can appreciate that, can’t you?”

“I think so. You really…love him, right?” James asked, looking embarrassed but determined. James held his gaze, almost in challenge. Remus nodded looking back to the boy he’d come to adore in such a short amount of time.

“Yes, I do.”

“Good. If he’d gone to all that trouble to save your arse and you didn’t…I’d probably have to kill you myself.”

Remus stared as James gave him a tentative smile and rose from his seat on the bed, clapping him hard on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, he’ll wake up soon. Let me know when he does. I’ll get the shampoo ready.” Remus laughed and nodded. “Goodnight, Lupin,” he said before disappearing once more under the cloak.

The door to the infirmary opened and closed, seemingly on its own. James was a wonderful friend, he was happy that Sirius had someone who cared about him so deeply. Remus wondered if he and James could ever become friends. If he could ever come to trust Remus as he did Sirius. He lifted Sirius’s hand to his lips, pressing a kiss there. “Come on, love. Wake up.

oOo

Sirius groaned when the morning light from the window pierced his eyes painfully. He brought a hand to his head. It felt like it was stuffed full of cotton.

“Bloody hell! Finally!”

The face of James Potter swam in front of him.

“Hullo, Jamie. Where is Remus?” he tried to sit up but James placed a hand on his chest to hold him in place.

“He’s fine. I think he’s with Dumbledore now. He was here all night watching over you. You should have seen him, he was beside himself. Pomfrey had to sedate him when he threatened to hex her.”

“Really?” A warm feeling squirmed pleasantly in his belly.

“Yup.”

“How much trouble are we in?”

“Dunno. We’re all going to meet with Dumbledore when Pomfrey is done looking you over. How do you feel?”

“Like shit,” he said tiredly.

“That spell your cousin hit you with was a nasty piece of work. You nearly died.” James was not smiling and looked uncharacteristically troubled.

“Aw, were you worried about me too?” Sirius teased and was surprised to see James scowl.

“You’re damn right I was worried!” James said vehemently. “You’re my best mate! Practically like my brother!”

Sirius lifted a sluggish arm and clapped James on the shoulder. “I love you too, Jamie.” It was proof of how worried James had been that he did not call Sirius a girl. “Thanks for helping me. I couldn’t have done it without you, without everyone.”

“Lupin had better be worth it,” his friend grumbled.

“He is,” Sirius said, thinking of the brown-haired man. “Say, where are Evans and Peter? Why aren’t they weeping by my sick bed?”

“Lessons.”

“Merlin, how long have I been out?” Sirius asked, surprised.

“Funny you put it that way.”

“What?”

“You’ve been asleep for three days. Ah...” James ran a hand through his hair distractedly. “Well, a lot has happened since then.”

Sirius was still exhausted. His body felt like it was made of rubber and he would not be happy until he saw Remus with his own eyes but he asked anyway, “What happened?”

“Well, when we brought you back some students saw and rumors started flying. People thought you were dead. It was all very dramatic.”

“Naturally.”

“We’re not sure who, probably your brother or his friends, but someone let slip the nature of your relationship with Professor Lupin.”

“Bugger.”

“You don’t know the half of it. Dumbledore’s been putting out fires left, right, and center. Parents have been writing, asking that Lupin be sacked and more than half the school agrees. The governors had to get involved to do an inquiry. They wanted to speak with you but Dumbledore flat out refused. He’s been having a rough time of it, Lupin. Some students actually tried to attack him. He’s alright though!” James added quickly noticing the look of distress on his face. “Anyway, he’s resigning.”

“What? He can’t!”

“What choice does he have? No way he can continue to teach now. Especially not that…well. Sirius, did you know he was a werewolf?”

“I did.”

James swore. “And you still got involved with him?”

“Well, I was already sort of involved before I found out. I thought you didn’t hold the same sort of prejudice against werewolves that other people did,” he faintly accused.

“I don’t but, Merlin, Sirius! It’s a lot to take in. I feel like I don’t even know you any more. You’ve been keeping all these secrets this year.”

“Some aren’t my secrets to tell. Remus didn’t even tell me, I had to figure it out on my own.”

“What about the other things though?” James countered. “You didn’t even want to tell me you were gay. I’m your best friend! And that thing with Kelley! Then you get propositioned by junior Death Eaters and get mixed up in this bid for your uncle’s research. It’s like you don’t trust anyone.”

“I was scared, okay? Where were you anyway? Making eyes at Evans and running around the school like a good little Head Boy. I hardly ever see you. Are you jealous I made new friends?”

“You’re such a child sometimes, you know that?”

Sirius pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes making the edges of the world flash white. “Yeah, I do,” he said miserably. “So that’s it. I’m out. The whole school knows.”

The anger on his friend’s face melted away. “Yeah, mate. Or at least, they know you and Lupin were having a steamy affair. I reckon there are a few delusional girls who think they can change your mind.”

“Not bloody likely.”

Any further conversation was put to rest when Pomfrey approached, carrying a tray of potions. “I’ve let you have time to speak, Mr. Potter, but I need to check Mr. Black over now.”

“Yes ma’am. I’ll come back later,” James said and he rose to leave. Sirius grabbed his wrist and he turned. He gave Sirius a questioning look.

“I’m sorry. For everything. I’m fucked up, James.”

James ruffled his hair fondly. “Yeah you are, but we’ll sort you out, don’t worry.”

oOo

Sirius was forced to swallow no less than six different potions as the school matron waved her wand in intricate movements over him. By the fourth vile concoction he never wanted to see another potion again but dutifully drank the remaining two when Pomfrey glared. Merlin, she was scary.

“How bad off was I?” he eventually asked, wondering how much damage had been done if it necessitated this level of healing.

Pomfrey’s mouth made a grim line. “You were very close to dying. The spell, it was like an infection. At least we figured that out after a while. It was turning your own magic against you. Your body literally began destroying itself.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Quite,” she said, ignoring his cursing as she continued to work. “We managed to purge the spell from your body. When Professor Lupin managed to get himself under control he became quite an asset. I don’t think we would have been able to save you without him.”

“Didn’t know he was much of a healer.” Sirius smiled at the thought of Remus going to pieces over him.

“He’s not but he is quite good at reversing dark magic, and really that’s what it was.” Sirius nodded thoughtfully, still not quite appreciating how close a brush with death he’d had. “He cares for you a great deal,” she said lightly. “He’s a wonderful young man. Well done, Mr. Black.”

“Yes…well.” He could think of nothing to say.

“You appear to be okay. Do you feel up to standing?”

Sirius swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood on shaky legs. He managed several steps, his knees trembling he hoped more from disuse rather than any lasting damage.

“Sit back down please.” Pomfrey guided him back to the bed. “I’ll inform the Headmaster you’re fit to meet with him later, but I want you straight back here after supper for another check up.” She waved her wand and his clothes, freshly laundered, floated from a drawer beside his bed into his lap. “Dress and I’ll be back with something for you to eat then you may leave.”

It turned out Dumbledore could not meet with him for at least an hour after he finished his lunch, so he opted for a quick nap before leaving the Hospital Wing. Pomfrey did not bat a lash and he was grateful he did not need to admit he was not ready to face the rest of the school quite yet.

He hardly closed his eyes when he was shaken gently from his sleep. “Sirius, it’s time. You can use the Floo in my office. Here,” she handed him a small vial.

“Another potion?” he groaned.

“Pepper-up. Drink up and be off with you.”

oOo

Sirius sat at the end of a line of chairs in front of the Headmaster’s desk, along with James, Lily, Peter, and Garrett. Dumbledore was surveying the five students calmly, Professors McGonagall and Flitwick seated to the right of the Headmaster.

“Who would like to begin?” he asked.

Sirius felt his classmates turn to look at him and he cleared his throat. “This is my fault, Professor.”

For the next thirty minutes Sirius explained everything that happened since he’d been accosted by the Slytherins. _Had it really been five days?_ he mused to himself. So much had happened. Sirius decided to leave out the details of his night with Remus. It was not, after all, truly relevant to the story.

Lily and Garrett chimed in to explain the finer points of the plan to sabotage the research.

“When we were done copying the work…”

“Copying?” Dumbledore asked, looking to Sirius.

“Yes sir. I thought. Well…” and he explained the confrontation with Julian and Andrei. “I just thought it might be worth preserving.”

Dumbledore nodded his, blue eyes calculating. “Please continue.”

Sirius finished explaining the rest of the events up until things went dark. His voice broke embarrassingly when he recounted the Imperious curse. How he’d been so close to killing Remus himself. How he saw Remus pleading with his eyes for Sirius to stop but had almost done the thing anyway. James nudged him with his knee. The gesture gave him comfort.

“Mr. Black, you have explained what happened but I am still waiting to hear why.”

“I couldn’t let them hurt Professor…Remus. He’s my friend! I’d do it again! For anyone in this room,” he gestured to his friends beside him.

“I simply cannot understand why none of you had the good sense to come to me or Professor Dumbledore, especially you, Miss Evans, Mr. Potter. And you, Mr. Kelley,” she added with a glare at the three.

“Yes, I am quite puzzled as to how you became involved in this, Mr. Kelley. I was never under the impression you were good friends with this group of students.” Flitwick remarked.

“Garrett owed me a favor,” Sirius said quickly as Garrett said, “Sirius used to be my boyfriend.”

Sirius shot him a proud smile and the boy just shrugged. “I wanted to help when I heard,” was all he said.

“Very well,” Dumbledore said at last. “Mr. Black, I must express how deeply disappointed I am in your actions. You brought danger to yourself, your friends, and Professor Lupin. Had you come to me, Sirius, I could have advised you that Professor Lupin’s case worker with the Registry is a close friend of mine. We would never have allowed him to be harmed or sent to Azkaban. Despite the fact that your plan was clever and successful—yes, Mr. Black, successful,” he elaborated when Sirius’s head snapped up. “We were unable to apprehend the Death Eaters; they were retrieving their comrade as Aurors arrived, quite singed as Frank Longbottom tells me. Be that as it may, it was irresponsible to keep the information to yourself.”

Dumbledore paused as the words sunk in. Sirius had been yelled at, even cursed, in his day by angry professors and his parents, but Dumbledore managed to make him feel more ashamed then all the yelling in the world had ever done. Why hadn’t he gone to Dumbledore? What had he been afraid of? Had he been trying to be a hero? Dumbledore called him irresponsible, James and Remus called him childish. Would he ever learn?

“However, it is my experience that people do very stupid things when they are in love. I am leaving it to your head of houses to sort out an appropriate punishment. Mr. Black, I would like you to stay. The rest of you may leave.”

Sirius slumped in his chair as his friends exited with McGonagall and Flitwick in tow. He felt miserable. Why couldn’t he ever do anything right?

“If it makes you feel any better, I believe Professor McGonagall will go easy on you. You have quite enough to be getting on with just now I imagine.” Sirius nodded automatically, wondering what would happen when he faced the rest of the school “Sirius, please tell me what is bothering you.”

Sirius looked into the Headmaster’s kind face. He sighed. “I just feel really stupid. I put people I care about in danger. Now Remus has to go away because of me. I should have never got involved with him. I should have just left him alone. None of this would have ever happened.”

“I am sure he does not see it that way.”

“And now the whole school knows. I’ll never live it down.”

“I was under the impression you rather liked the attention of the masses.”

“Professor…are you teasing me?”

“Perhaps just a little. If I may offer some advice?” Sirius nodded. “A day does not go by where I am not criticized for how I run this school, my stance on Muggles and Muggleborn students, even the length of my beard. The key is to know yourself, Sirius. If you know and are true to yourself, nothing anyone says can harm you unless you allow it. I will not pretend you will have an easy time of things, but there are plenty of students and professors who would stand by you, as long as you stand up for yourself. Do not worry.”

“Yes, sir, thank you.”

“You are quite welcome.”

“Am I dismissed, sir?”

“Yes, Sirius, you may go.”

Sirius thanked the Headmaster again and turned to leave when Dumbledore said, “I believe you will find Professor Lupin in his office. If you were curious.” Sirius smiled as the wizened man dropped him a wink.

oOo

When the door to Remus’s office opened Sirius wasted no time grabbing the man by the front of his robes and pulling him in for a violent kiss, kicking the door closed behind him as he did so. He had not really planned it quite like this, but seeing Remus alive and with a surprised smile on his face--his eyes lighting up when he opened the door--sent all rational thought from his head.

Remus made a funny noise in the back of his throat that Sirius swallowed with a groan. He felt Remus trying to push him away but that only made him hold on tighter. “Sirius—” Remus tried to say and Sirius took the opportunity to force his tongue into the man’s mouth, feeling the wet heat of another tongue against his and moaning. Remus’s hands were flat against his chest alternating between tapping him urgently and clutching at his shirt.

Sirius broke away to place a kiss on his cheeks, jaw, and neck, pushing his body insistently against Remus, reveling in the taste of the man’s skin. “Sirius, stop!”

“Remus, just shut up for once!” he said burying his hands in honey-brown hair and pulling Remus back for another brutal kiss.

“Yes, Remus, do shut up. You’re spoiling the show.”

Sirius froze, eyes wide, his lips still locked with Remus, and hands still clutching at Remus's hair. He turned slowly to look at the speaker. There were two other men in the room, seated casually in front of Remus’s desk. They did not look much older than Remus, both with dark red hair and freckles and identical wicked grins. Sirius felt Remus push him away gently, his face burning with embarrassment, even if his eyes were filled with longing.

“Please, don’t stop on our account,” one of the men said.

“Yes, make Remus do that noise thing again, that was particularly amusing.”

Remus cleared his throat. “Sirius, this is Gideon and Fabian Prewett, they are also Order members. Lads, this is Sirius Black.”

“Of course he is, unless there is another fit young bloke you’re shagging, you animal.” Gideon, or Fabian, held out a hand for Sirius to shake.

“I’ve heard of you two. McGonagall says she still has nightmares.”

“Glad to know we left such a lasting impression on the old girl.”

“So, I’ll meet you two down at the Hogshead, shall I?” Remus asked with a meaningful look at the door.

“You know, Gid,” one twins said, turning to his brother, “I think he wants us to clear off so he can have some alone time with his man.”

“You may just be right.”

Neither man moved to leave, their evil smiles still broad as they looked at Sirius and Remus expectantly. Sirius tuned to Remus and winked. “You know, red-heads never really did much for me, but I’m up for it if you are, Remus.” Sirius went around and draped his arms around Fabian (or Gideon), linking his arms around broad shoulders, bending down to speak in his ear. “I’ll take this one,” he said, eyes on Remus, who looked like he was seriously considering the suggestion, but Sirius saw the laughter behind his eyes. “You can’t stay if you aren’t willing to participate, boys.”

The other man was doubled over in laughter pointing at the one Sirius was currently draped across. “Your face right now! Oh priceless! You’ve got yourself a catch, Remus. Come on, Gid, let’s give them their moment.” He left, dragging a wide eyed twin with him.

When the door was closed Remus pointed his wand and it banged once loudly. “Ouch! Damn it, Lupin! Okay, we’re really leaving!” a muffled voice said.

Remus smiled at Sirius and they fell on each other in choreographed movements, mouths meeting in a hard press of lips, hands clutching desperately like they were afraid the other would disappear. Sirius moaned as the man left a trail of burning kisses on his throat. His body was thrumming with a hundred different emotions, heart wrenching relief being the most prominent, followed closely by consuming desire, and, inexplicably, a niggling fear, all of which bundled neatly into one emotion he could only define as love.

“I was so scared,” he whispered, breathing heavily when they broke apart, foreheads touching. Remus made a shushing noise and kissed him again, this time soft and tender, though no less passionate. Questing hands lost their urgency but not their yearning as they slid slowly through his hair and down his back causing his blood to sing as it coursed through him with need. “Remus…”

“I have to leave soon,” Remus said against his mouth. Brown eyes met grey, holding his gaze. Sirius thought he saw the same myriad of emotions flicker through soft brown orbs. A warm hand caressed his cheek, coming to rest on the side of his neck, “Let’s not waste time talking.”

oOo

It was not the slow, tender lovemaking of a few nights before. This was frantic and desperate, born from the need to reassure themselves that the other was still alive. That did not, however, mean Sirius was enjoying it any less. The prospect of having a man’s cock inside him was terrifying a few months ago. Now, Sirius thought there was nothing better in the world than having his legs wrapped around Remus as he drove into him deeply, his hands braced on the edge of the desk behind him for leverage.

“You know, I must have had this fantasy a million times,” Remus grunted raggedly as he gave a particularly hard thrust causing Sirius to groan loudly. “Me fucking you on my desk…just like this.”

A long, lusty moan escaped his lips. God, it was so hot. _So dirty_. He smiled mischievously up at Remus, arching one brow in challenge. “Fuck me harder, Professor. Ah—I’ve been such a good boy, haven’t I?”

Remus continued at his current pace but he felt the hands on his hips grip him tighter, fingernails digging slightly into malleable flesh. “Ask nicely,” he ordered, his voice teasing but carrying the unmistakable tone of authority that sent burning arousal down Sirius’s spine.

He tried to push back harder onto the man above him but Remus held him in place, his smile positively wicked. Sirius adopted his best and sweetest pout. “Please, Professor Lupin…fuck me harder. Please…oh, yeah,” he gasped as Remus complied, his hips snapping back and forth with brutal force. “Like that.”

One hand released his hip and moved to circle his weeping cock, pumping him tightly. “There’s a good boy,” Remus said, flicking his wrist expertly and Sirius lost himself. He cried out loudly as he came in harsh, shuddering waves of pleasure, hot ejaculate spilling over Remus’s fingers and onto their chests and bellies. Remus gave two or three more deep plunges before stilling and Sirius felt his cock pulsing inside him as Remus filled him.

They lay sprawled atop the desk several blissful minutes later, his legs still wrapped around the man’s waist as they recovered. Remus was resting his head on his chest, bent in what must have been an awkward position over Sirius, but he was not complaining. Sirius ran a hand through damp brown hair. He felt Remus grow soft inside him and he eventually pulled out with a slight whimper but Sirius wasn’t ready to break the connection just yet. He pulled Remus closer, the slowing heart beat against his chest soothing him.

“I have to go,” Remus said after a while.

Sirius clutched Remus to him tighter, the words feeling like a knife in his chest. “Where will you go?”

“Order mission. I’ll be traveling with the Prewetts for a while around the country.”

“I know I sound like a spoiled brat when I say it, but I don’t want you to go.”

Remus nuzzled his face against the chest above his beating heart and kissed him there. “I’m not happy about it either; I’ve only just got you back in my arms. God, Sirius, I was so scared,” he said, echoing his own earlier words. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.”

“Yes, Professor.”

They burst out laughing, the tense, dark mood improving considerably. Remus stood and helped Sirius up until he was sitting, legs dangling over the desk. He waved his wand over the result of their lovemaking plastered on their bellies and the desk. If the next professor only knew what they’d just done, they would probably burn the desk or chuck it off the Astronomy Tower.

Sirius allowed Remus to dress him, leaving quite as many kisses and nibbles on his skin as he did when he was removing the clothing. Sirius helped Remus into his own clothes, rather regretfully. When their eyes finally met again they were filled with sorrow. He wondered if his eyes reflected the same emotion. It was certainly how he felt.

They had been prepared to spend the next several months apart, but the thought that Remus was right around the corner if he needed him was a small comfort that was now being taken away from him. _You’ve only yourself to blame, idiot_. If he had just done the right thing, none of this would have happened. Remus would get to stay. He wouldn’t have those scars on his face.

His hand reached out to trail fingers along the crisscrossing scars. They still looked red and fresh, and angry but Remus did not flinch when he touched them. Remus would carry the reminder of Sirius’s mistake on his face for the rest of his life. Sirius had not really seen them at first, so preoccupied as he was with need. They felt warm to the touch, like a fresh burn that still carried the transference of heat.

“I’m sorry,” he said, tracing the scars with his fingers, his voice breaking around a sob. “Fuck, Remus, I’m so sorry.”

Remus immediately took him in his arms, pulling his head to rest on his shoulder as he began to shake uncontrollably. “It’s all my fault, ‘m so sorry, Remus.” Hot tears spilled over, the dam broke, and suddenly he was sobbing into Remus’s shoulder, fisting the front of his clothes tightly. He felt Remus carding fingers through his hair with one hand as he rubbed circles between his shoulders with the other.

“It’s okay, love. It’s okay,” he said softy into his hair, but Sirius was inconsolable. It wasn’t okay. Everything was his fault. He couldn’t be more of a fuck up if he tried. His parents couldn’t stand the sight of him. His brother betrayed him. He led the most important people in the world to him into danger recklessly. He was sure he’d made mortal enemies with the Death Eaters. And worst of all Remus was losing his job and going away to who knows where, and Sirius might never see him again.

“That’s not true. We’ll see each other again,” Remus said, pulling away and cupping his chin to tilt his head up. Sirius did not realize he’d been voicing those thoughts out loud, and that realization alone was enough to sober him slightly. “We will,” Remus promised, his voice firm, and his warm, brown eyes were full of such absolute sincerity that Sirius nodded. 

“And you’re not a fuck up, Sirius. You came from privilege and yet you’ve had a harder life than some people who come from nothing. You could have chosen the easier path, you could have given in to the demands of your parents but you chose to be your own man. That isn’t an easy thing to do.”

Sirius stared at Remus in wonder, his shaking finally stopping, only the occasional shudder passing through him as the aftershocks of his misery subsided. The comforting words spoken by Remus washed over him like the warmth of a fire. Remus cupped his face, wiping tears from his cheeks with the pads of his thumb.

“I think maybe I was a little too quick to judge you on that, Sirius. My mistake. You do know who you are, you just doubt yourself too much. You judge yourself by the set of standards your parents raised you with and when you fall short of the expectation it tears you to pieces. You are your own worst enemy.”

Remus kissed him, a soft loving slide of lips against his own. “I knew you would come to rescue me, because that’s the kind of person you are. I have faith in you, Sirius. It’s time you started having faith in yourself.”

The words struck a chord deep inside him. He realized how true it was and how much a hold he let his family have over him still. The realization that the decisions he made were always, to some degree, ruled by how his family would judge him came as more of a surprise than it should. He was always saying things like “How mad would it make my parents if…” before launching feet first into one deviant activity or another.

When did Remus get such a good measure of him? He marveled again at how this man was his. This man whom he loved, who loved him in return, in spite of how broken he was. Who was willing to help Sirius put the pieces back together. They were both a little broken though weren’t they? Perhaps the pieces that didn’t fit were blasted away to make room for the other until, only together, they were whole. He sighed.

“I love you,” Sirius said fervently as he traced the scars once more. Remus turned his head to kiss the palm on his cheek.

“I know.” Remus pulled him close again, arms linking around each other. “Love you too. More than you know.” He buried his nose in Sirius’s hair as Sirius nuzzled his jaw, content just to be. There was a knock on the door and they reluctantly broke apart to put a decent amount of distance between them.

“Come in,” Remus called, and Professor Dumbledore entered the room.

“I know, Albus,” Remus said before Dumbledore could do so much as smile in a friendly way. “I was on my way to meet back up with the Prewetts at Aberforth’s. I was just saying goodbye.”

“Of course, I’ll leave you to it.” He nodded at both men and exited quietly.

“I’ll write,” Remus promised taking his hand and lacing their fingers together. He brought it to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. “We’ll see each other in the summer.”

“I’ll miss you.” Sirius threw his arms around the man once more, kissing him deeply. Remus returned the kiss with equal passion. Sirius wanted to remember every last detail, the feeling of his plump lips, the warmth of his mouth, and slide of his tongue. The soft noises he made when Sirius nibbled on his lip and ran his fingertips across his chest. His taste, always so dark and inviting. Remus, for his part, seemed to be doing the same as his tongue delved deeper. They broke away panting and more than a little aroused but they knew that was it.

“I’d better go.” Remus seemed to have difficultly tearing his eyes away from Sirius as he grabbed his trunk. Eventually he turned away and made to leave.

“Wait!”

Sirius reached up to undo the knot on the pendent he wore around his neck. He cursed as it proved difficult, but the knot on the leather thong gave way as he moved and handed it to Remus. Remus took it, the corners of his mouth turning up.

“I’ll want that back. Now you have to see me after term ends. What kind of man would you be if you didn’t return my property?”

Remus laughed softly and pressed the star to his lips and then clutched it to his heart. “I promise.”


	24. Chapter 24

Remus was cold and tired and his joints ached from three straight nights of sleeping outdoors. He and the Prewetts had been unsuccessfully chasing a group of Death Eaters across the very wet, very cold countryside. They normally opted for lodging in Muggle villages but the last time one of the younger Death Eaters panicked and began attacking. They decided to keep out of populated areas for a while when two unfortunate Muggles were caught in the crossfire. Remus was just thankful no one was killed.

He sighed and rolled onto his back, arms behind his head, letting the warmth of the fire wash over him and looking up into the night sky at the twinkling stars above. He fingered the pendant around his neck, thinking of Sirius. It had been more than three weeks and he still missed him so much he had trouble concentrating sometimes. Gideon and Fabian were teasing him mercilessly about the pendant but Remus couldn’t care. It was the only thing he had that reminded him what he had with Sirius was real, and that they would see each other again soon, though not nearly soon enough in Remus’s opinion.

“You got another letter from Lover Boy,” Fabian sang as he approached. Remus sat up to take the letter but Fabian made no move to give it to him. The parchment was unfurled in the man’s hand and he was grinning wickedly. Remus glared.

“Fabian…” he began in a warning tone.   
  
Fabian merely continued to smile. “I took the liberty of opening it for you. Black is getting sloppy with his passwords. This was much too easy to break into. Tsk tsk,” he cleared his throat loudly and began to read aloud:

_“Dear Fabian or Gideon (otherwise known as Kings of the Ugly Gits),_

_I hope you enjoy the rash. The itching won’t fade for at least a week. Stop reading my mail to Remus._

_Sincerely,_

_Sirius You-Have-No-Idea-Who-You’re-Fucking-With Black”_

Fabian yelped and dropped the letter. Remus snatched it up quickly as the man began scratching his crotch in earnest. Remus fell back, howling in laughter as the man danced spastically, pawing at his crotch.

“You tell Black this means war, Remus!” he growled. “Fucking hell! Gid!” he yelled as he stomped away a little awkwardly.

Remus rolled onto his belly to read by the light of the fire, still smiling. He touched the parchment with his wand and whispered “mischief managed” and the note to the Prewetts vanished to be replaced by Sirius’s real letter.

_Remus,_

_How good was that, huh? Stupid gits. Serve them right. Don’t you dare give them the counter curse!_

_I miss you! I feel like such a bloody girl saying it in every letter but it’s true. My hand is putting in so much over time it’s starting to charge by the minute._

_Oh wonderful, now I’m thinking about your cock and my hand is otherwise occupied. And I can’t very well have a wank while I’m writing to you or James will probably ban me from the dorm for good. See what you’re doing to me? Getting me banned from my dormitory._

_I’m glad those villagers were okay but what about you? No lasting damage I hope. I’m trying very hard to pretend you’re not constantly facing danger but it’s not working very well. Please continue to be careful. I will destroy those Prewetts if they allow you to be hurt._

_You’re replacement for DADA is an absolute knob. Seriously, he doesn’t know a Dementor from a house cat. Thankfully it’s pretty much revising at this point anyway. Not that I need to revise much, being so bloody BRILLIANT but I like to grace my study group with my presence on occasion. Some of the few who broke off after My Great Outing have comeback with their tails between their legs. Probably because they realized they needed the likes of Lily and Garrett if they’re going to get through their NEWTs. I tested out the hex I used on the Prewetts on a few of them first to see how it worked. Don’t make that face! They deserved it treating me like they did._

_To answer your question, things have pretty much quieted down now regarding the aforementioned Outing. The last person who tried to find out how much of a nancy boy I really was spent a week in the hospital wing.  I’m still serving detentions for that but I think I caught a look of pride from McGonagall in the middle of her screaming at me. I still get weird looks from some people but for the most part people leave me alone, especially with the Head Boy and Girl at my side._

_I’m probably not supposed to be putting this in a letter but our gracious Headmaster is allowing our resident Junior Death Eaters to stay at school. Lestrange was pulled out by his parents anyway but my brother and Snivelly are still here. No one knows they were involved. James reckons Dumbledore would rather keep them here where he can keep an eye on them which makes sense I guess._

_Is it odd that I want to talk to Regulus? I’m still hacked off at him like you wouldn’t believe so I’m not sure if I want to talk or hex his bollocks off, but he’s my brother! He has no idea what he’s getting himself into. I’m scared for him._

_I wish I could see you. Prepare yourself, Moony, things are about to get soppy. I miss you so much it’s unbelievable. You’re all I think about. It’s rather good I’m so brilliant or my school work would suffer immensely. I spend entire lessons thinking about your hands or the color of your hair. I bought two jumpers and a scarf at Hogsmeade last week because they reminded me of your eyes, which is unfortunate because brown really doesn’t suit me. Merlin, that was such a poncey thing to say. And I can’t erase it or I’ll have to recast the spells. Bugger._

_There I go thinking about your cock again._

_I don’t suppose you’d be able to visit Hogsmeade on the next weekend? If you’re not still hunting Death Eaters that is. I’m dying without you, Moony! I burn! I pine! I perish! I’m also incredibly randy now and think I’d better sign off before James gets any ideas._

_Write to me soon. I know the full probably delayed your last letter but I was in a right state waiting to hear from you.._

_Yours always,_

_Sirius_

Remus glanced over to where Gideon and Fabian were talking animatedly. Fabian looked like he was in agony. Poor bugger. He pressed his lips to the parchment and hugged it to his chest, feeling insanely sentimental, but happily so. He smoothed it where he’d accidentally crushed it and read it twice more, his heart swelling as he thought of the boy who penned the words.

He wished he could visit the village but there was very little chance of that happening. It was probably not a good idea anyway. He would probably do something very stupid like kidnap Sirius and run away with him. Not that he expected Sirius to object, but that was probably not the right thing to do. He folded the letter neatly and placed it carefully in the bag he was using as a pillow with the other two letters from Sirius.

“He won’t know what hit him,” Fabian said angrily as he and Gideon approached. “Just go to sleep, Gid, I’ll keep watch, I won’t be able to sleep in this state. You’re Lover Boy is in trouble, Lupin!”

“Just remember I like his bits just the way they are. You don’t want a sexually frustrated werewolf on your bad side. Goodnight.”

oOo

Sirius ascended the spiral staircase to the Headmaster’s office with a mild sense of trepidation. It was going on little over two weeks since Remus’s last letter. He knew Remus was busy and possibly didn’t have time to write but he couldn’t help expecting the worst. He’d happily take another hex from the Prewetts if it meant Remus was alive.

“Come in,” the Headmaster said when he knocked on the door. Sirius entered the office willing his imagination under control. _Remus is fine!_

He immediately noticed there were two other men in the office with Dumbledore. Men he recognized.

“Ah, thank you, Mr. Black, for joining me on such short notice. I believe you have met Mr. Andrei and Julian Kostov,” Dumbledore said gesturing to the two men.

The two men nodded to Sirius, not entirely unkindly. He had hexed them the last time they met after all. Dumbledore drew up a chair beside him and gestured Sirius to sit.

“Our guests are here to discuss the matter of your uncle’s research, as you well may have guessed. They have told me a great deal about it and I should quite like for you to hear what they have to say.”

“Yes, sir. If I may, I would just like to apologize for my behavior the last time we met,” he said speaking to the father and son. “I was quite beside myself with worry for a good friend.”

Julian waved his hand dismissively. “It’s quite alright, Mr. Black, you had very little reason to trust us and from what I understand, the circumstances were dire. The Headmaster tells us you made copies of the research. We would still like for you to give that information to us, but first let me explain to you what we were doing. I think once you know, you will be willing to help us.”

oOo

_Dear Heartless Sadistic Bastard (otherwise known as Remus Had-Better-Have-A-Damn-Good-Excuse Lupin),_

_Two weeks and nothing! Do you know how out of my mind I’ve been!? I’ve been pulling my hair out waiting for your letter, which is thankfully black and sexy once more. You can tell Fabian to die for me by the way. Blonde curls! I nearly threw myself off the Astronomy Tower. You would never have wanted to touch me again if you’d seen me, Moony. It was dreadful._

_Where was I? Oh yes. TWO BLOODY WEEKS!_

_If Dumbledore had not given me your letter today I don’t know what I would have done. But that brings me to a VERY interesting point. Do you remember that bloke Julian and his dad who tried to steal the Research-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named? Well, Dumbledore invited them to the school for a little chat. You’re never going to believe what they told me._

_Well, for one, they’re both werewolves. I pause here for dramatic effect._

_…_

_Okay, I know you don’t find that particularly impressive but there it is._

_Anyway. Apparently, the research they were working on with Alphard was not entirely what we thought it to be. Alphard was researching a cure, Moony!_

_Julian’s dad is a Potion Master, but he was kept out of Guild circles because of his lycanthropy and he taught Julian who can’t even qualify for Mastership any more. They couldn’t get the funding for the research on their own so they asked Alphard to put his name on it but no one was interested in funding a cure for lycanthropy (fucking Ministry cunts) so he put his own money into the project._

_They’re no where near a full cure but they’d made some very good progress on alleviating the transformation. They had made a breakthrough before Alphard died but it still needs a lot of work apparently. Dumbledore is putting them in touch with another Potions Master and I’ve given them the research I copied and Alphard’s townhouse in London. I don’t really need or want it and the potion lab in the basement will be useful._

_Julian has been very interesting to get to know and he’s given me a few books on werewolves I’ve never read. He’s also quite good-looking. He has loads of muscles and I think I caught him ogling my arse once or twice. I hope you’re jealous and serve you right. Need I remind you I’ve been beside myself for two weeks?_

_I’m sending you chocolate with this letter which, frankly, I don’t think you deserve, but the full is soon and I know how much it helps. I’m sure quality chocolate is scarce wherever you are. I hope you eat it all and get a terrible tummy ache. Do think of me when you’re puking chocolate on those unholy twins._

_Loving you (despite your complete disregard for my sanity),_

_Sirius_

oOo

_Sirius,_

_By the time you read this I will most likely be a snapping, snarling beast howling at the moon. We’ve managed to secure an abandoned farm house for the transformation which positively reeks but it will have to do. If I claw my nose off and come home to you horribly disfigured I ask that you remember me as I was._

_I am very sorry I took so long with my last letter. I am sure you will hate to hear this, but I cannot tell you what I have been doing, lest this letter fall into the wrong hands. We have been very busy and letter writing was neither essential nor very practical. Once I was finally able to write something, I had to wait until we met up with another group of Order members to have them pass it on to Dumbledore because we were instructed not to use any owls at the time._

_That is truly fascinating regarding your uncle’s research. I will not hold my breath for a cure in my lifetime but it makes me happy to know someone out there is looking._

_You really do have a fixation for werewolves, don’t you? You can let your Julian know I have marked you and he should, very kindly, back off. He will know what it means. I am not jealous, of course, I know you’re mine._

_I can sense you are still upset with me. Allow me to make it up to you by sharing the details of a dream I had last night. I think you will find it quite exciting._

_You and I were walking through a copse of woods nearby where I grew up. Quite far along in the woods is a clearing where some of the village teenagers used to go to drink or smoke or neck. It’s actually quite a lovely place. The grass is soft and you can see the stars above the trees. I never had the opportunity to explore the joys of that location with anyone, perhaps that’s why we ended up there? Or possibly, I am spending far too much time sleeping outside._

_Regardless, the night is warm, and I have you, naked, in that clearing. You are laying flat on your back as I run my hands up along your legs, dragging my nails across your thighs and teasing your hips with my teeth. I do not touch your cock, even though you are begging me so sweetly in that pouty voice of yours._

_“Patience,” I say, as I trail a line of kisses up your stomach and chest, catching a nipple between my teeth as I go, until I reach your neck where I bite hard on that hollow between your neck and shoulder, you know that spot. You are positively trembling with desire. I lap lightly at the bite that is quickly turning red as you moan my name._

_I don’t think you realize how much that turns me on to hear you calling my name, begging me to fuck you._

_“Please, Moony,” you beg, and I take the plea from your lips, kissing you as you bury your hands in my hair. Our tongues meet, soft and warm. You’re writhing beneath me as I cup the side of your face with one hand, running the other back down your body to tickle the hair beneath your navel, brushing oh, so close to your cock. Your skin is so soft here. I have the urge to feel it on my lips and I give into that urge, taking the skin lightly between my teeth._

_You moan again and you feel hot and hard against my neck. You cry out my name as bury my nose in that hair and breathe deeply. I love the way you smell, like sex and something so uniquely you, it makes me mad with desire. I cannot help myself any longer. I run my tongue along the underside of your shaft and lap at the wetness forming on the tip. I love how you taste too as I flick my tongue over the head again. You are begging me once more, your hips bucking so insistently I have to hold them in place, but I am feeling generous so I take you in my mouth and suck, swirling my tongue around the head. And, God, the sounds you make, Sirius, they’re driving me wild._

_Your hands are still in my hair as I suck you and our eyes are locked as I push my lips over you again and again. Your eyes are dark as you watch me and I’m feeling very close to the edge as I feel you twitching in my mouth and I pull away when I know you’re close. Your whole body is trembling as I touch you. I love that I have this effect on you, that I can make you shake with pure, unadulterated pleasure. I stroke you hard and fast until you’ve coated my hand and your stomach as you cry my name, “Remus!”_

_You look completely debauched and wanton—legs spread, cheeks flushed, and lips full and red from kissing and biting. I know I’m not going to last much longer. I use what’s on my hand to prepare you as fast as I can stand. Even needing you this badly, I still love making you ready for me. You’re moaning again and spreading yourself even further and I cannot wait any longer._

_I slide into you, your legs around my waist, and it is so unbelievably hot and tight and good that I think I am died and gone to heaven. Your hands are on my shoulders, urging me on and I fuck you with long hard strokes. I can feel you growing hard against my stomach. It is so perfect, the way you’re splayed beneath me, the feel of our bodies moving together. I’m stroking you again as I fuck you harder and harder, my name falling from your lips with each sure stroke._

_I know I’m done for when you buck beneath me and come for the second time, your eyes holding mine as I ride your orgasm completion and follow quickly with my own. We’re kissing again, slower this time, still connected in ways, I am sure, we will never be able to undo. I am sure I do not ever want to. You tell me you love me and I feel it deep inside me._

_And I love you too. So much._

_…_

_Are you still angry with me? Perhaps you are, but for an entirely different reason now. I think Gideon knows what I’m up to over here. His smile is particularly wicked. I’m feeling incredibly randy now and I badly need to have one off, sadly without you. Well, you’ll be there in spirit anyway._

_I think I’ll probably dream of you again tonight. I’m counting the days (and nights) until I see you again, in the flesh—see what I did there? I simply cannot get my mind off sex. Please write me back and tell me you’re no longer upset. I am a lonely and pathetic werewolf and I need your kind words._

_Longing for you,_

_Moony_

“Oh, fucking hell,” Sirius moaned as he quickly undid the clasp on his trousers. He was grateful he took the letter up to the dorm to read alone. James and Peter teased him that he kept reading the letters in secret so he could have a nice long wank over them. _They have no idea_.

The scene in the letter replayed itself in his mind as he touched his leaking cock. There was no finesse to this wank. The goal was to come as quickly as humanly possible, which he did, spilling hard over his hand, moaning Remus’s name as he imagined the brown-haired man touching him, fucking him, like he did in the letter.

He cleaned himself off feeling terribly lonely. Grabbing a cigarette from the bedside table (and silently thanking Julian for procuring them for him) he lit up and padded over to the window seat, the letter still in his hand. The burn of the smoke in his lungs relaxed him. He sat at the window, looking out at the full moon hanging in the distance.

“I’m longing for you too, Moony,” he whispered placing his hand on the window, over the image of the moon, the small filter smoldering between his fingers.

The window seat was cold and uncomfortable but he slowly began drifting off to sleep as he watched the moon travel across the sky, reading his letter again and thinking of the man who wrote it, tracing fingers over the words of his favorite part.

_We’re kissing again, slower this time, still connected in ways, I am sure, we will never be able to undo. I am sure I do not ever want to. You tell me you love me and I feel it deep inside me._

_And I love you too. So much._

oOo

In a way, it was good NEWTs began consuming Sirius so entirely that he had little time to dwell on how much he missed Remus. Professors were pulling every last bit of magic he learned over the last seven years from his brain so thoroughly that he felt like a wrung sponge by the end of the day. He could do no more than collapse onto his bed as his brain shut down for the night.

That didn’t stop him from dreaming about the man however. His dreams played joyful, passionate reunions almost nightly. He tried not to think on how that reunion would not take place for nearly two months when he was finally done with school.

That was another thing keeping him busier than a niffler in Gringotts. The end of term was so close and applications for jobs were cluttering his desk. He also needed to think of a place to live. The Potter’s were more than happy to have him stay but he knew he wanted his own place. Maybe even, his stomach gave a funny lurch, a place for him and Remus.

He hadn’t mustered up the nerve to ask Remus about it in his letters, which were being exchanged much more frequently now. Whatever Dumbledore had Remus and the Prewetts doing was now done and he was staying in the cottage his father left him, only occasionally travelling for some mysterious research project. He was worried Remus might think he was assuming too much or moving too fast by suggesting they live together. All he knew was that he wanted to be with Remus, in any way the man would have him.

He ran a tired hand over his face as he fingered the completed application for Auror training thoughtfully. McGonagall had delivered the application personally with a message from Alastor Moody:

_Black –_

_You’re a damned idiot but you have good instincts. Don’t wait too long or I might change my mind about speaking for you._

He supposed Moody heard about the events in March from Dumbledore. Much as he hated to think of how he’d royally fucked things up, he was a little proud that someone recognized him for his reckless daring. It would take more than daring to be an Auror though.

Tucking the application in his pocket he decided a walk would clear his mind. The halls were slowly emptying as curfew approached. He passed by a few frazzled looking seventh years who nodded to him numbly. His feet always managed to carry him halfway to the Defense classroom before he remembered Remus would not be there. He sighed and turned away from the Defense corridor walking automatically in any other direction.

The sound of someone exiting a classroom behind him pulled him from his thoughts. He turned and saw Snape and his brother speaking in low voices, their heads bent close. Snape looked up and glared when he saw Sirius but it was Regulus who caught his eye.

“Come on,” Snape muttered to Regulus, pulling him in the opposite direction. Regulus's eyes remained locked with Sirius as Snape turned to leave. “Let’s go!”

Something snapped in Sirius then.

“Reg!” Sirius approached quickly and Snape’s wand was out in a flash, pointing at Sirius. Sirius did likewise but his eyes were on his brother. “Reg, you don’t have to do this,” he said imploringly. “You don’t have to be like them. You’re smarter than this!”

Snape snorted derisively. “You don’t have to listen to his nonsense, Regulus.”

“Oh, it’s nonsense that your group friends are killing innocent people, is it? Is that what you want, Regulus? To be a murderer?” Sirius saw the uncertainty battling with stubborn pride in his brother’s stormy eyes. “You’re not like them.”

“You don’t know what he’s like,” Snape said dismissively. “Let’s go, Regulus!”

“I’m his brother! I know better than anyone!”

“Sirius, stop it!” Regulus said, speaking for the first time. When he looked at him again his eyes were hard and steely. “You _don’t_ know what I’m like. You just know what you _want_ me to be like. You want me to be like you. Well I’m not. I never was, but you never took the time to notice, so long as I was following your lead. I’m choosing my own path, leave me alone.”

“You’re not choosing a path you moron! They’re choosing it for you. Don’t follow me if you don’t want to but don’t blindly follow them either.”

“They have the right of it, Sirius.”

“It was right for them to threaten to kill Remus was it? For them to nearly kill me? Did you know they killed Alphard? Open your eyes, Regulus!”

He thought he saw a moment of indecision in the storm of grey before his eyes hardened once more. Regulus drew his wand and also pointed it a Sirius. Sirius wanted to hex his brother stupid and force him away from this path he was heading down but he couldn’t. Sirius could no more force Regulus to do as he wished than his parents had been able to force him.

In a moment of clarity, he realized this was what it was going to come down to. Wands drawn against friend and brother. War was never pretty. That’s what people always said. Would he be forced to hunt Regulus down if he joined the Aurors? Would he kill his brother if it became necessary? Would Regulus kill him? He wished things could be simple once more. He wished he could make that old promise he whispered to the dark of “I’ll protect you” again and have Regulus believe him. Wished that he could believe it himself.

“Is every thing alright, gentlemen?” a voice asked. “I say, wands away, boys!” Professor Slughorn approached eyeing them warily. They each lowered their wands but his eyes never left his brother’s.

“We were just leaving,” Snape said, pulling on the sleeve of Regulus’s robe. Sirius resisted the urge to hang his head in defeat as Regulus glared at him one final time and stalked off with Snape.

“Look sharp, Mr. Black, curfew is soon.”

“Yes, sir, I was just looking for Professor McGonagall,” he said, fingering the application in his pocket once more.

“I believe she is in her office.”

“Thank you, sir,” he said and turned to hurry towards his head of house’s office his decision made.

oOo

“Never thought it’d be over,” James slurred drunkenly, his head cradled in Lily’s lap. Sirius snorted into his bottle. They were outside beneath their favorite tree by the lake, enjoying the warm summer night. NEWT hell was officially over and the seventh years were enjoying their newfound liberation from the stranglehold of cramming. Professors were turning a blind eye to the blatant breaking of curfew, for which they were all thankful.

James reached up with one finger to touch Lily on the nose but missed and ended up poking her hard on the cheek. “Ouch! James, you idiot!” She slapped his hand away as he caressed her face in what he probably thought was a soothing gesture but looked more like uncoordinated pawing.

“Sorry, Lils,” he said, burrowing further into her lap with a contented sigh.

Lily plucked the glasses from his face and placed a hand in his messy mop of hair. Sirius caught her eye and they shared a smile. “How did you put up with this for so long?” she asked in exasperation, but Sirius heard the affection behind the words.

“God knows, but he’s your problem now. I bequeath him to you.”

“How generous.”

“I thought.”

Sirius took a long pull of the ale they’d smuggled from Hogsmeade. His eyes sought out the waning moon above them and his thoughts predictably turned to Remus. It had been a long, difficult four months but he would be seeing him again soon. Sirius smiled as he thought of the letter tucked in his pocket listing all manner of filthy things Remus would do to him when they met again.

Lily nudged him with her foot, her smile entirely too knowing. He should never have let her read that one letter from Remus but the woman was devious. James really had no idea what he was in for. She reached out her hand for a bottle and he popped the cap off before handing it to her.

“Not in the face,” Peter muttered. Sirius barked out a laugh and Lily giggled as they watch the boy flail in his sleep and he snored on.

“When will you get to see him again?” she asked, taking a delicate sip from her bottle.

“Order meeting.”

“But that’s not for three more weeks!” she said, outraged on his behalf. Dumbledore had approached the small group of friends about joining the week prior and they would be attending their first meeting later in the summer.

“Tell me about it. But he’s on assignment and anyway I’m going to be flat hunting for a while.”

“Have you decided if you’re going to ask him to move in with you?”

Sirius also regretted confiding his apprehension in asking the man to live with him. He loved Remus. Wanted to be with him all the time, but living with together would be a big step. They’d hardly had the chance to be together as a proper couple; were they ready for more?

“I’ve been giving it some thought and I’m still not entirely sure. Maybe it will just be good to see how things go for a while. I just know I want to be with him, that’s enough for now I think.”

She nodded and did not press the issue. He knew her stance on the matter any how, no need for her to hash through it again. He would make his own decision, when he knew just exactly what that was.

“Plus he says he doesn’t want to distract me. I have an appointment to take the entrance exams for Auror training in two weeks.”

“God, if I never see another exam it will be too soon.”

“I’m not worried.”

“Are you ever?”

He shot her a broad smile. “Sometimes. But Moody as good as told me I’m accepted into the training so long as my NEWTs come through, which I’m sure they will.”

“Bit desperate aren’t they?”

Sirius flicked the bottle cap he was toying with at her and it landed in James’s hair. She plucked the cap from the sea of black hair and flicked it back at him, catching on the shoulder where it bounced and fell to the ground.

“Bint.”

“Thas my lady you’re talking about, Black,” James said from the depths of Lily’s skirt. He rolled over to peer at Sirius, his eyes trying hard to focus. “I don want to hafta kill you.”

“I’d love to see you try.”

“We should head back inside,” Lily said, trying to prod James from her lap before he started dozing again.

James rolled onto his hands and knees and shook Peter who woke with a start. “What? No! Where am I?” he asked looking around.

“We’re outside you plonker. Get up.”

Lily and Sirius, who were only slightly more sober than the other two, helped them onto their feet and back to the castle, arms slung about shoulders for support.

“Merlin, Peter, lay off the cauldron cakes will you? My poor back can’t take this kind of abuse.”

“Yeah, Pete, he needs it ‘n top condition for all the bending over he’ll be doing for Lupin,” James trilled and laughed at his own joke. Lily swatted him sharply on the head. “Ouch! Watch the hair woman!”

“Don’t be crude, Potter. At least _he’ll_ be getting some action.”

Sirius roared with laughter as James turned bright red and swore under his breath. Sirius would never be quite sure how they made it back to the dorms unnoticed. James kept trying to grope Lily who eventually resorted to binding his hands. She deposited the boy onto his bed and kissed him goodnight, hands still bound by thin black cords.

“I’m going to marry her,” he said as he gnawed happily at the bindings on his wrists.

“Just make sure you name me godfather to all your kids,” Sirius said, making no move to help him.

He pulled the letter from his pocket, seated once more at the window, reading by the light of the moon.

“Are you going to marry Lupin?” he asked around a particularly tenacious knot.  
  
Sirius swiveled his head to look at his friend. “I don’t even think we can,” he said, realizing he had no idea.

“Probably not. But you love him right?”

“Yes,” he admitted without shame.

“So, you can still do. You know…married people type things. Live together and kiss each other when you come home from work. Shag like bunnies or…doggies in his case maybe.”

“You’re an absolute nutter you know that?”

“Yeah, but I’m right, aren’t I? What’s stopping you?”

What was stopping him? He certainly wasn’t thinking about marriage in any sense of the word, he was going in circles just thinking about living with the other man for Merlin’s sake. But why? He wasn’t sure if he was more afraid of the commitment it would represent or the fear of Remus rejecting him. Committing himself to Remus wasn’t the problem, even if it scared him just a little bit. That Remus may not be ready to do the same was another matter. Before he came to teach at Hogwarts Remus had a life that did not include Sirius. What if there was no room in Remus's life for him?

He looked down at the letter in his hand, the now familiar neat handwriting filling the parchment.

_Much as I appreciate the effort, you can leave the naughty writing to me, love, you do not appear to have a flair for it. God, Sirius, the things I’m going to do to you when I get you alone again. This has been, by far, the most miserable four months of my life, and that is saying something considering my condition._

_You don’t know how much it pains me to delay seeing you for another few weeks. I feel like I’ve begun to forget all the things I love most about you; your smell, your taste, the softness of your skin and hair on my lips and pads of my fingers, the way you smile and laugh and call me Moony. As enjoyable as some of the naughtier things I have planned for you will be, all I want is to hold you and remind myself that you’re real. That you’re mine._

_And you think you’re the master of all things soppy. I’ll have you know I was never this sentimental before you came along, Sirius Black. You’ve ruined me. Well done, I hope you’re happy. I know I am._

_Yours, truly,_

_Remus_

Some of his doubts crumbled as he read the words again. Hadn’t Remus been telling him for the last several months how he felt? Sirius felt stupid for missing it. For, once again, allowing his insecurities get the best of him. He wasn’t going to let even the smallest doubt keep him from what he wanted.

“Well?” James asked, still struggling with the bindings on his wrists.

“Nothing,” he said and smiled at his friend. “James, you might just be the oddest bloke I know, but you always know the right thing to say.”

“You bet, mate. Now help me get these blasted things off.”


	25. Chapter 25

“Hurry the fuck up, Black!” the voice of James Potter shouted from the other room. The sound of his voice made an odd, echoing noise in the nearly empty, and newly acquired, two-bedroom flat.

“James, just because you operate under the delusion that people swoon for that bird’s nest you call a hairstyle, does not mean the rest of us want to look like we were raised by Hippogriffs,” Sirius replied, giving himself the once over in the mirror.

“I can’t believe I used to think you were straight,” James muttered behind him. Sirius caught his eye in the mirror and stuck out his tongue.

He ran a hand through his hair, tucking it behind his ear to admire the little band of metal now firmly affixed to his upper-ear. The man at the Muggle tattoo parlor around the corner had refused to give him a tattoo saying he, James, and Peter were too drunk, but had no compunction about poking a hole clean through Sirius’s ear apparently. The three boys had a good laugh about it the next morning and, bodily mutilation aside (which Sirius really rather liked truth be told) proclaimed that the breaking in of Sirius’s new place had been a success.

“As much as I hate to admit it, Sirius, you look good. Stop fussing! Lupin isn’t going to care what you’re wearing,” James said with an exasperated sigh. Sirius rolled his eyes. James was really stupid sometimes.

“Don’t listen to him, gorgeous,” the mirror said. “He needs his prescription checked if he thinks _that_ look will get him anywhere.”

“Oi, shut it you!” James yelled at the mirror and then shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m arguing with a bloody mirror. Where did you even get that thing?”

Sirius admired the ornate mirror fondly. “Alphard’s townhouse. Julian and his dad didn’t need all the furniture so they let me come by and take some essentials. This was the most flattering mirror in the house.”

“Whatever, my point still stands. Lupin isn’t going to care how you look.”

_“_ _Au contraire, mon frere_ ,” Sirius said, turning away from the mirror to grab his jacket on the bed. He spun on his heels, his arms spread wide, to give James a full view. He’d chosen a white shirt with a neckline low enough to show off the dip of his collarbone and tight pair of dark blue jeans he bought just for the occasion. “I look like a bloke who will be doing some serious shagging tonight. Personality only gets you so far, Potter.” James gave a contemptuous snort. “I’m happy to give you some tips. Who knows it might actually get you somewhere with the lovely Miss. Evans.”

He followed James into the cavernous living room, littered with only a few unpacked boxes, sleeping bags, and take-away containers. Peter, Lily, and Frank Longbottom were sitting on boxes playing with a deck of Exploding Snap cards.

“Oh good, he’s done finally. You take longer than my sister to get ready,” Peter said looking up when they entered. Lily dropped him a wink when James wasn’t looking.

“Merlin’s beard, Black, you’ll have Remus gagging for it before the meeting is over,” Frank said and Sirius gave James a satisfied smirk. The young Auror checked his watch. “We have about two minutes before the Portkey goes live,” he said suddenly more business like. He pulled a hairbrush from his pocket and held it out for the others. “So, just to reiterate, we’re going to take the Portkey to the location for Order headquarters. There is a Fidelius Charm on the house so there will be another member waiting to give the location so you can actually enter the house. All clear?”

“Yes, sir,” Sirius mock-saluted and Frank gave him the finger.

Sirius had always liked the older boy in school. Frank didn’t take rule breaking too seriously but he was no push over either. Sirius was happy he’d been given a chance to get to know the man a little better as he shadowed Frank on various assignments. The entrance exam for Auror training had been cake and he’d been in and out of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for the last week with Frank while the training schedule was set up.

They each placed a finger on the brush as it began to glow a bright blue and seconds later Sirius felt himself being forcibly swept away. They landed hard on wet grass less than a minute later. Sirius reached out a hand to steady Lily who wobbled dangerously when they hit the ground.

“Never taken a Portkey before, Evans?” he asked and she shook her head.

“Just takes some getting used to,” James assured her, placing an arm around her waist.

“I’m not sure which I dislike most. Why must all methods of Wizarding travel feel like I’m being pulled through a vacuum cleaner?” she asked tetchily, running a hand through her disheveled hair.

“They may be uncomfortable, Miss Evans, but they certainly are effective,” a voice from behind them said. Sirius felt his breath leave him as the sound of that voice washed over him and he turned around quickly to find Remus standing there, a small piece of parchment in his hand, lips quirked in half a smile. The smile became much broader when his eyes landed on Sirius and the rest of the world seemed to melt away.

This moment, the moment when he saw Remus again for the first time, had replayed itself in his mind countless times. Very often, when Sirius allowed his imagination to run away from him, which happened with increasing frequency as the days led up to this moment, he and Remus were alone. No words would be spoken; they’d said everything they needed to and more for the last several months. They would simply fall into each other, hands rediscovering once familiar territory, mouths crashing together as they kissed and kissed and kissed forever, or at least until clothing was removed when their mouths would find a far better purpose.

It was far from the frenzied, physical scene he’d pictured, and yet some how it was better. It might have been less than ten seconds but the moment seemed to last an eternity as he felt himself getting drunk on the sight of the other man. Sirius had forgotten just how much loved looking at Remus. He could never get enough of it. Was surprised he’d survived so long without it. The scars on his cheek were silvery and faded and gave him a dangerous look that sent a surprising thrill down Sirius’s spine. His hair was longer now and falling attractively into his eyes which positively lit up as he smiled at Sirius. Sirius felt his breath leave him and Lily chuckled beside him.

“Tongue in, dear,” she whispered, placing a finger beneath his chin and closing his mouth, which he didn’t even realize was hanging slightly open. He grinned stupidly at Remus who was shaking his head and laughing at him as he turned his attention to Frank.

“Moody is looking for you, Frank,” he said, jerking his thumb behind him.

“Bugger.”

“I have this lot, go on in,” he said and Frank hurried off.

 “Once you’ve read this,” Remus began as he held up the parchment, “you’ll be able to see HQ.” He handed the parchment to Peter first and passed it down the line as each of his friends nodded when the house appeared for them. “Go on in, we’re starting soon,” he said to the others when he reached Sirius and James shot them a knowing look as Lily dragged him and Peter off.

Their fingers touched as Remus handed him the parchment. He read the address quickly and looked back into other man’s eyes. Beyond Remus, he could see a house materializing out of nothing but his focus was on the man he’d been dreaming about for four solid months. On impulse, he reached out a hand to touch but Remus stopped him, taking the hand in his and shaking his head regretfully.

“We’re not alone,” he said when Sirius made a noise of disappointment. “They can see us from the house and this is the Apparation point. I don’t fancy being interrupted.” Sirius laced their fingers together resisting the urge to wrap the rest of his body just as tightly around the other man before Remus said, “Oh, fuck it,” and pulled Sirius close for a quick hug. Far too quick in Sirius’s mind. He’d hardly settled into the embrace, his arms coming around for only a second, before Remus was pulling away again.

“Remus…I—” Sirius didn’t know what to say feeling suddenly frustrated. He wanted, needed, so much just then. Needed to touch, needed know where they stood, needed to hear Remus say it.

“Later,” Remus promised, placing a soothing hand on his shoulder and Sirius wondered how he was going to make it through the meeting in one piece as he looked back into the man’s eyes reflecting his own longing. He had to bite his lip to keep from leaning forward and kissing him and he nearly moaned when he saw brown eyes drop to his lips and grow dark with hunger.

There was a soft popping noise to his left as a tall, stately woman Apparated directly beside them. Remus let his hand drop casually and took the parchment Sirius forgot he was still holding. “Good evening,” she said nodding to them both in turn before sweeping into the house.

Remus ignited the scrap of paper, watching the ashes falling to the ground below, and led him to the house. When he passed through the front door Sirius felt the wards shifting to allow him through. The room was open and welcoming, there were several sofas and chairs and a few people he did not recognize. Remus began rattling off names of other members who were mingling about which Sirius promptly forgot as he allowed his imagination to wander to the “later” Remus had promised him.

Remus led them through a hallway into a larger room where there were several tables pushed together surrounded by mismatched chairs. Sirius was grateful to find two, conveniently empty, seats beside his friends. A warm hand sought his knee under the table when they sat. Sirius placed his own hand atop Remus’s and lamented that “later” was much farther away than he would like.

The ability to appear haughty and indifferent that was ingrained in him since birth was a godsend during the meeting. He didn’t want people asking questions or giving him weird looks because he looked like the smitten schoolboy he was. A few people shot him knowing looks anyway when he was introduced, along with his friends, as new initiates. Apparently, news of why Remus resigned from Hogwarts was no secret among Order members. Gideon and Fabian sat a few seats down across from him and kept making kissing faces when no one was looking for which, Sirius decided, they would pay most dearly.

They were told the meeting was more of a casual get together than anything formal, though Sirius was happy to note that these people were anything but formal. A few people gave reports and Sirius along with his friends were each assigned to a more experienced member that possessed skills thought to suit their strengths or, in Sirius’s case, chosen profession. He tried not to be jealous that Lily would be working with Remus.

What seemed like ages later, the business portion of the meeting was dismissed and several people stood, stretching and wandering over to the kitchen for drinks and food. Lily promptly dropped into the seat vacated by the old man on Remus’s other side.

“I guess we’ll be working together, Professor.”

“Please call me Remus, I’m no longer your professor,” protested looking a little embarrassed. Lily had really grown on Sirius over the last several months. He’d found a surprise friend and confidant in the clever, funny young woman, but he considered hexing her all the same as she drew Remus’s attention away from him. He was ready to tell her to bugger off when he felt a hand clap hard on his shoulder.

“Just need a few more minutes, Black,” Moody said and he stomped off. Both Lily and Remus shot him sympathetic smiles and Sirius huffed having no choice but to follow the man who would be mentoring him.

oOo

Nearly an hour later, Sirius was leaning against the railing on the porch at the back of the house taking a long pull on his cigarette feeling his anger abate slowly. After his briefing with Moody and Dumbledore, he’d been thwarted time and again whenever he tried to get Remus alone. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him.

“Lovely to meet you, Sirius!”

“A Black, what a surprise.”

“Good on you, boy.”

“Are you and Lupin really shagging?” one flirtatious woman, Marlene, asked her grin positively wicked as she handed him a beer. She was much younger than some of the other members, probably the same age as Remus and the Prewetts, with short brown hair and devious blue eyes.

“Unfortunately, not at this very moment,” he’d grumbled, annoyed that Remus had once more disappeared on him. She threw back her head and laughed, patting his cheek fondly.

“Pity. Why is it all the nice looking ones are bent?” she asked and did not wait for a reply as she sauntered off to pinch a Prewett on the bum--the red-haired man spinning around and embracing her good-naturedly.

Whenever he managed to shake a person loose Remus was occupied with one thing or another and then someone would hassle him again. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time, getting to know their new comrades, laughing and talking and sharing drinks. James and Peter seemed to find kindred spirits in the Prewetts and Sirius privately thought Dumbledore was insane to pair the four together.

After his fifth attempt to get Remus alone, Sirius became frustrated and gave up, telling James he needed some air before storming outside. Was it too much to ask for five bloody minutes with the man? He stubbed the cigarette and flicked it, glaring moodily at the moon, as if the waning sliver of light were some how to blame. He heard the door open and close behind him but paid it no mind until he felt a warm body press against his back. Hands ghosted across his neck as he felt skin-warmed metal and a soft piece of leather brush his skin.

“I believe this is yours,” Remus whispered in his ear. Sirius looked down as Remus tied the star-shaped pendant around his neck. Fingers were spreading fire every time they touched his skin. When he was done, Remus placed a soft kiss on the nape of his neck.

“Remus…”

“Mmm?” He felt Remus bury his nose in hair and breathe deeply as he wrapped arms around his waist. “God, I’ve missed you.”

Sirius turned in the circle of Remus’s arms. He could do nothing more than stare hungrily at the other man’s face, bathed in moonlight, the golden flakes in his eyes unbelievably bright. It had been so long, he’d only seen this face in his dreams, but suddenly it was real again. He pressed himself tighter into the man’s arms.

“I think I’ll miss this.” Remus touched the pendant fondly. His fingers wandered across Sirius’s neck, dipping beneath the fabric of his shirt.

“Hmm, but you’ve got the real thing now,” Sirius hummed against the man’s cheek, enjoying the rough softness of Remus’s skin. “If you still want it that is.”

Remus leaned closer, his lips brushing the line of Sirius’s jaw and Sirius sighed reaching up to tangle a hand in soft, light-brown hair. “I’m always going to want it,” Remus said, looking Sirius directly in the eyes now, their mouths nearly touching now. Sirius could feel warm puffs of breath on his skin and felt his anticipation mounting.

“Then it’s always yours,” Sirius said and moaned when their lips met. Slowly. Tentatively. As if questioning whether this soft slide of lips was real. Sirius pressed his mouth harder against Remus, clutching him tightly as the question became an answer. No. Not a dream. It was too good to be a dream.

Hands found their way beneath his shirt, clutching at his hips, thumbs tracing soft circles on skin there. Sirius moaned again and tried to press himself even closer, wanting to disappear inside the other man until they were so entwined they could never be parted again.

His body was humming with excitement as pleasure coursed through him with each glorious slide of Remus’s tongue against his own. Remus shifted until a knee was pressed between his legs, pushing their bodies ever closer. A hand moved to clutch urgently at the man’s shirt and their bodies slid together, their kissing becoming desperate and hungry. Sirius could hear a low growl in Remuss throat.

Remus broke away roughly, a harsh moan escaping his lips, bringing warm hands to cup the side of Sirius’s face. Sirius watched his eyes searching his face frantically for something. He smiled and saw the corners of Remus’s mouth threaten to do the same.

“It’s really me,” he promised, bringing their mouths together again briefly.

“I know I just...” Remus ran a thumb back and forth across Sirius's cheek, seemingly lost for words.

“Yeah. Me too.”

Sirius felt his eyes drift shut as Remus pressed his forehead to his. They stayed that way for a while, Remus stroking his thumb across his cheek and jaw as Sirius placed his hands the man’s hips, holding him tightly. He felt whole for the first time in months. Like a part of him that was missing was put back into place and he could suddenly breathe again.

The sounds of laughter from the impromptu party after the Order meeting could be heard through the back door. They ignored it for as long as they could but eventually the sounds began growing closer. Much as he wanted to, they couldn’t stay this way forever. Someone would come looking for them eventually.

“Come home with me?” Sirius asked.

“Yes. Absolutely. As if I could say no.”

They were kissing again. Long, lingering kisses that held the promise of what would come later. Their bodies were still pressed closely together, making no secret of what direction the night was heading in and Sirius wasn’t sure how much longer he could wait. Nothing inside the house held any appeal for him when Remus was holding him and kissing him like he was. When holding and kissing Remus felt so damn good he wanted to shout it to the world.

A loud bang on the back door caused them to break apart slightly. It didn’t open, but they could hear muffled voices and more laughter, this time much closer. They shared a look before Remus stepped out of his embrace.

“Let’s go back for a while. We won’t stay long. I honestly don’t know how long I can wait,” Remus said as if reading Sirius’s own thoughts.

They took a moment to collect themselves, straightening clothes and hair. “Is that an earring?” Remus asked suddenly, tilting Sirius’s head with his hand.

“Do you like it?” Sirius asked, happy he’d noticed.  
  
Remus brought their lips fervently together again. “You’re unreal,” he said with a laugh. “It makes me sick how gorgeous you are sometimes.”

“I aim to please.”

“Trust me, I will show you just how much I appreciate your efforts later,” he said, moving back towards the house, and Sirius followed. Remus opened the door and leapt back quickly. Gideon and Fabian Prewett toppled out, falling onto each other, their arms and legs in, what appeared to be, a full-body bind and wearing some of the ugliest ladies clothes Sirius had ever seen.

“What did you get yourselves into this time?” Remus asked the pair who could only glare up at him. Lily, James, and Peter poked their heads around the door, matching expressions of mischief on their faces.

“They kept threatening to come…distract you guys,” Peter began.

“They got a bit shirty with Lily and well…” James said.

“You really don’t want to make that woman mad,” Sirius said sagely to the twins, giving Lily a broad smile. “You know I think we’ve had a bad influence on her, James.”

“You might be right.”

“I am an agent of justice!” she huffed. “You two were just agents of mayhem. There is a big distinction between the two.”

Marlene hurried from the next room, a camera in hand. “Smile!” she trilled, snapping a picture of the scene. “That was brilliant.” She patted Lily on the shoulder. “Oh look!” She smiled at Sirius and Remus. “Give us a kiss you bloody fairies.”

She held the camera up expectantly. Sirius watched Remus turn a fantastic shade of pink and, before he could begin to protest, leaned over and placed a quick kiss on his mouth, cupping his cheek as he did so. Sirius saw the camera flash behind his closed eyelids. When Sirius pulled away, Remus was no less pink but his smile was positively radiant. Lily and Marlene were beaming and Sirius laughed and poked James and Peter who were looking embarrassed as he stepped purposefully on a Prewett as he passed through the door.

They rejoined the party, staying within close proximity of each other. Some people gave them knowing smiles--the twinkle in Dumbledore’s eye was particularly maddening--but others refused to meet their eyes when they spoke. It was the best he could hope for he supposed. At least there was no outright hostility. Eventually, they began making their excuses.

“No really. I’m tired, think I’ll just call it an early night,” Remus said to someone.

“Busy day tomorrow,” Sirius said as he shook another person off. That was not exactly a lie. If he got his way, tomorrow would be spent all day in bed with Remus. Quite busy indeed.

They left nearly at the same time. Peter, who’d recently begun shadowing his father at the Ministry in the Magical Transport Office, really did have a busy day the next morning and left with them so it seemed less conspicuous. “Goodnight you two,” he said as he turned on the spot and Disapperated.

Sirius held out his hand for Remus to take. He tangled their fingers together and brought the hand up placing a kiss on his knuckles. They shared a smile before Sirius Apparated them home.

oOo

Remus was hit with a searing kiss the minute the door to the flat closed. He laughed into the kiss as Sirius began tearing at his clothing. “Not going to give me a tour?” he asked playfully when Sirius broke away to kiss his jaw, and he moaned when the kiss became a firm bite.

“Of course, the tour. Come.”

Sirius led him by the hand through the flat, pulling him with determination. They passed through a hallway into the main area. “Here is the kitchen,” he said indicating to his right. “There is a bathroom…and…” He dragged Remus across the nearly empty flat, dodging a few unpacked boxes as they went. He kicked a door open and gave Remus a hard shove. “Bedroom.”

This was the only room that looked lived in and was not full of boxes; a large, comfortable looking bed dominated the middle of the room and tasteful bedroom furniture that spoke of the slightly spoiled nature he’d come to expect from Sirius decorated the room. Sirius shoved him again until he sat firmly on the bed. Warmth pulsed through him, pooling low in his belly as Sirius gave him a decidedly predatory look.

Remus watched in thrilling anticipation as Sirius shrugged his jacket to the floor. He grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head, eyes never breaking contact. Waves of dark hair lifted with the displacement of the shirt and fell messily back into place, framing his face and brushing his shoulders as the shirt fell to the floor.

The light from the moon and streetlamps outside played across his chest, smooth and enticing, as the muscles beneath the skin flexed naturally with his movement. Sirius ran his hands over his own chest, eyes smoldering darkly and still locked with his. They moved to his belt and began undoing the buckle but Remus reached out, taking the hands in his.

He placed a kiss on the knuckles of each hand then turned them to press his lips to the soft skin of his palms. He pressed his face to the warm skin and felt Sirius brush a thumb across his cheek, just below the eye, tracing the scars, now fully healed.

“Remus…”

The soft utterance of his name spurred him into action. Letting the hands go, Remus reached for the buckle of Sirius’s jeans, undoing it with practiced ease. He slid the clothing over bony hips and thighs sprinkled with a light smattering of dark hair. Sirius gave a low groan as his cock sprang free and Remus ran a hand along the length, pausing to swirl his thumb along the tip, spreading the bead of fluid across the head.

The hand still cupping his cheek traced the scars once more and fingers moved to press against his lips. Remus took them in his mouth automatically, sucking lightly on the two digits, his hand continuing to stroke the hard, satiny flesh.

“Oh, yes…Remus,” Sirius moaned, shoving a third finger in his mouth, which Remus accepted without question.

He squeezed, gentle but firm, watching more fluid leak from the slit, already wet with anticipation of the act they were building towards. Sirius shuddered violently as Remus stroked him from base to tip. The hand not occupied with his mouth flew to grab his wrist stopping him.

“I’m gonna come if you keep that up,” he breathed, eyes bright as he watched Remus sucking on his fingers. “I want to come when you’re inside me.”

Remus could do nothing but moan around the obstructions in his mouth. Sirius laughed, a deep husky sound. “You shouldn’t talk with your mouth full, Moony. Such bad manners.” Remus glared and bit the fleshy part of one finger sharply. “Bastard.”

The fingers were withdrawn as Sirius stooped to loosen his shoes, stepping out of the pile of clothes at his feet. Remus quickly divested himself of his shirt and allowed Sirius to help him out of the rest of his clothing until they were both standing, face to face, completely exposed.

“I really missed you,” Sirius sighed, running the pads of his fingers across his scarred torso. The teasing tone from before was gone as Sirius ran his hands reverently over his mutilated flesh.

Remus always hated when his lovers touched his scars. He almost never allowed it. They were too personal, inspired too many questions about things he would just rather forget. Yet somehow, Sirius managed to delve beneath the skin, touching him more deeply than he ever thought possible with the first press of lips to the oldest scar on his chest.

Cupping the sides of his face tenderly, Remus placed a long kiss on red, pouty lips. A strong wave of desire struck him to the core as hands came around to stroke his back, pulling him closer to that marvelous body until they were flushed against each other. He cried out as the wet end of Sirius’s cock slid against him, leaving a warm, moist trail on his hip. Remus swallowed the moan offered up by Sirius and pushed him away slightly. “Bed,” he ordered breathlessly.

Sirius nodded and flung himself on the bed, his arms and legs falling sensuously about him. Remus wondered vaguely if every thing Sirius did was graceful and lovely or if he was just putting on a show.

“Oh…Moony, I need you,” he whimpered, stroking himself slowly, his head thrown back in a long, pale arc that made Remus’s mouth water. A show. Definitely. But Remus appreciated it just the same.

Quick as a flash, Remus was on the bed knocking the hand away and replacing it with his mouth. “Shit!” Sirius cried, his head snapping up instantly. Remus grinned around the head as a small splash of tangy fluid coated his tongue. Sirius felt warm and heavy in his mouth. A hand tangled itself in his hair as Sirius let his head fall back onto the pillows with low groan.

The sound of his erratic breathing and gentle thrusts into his mouth told him Sirius was close. He gave Sirius one final lick and leaned back onto his knees, pleased at the disappointed grunt he heard from Sirius. “Lube?” he asked.

Sirius reached behind him beneath a pillow and slapped a small bottle of clear liquid into his palm. Remus quirked a brow and Sirius just shrugged. “No way you weren’t coming home with me tonight,” he explained pulling Remus in for a quick kiss and crying out loudly when their bodies made intimate contact again. “Fuck! Remus, hurry!”

Knowing he was very close to the edge himself, Remus coated his fingers liberally with the viscous fluid and reached between Sirius’s legs until he felt his questing finger sink into all-encompassing, deliciously tight heat.

“Oh sweet Merlin, finally,” Sirius breathed, throwing his head back once more.

Sirius was panting, pushing himself back onto Remus’s hand in earnest. Remus shoved a pillow under his hips as he arched off the bed with each stroke of his finger. He was making the most delightful noises that sent jolts of pulsing heat through Remus, his cock throbbing in sympathy with each push of fingers through the tight ring of muscle.

“God, it’s so good. I need you. Now! Damn it, Remus, stop making me beg for it and fuck me already!”

Remus wasn’t sure he could stand much more of watching Sirius moan and writhe, legs spread wide, cock bouncing enticingly with every thrust of hips. He fumbled with the bottle of lubricant, squeezing far too much into his palm but could not be bothered to care. Sirius groaned loudly as Remus sheathed himself completely in one hard thrust.  
  
"S-Sirius!"

Remus stilled, feeling what little control he had left slip dangerously through the tips of his fingers. His climax boiled close to the surface and he gritted his teeth, willing it back to the gentle simmer of a few moments ago. He’d waited several agonizing months to feel this body around him again and fuck if he’d let it end before it began.

Sirius canted his hips enough to wrap long legs around Remus's waist but otherwise waited patiently for Remus to be ready. There were few things in the world more beautiful than the sight of Sirius nearly seated in his lap, his face flushed, lips parted, chest heaving, his eyes a heady mixture of untamed lust and deep affection. No one had ever looked at him like that and Remus felt himself getting a little drunk on the euphoria it inspired in him.

“Moony, please…” Sirius whimpered after a minute, growing impatient and shifting his body again in an attempt to incite Remus into action.

Never being one to say no to Sirius, especially when he asked so nicely, Remus began to thrust, slowly at first, enjoying the warm pull of Sirius’s body with each outward thrust. His blood sang with joy as he began driving forward harder and faster, Sirius urging him on, legs tightening around his hips, meeting Remus with every thrust.

He was approaching the end much faster than he wanted to but they were too far gone. Sirius was crying out loudly with each deep plunge. Remus forced himself to slow down and angle himself just so, and was rewarded for his effort when Sirius bucked wildly and began moaning incomprehensibly.

“Fuck…Remus, harder! I want to really feel you,” Sirius ordered and Remus felt his control spiral away from him completely as he complied, hips snapping back and forth with brutal force. “Oh, yes! Just like that!”

“The things you say,” Remus grunted as he continued pounding mercilessly into other man.

“You love me,” Sirius managed to say.

“I do.” Remus focused on his lover’s smiling face, his dark, silver eyes gazing at him adoringly. Sirius reached up to touch his face and strained forward to kiss him messily, looking pleased with himself as he pulled way. “I love you. So. Fucking. Much,” he said punctuating each word with a deep thrust.

Remus braced one hand on the other man’s hip and reached between their bodies to stroke Sirius’s neglected cock. Sirius needed no more than two or three hard tugs, before he was arching off the bed, his body bowed as he came hard, splattering their chests messily. “I love you Moony. I love you. I love you,” he sobbed repeatedly as his climax continued to propel him upward.

Sirius’s sobbing cries and the tightening pull of his body on his prick as he came did Remus in, and he was filling Sirius as his orgasm ripped through him in harsh stuttering thrusts. Their bodies slowed as the momentum of their lovemaking petered out and, after a few moments, Remus collapsed on top of Sirius, breathing heavily. 

The slowing thump of Sirius’s heartbeat beneath his ear began lulling him to a sleepy stupor, his limbs full and heavy. He felt completely sated and peaceful for the first time in months, perhaps even for the first time in his whole life. He was numbly aware of fingers stroking his hair and face. The gentle rumble of the chest beneath him told him Sirius was speaking but there was no room for words in his head just yet. The chest began shaking as Sirius laughed.

“Ngh?” was the most coherent thought he could voice.

“I asked if you were okay…Remus?” Sirius jabbed him in the side, rousing him slightly.

“Remus Lupin has entered another plane of existence. Do feel free to leave a message.”

“That was bloody amazing.”

“That it was,” Remus agreed, still speaking to the man’s chest, unable as he was to lift his head. Sirius continued to stroke his hair and press his lips to his forehead. He shivered a little as their bodies cooled and Sirius managed to extract a blanket and throw it over them.

“I should move.” Remus made a valiant attempt to untangle himself from the other man, but Sirius clutched him close, legs still wrapped tightly around his back “You can’t be comfortable like this,” he reasoned, but nestled back into the embrace anyway.

“Nonsense, I could stay like this forever.” Sirius said happily, but Remus felt him shiver.

Remus felt something heavy drop into his heart just then. It suddenly felt like they were standing on the edge of a cliff, both waiting for the other to take the plunge from which there would be no turning back. He looked up into the eyes of his lover and saw his own fear and excitement reflected back at him.

“Forever, huh?”

“Yeah…what about you?

“Forever,” Remus agreed, sealing the promise with a kiss.


	26. Epilogue

Sirius lugged what must have been the millionth box up the three flights of stairs to his flat. Lugged might have been a bit of an over-exaggeration actually. The boxes were charmed for weightlessness so they were not particularly heavy, but there were just so damned many of them, and since his flat was not yet connected to the Floo network, despite Peter’s assurances he could bump him up the queue, he and Remus were forced to move his belongings the Muggle way.

He deposited the box in the small alcove with the other boxes labeled books and turned to the man who was currently sorting through a box on the kitchen counter.

“Remus, I thought you said that bloke you fucked over burned all your shit. There must be two dozen boxes here and there are still some at your parent’s place you haven’t brought over yet,” he said, dusting his hands off on his jeans as he moved through the maze of boxes and new furniture that had become his living room.

“He did. Believe it or not, I did manage to acquire new shit over time. When you asked me to move in with you, it was with the full understanding that all of me was welcome. That includes my things,” Remus replied, still rummaging through the box.

“I thought I was the only ‘thing’ you needed any more,” said Sirius with a pout, and Remus gave him a look.

“Sorry, love, but no. But if it makes you feel better, of all the ‘things’ I’ve acquired in my day, you are my favorite.”

They shared a smile and Sirius was once more struck with a giddy, stupid feeling that only Remus Lupin could to inspire in him. The sort of feeling that made him want to run, and jump, and hug nearby strangers shouting “Merry Christmas” like that mad bloke he’d seen in that film James’s mum had dragged them to over the holiday.

He pulled Remus forward by the collar of his shirt and kissed him just because he wanted to and because he could. Because they’d spent an agonizing four months apart and then two blissful weeks getting reacquainted before Sirius plucked up the courage to ask him, “So are you going to come live with me or what?” to which Remus replied “I make a half decent fry-up,” which Sirius thought was rather good, because so far he’d been living off take away and the weekly parcels Mrs. Potter had been sending him.

Despite his jokes, Sirius could tell Remus was a little reluctant to say yes outright. After much prodding, Remus admitted he didn’t want to feel like Sirius was “taking care of him” because he could not afford to take up half the rent and utilities. Sirius argued he’d done nothing to earn the money he was currently living off of except be extraordinarily lucky that Alphard had not hated him as the rest of his family did, and that Remus could earn his keep with sexual favors and general housekeeping type things, for which, Sirius found, he was woefully inept at.

“I just want to be with you, Moony,” he said as they snuggled under a blanket after christening his new sofa. “Say you’ll stay.”

“I’ll stay,” Remus said, and at that moment, Sirius thought there were no two words in the English language that sounded better.

They broke apart, a little breathless and Sirius wondered if he could convince Remus to take another “break” from unpacking. As if reading his mind, Remus shook his head, a long-suffering smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and took a step back, putting a decent amount of distance between them as he resumed his digging.

“What are you looking for?” Sirius asked, peering to the box. Remus shoved it to the side and kneeled down to open another, his back to Sirius.

“A particular ‘thing’ that I cannot seem to find. Ah, here it is. What did I put it in here for I wonder?” Sirius tried to peer over his shoulder but Remus clutched the whatever-it-was to his chest. He stood once more and moved it quickly behind his back.

“What are you hiding, Mr. Lupin?”  
  
Remus simply smiled. “Close your eyes.” Sirius merely quirked a brow and Remus rolled his eyes. “It’s a surprise.”

Sirius did as he was told and closed his eyes. There was the sound of a box scraping across the floor as it was pushed aside and he felt Remus take his hands and place a small, square object in his palms. His fingers gripped the edges as Remus moved behind him.

“Alright, you can open your eyes now.”

Sirius looked down at the mysterious object which turned out to be a picture frame containing the photograph of himself and Remus sharing a loving kiss after his first Order meeting. His heart swelled as Remus placed his chin over his shoulder, arms coming around his waist, holding him close. They watched the photographic versions of themselves kiss, eyes falling shut, Sirius’s hand coming up to cup Remus’s cheek which was turning steadily pinker. They broke apart, eyes opening slowly to share a look that spoke volumes before moving in to kiss once more. The giddy, stupid feeling was back in spades.

“I thought it might be nice for the first thing we hang on the wall to be something that belongs to both of us,” Remus said in his ear as he placed kisses on his neck. “You don’t want to know what I had to do to get that away from Marlene, perverted woman that she is.”

“I’m sure I don’t,” he said, still feeling a little overwhelmed at the small but touching gift.

After a heated debate—heated because Sirius could not keep his hands off the other man and Remus was really not discouraging him—they hung the picture over the fireplace, and stood, shoulder to shoulder, admiring it once more for quite some time.

“Still interested in that break?” Remus asked after a while and Sirius felt a grin forming on his face.

“I think there might be a few surfaces left we haven’t claimed yet.”

“What are we waiting for then?” Remus said before hitting him with a fierce kiss that made Sirius want to run and jump and shout crazy things at random strangers as the giddy, stupid feeling took up permanent residence in his heart.

Much later, as they lay together on the cold, hard kitchen floor, Sirius leaned up on an elbow to run a hand through damp brown hair. “Remus?”

“Correct. Well done, Mr. Black. Ten points to Gryffindor.”

Sirius swatted him on the head halfheartedly and Remus took the hand in his, bringing it to his lips to press a kiss and nibble on the tips of his fingers.

“What is it, love?” Remus asked, pressing the hand to his cheek.

Sirius sighed and melted into his lover’s embrace. “You’re my favorite ‘thing’ too.”


End file.
